- This is the worst episode of Raw in history.
Please enjoy The Best and Worst Of WWE Raw for July 9, 2012.
"The Worst And Worst Of WWE Raw 7/9/12: Do Not Read This Show Report"
You’re a brave man for watching this twice Brandon. God bless.
Also, thanks for the top 10 nod again! 4-time champion.
I’m already liking this, and I’ve only seen the title.
An LOL on the first page. Already immensely more entertaining the last night’s Raw.
I was there live and it’s fascinating how much more fun it is in person. I feel like if I watched this on TV with you guys I would have been in agony but in person it’s much easier to slide on the bad things and have fun with the good things. Suddenly all those superstar tag matches and the Teddy Long era makes sense. Live wrestling!
They filmed Smackdown right after and while it wasn’t important it was fun too, although again, I have no idea how much of that will come across on TV. The crowd was exhausted until the main event basically
I’m with you on how it’s more fun live. I was at the Greensboro show when Paul Heyman came back and had a lot of fun, but everyone watching on tv said it came off horrible.
By the way, Cena stood in the ring for the entirety of the AJ/Bryan/Punk recap and then John Laurinaitis ran out and hit him with a chair before being dispatched, ostensibly to set up the main event dark match (Laurinaitis-Show v Cena), but since they just did Smackdown the dark match never happened and now it feels like some weird fever-dream moment that I just remembered 20 hours after the fact.
I love live wrestling shows like I would theoretically love crack cocaine, but those commercial breaks at Raws and Smackdowns just kill me dead. I went to the Raw in Cleveland where Shane beat up Legacy and I haven’t enjoyed a live WWE show since.
They showed video packages on and off the screen for so long that it was actually sort of hard to tell when they were on commercial, and the first Sloppy Superstar Tag Match that I ever actual enjoyed was here, not being gutted by the commercial breaks on TV, so that’s fun
Yeah, now that everyone is actually bringing everything up, it wasn’t good at all. I remember on the train going home saying that I barely remembered anything about Raw after the fact and now I realize why, haha.
By the way I was upset at the audience about two things: 1) the USA! chants in both the Superstars Jinder Mahal-Alex Riley match (HE’S FROM CANADA YOU IDIOTS!) and the fact that I was the only guy seemingly in the entire building cheering for ANY of the heels, up to and including being one of the six people who knew who Bob Backlund was. Damnit, now this is making me sad, haha.
I LOVED the USA chants in the Smackdown match between Sin Cara & Alberto De Rio, because either their definition of USA was “the guy I like” OR they were asserting their dominance over both Hispanic gentlemen. Even more fun: the crowd was probably 65% Hispanic. COMPLEXITY!
I turned to my girlfriend after Raw and said “Thank God Cena wasn’t on the show at all tonight.” She then asked me what I was talking and said he cut a promo AND had a match. I didn’t believe her.
Then today I see this:
[QUOTE] Worst: John Cena Will Overcome The Odds Of Being A Participant In A Normal F**king Wrestling Match
Here’s a transcript of John Cena’s promo from last night:
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH [/QUOTE]
I seriously blocked out Cena like a rape memory. Actually, Raw has pretty much been the TV equivalent of date-rape lately, so I guess it’s appropriate.
see if you’re able to do that with the rest of the show, too
So, I only half watched last night because I was reading King City. I made the wrong choice. I should have turned off Raw and just read the book.
On the plus side, we can all get matching “Never Again” tattoos. That’s a team building exercise. We’ll compare notes on where we put them during the Money In The Bank open thread.
Brandon, you have the patience of some sort of radioactive saint.
CM Sokka: I’m sorry. I treated you like a girl when I should have treated you like a warrior. AJ Suki: [kisses CM Sokka on the cheek] I am a warrior, but I’m a girl, too.
+ fucking 1
Just go ahead and change your avatar to the crow version of Sting. This was the show that broke you.
Hell, this might have sent him straight to ‘crazy Heath Ledger’ paint and skipped the decent Crow Sting.
This show was totes barfs.
Totes Magotes…I’m scared to enter the arena next Monday…
The AJ angle ends with her in Little People’s Divorce Court.
