Best: People Are Finally Doing Ryback Right
I was worried that Ryback would mire forever in those two-is-greater-than-one jobber squashes, or worse, he’d mire forever in that “beat up Reks and Hawkins but get attacked way too much during it” things that’d push him too far away from the Goldberg mystique he’s seemed to naturally cultivate. I’m pleased to announce that I’m wrong, at least for the moment, and that both Raw and Smackdown made great strides in The Ryback as an Actual WWE Guy.
On Smackdown, he’s got a thing going with Jinder Mahal where Mahal thinks he can beat up two nobodies too, and he CAN, because those nobodies are the worst, and statistically worse at wrestling than Alberto Del Rio’s Hot Cops. I saw you back there as a phony police officer, Cowboy James Claxton, you can’t fool me. On Raw, Ryback became AJ’s other Teddy Long tribute, the “tough guy who beats up people who were rude to me”. Where Teddy would bring out DA CELTIC WARRIAH, SHAMUS~! or RANDEH, ORTEN~!, AJ is using The Ryback. Kane used to be this guy, too. It’s not a terrible place to be, because all those guys are former champions. If we see The Ryback winning the United States Championship in a hot Raw match where the crowd surfs Antonio Cesaro (or whoever) back to the ring to take his beating, we’ll know we’re on the right track.
Also, my heart gets warm whenever I hear the WWE Universe finally doing the FEED ME MORE chant. They still don’t know how to handle his DONE or FINISH IT taunts (maybe they’ve never seen The Fountain), but at least they aren’t leaving him hanging on the important part like they did with Edge and his spear.
Best: Heath Slater Is Back On Raw
HE’S THE ONE MAN BAAAAAAND, BAYBAYYYYYYY~!
Man, there’s nothing greater than that honeymoon period when you get into a wrestler and get super excited whenever he shows up on TV. I’m in that with Damien Sandow, but no wrestler makes me happier just by showing up on Raw than Heath Slater. I love just typing his catchphrase, and I love that he’s added a ridiculous air guitar pantomime to make it a thousand times worse. Cole helpfully explaining that he’s the One Man Band because he “plays all the instruments” (and no other reason, not even attempting to apply a one man band concept to pro wrestling) was off the charts.
Worst: Probably The Most Nonchalant Victory Ever
You know it’s sad when Michael Cole starts in with his “here’s the cover, hook of the leg, shoulders down” thing and it actually ends the match.
You know that honeymoon period I was just talking about? R-Truth was the best character of Spring 2011, but the Summer of Punk came along and Truth went from exciting, nuanced sociopath to Miz’s black friend who can’t even win 2-on-1 handicap matches, and then into crowd pleasing sociopath who pats an invisible child on the head and it’s kinda funny I guess, but it’s not what it used to be. Truth used to be the guy who’d attack John Morrison backstage, then get LEGITIMATELY SURPRISED when he circled back around to find John Morrison injured. That’s the Truth I want. This Truth just hits a couple of clotheslines and Rock Bottoms himself and picks up the win, and the crowd sits on their hands.
The beginning of that paragraph was originally “nobody has ended their honeymoon quite as quickly as R-Truth”, but then I remembered that Brodus Clay exists.
Worst: Shawn Michaels And Roddy Piper, The Backstage Elderly
I’m not sure what was going on when we jumped backstage to Roddy Piper doing a weird Death Of A Salesman thing about not understanding Twitter, and it wasn’t made any better when we panned to the right to find Shawn Michaels lost in a dream (somewhere between his brain and his right eyeball), wondering where Triple H was. It was that joke about Triple H being Poochie from ‘The Itchy & Scratchy Show’ brought to life — when Triple H wasn’t on screen, the other characters were asking, “where’s Triple H?”
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s been bugging me since Raw 1000, and I think I’ve finally figured it out. You know how in real life, wrestlers get brain damage and their bodies fall apart and the people they love die, so they end up like Iron Sheik, just kinda cussing at open spaces in front of him so people will laugh at him, because being laughed at is better than being ignored and forgotten? That’s what WWE is doing with their legends now. Instead of being these larger than life figures from the past who were tougher than tough, they’re comedy guys who show up to yell HEY REMEMBER ME I’M TATANKA before somebody pies them in the face. I … don’t really love it. Piper’s still got a great mind for wrestling, so let’s not waste him on Mae Young-level old folks jokes.
