What wrestling needs: more gloating cartwheels.
Last week we celebrated 1000 episodes of Monday Night Raw and chatted about the show with Derrick Bateman, Action Bronson and Mr. Freaking Belding, but the honeymoon is over, and now we begin to learn whether the new era of three hour Raws will be a chance for young superstars to break out and make a name of themselves or a chance for Brandon to put his head in the garbage disposal.
Tonight’s Raw preview blurb:
We were shocked – shocked, we say – when CM Punk seemingly snapped on Raw 1,000 and GTS-ed The Rock into a catatonic state after The Great One interfered following Punk’s WWE Title Match against John Cena to close the show. The Second City Saint left without another word as boos rained down upon him for the first time since the “pipe bomb,” with Rock splayed in ruin across the canvas and a thousand questions echoing in the WWE Universe’s collective mind. (via WWE.com)
Questions echoing in my collective mind include
1. Will tonight’s Raw truly be a step forward in the right direction for Punk as a character, or will he just be all I AM THE WWE CHAMPION and raise the belt over his head and pretend like that means anything?
2. How will the Rock respond in f**king January?
3. What are the chances David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty and Mason Ryan will show up in their New Nexus shirts like nothing ever happened, and is that chance 100%, because that’d make me pretty happy.
I have 997 other questions, but you probably don’t have time to read them.
As always, my 10 favorite comments from tonight’s open discussion thread will be featured in tomorrow afternoon’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 7/30/12 column. To nominate a comment for top 10 consideration, please reply to it with a +1. You’re welcome.
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WWE RAW: Now with 70% post-consumer material
Watching over the show, it seems like the reason why Punk is effective at tearing down guys is because he legitimately doesn’t like anyone other than indy guys he came up with. Even back in 2010, Punk was making pedophile jokes at Jerry
Some preliminary math for next week’s RAW:
10 minutes of “HBK Appreciation” + 5 minutes of Lesnar Rybacking HBK + 50 minutes of Owen voices, video highlights and Trips talking about his feelings = 3 hours of me drinking. HEAVILY.
I was out of town, visting San jose since last Wednesday. Sorry I missed it guys, but I’m gonna watch and type up a lengthy recap that will probably echo my heartyless, saddened thoughts of wasting two hours on Jerry Lawler and Jern Ceeenuh,
You wasted 3 hours dude.
I’m not impressed with AJ as GM. Howeva, I’ll give her a 2 month grace period as I’m assuming that the WWE writers are going to play with her character and tie up loose ends.
Raw was watchable. Sheamus was made interesting, thanks to D-Bry. Where are the women? They have an extra hour and they still can’t get one women’s match off?
Oh well, at least Punk is becoming interesting again. I loved how he made Lawler look like a fool.
Those full 2 minutes of Lawler free commentary were bliss. Almost as brilliant were the next 10 minutes of Lawler trying, and failing, to regain his composure without doing what Punk accused him of not doing.
Silent Lawler = Best Lawler.
AW made the rape joke last night. Joan Rivers made a Casey Anthony joke on the Colbert Report shortly after. Do these celebrities go too far? Or do they not go too far enough?
It bothers me that the latest round of risqué jokes (AW/Tosh/Rivers/Cook) aren’t clever enough to be funny, so it kinda sucks defending their right to make them.
I’m hoping CM Punk goes into a Glengarry style rant next week about how the last match of the night is for CLOSERS, and then give Big Show and Cena a set of steak knives.
+Lemmon
Why do the people that chant “Cena sucks” always wait for the people that chant “Let’s go Cena” to finish their spiel before repeating their assertion that Cena sucks?
Because manners.
Manners are something we can all enjoy.
Are you guys being serious? It’s hard to tell (con)textually…
“That AW guy is HILARIOUS.” – Daniel Tosh
+1
Watching Raw in Canada on one hour delay makes me understand the pain Americans go through watching the Olympics on NBCSports.
So…the WWE could have taken Punk in any of a dozen amazing directions after the 1000th episode but, no, they give us this. He’s not evil Punk. He’s not I’m-too-good-for-this-fucking-retarded-spinning-belt Punk. He’s not pipe-bomb Punk. He’s kinda-sorta-not-exactly-a-heel Punk. It’s just fucking sad.