Something good came out of all of this: I giggled like a mental patient while watching that Backlund Squat GIF. It’s perfect. That’s why Tesla invented GIFs.
Just went back and watched it for a few more minutes. Oh God. I might never leave the house again.
Watching the show my friends and I noticed a sign that said “I’m CM Drunk” by the end of it we unanimously decided that we should have been CM Blackout
I learned that THESTINGER likes Warhammer, so we got to talk about that.
Otherwise, Kane wins. I embrace the hate.
If any of you With Leather folks are in the DC area and want to play some Warhammer, 40k, or other games let me know! And we just started a Mordheim campaign which is kickin’ rad!
Yes! Get in on the Warhammer / Mordheim action. It’s fun! Also side talk about the wrestles!
The worst thing about the build up to the ladder match at Money In The Bank is that Super Cena doesn’t even need a ladder. He can just fly up there.
I would actually really love it if Cena just reached up really hard and somehow grabbed the belt. Like, holds his arm up, squints his eyes really hard and the belt just lowers.
Then his star wars promo might make sense.
I’m in my office…reading the recap…and realizing that the conference call I’m on sounds EXACTLY as you described Cena’s promo. Guuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
//reaches for a Sprite. ///imagines it’s monkey pee.
So are there four participants in the Raw MITB and like eleventy in the Smackdown MITB? I think Virgil’s the only wrestler alive without a berth in the “B-team” MITB match (well, him and Heath Slater, obvs).
Also even though I love like half of the eleventy people in the secondary MITB, do any of those guys have even a little bit of a chance to last more than 40 seconds in the ring against Mecha-Sheamus? If I win that match I’m hanging onto that contract until David Arquette inevitably wins the belt in the last month of Smackdown’s existence.
Yeah, I think the Smackdown winner is going to have the case for a while. They’re going to use it to build up the guy’s cred like they did with D-Bryan. I doubt it’ll be used against Sheamus. Especially since I have a sinking feeling we’ll be seeing some Cena MitB winner shenanigans on the 1000 Raw.
I kept looking at my friend and saying “They’re trying to sell me on the idea of a three hour RAW and this is the pitch?,” so I have to 99.99999% agree with everything you said this week. (The exception being Tensai’s powerbomb to the ring apron.)
After a show like this its pretty clear that the only two groups of people who still watch this shit are the ones like us that inexplicably like this shit too much, and those too stupid to be irritated by it. And last night we found out we’re outnumbered exactly 3 to 1.
It’s more like that’s how WWE views the IWC: outnumbered by the idiots who enjoy this garbage.
I’m just telling myself that they write this week to week with little-to-no desire for continuity (outside of creating PPV matches), and their 4th of July hangovers contributed to a bad show.
If they actually tried…I don’t even
I’m honestly willing to give them a partial pass, b/c they had to tape Smackdown the same night. That doesn’t excuse this show– it was still phoned-in, and they damn well should try harder on a go-home show. But… well, I don’t know.
What I still don’t get though is are longish non-main event matches really that much of a ratings killer? Why can’t they just have one or two matches that go 15 minutes every show to make the wrestling fan happy? Christian vs. Ziggler or whatever, just for no reason.
“CM Punk’s WWE title reign had been overshadowed by The Rock, John Cena, Big Show and Brock Lesnar, and now it was taking a backseat to a weird romance storyline involving a girl who didn’t even win the season of NXT she competed on. She dunked it home by mentioning how it must be emasculating, causing CM Punk to look for his balls, realize he’s misplaced them, then suddenly remember AJ’s carrying them around in her purse. In his mind, John Laurinaitis drives by on the still-working People Power Hoveround and does the Nelson Muntz “haw haw”. Punk shakes out the cobwebs only to realize he’s still wearing Triple H’s jacket and has become everything he hates, which drives him to becoming an alcoholic just like his father and we reveal that Chris Jericho has been right all along and AJ was the girl in the videos and this is the end of the world as we know it.”
When did wwe become The Scary Door? It’s an improvement.
“Why should I listen to you? You’re Hitler!”
“In the end, it was not guns or bombs that defeated the aliens, but the humblest of all god’s creatures. The funkasaurus rex.”
all of THIS.
I don’t think anyone would have blamed you if the Best and Worst this week had been one sentence: Fuck this shit.