Best: Mark Henry With Olympians
Most adorable Raw moment goes to Mark Henry (not a sentence you type a lot) for his Tout-package about visiting London and taking mark photos with U.S. Olympians. Mark is the greatest, even hurt, and watching him grin while people pretend to karate kick him in the head is the best. Get well soon, Mizark, I’ve got like 50 Bests archived and ready to give you for doing basically anything.
Worst: Stay Off The Internet During Tensai Vs. Sin Cara
The match itself wasn’t terrible (it was only a minute long … unless Jackie Gayda’s under that Sin Cara hood, you can only be so bad in a minute), but there’s no Internet I want to be a part of less than the one reacting to a Lord Tensai versus Sin Cara match on Raw.
One side can’t stop making jokes about Sin Cara botching everything. The other can’t stop talking about how stupid and boring Albert’s been for more or less this entire WWE run. It’s a guy who had his trampoline taken away versus a guy who had his spit hand taken away. It’s a guy who takes his time and makes sure to hit his video game moves against a guy whose only remaining role on the show is to lose to little guys and go WHAT ARGHHH WHAT. Somewhere along the line Sin Cara became a Diva, and Tensai became a fat, racist Jack Swagger. The reason I don’t want to hear about it is because everyone saying this is COMPLETELY RIGHT, and because both “Diva Sin Cara” and “fat, racist Jack Swagger” would be amazing wrestling characters.
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I had an great deal of fun clicking like
You’re right. That was fun! :D
I quite enjoyed clicking “like.” I may do this every week!
What timing: I just finished watching on the DVR and scrolling through the rest of the comment thread from last night, and as I hit the last comments I see a tweet that B/W is up!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who occasionally does that.
Holy shit I didn’t realize it was 6pm already
I did a lot of laughing during the 45 minute contract signing and backstage hell segment (with two commercial breaks, Owen Hart voice and Blade Runner-esque death writhing,) but I’m just a little disappointed that this column didn’t just end with “And Damien Sandow closed the show.”
I also liked how a man with a broken arm kept lying on top of it.
You had me at Final Fantasy: The XXX Parody. Bless you, kindly shopkeeper that won’t give a damn discount even though I’m trying to save the effing world!
Oddly enough, I decided my pornstar name would be Phoenix Down ages ago. Okay, now what be everybody else’s?
Bone Mason
Wayne Boulder
Does one even leave the inn on Final Fantasy: The XXX Parody? I am sure the priorities are misplaced in this adventure.
There’s GOTTA be a Vincent Valentine somewhere in THAT BUSINESS
either Mr Groper, Captain Ram-it, or Captain Raunch
Every week I don’t make the top 10 I die a little bit inside. I’m just saying
Re: The Good guy vs. Bad guy thing. The thing about the only cool guy having to emulate Stone Cold was exactly what I was thinking when Sheamus stole Alberto’s car. Sheamus’ character should be “I am gigantic and insane looking and basically the last guy you would want to go into a bar fight with. So let’s fight right now, I’ll win and then find someone else. Also, Ireland. The End”. But they are trying to get him over with CHEEKY ANTICS. There is nothing about Sheamus that reads as clever, so why is he up to clever hyjinks? Because Stone Cold stole people’s expensive shit all the time. And then broke it in an over-the-top way.
Sheamus should just be Sheamus, Daniel Bryan should just be Daniel Bryan, AJ should just be AJ, CM Punk should just be CM Punk, and Dick Grayson should still be Batman.
Sheamus should be an Irish Russell Crowe in South Park, just going from place to place drinking and fighting with his best friend tugboat (played by the actual tugboat)
I agree with both of you completely. However, Azrael is Batman. And you can’t tell me that a vignette with the song “Sheeaaaamus…he’s fighting ’round the world fellah!” wouldn’t be the best.
Sheamus would actually work in a Tweener role. Just have him be a football hooligan prick who gets drunk and randomly brogue kicks people, and the audience can react how they want depending on whether or not they like whomever it is being brogue kicked. Basically his exact gimmick now, without all the forced smilin’ and pointin’ and stone coldin’.
If the live discussion wasn’t so much fun I would suggest to everyone to completely skip the first hour. I missed it last night, but through the 947 recaps I didn’t miss a thing. Which is sad, really, because I chose to watch an episode of Game of Thrones that I had already seen twice instead of watch a show that’s live.
Ooo, which episode? Blackwater?
