This week on a very special edition of Raw, Camacho finds a bottle of speed pills in Rosa’s gym bag. Also …
Wait, I’m getting “actual Raw” and “Brandon’s Raw fan fiction” mixed up again. Here’s the actual preview:
Last week’s Raw SuperShow redefined the word “fallout” when AJ’s lip-lock with WWE Champion CM Punk ended with her putting both Punk and No. 1 contender Daniel Bryan through a table. Elsewhere, Alberto Del Rio responded to becoming No. 1 contender to the World Heavyweight Title with a veritable rampage through the roster. And one of the most exciting Money in the Bank Ladder Match participants picked up a surprise win last week that cost him dearly. How will things play out this Monday on Raw SuperShow?
In other WWE news, “person they should’ve signed three years ago” Sara Del Rey has reportedly been offered a developmental contract SO EXPECT HER TO DEBUT ON RAW TONIGHT (don’t, I’m kidding) and one of the top worldwide trends right now is “Bob Backlund”, so get ready for that.
As always, my 10 favorite comments from tonight’s open discussion will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 7/9/12 column. To nominate a comment for top 10 status, please reply to it with a +1. I urge you to vote for particularly funny, insightful or apropos comments and not just stuff you agree with. “I would have sex with AJ” is not a top comment of the week.
Pre-show discussion questions:
1. Is Kane’s ability to light a charcoal grill confirmation of his fire bending? If so, could Undertaker theoretically teach him to channel lightning through his chokeslam hand and redirect it at people? Bonus question: How many of you are dorky enough to discuss this with me at length?
2. What should our commenting badge be for the Money In The Bank open discussion thread this weekend?
3. If Bob Backlund doesn’t show up (because WWE knows too many people know he’ll show up), which WWE Legend should take his place? Don’t say X-Pac.
4. What’s your favorite GIF from our 20 Best Pro Wrestling GIFs Of June post?
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/emma-dence-nxt-180x170.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/impact-wrestling-scratch-off-game-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/wwe-raw-app-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/kevin-jonas-wwe-raw-180x180.png)
Wednesday night and this Raw is staying with me like a venereal disease.
I can’t wait for the best and worst of kittens and Hayley Williams gifs later tonight!
I’d like to put this raw in a sack, and toss the sack into a river, and hurl the river into space.
Still…trying…to hope….AJ…is working…with Bryan….Thread….of belief…I’m holding onto….is getting….thinner.
The thread is still strong enough to support the two of us though! Never give up hope!
I don’t think anyone will be offended if you mail this one in, BS.
But isn’t it fun when Brandon has something to make fun of, though? I mean, not necessarily the soapbox “This was bad because Feminism” stuff. But the “Haha, man that was bad, wasn’t it guys? Let’s laugh together at how bad it was.” kind of stuff.
I’ll be happy if Brandon is furious.
To be fair, the abuse of women was the only thing this week that wasn’t that terrible. See, every hurricane that kills thousands and destroys millions of families livelihoods has a silver lining.
Oh, I’d think these would be the easiest ones to recap. It’s much more difficult to put a humorous and entertaining spin on something that’s awesome.
There’s a reason that MST3K never riffed on ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ or ‘The Seven Samurai’….
Maybe USA cut to ” dudes in suits” or whatever too soon, accidentally cutting off a part at the end where Hornswaggle is cornered by a shadowy figure who thanks him for taking the fall. Or something.
Just getting to watch Raw now. OMG this was terrible. I DARE Brandon to find a Best in this.
Man, these 3300 comments are like the exact opposite of when we got 3000 for the really good Raw on 6/25. Sad times, gang, sad times.
I’ve got an idea! Kickstarter, wrestling promotion, run by us.
At the $10,000 level I will go find the original WCW TV Title
It’d be run by us and only watched by us, though. Still would be amazing.
We could have a My Dinner With Andre episode where Daniel Bryan sits down at Panera Bread with an old friend to discuss the nature of wrestling, existentialism and the concept of two being greater than one. Call it “My Dinner With The Ryback”.
