
At some point after the New Orleans Saints evened their preseason record to 2-2 despite the fiery hell wishes of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, Lance Moore made a decision. The oft-promising 28-year old receiver stood in front of his locker, stared at something he picked up at an LMFAO garage sale and thought, “Yes, this is the outfit that I’d like to wear to address the media tonight.”
Meanwhile, 1,100 miles or so away, Colby Rasmus was asking himself what he could do to break out of the humiliating slump that he’s currently enduring for the Toronto Blue Jays. Unfortunately, on Saturday, Rasmus went 0-for-3 and struck out 3 times, as the Blue Jays lost to the Baltimore Orioles, 8-2. At some point prior to that goose egg, Rasmus thought to himself, “Corn rows, that’ll end this 1-for-40 misery. Yes, corn rows.”
So obviously that begs the most important question of the day – who did it worse, Moore or Rasmus? Let’s examine.
First, here’s the full body shot of Lance Moore, as sent to me by UPROXX’s resident Saints fan, Cajun Boy.

I can almost hear him yelling, “YOLO!” after a reporter asked why he dropped a pass. Now let’s take a better look at Rasmus.

I don’t know, it’s pretty close to me. What sayeth you?
(Banner images via here and here, Rasmus close-up via this proud corn row aficionado.)


White people in corn rows is never a good idea…ever.
This is all I think of when I look at Rasmus…
This is pretty much entirely correct.
I think I have that same tanktop Moore is wearing, only it’s the cover to a Peruvian pan flute album.
Rasmus’s next order of business should be to inject some bbs into his neck.
Burnsy, you’re just a hater because you have no #swag
This is true. I have zero swag, and I am lacking in zip, zazz and zowee.
Y’all gots nuthin’ on Devastatin’ Dave
It’s like choosing what brand of hot coffee I’d prefer to be poured on my crotch
remember when the Cardinals traded him for a shitty relief pitcher and stuff…. this is why the Cardinals are the best organization in baseball.
also, Fuck Pujols
Nobody wants to talk about the trade now, of course.
Originally my vote was for Lance “YOLO” Moore, HOWEVER! Upon closer examination of Colby Rasmus’ derp face…I can conclude that he is far superior in his fashion offending.
When I first glanced at the head on Moore picture I thought he had a Mercedes pendant on. Which would’ve one him Awesome For All Times awards from one side of the country to the other. But with that not being the case, he’s just going to have to settle for looking marginally less douchey than Rasmus.
Also of note – Rasmus is named after a cheese, which is very uncool.
Pfft, whatever. White guy/lady cornrows will never not be amazing. Also, f*ck the Cardinals. Buncha whiny asses.