No, I think it’s episode 4 of season 2, where Tyrion sets up Pycelle and Brienne is introduced. I’m trying to watch them all again in order, but it’s so hard not to skip to Blackwater.
I think I’ve seen season 1 three times through and season 2 twice. I’m tempted to start another rewatch but I don’t want to overdo it and have it lose its impact. Such an amazing show.
I am so amped for season 3. Not sure if you’ve read the books, so I won’t say much, but I can’t wait for them to introduce some of the new characters they have coming.
No, I’m reading the books as the show goes along. Mid-way through book 2 now!
The reason being there are a lot of books I’ll enjoy as much as SoIaF books, but there are like 5 shows I’ve ever enjoyed as much as the GoT show, so I’m giving the show priority. Makes reading about it online pretty perilous though!
I was going to do the same thing, but I read the first book and realized I still had months until the show came back on. I ended up buzzing through them all before season 2 even started. Thankfully it hasn’t ruined the show for me, but it has obviously dulled the surprises. Keep doing what you’re doing, you have more willpower than I, ser.
i thought the very same about hour one. recap recap recap!!! if i miss anything with any actual relevance, im sure ill hear it from you guys, and go watch the next day
Top billing on the Top 10 comments. My moment has finally arrived
I’m blaming the good guy / bad guy dynamic on Jericho and Malenko.
The WWE realized that not only could their good guys be the good guys but they could be snarky assholes who make the crowd laugh.
Death is a disease, just like any other, and The Ryback is the cure?
I have to say, even with the Open Discussion Thread this weeks Raw was a real tough one to get through. I’m hoping they got all of this minutia out of the way for an amazing SummerSlam. Who am I kidding it’s going to be all sorts of awful.
WOOOOOOO FIRST EVER TOP 10! No genius level villain can resist the allure of performing Gilbert and Sullivan
Here’s a worst: where and how the fuck can I get a Damein Sandow shirt?
Fuck the shirt, I want the smoking jacket
[barbershopwindow.com]
Halfway down. You’re Welcome.
I want a Sandow brand cognac.
Barbershop Window had a “You’re Welcome” Sandow shirt awhile back. May be in their overstock/clearance bin still.
I don’t know how I made it through life not knowing about Barbershop Window. Thank you JKoebs.
I was all ready to change the channel after the CM Punk/Cena/Bryan/Big Show tag-team match, thinking: “Wow, that 3 hours went by relatively fast!” Then all of a sudden Christian’s intro hit and I was like .. “Okay ..” and sat back down all sad.
But then Sandow came out and you got excited!
But then The Business, and you wanted to slice your wrist open.
The FroYo is also cursed.
But you get your choice of topping.
@DJRoomba: That is exactly what happened. Sadly the Sandow/Christian match had an aura of dread placed over it as I realized the next 45 minutes of RAW were going to be about the contract signing that I had somehow forgotten about, even though they hyped it at every commercial break.
This is my 4th RAW in since I started watching again and if it wasn’t for things like that triple threat match between Jericho/Ziggler/Miz and guys like Daniel Bryan and Damien Sandow, I would have already stopped again. D:
“I’m sure Beth Phoenix is an engaging, personable woman in real life, but when she’s on TV her only personality is I AM A WRESTLING LADY!!!”
One of the best things about Colt Cabana’s The Art of Wrestling is finding out that many professional wrestlers have interesting, cool personalities. One of the worst things about Cold Cabana’s The Art of Wrestling is the frustration that comes from wondering why we don’t see that on TV. When Beth was a guest, she was warm and charismatic. When she’s on TV, I try to remember the person I heard on the podcast–it somehow makes me enjoy the show more.
It’s not always entirely WWE’s fault. Some people just clam up on camera. Shelton Benjamin is apparently insanely charismatic in person.
I wonder if it works in reverse.
Cold Cabana ice cream bars Vs. CM Punk’s.
This is exactly why I like to watch the WWE behind-the-scenes stuff and pretty much any outside-of-wrestling footage/interaction that wrestlers do. I have to know how much the on-air personality lines up with who they are off-camera. I’m probably the only regular visitor to this column who likes Alicia Fox (and I accept that), but it’s because she is SO charming and personable when she’s just herself. She isn’t the greatest wrestler, but I’d be okay with her managing a tag team, as long as she doesn’t drop any FOXY HALLOWEEN~ bombs.