I’m watching on DVR, and i know the show ended 2 hours ago, but I just got to the Brodus match, and I’m really disappointed that they didn’t announce him to Denver as The Last Dinosaur.
Those little kids? He’s their friend and a whole lot more.
Brandon deserves a Best if he can find a Best from this episode of Raw.
He’ll find at least one, it ended.
It wasn’t three hours.
…Or, to be more serious; a Diva opened *and* closed Raw for probably the first time ever. And even though the first segment was borderline, it doesn’t look half bad in comparison to all the non-AJ/Punk/Bryan segments that followed. That’s maybe a half-best?
Also, not sure if Bob Backlund just being there is worth a ‘best,’ but it’s worth noting that he doesn’t look a day over… however old he was when we last saw him.
*A Diva without the last name “McMahon”
I know it was said earlier by a few folks, but I was barely paying attention to the last 30 minutes or so of Raw. Anyway, despite liking Chael Sonnen, I really liked Punk and Bryan re-enacting the ending to Silva/Sonnen 2.
starts around 5:45
Just caught a gif on reddit. Totally missed that!
Okay, okay, watching this again in PST I think I got this:
Since Smackdown was cancelled in it’s original venue this week, they are taping Raw and Smackdown back to back. What we get is two half-shows as the working talent is split down the middle to make both shows work on one night.
Yeah, I know it’s probably moot at this point since worst RAW ever etc. etc, but at least the poor quality is for a reason and Bryan-Punk-AJ carrying a whole two hour show make sense in a grand scheme.
I hope Rick Martel shows up next week and teaches Heath Slater how to model. Okay, I’m done.
Screw Raw I tuned in for “
“As The Best in the World Turns”
Right, so after the year or two of the anonymous GM, of all the hell and misery it caused, they could’ve had it be Regal or Big Johnny, someone that would’ve made sense, but they fell back on the Hornswoggle out and just killed it tonight and acted like it hadn’t fucked with everything in sight, including costing Lawler his one and only chance at a Wrestlemania clean win. And as much as I hate Lawler the commentator the past few years, Lawler the wrestler deserved better.
FUCK YOU, VINCE/CREATIVE. FUCK YOU.
So glad I used the DVR and watched the Home Run Derby with my friends, cutting over to RAW during commercial, fast forwarding half the miserable show, and not wasting time on it. What a god-awful excuse for a go-home. If it wasn’t for AJ running circles around Punk and Bryan, this would’ve been far worse. Thank God for AJ.
Who else would’ve geeked the fuck out if Daniel Bryan pulled this out of his pocket mid-proposal?
Onion rings aren’t vegan.
+1, mainly because I follow you on Twitter.
Thank you for the late plus 1′s, and the follow.
I guess there is dairy in batter. Fuck.
Also, deep-fried anything is typically a vegan no-no.
Well, I hope DB jacket isn’t leather. Another vegan no-no.
Bryan’s vegan for health reasons, not moral. I think he’d be okay with leather (!) unless he had to eat it. Onion rings too!
I will cheer for DB regardless of his vegan-edge level. Mainly, because I know Mordecai and walking through that door any time soon.
*ain’t
At 9:17 tonight: IrishCream: “Oh fuck…if the Anonymous RAW GM isn’t revealed to be Hornswoggle tonight, they need to get rid of it forever.”
IT’S HIS FAULT. GET HIM!!!
He’s heading for the old mill!
You’re dead to me IrishCream.
Don’t worry guys, only 36 more days until Oh Sit! premieres and our long nightmare will be over.
I can’t believe Benjamin Button won special effects awards when clearly they just put Backlund in old clothes
At the very least, Punk acted the way a face should act.
“The word ‘shitshow’ gets thrown around a lot these day.”
*days
Gillberg!!!
If Gillberg is on next week’s show you will have won the entire interwebz.
Since the AJ and Bryan saga began last November, this storyline has been going on for seven months! And it’s been amazing the whole time.
