Nick Symmonds: Bro.

I have a ton of respect for America’s Olympic athletes, from the young ladies of the Fierce 5 to the members of the Men’s Basketball Team (yes, even LeBron James) and even for a stuttering human meatloaf like Ryan Lochte. But it’s time for Lochte to step his game up, because there’s a new, bolder bro in town and his name is Nick Symmonds.

While Lochte’s been off filming stints on 90210 and frolicking with Prince Harry’s ginger B-hole in Las Vegas pools, Symmonds has kept his training going strong beyond the Olympics. Not content with his 5th place finish (a personal best) in the 800m race at the 2012 Summer Games, Symmonds has taken his competitive nature to new heights, as he recently competed for the world record in the legendary Beer Mile.

The point of the beer mile is to chug one beer before running each lap on a ¼ mile track, which sounds awesome because I’m really good at that chugging beer part. Unfortunately, I suck at the running part. Symmonds, on the other hand is awesome at both, and he trained for his recent record attempt in the worst possible fashion.

Say what you want about the standard American beers – they’re water, it’s like drinking piss, etc. – chugging Coors Heavy or Bud Fat is no simple feat. In fact, it’s kind of gross. (Don’t worry, Coors and Bud, I love your other stuff plenty.) It’s like chugging syrup. But Symmonds did it and he went for the ultimate record.

Alas, Symmonds did not conquer Jim Finlayson’s world record of a 5:09-mile set in 2007. Symmonds finished his mile in 5:19, though, which is good enough for the U.S. Beer Mile record. I’d say in the wake of this Lance Armstrong news, heroes like Symmonds are everything we need to recover.

It’s also worth pointing out that Symmonds has previously dated Paris Hilton and his friends call him the “Brad Pitt of track”, so Lochte really needs to step his game up if he wants to keep wearing that bro crown.

(Videos via Bro Bible)