He’s the-focus-should-be-on-your-champion Punk. I’m actually down. He’s spent the entire night saying all the things that I have been saying for so long.
The Champion should be the focus. Period.
The Champion should close.
This should be about in-ring action.
Why are guys like the Rock and Brock and HHH taking time away from new and future talent?
Slow burn, sirs and/or ma’ams. This is, literally, the Show That Never Ends. (It goes on and on, my friends.)
Storylines should not be clear after one week. That’s how things become predictable and boring (like the matchmaking has been). Developing a character and motivation are a-okay in my book.
Why are guys like The Rock and Lesner and Triple H taking time away from new and future talent? That’s an easy one. The new and future talent aren’t selling tickets and / or merch because they aren’t doing anything spectacular.
Do you think whiny Punk telling AJ “You’re a bad GM. Show me some respect!” is going to make people want to rush out and by Punk shirts?
@ Iron Mike Sharpe – The problem with the argument that bringing back Rock/Lesner/Aytch yet again because they sell is that unless you give the new guys air time and good storylines, the new guys are never going to sell because the audience doesn’t see them as worthwhile. In many ways, it’s a chicken-egg argument because while the new guys don’t sell today like the old guys, the new guys aren’t given the chance to connect with the audience so that someday they can.
As far as selling merch, Punk does plenty well in merch sales. At one point last fall, he was even outselling Cena (although I don’t know the current numbers). Give someone a chance and they may be able to do what the current (and past) stars do, but they’ll never do it if they aren’t given a chance.
I totally hear you. I’m just saying that, even though there are plenty of guys on the current roster that I really like (Damien Sandow), very few of them have the charisma required to really own the crowd like The Rock did and still does. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying everything The Rock says is awesome. I’m just saying his charismatic enough that people want to listen. Most of these newer guys need to do what The Rock did – take some acting lessons, work with a writer to develop catch phrases – and become so amazing on the microphone that the WWE writers have to work you into better and better story lines because the crowd is demanding it. Remember, The Rock was stuck in The Nation Of Domination but he took his few seconds on the mic and absolutely destroyed everyone else so they had to make him the star.
Now look at Punk. He’s an excellent wrestler. And we know he can own the mic (i.e. his epic “shoot” promo) but half the time it seems like he’s mailing it in. Like last night’s episode. He had plenty of time to be wicked fucking awesome on the microphone and his best line was “You’re a bad GM. You’re crazy.” Really? I mean, fucking really?
Who, in the whole WWE right now, can you honestly say you want to hear talk on the microphone (whether it’s backstage or an in-ring promo) because you know they’ll absolutely destroy it for the whole 30 or 60 seconds or whatever?
Heath Slater, baybayyyyyy
“…very few of [the guys on the current roster] have the charisma… like The Rock”
See, also:
Very few men are as tall as Kareem Abdul Jabbar
Very few baseball players were as good as Babe Ruth
Very few movies were as financially successful as Avatar
Very few oceans are as large as the Pacific
Very few people did as much to end slavery as Abraham Lincoln
@DJAnyReason
See, also, my original point about why the WWE keeps bringing The Rock back (in response to Steerepike).
Sure, Rock is (was) great on the mic and Lesnar is a killer and Aytch is, well, married to the owner’s daughter…so they each have some reason for being used.
The problem is that WWE could find similar talent (albeit raw) either on their roster or out in the great world of pro wrestling, talent that would show up on a regular basis and that wouldn’t be “important” for something they did 4 or 7 or 10 years ago. But that would take work on the part of WWE to build the reputation of those wrestlers and to create storylines that build up the character, instead of being lazy and relying on the cheap pop old stars provide.
When WWE couldn’t rely on old talent to pull them through (read: WCW), they found some good wrestlers and built them up with very, very good storylines that made them interesting to watch and, in the process, created legends. But now? They tend to rely on legends to generate views and sales because that’s easier than putting in the hard work to build up a slate of good to great wrestlers.
Um, is it just me, or is Cole trying to keep the commentary focused on the match?!? BIZZARO STEEREPIKE AM COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHAT NOT HAPPEN!
For the love of god, people, stop chanting “Albert” at Tensai. Yes, everybody realizes that’s him. It doesn’t make you smart or knowledgeable. He’s a guy that used to have a different gimmick. Good thing you’re there to point it out.