I honestly considered it.
Well, thank you for your sacrifice for our amusement.
This episode was so god awful that my lifelong love of wrestling took a hit.
Last year, CM Punk said that the WWE would be better off with Vince dead, and by god, I think he’s right.
We’re in a recession, right? There’s got to be a bloat of out-of-work writers that could do something with this product.
Or, for fuck’s sake, a decent dungeonmaster at this point.
*Rolls diplomacy check* 13 … the Funkasaurus snarls and charges!
My +1 WMD destroys the Funkasaurus, but only if it is supported by minor Zebralings.
I am not kidding when I say I would write Raw for free. It’d take me, I don’t know, two hours every week and I’d get a great show out of it.
That would explain why Cena wears jorts, for some kind of mana increase of something.
they had an opening for a writer position like a year ago. I have some background working at a newspaper/communication degree.
I honestly think that if WWE grabbed a guy like Brandon, WWE would kick ass. He can hire me and I’ll wear a giant name badge like Teddy.
@redshirt: Nay, they are Jorts of Constitution. +200 Resilience.
So I guess what I’ve learned from Sheamus is to be a star…by taking a bunch of steroids and kicking everybody in the face.
I was going to make a @mrBS sign for MITB, but I think I’m just going to make one that says SAVE US BATEMAN, or BRAY WYATT FOR GM or ADR FOR BORDER PATROL.
I’m so fed up.
I haven’t had a sign get on TV in a while, I’m really lagging behind in the The John Report sign competition.
I’ll get you back in the game, Brandon.
I’m not a TNA guy by any means, but Impact has been better than raw for the last three weeks or so now. Last week had a bunch of good wrestling matches, and only one segment that made me want to pull my eyes out and plug my ears with them. I know it was really bad for a while, but so is this nonsense. Any chance we can get an open thread to talk about a good wrestling show? This one hurts my brain.
I’m honestly considering giving it a try again. I watched it like two months ago and it was still the worst thing ever. I’m not an Austin Aries fan, though.
Yeah, I watched the last PPV and it had a few quite good matches, and Mr Holzerman and a few other people paying some manner of attention to it on my Twitter feed has convinced me to at least give it a try.
What sucks is that Raw had been at least sort of seemingly trending in some right direction lately and now they spoiled everything they had going with this show.
Impact has been flat out the best wrestling on TV for the last couple of weeks and their Destination X PPV this past Sunday was seriously the best PPV I’ve ordered in YEARS. And I lurve A Double enough for everyone so I’ll forgive you this time for not being a fan of his.
Its that Bound for Glory series that they do, its still sad TNA but the matches actually feel like theyre building toward something
The Best and Worst of NXT/FCW please?
TNA has been so much better the past 6-8 weeks…you really should give it another shot. There are legitimate matches every week, hell, their Knockouts matches are better than most matches on Raw every week…Bobby Roode and Bully Ray are great heels, Austin Aries has transformed into an awesome face without pandering to 9 year olds.
Their Gutcheck and Dixie/AJ storyline segments are pretty awful but those last a fraction of the time of the worthless Raw segments. I could also do without most of the WWE outcasts, Mr. Anderson, Hardy, RVD, etc.
I feel like we’re telling 9/11 stories.
I was watching this with my friend Alex, who did not watch any of the Anonymous GM period stuff, and called the Hornswoggle reveal just before it happened. So I have a suspicion that he wrote the episode, and, as soon as my Sherlock cap and pipe arrive, I’ll be on the case.
I’m sorry, I REFUSE to believe that 75% of people actually to see Cole/Lawler again. And this is coming from somebody who has very, very little faith in humanity.
Also, Drew McIntyre’s been wrestling since he was 15?
Started training at 15 in 2001, made his official debut in 2003.
The good news after last night is that Raw’s 1000th episode will be the final 3 hour Raw. The bad news is, because of that complete load of horseshit we were forced to endure, Raw’s 1000th episode will be the final Raw ever.
I’m no longer considering taking the night off to watch Raw 1K with friends, and this episode is why.
“Tobogganing Bear: Wait, that still doesn’t answer how Hornswoggle became GM. Do you just need the WWE WiFi password to control the company?”