I don’t know why I don’t tolerate shows like The Office (US), 30 Rock and Community condescending to the audience by holding their hands, pointing out the, “This is supposed to be funny now,” stuff by having the actors safely portray zany facial expressions with more than enough splashes of slapstick, and, more or less, act like one-dimensional versions of real people because everyone’s too afraid to laugh at themselves in real human situations (see: The UK Office)… And yet I let the WWE walk all over me with their, “You people are too stupid to remember anything, aren’t you?” shit?
I think I just I fucking love WWE’s minimalist version of wrestling and their “so over-the-top it’s ugly” form of entertainment too much.
But, erm… No. No, that’s not it. At least not entirely. Then why? Why do I…
“HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!”
Oh right.
Grouping Community in with The American Office makes it hard to believe you’ve seen more than a half episode of Community.
I’ve watched more than enough, thank you very much roommates.
I don’t find it funny. It’s all about references, silly frustrated faces, goofy conversations and fake serious business stuff. Not to say that I haven’t laughed along here or there, and I did appreciate their profoundly accurate portrayal of Law and Order, but overall, that’s how the show rubs off on me.
Aw, that’s a shame. I totally agree with your description of the US Office, especially post season 3, but I get a lot out of Community. Even though it’s a totally different kind of show, I feel like it has more in common with Freaks and Geeks than Modern Family.
Have you been watching the third season of Community then? Cos much of that was what you described.
Modern Family is another one… sheesh.
I completely respect your point of view, and I’ll say the only reason why I joined my roommates in watching the series was because many people whose opinions I hold in high regard really vouched for it. But hey, I just couldn’t get into it.
I have a problem where the only North American shows I feel really delve into some interesting territory and come off as more “real” than not are Arrested Development and Trailer Park Boys. And I LOVE Freaks and Geeks, but it’s not an overall comedy. But talk about humanist theater.
I even went as far as to read Paul Fieg’s Kick Me like over 10000.
I should add that this is all totally subjective and I, in no way, am attempting to insult anyone’s intelligence or tastes. Unless you like reality cooking shows. You’re stupid and you suck and fuck I love them too so let’s watch some now.
See, but just below all the references on Community was a pretty sobering meditation on the nature of friendship, with “Chaos Theory” being the most obvious example.
Community is definitely better than the US Office, but I think its far more hit or miss, and definitely not in the top tier of current network comedies (currently occupied by Parks & Recreation and Archer and that’s it). When Community gets something right though, it can be the best show on TV for a moment. And when it doesn’t, it at least gets by on the strength of it’s cast (particularly Glover and Jacobs) and is always, at least, watchable. And that’s way more then I can say for the aborted fetus of what used to be The Office.
I’m sure but DJ ROOMBA IN THE MIX isn’t funny then I don’t know what is.
Oh fuck, guys I thought we were talking about Parks and Rec. I’m really tired and the dumbest person in the world. Carry on.
Random thoughts about Raw last night. JTG should change his name and join the Primetime players. I can’t believe he’s been employed for so long and has done relatively nothing,
I don’t think I can handle more 3 hour shows. There’s seriously like 90 minutes of content for a 3 hour show. Surely they could add at least two 10-15 minute matches to create number one contender for the Champions (or show the US champion).
+1 for the Final Fantasy porn parody line. Brilliant.
See, I said this very thing last night to some family watching with me and they disagreed wholeheartedly. I mean, Tensai can be good and I don’t mind Sin Cara occasionally, but what are their fights accomplishing if they don’t advance a feud or neither is going for a title? I was told to watch as if it was two guys actually fighting (which I already do as a fan of Pro Wrestling), but in other competitions all fights are used as proof for championship shots so that suggestion fell through for me.
Thanks for this! Very interesting read, following Pauly D right now.
Haven’t gotten to read the B/W yet, but Brandon, just wanted to say thanks for posting these. Also, wanted to let you know that I was catching up on listening to the podcasts and I MARKED THE &^%$#&@ OUT when I realized that you also wrote Celebrity Superfight Main Event!!!!! I was freaking OBSESSED with that site as a high-schooler. I would check it religiously on my dial-up AOL account!
Sadly, a Google search did NOT produce some of my favorites (i.e. Spider-Man VS Rey Mysterio and Steiner Brothers VS Mario Brothers). Do you happen to still have an archive of the CSME stuff tucked away somewhere? Can I commission a signed hardcopy or something?