I liked that match by the by. I think Tensai looked like a monster.
*chants PUN-I-SHER at Undertaker*
I would totally rock a “Mean Mark Callous” sign if I were at a show where ‘Taker was main-eventing.
I don’t think the Albert chant is about trying to be clever though. Wrestlers often get new gimmicks without the crowds doing that. I think it’s more about the Tensai gimmick not working for people and that’s a way of saying “I’m not buying into this. Do something else, please.” I can see why people find it obnoxious though.
Lester is 100 percent correct.
Vinnie Vegas clap clap clapclapclap
If they just did a backstage voiceover promo about how he was albert, went to train in Japan, show some clips of him throwing dudes around, and then started going by Tensai, it would quell the majority of the chants.
I agree with Lester as well. The chants are because the Tensai character simply isn’t particularly compelling. Don’t hear any ‘Nicky’ chants for Ziggler, do you?
Kill Steen Kill!!! Oh wait, wrong show.
:-D Yes, Steen and his beautiful Zombie Princess would’ve kept me awake last night unlike Raw did.
Maybe you could get a “Kill Sheen Kill” chant going at SummerSlam. Except it’d be “Kill Sheen. KILL!” kind of thing.
i’m pretty far behind i think, but i love when ziggler missed his fame-asser
nope, Christian’s head was slippery
On a scale of “Greatest Show in the History of Ever” to “I Feel Dirty Inside”, I have to give this show a “Meh, I’ve Seen Worse”.
AJ got her last name back. CM Punk realized that he’s CM Punk and not John Cena’s buddy. And we saw an entire arena decend into an awkward silence with one hell of a bad joke.
And I think we’ve confirmed officially, WWE gives NO fucks about that Butterfly belt thing…
Am I the only one who wanted D-Bry to start screaming ‘Give me back my face!’
I was hoping he’d pull a “Why So Serious?”
Where’s The Demon when you need him?
That episode needed more Mary Poppinses.
Where’s Poochie?
Marys Poppins?
Maryse Pop-ins?
Those too!
Ok watching this from from DVR so I’m a bit behind, but Ziggler calls out Jericho (correctly) and that constitutes a face turn? I need an explanation on this.
He also said the things that the crowd wants to chant along with that one time. If you say ever A-GAIN and shut the hell up and interrupt Ziggler and don’t say each and everyone of you/parasites/sychophants, you can be face.
Soo are we discussing this show that came on after RAW now?
If I was a face and turned heel, I’d change my intro music to “Get Born Again” by Alice in Chains. Also, I’d be about 7 inches taller and have an additional 50lbs of muscle.
That was so long I’m surprised they didn’t have a highlight montage at the end.
The matches are the matches are the matches…. nothing will ever change with them. It’s just a matter on how we get there. And if we get there with THIS Punk over Smarmy Ice Cream Bar HHH Jacket Face Punk, then it’s a trip worth taking.
“The winner of the match is… nobody. You’re both losers. Losers with skinny wieners.”
You’re a loser and nobody likes you…
So are we hanging out here to see when AW is fired?
Why is everyone hitting the panic button on AJ. It was her first night as GM. If anything, we’re getting a GM that has decent mic skills who a talented actress. Think of all the past GM’s who sound wooden and scripted while talking. Big Johnny. Teddy Long. Mike Adamle. Jonathan Coachman. Linda McMahon.
Come back from the ledge, everybody. Give her time. Let’s see where they’re going with this.
I liked the backstage stuff, but the “GM who comes out to the stage to make a match, and then leaves” is a *tremendous* waste of AJ’s talent. So yeah, I’ll wait to see how it goes. But it was just 50/50 for me tonight.
I was fine last week when there wasn’t anyone there as GM.
Occasionally it helps as a story arc type thing. But usually they just end up wasting time.
It’s not that she sucked, necessarily; it’s that they totally scrapped her character development. She wasn’t “crazy” or manipulative tonight and completely dismissed Punk after weeks of chasing him.
I’ve decided that WWE is like Louie on FX. They don’t really give a shit about continuity or reusing actors so they use multiple people repeatedly for different bit roles.