He’s Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son, right? That actually makes more sense than most of their storylines.
(And yes, I know he’s *not* really VKM’s son, but I’m hoping that it’ll also be revealed eventually that he’s *not* really the anonymous GM either.
I’m comfortable with this explanation. Case closed!
I’ll leave this here: [i.imgur.com]
I was *going* to say that by skipping MITB and doing Raw the next night, you’re going to miss out on recapping the good show, and get another shitty one. …But then I looked at the card for MITB, honestly pondered if Punk/Bryan can save that whole show, and couldn’t decide which show is likely to be more of a bummer.
Also, do you really think the ring apron– the corner of the freaking ring– isn’t the hardest part? The steps aren’t part of the ring, and you can’t powerbomb someone *on* the ring post. And there’s no ‘give’ on the apron, is there? So yeah, getting powerbombed on the apron is going to hurt more. But whatever. Not that big a deal anyway.
I think the recent PPVs were always the best shows of the month (seems normal, but still), so it’s weird to see that Brandon deprives himself of them to target the following Raws instead. He seems to enjoy living on the edge.
Jokes, Guitarzan. I am aware that steps and the floor are not actually parts of the ring. You are the most humorless dude in the comments section.
“Most humorless dude in the comments section?” Yeah, probably. Thanks. But if I had seen a joke in that paragraph, maybe I would have gotten it.
um…. the World Heavyweight MITB is going to kick so much ass…..
Well, yeah, it *should* be good. I’m worried that it’s overcrowded, though. I expect a lot of time will be spent with 5 or so guys selling outside the ring at any given time so the others can do a spot. Then repeat with a different combo.
Plus, comedy doesn’t really belong in a ladder match (whoops, there I go being humorless again). Santino shouldn’t be there. Also, Sandow is completely unproven. There’s no real reason for anyone to be invested in a Sandow victory.
No need to apologize, Brandon. It sucked. But it sucked in the same way that a middle school bully shames you for nothing and the shaming catches on with your biggest crush and then life’s not worth living. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but you know.
I knew that they’d do something to piss off those fans who pay attention to detail and beyond by having the bar for “YES” be ridiculously long in comparison to the “NO” bar for the Cole/Lawler nerd-beatdown match, and lo and behold, there it is. It’s the perfect representation of how much (or little) effort is put into these things.
It’s like how they’re so self-aware and everything. I hate that. Let’s joke about stuff within wrestling because it’s so silly and shit and you know it’s fake and whatever we don’t care, either. It’s like how Family Guy does the whole “Isn’t this annoying?” schtick when THEY’RE THE PERPS OF THAT ANNOYING BULLSHIT.
Not to mention that the WWE still has its “Send us your comments!” thing when it doesn’t submit anything to the site. In other words, it’s all lies.
I mean, look. I’m digging AJ. She’s like, the final form of all the awesome that the WWE has been experimenting with in Bryan and CM Punk. Not that those two on their own don’t deserve to be “top guy” or whatever (and most certainly that they’re not awesome or anything, because Bryan is RAD) but she’s re-appropriated both Daniel’s catchphrase and Punk’s ‘tude enough that she’s become the perfect representation of both. I don’t mean to denigrate both those dudes, but AJ outshines them in presentation.
Although her lengthy-in-minutes-only sentences are a bit strange, but she’s CRAY SO U NO LOL.
Honestly, we all knew deep inside that WWE would never manage to close the Anonymous GM storyline properly. I’m sure there were people that already called it last year and joked about the AGM being Hornswoggle. It’s sad.
I just realized that whatever Punk and Bryan do, I would enjoy it. I’m rather ashamed of this after yesterday night, but yeah. I laughed at the absurdity of Bryan proposing out of nowhere, and I enjoyed seeing that at the end of the show, Punk acted at last as an interesting Face : he showed to AJ and the audience that he’s gonna be the voice of reason and honesty (not proclaiming to want to marry the guest referee), but with the strength his best promos always have (careful, I’m not saying this one was one of them).
But everybody seems mad (with good reasons), so debating might be a bit hard today.
I agree with you about Punk. More of that, please.
That and both Punk and Bryan’s reactions to being slapped were A+. Bryan’s hurt/scared face was hilarious.