“We need to reboot and restore some moral balance to what’s going on. I can’t keep justifying cheering for the guy who makes sense if the arena and announcers (and fans, and fans on the Internet) think I’m a contrarian for doing so. It just doesn’t feel right. The talking point about wrestling being one of the most pure artistic expressions of simplified good versus evil got washed away with those stupid Vince Russo shades of grey, and now nobody knows how to write a shade of grey, so we’re left with a big blob of shitty grey and nothing to feel or cheer for. It’s why we get on the Internet and yell at each other about wrestling. If the wrestling was good, we’d be okay just getting together and yelling at THEM.”
+All the pluses, B. This, a bazillion times this. Just for this paragraph, I’m actually going to take the time to research what Quinoa is and how to prepare it so I bring something that tastes good to the picnic.
Let the talent be what and who they are on overdrive and let the fans sort ‘em out and then roll with that! Seriously, how hard is this?
I think that’s an oversimplification of the problem. “What and who they are on overdrive” certainly works for some guys, but there’s a place for “the gimmick” – I seriously doubt that Damien Sandow is actually walking around backstage telling people politely to read more and just “amps it up” when the cameras are on.
The other problem is that “the fans” aren’t a monolithic body – different people like different things, and a big portion of the fanbase is too young to make informed decisions about what they’re SUPPOSED to be rooting for. If you tell a bunch of 12-year-old boys that acting like a sophomoric jackass is acceptable because the guy doing it is a “cool good guy”, they’ll think they should root for anybody that acts that way.
What Brandon’s pointing out is that ACTIONS, not attitudes, need to determine the dynamic of “good guy/bad guy”. When you muddy up that dynamic by having the faces be just as reprehensible as the heels, you take away one of the basic building blocks of an audience wanting to see a particular match – the desire to see the reprehensible jerk FINALLY get what’s coming to him.
“A really simple truth about the current WWE roster is that you’ve got enough colorful characters and wacky situations to coast for like 15 years on nothing but “heh, I like this wrestler” and you’re stuck in year 7 of coasting on that weird post-Attutide Era thing when everyone was f**ked up and bland and kinda sad.”
Brandon, that’s the best thing you’ve ever typed. Well played, sir.
Like is good
the downvote is bad
That last Pauly D tweet should have Ziggler’s old theme music.
I pointed this out last night but who the fuck decided to put the least interesting part of the show on last? granted it lead to some background bateman, but was it really worth the 45 minute abomination? Maybe.
BACKGROUND-BATEMAN!
At first I hoped Layla’s assbump would transition into Kana’s moveset, but then I realized how weird it would look to see that ridiculous dancing as a lead-in to a totally loose Kana Lock.
I want Colt Cabunny & CP Munk to be my bestest friends :D
They are….THEY ARE.
That Triple Threat match was my savior for the night. I enjoyed this RAW almost as much as the DBry packed-ones solely due to being able to look back on that 15 minutes of wrestling goodness.
i’ll give my live report thoughts on the event last night:
got there at 5:30 b/c i didnt know when the dark match or superstars was starting. good thing though b/c getting in the building took at least half an hour and my brother and i spent another 15 waiting to get a daniel bryan shirt (my brother opted for the ziggler). btw, i did detect that smell that brandon described last week
superstars: the usos beat mcgillicutty and johnny curtis. usos did a great job getting the crowd involved. johnny curtis oversells things, and not in a good ziggler type of way
i liked the kicking off w/punk and big show even if it was just to set up a teddy long tag match later on in the evening. i lept out of my seat about 3 times throughout the night, most excited was when Bryan’s music hit and seeing myself and the entire arena go apeshit
was excited to see Ryback on raw. i didnt know if JTG was gonna get squashed by Ryback or Orton. The decision to add Words to Ryback’s theme is idiotic. Overkill of his catchphrase. There was a brief Goldberg chant that was quickly stopped. Also for whatever reason Lawlers mic was going in and out in the arena throughout the match. Crowd really got behind Ryback towards the end though
Also when I watched part of the replay when I got home seeing JTG yelling ‘I better not get pink eye’ was fucking hilarious
Marked out for the one man band in what just turned out to be a useless squash, but loved seeing PTP (sans AW :( ) put a beatdown on Truth. Let Slater be there manager.