She doesn’t need to be manipulative or crazy, anymore. They were gambits used to gain power. She can now use her power to punish those who abused her the last couple of months. i.e. Bryan and Punk.
@Vina: Totally agreed. It’s like the AJ of the last two months barely existed at all. …Not to say we might not get closure on that later– we may find out definitively that AJ was *never* crazy, and was just manipulating everyone all along. But I’m not at all eager for AJ to become Stephanie McMahon.
@Doc: If that’s the case, then they’ve totally scrapped the character that got her over with the fans.
I was waiting for the King to bust this comeback on Punk tonight….”Well I went to the jerkstore and they where all out of you!”
what’s the difference? you’re their all time best seller
So, I just moved from Milwaukee to Vegas, and the biggest takeaway so far is as follows: HOW IN THE FUCK WAS I HERE A MONTH BEFORE I HAD EL POLLO LOCO?! Like seriously, that shit is amazeballz.
Also, c’mon, that ending blew chunks.
My mom loves El Poco Loco
Well she’s a nice lady with good taste.
As long as it’s not Los Hermanos; those guys have worse morals than Chick-fil-a.
Would it have killed AJ to call it a “three way” and create the greatest 1 second youtube clip ever?
I already forgot everything that happened on Raw. Isn’t there some kind of recap I can watch?
1
Ziggler was awesome, ADR won is both the US and WH #1 contender and won’t wrestle until SS. Recaps. DONE
It’s called Smackdown!
+wait, what’s the thing that we put after the plus sign?
CM Punk: You’re bad a what you do! You suck!
(cancels Twitter account, starts new one)
*repeat*
Before him he saw two roads, both equally straight; but he did see two; and that terrified him–he who had never in his life known anything but one straight line. And, bitter anguish, these two roads were contradictory.
oh shit, i totally didn’t even recognize thestinger with the new facepaint.
I can’t wait till he joins the WolfLeatherPac and is cool again…
THESTINGER come on down from them raptors or whatever and come hang out with your With Leather buddies :D
I hate that I missed WCW.
You and me both.
96-97 WCW was the shits.
I thought that one clothesline fixed everything?
I demand a recount!
I don’t like the possibility of CM Punk losing his title, and then becoming someone who is bitter and irrelevant.
3,000 comments and only 15 likes? Come on, guys, you can click that button for me, can’t you?
16. Thank you for providing this forum of entertainment, good sir. Now give me a top 10. I need validation!
Grumble grumble taskmaster grumble *clicks Like* grumble grumble assyface grumble frumble
already clicked… the discussion always great. the show…. oh gawd…
I truly forget until you say something. Facebook likes mean nothing to most of us, so I never think of it. Maybe dedicate a small corner of the story image to a “Like” ad or something
JKoebs = Bill Belichick
Can and did
Fine, I’ll like it. But Bleacher Report’s slide show of tonight’s Raw is gonna smell this thread on my clothes.
Heel CM Punk is as refreshing as not having automatic comment updates.
Have we overlooked the new stable in the WWE? Orton and Punk are forming the NPO. No Pants Order. Nash wants to use Magic Mike experience and join in.
Stephanie and Hunter’s Kids Fun Facts: They booked Charlie Sheen for Summerslam.
Well that was a giant waste of 3 hours. I’m off to watch synchronized diving.
Does calling someone a loser count as a pipebomb?
Cherry bomb. Or a firecracker. Definitely more than a sparkler.
It was like lighting incense.
I like calling someone a loser is at least a Burning Schoolhouse.
meh
John Cena and The Big Show will perform next week wearing their wives (or ex-wives) best Sunday dresses.
Harold and Kumar’s total recall!
Anyone else get a “Buddy the Elf yelling at Fake Santa” vibe from Punk and AJ there?
Did Punk just turn into Ron Simmons from WCW Wrestling for the NES?
Correction WCW Super Brawl for the SNES. Ah fuck it, this show has melted my brain.
HOLE ON A MINNET AJ
Three people in the ring? Are they fighting? Triple Threat Match, playa!
predictable RAW is…. well…. boring
ER MAH GERD, A TRERPL THRERT!
+rhodes
+1
+THERTS MAH FRAVRIT MAERCH
+LERTS WERCH SURMMERSLERM!