+YES
Best?: No overrun…just grasping at straws here
The only good thing about tonight’s show was Punk and Danielson reenacting the end of the Silva/Sonnen fight. And Punk was Sonnen.
My favourite part of the whole episode was, at the beginning of the Punk/AJ vs Bryan/Eve match, when Cole said “Well, this is our main event.” and, I swear, I could actually detect a bit of shame in his voice.
Nothing like having others to share the pain with.
The world really is ending this year isn’t it? This is a sign.
The *shrugs shoulders* and Worst of Raw 7/9/12.
The Worst and Blurst of Raw
“You stupid monkey!”
The Bad and Worst of Raw
And to think I was going to buy a cable box to watch Raw in HD.
Good night folks, I come for the YES! but I stay cause of you guys. No matter how bad the show is, it’s always fun with you all.
Who should AJ Marry poll #s really being influenced by the Utah Mormon vote.
Brandon, I’ll understand if you discontinue the column after Raw 1000. No one should be subjected to three hours of this and then have to write about it. It’s too cruel.
I’l say it: I like the big melodrama around Punk and Bryan and AJ. I think it’s fun, it’s being handled FAR better than it would have been a year ago and it’s making Punk a more interesting person by exposure. Bryan is magical and AJ is probably the best fleshed-out female wrestler in a very long time.
Yeah, the rest of the show was mediocre at best, but hey. I’m just here to watch this storyline.
I agree. I also like the possibility of the transcendent, once-in-a-lifetime WWE superstar (or top-tier whatever) being a woman; i.e., AJ.
AJ/Bryan/Punk is at least giving me some chuckle. DBry’s face cracks me up.
This is making Punk more interesting?! You’re obviously McMahon posting under an alias.
Exactly, Julian. The very fact AJ started the show said volumes in my book.
See? Buck up, heroes. It isn’t all poop in your shoes.
I’m not that hard to please. I can take some stupid proposal stuff in an other wise good angle if they use it to make an interesting thing more interesting. Why they can only do that for these three… I wish I had the slightest clue.
Thanks for helping me through this episode of Raw guys and girls. See you tomorrow for the Best and Worst Report, cake and grief counseling.
I haven’t had cable for two weeks, and from the sounds of it that’s a good thing.
Can we bury the WWE the way HHH has buried my hopes and dreams?
-Said a lot of wrestlers in the early to mid 00′s
How did Hornswaggle know Booker T interfered if he was under the ring?
He was streaming Raw on his laptop! :o Bad Hornswoggle.
Well he is on a laptop, so probably some flavor of completely and totally legal video streaming.
Thanks to the best wrestling community around for enduring this with me.
Brandon if you just want to use that piss drinking monkey piss for the whole article no one would blame you
Trying to be logical and hopelessly optimistic here, but I think Raw felt like it couldn’t compete with the Home Run Derby and just phoned it in for the safety of the performers.
Yeah, but they’re “Phoned It In” and they’re “Fucked Up Royal” and that Raw “Fucked Up Royal”.
Funkasaurus eats Superstars…AJ inherits the WWE Universe
+clever girl
At the end of this show all I can safely say is now I know exactly what WWII soldiers felt like returning from Europe.
Except worse.
If not for AJ, Bryan, and Punk, this week’s Raw would have been pretty much unwatchable. I know that’s often *sort of* true, but it was indisputable this week.
I hope Bad News Brown shows up next week and delivers Heath Slater some good news.
South Park just posted their review of Raw. It’s everyone puking.
I’m waiting for the third hour but nothing is happening.
Haha! That same song is in Lollipop Chainsaw
over 3200 posts and not even 25% of them are about anything that was good about this show
25%? That’s a pretty high number for tonight.
You forgot a decimal point. I’ll let you decide where it should go.
Great news, everyone! Hornswoggle is the anomononononoinoose GM!
USA Network using Sleigh Bells as intro music for one of their shows. Mind: BLOWN.