That was the 1st 35 minutes and it seemed like a lot was happening, then the recaps and tout bullshit started. Sin Cara came out and i got to see his theme/titantron for seemingly 10 minutes. He doesnt perform any moves in the titantron. likely from all the botches
I was a fan of the Pipers Pit segment even if he’s seemingly lost it and it did lead to an awesome triple threat match. Only thing i hated about the match being there is how much Ziggler/Miz just laid outside the ring “selling” being hurt whilst also waiting to break up the tag
Punk/Cena doing each others moves was great to watch even though Cena might have delivered the worst bulldog id ever seen, and my heart lept for a second when I thought maybe they’d let Bryan win on a roll up, and then he lost 6 seconds later.
Lept out of my seat again when Sandow came out. Only thing missing was him cutting a promo on all the Ignoramuses out there. Loved seeing him get a victory, but I hate seeing Christian lose like that, I’m not sure who he pissed off.
The main event sucked shit, I started to get a bad feeling once they announced the biggest match of the night was up next. Only thing i wanted to see between the love triangle was Lesnar beating the shit out of Shawn Michaels. Which I guess we saw that, only took half an hour. Heyman is a badass on the mic, only thing that made the beginning of it kind of salvaged.
But the entire thing just killed the entire crowd, contract signings are the god damn worst and you should never book (underbook at that) a fucking contract signing to take 3 segments
But overall it was a lot of fun. 1st raw in 10 years, last PPV I was Night of Champions in 08 when I worked at the American Airlines Center in Dallas
also i was bummed my ‘be a star’ chant didnt catch on when brock had michaels in that submission lock
ParaNorman is stop animation not CGI. Please don’t lump a unique art form in with the latest thing Adam Sandler shat out. Everything else, including previous B&Ws, I whole heartedly agree with.
P.S. Your visiting LA so let’s be friends. Why not? You and Diego McCafferty can start a comedy duo and I’ll throw pies at you. Win win.
According to WWE’s Facebook page, Khloe Kardashian Odom is going to be the social media ambassador for next week’s Raw. So… there’s that. Although, I have to say, as long as these social media whatsits are Tweeting, and not Touting, I’m OK with it. Michael Cole reading tweets is *much* less irritating than being forced to listen to sort-of celebs try to care about wrestling.
Talking about Johnny Curtis almost made watching Raw worthwhile. Thank you.
Like is good.
For the curious:
What We Watched: RAW #1003 Edition
—————————-
48:15 of commercial breaks
40:06 of shenanigans*
38:39 of wrestling
18:39 of ring entrances
17:47 of recaps
6:15 of full-screen graphics
3:38 of Cole and Lawler talking at ringside
2:28 of WWE commercials
1:53 of Tout
and 57 glorious seconds of Wade Barrett return promo
—————————-
*shenanigans include:
21:43 of pits, signings, feelies and OMBs happening in in the ring
9:14 of backstage hijinks
5:16 of post-match scuffles
and 2:44 of wrestlers/divas going “Woo, I won!” or “Grr, I lost!” after their matches
kill me. kill me now.
You watched it! You can’t unwatch it!
So 3-hour RAW is technically 2-hour RAW just with 45 minutes of more commercials and recaps?
Those 17 minutes of recaps must have been traveling near the speed of light, time was definitely slowing down.
Maybe Raw #1004 will make it all the way up to 60 seconds of glorious Wade Barrett return promo
Has HHH had a match without HBK showing up to give his opinion or involvement? You know, since HBK retired?
I really hate not being very active on this site lately, I miss the discussions. Real life things have been getting in the way, primarily my dad’s death last week. But it’s still weirdly soothing to hop on here and have a chuckle at the mental challenge that is wwe. Great read, Brandon.
and here we all are bitching about a television program that we choose to subject ourselves to.
sorry about your loss.
Oh man, that’s about as tough as it gets. Condolences, friend.
So sorry for your loss, Snrub. Thoughts and prayers.
Sorry to hear that. I wish you and your family the best.
Clicking like made me very happy this week. Excellent job on the column per usual.
Another great column, Brandon. I feel dumb for leaving such a basic comment, but I honestly can’t think of much else to say other than “Totally!” on like all of your points.
Brandon can we fast forward until it is Bateman vs Curtis for the WWE Championship, accompanied by Kaitlyn and Maxine?
I’m glad you caught the MUNK sign. I went back and looked at it because I missed D-Bry’s visage.
I’m going to go out on a shaky limb here. By Friday, Jericho/Ziggler will be for the MITB briefcase. Jericho will win and disappear, only to return to cash in at Wrestlemania.
Who’s with me?
Nobody? All right. I’ll see my way out.
… I’m checking the spoilers right now, if you’re wrong you have to send me ten dollars to watch the Expendables, if I lose I’ll give you my Wrestlemania cup.
Give me money.
What I believe Damien Sandow sings as he does cartwheels: “♪I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral♪”…you’re welcome.
[youtu.be]
It is sad to see how the Legends are being treated I must say. Those guys deserve better from the industry they helped establish and perpetuate into the mega-sports entertainment success it is today. Shawn, Roddy, all of them need to be given serious, adult roles on the program, not comic relief, jesus you have AJ, the divas, Daniel Bryan, and the rest of the ridiculous new cast/generation of wrestlers on the show for those shenanigans. Anyways, I really enjoy these not being a huge fan of wrestling like I once was (old school 90- early 2000′s) but I do get a chuckle out of reading your bottom lined analysis of the show. Keep them coming!
It really seemed like Piper was going into business for himself, I thought. He was a mess. If it was intended as comic relief, it was an embarassing failure.
A couple of quick questions:
1 – Is anybody besides me intrigued by Punk’s comment that Cena not shaking his hand “is a big deal where [Punk] comes from”? That seems to me to be a pretty obvious RoH reference, and while Punk’s always been willing to namedrop his RoH roots in the past, when coupled with the “I’m going to teach everyone about respect” comment, is there possibly something big on the horizon? WWE’s certainly got enough former RoH talent (Punk, Bryan and Cesaro on the main roster, Ohno and Rollins in NXT) to put together some kind of stable…just sayin’…
2 – Brandon, I know it didn’t happen in the context of what happened on RAW, but are you not going to address AW getting shit-canned at all? Given your appreciation for the guy, I’d be interested in your opinion.
1. Beware the HONOR GUARD
I *sort of* like the idea of a stable, but a RoH-inspired team seems a little bit too much like an IWC pipe dream, and not something the average fan would think was a big deal.
For one thing, fans who only watch Raw and Smackdown (which is a lot of them) don’t know Ohno & Rollins yet, so debuting them as “those guys who hang out with Punk” wouldn’t be good. It was forever before I knew which one was Husky Harris and who was McGillicutty, because they were always seen together (and I didn’t really care about them anyway).
Not to shit all over your thought (sorry). I certainly hope *something* comes out of Punk’s ominous comment. I kinda think an alliance with Heyman/Lesnar (a “dangerous alliance,” if you will) would have more shock value.
No worries, Guitarzan – I totally get your point. That said, I think the difference between the Nexus thing and what I was suggesting is that the Nexus guys didn’t have an established veteran who could introduce the members of the stable to the audience – Punk saying “this is my friend so-and-so, and he’s one of the best WRESTLERS in the world” could establish the guys in the group in a way that the Nexus guys didn’t get.
Brandon, do you like Shawn Michaels/Vader from like… Summerslam 96 I think? Its a pretty good small guy vs big hulking muscular fat dude match.
O c’mon, CM Punk doesn’t look like he’s aged badly. I mean he has like rings under his eyes, that’s it. If he had like gray hair and shit, yeah okay but the rings could be anything from genetics to insomnia.
Heath Slater should have a Submission finisher. It should be the Abdominal Stretch. He should play air guitar on the guys chest while doing it. ONE MAN BAND BAY-BAYYYYY
I’m already planning to pay money for SummerSlam this Sunday; I hope it’s worth half what I’m going to pay, since I’m resigned to the fact that it won’t be worth 100%. But, hope springs eternal, and that which has not yet sucked may not suck.
Didn’t get a chance to post yet. Loved the write up as always. I got on a little soap box Monday night due to people ragging on the divas match, and I loved that you had a lot to say about the divas division yourself.
Also loved how you were able to pin point one of the biggest flaws with the way heels and faces act. Beautiful piece of writing.
Also also liked making the top 10 comments! It makes me feel special and like I am contributing to the blog family we have here.
I can’t help but think if Shawn was wearing his seatbelt, he totally averts disaster as he can’t be yanked from the car. Click-it or F-5 Shawn.
I was thinking the EXACT same thing!
Okay, serious question here. But since we all go with the fact that wrestling is scripted, Brandon, why do you argue for (or against) the actions of the GM as if the GM (in this case, AJ) is actually scheduling the matches? I mean, I have never, for a single second, assumed or believed the the person holding the “GM” position was actually choosing which matches happen and which don’t. Surely that’s a decision made by a couple of dudes who never ever appear on camera and never ever have their names spoken aloud, no?