When the opening segment was happening, I was worried that things were taking a bad turn. I thought Bryan saved it, though. And like Brandon said, by the end of the show, the opening segment really didn’t seem that bad. And yeah, AJ took too long to get her point across. But she needed to take *some* time with it, b/c it was supposed to seem like something she was struggling with. If she’d spit it out too quickly, it would have been bad acting. Still, she could have tightened it up a bit. I wondered at the time if the crowd chanting was throwing her off, but who knows.
What confuses me is why Kane didn’t spot Hornswoggle under the ring on one of his journeys to and from hell, deduce that he was the Anonymous RAW GM, and tell everyone. Maybe the flames obstructed his view?
Kane doesn’t like to talk, maybe he kept it for himself. And told AJ when he was emotionally disturbed
Kane knows that snitches get stitches.
Again, I’m so sorry Brandon.
Wasn’t Hornswoggle then putting Cena in 8 vs 1 handicap matches vs Nexus.
TRYING TO KILL CENA? WHAT A LITTLE RASCAL
But we would have missed Cena overcoming the odds for 4256th time.
This was the wrong week to read the Raw report when I’m already in a bad mood. Now I’m depressed about the state of wrestling. Aw.
Thank you for making this 1000000000000 times better than it was to watch. You would’ve of thought that watching this at 3 am in a baby induced coma state would’ve made this entertaining but you would have been wrong.
Apologize for what!? Fantastic work. It was a horrible show, but I know that when there is a horrible show I’m in for a great report.
I practically put myself through the same shame and pain so I can enjoy this even more.
My night was this, John Kruk eating ribs while guys hit some home runs and I think a couple of episodes of Wings. This column made part of that night kind of worth while.
My wife, who hates wrestling, walked into the room and asked me why Cena was teaming up with Kane? So basically she’s paying more attention than the writers are.
Just finished Page 2, nice read of the bests.
(Takes shot of vodka) Onto Page 3.
Well, yeah, of course Jiggypuff was a one man band. Nobody could keep up.
Any day now I’m expecting to read online that Vince Russo has been with the WWE as a writer for the last month or two… any day now.
TNA is actually a better booked company than WWE right now, which is really terrible at the moment. Seriously… I’d rather watch devote my time watching TNA now than this. I never thought the day would come.
Why is that terrible? Impact is a good show, that should make you happy.
I’m no TNA apologist, but some of their young guys and story lines are better than anything WWE has going today. If they fashion it to have a Roode-Storm showdown at Bound For Glory, it has the potential to be one of the best tag team split/rivalry story lines ever. Talk about a slow burn with a potentially massive payoff!
The “Impact is a good show” talking point needs some weight behind it. TNA has always gone through spurts where they have a good few months, then follow it with years of misery.
I think IMPACT(!) has some of the best individual talent in THIS BUSINESS, but the constant fear of a fingerpoke of doom always kills it for me, just a little. Also, Mike Tenay.
TNA is becoming more and more like WCW right before the NWO days. X-Division = Cruiserweights, TV Championship belt, older wrestlers past their prime, stupid characters who make no sense, although they have gotten better about that.
John Cena tagging with Kane was the babyfacingest babyface thing he’s done in the calendar year of 2012. Think about it, he had every reason to rebel against the Anonymous Leprechaun GM and be a dick to Kane in a match that ComputerSwoggle made, but he was a professional and he put his personal feelings aside to try and win a wrestling match.
I know they probably never intended it to be like that, because those writers are the same people who thought Santino affecting Sherlock Holmes was funny, but even if it was accidental, it was a nice move from Cena.
I also just want to say I enjoyed the blowfish reference even if no one else got it.
It is possible to get references without saying “I got that. Simpsons.”
I move that the Money in the Bank badge simply read:
I SURVIVED RAW EPISODE #998!
“I watched raw #998 and all I got was this lousy brain tumor.”
“lousy drinking problem” works well, too
Of course, some of the commentators already had that.
You rang, Lobster Mobster?
So that’s what Jigglypuff was singing the whole time.
Slater: ♪I’M A ONE MAN BAA AAA AAA AAA AAAND!♪ Jigglypuff: ♪JIGG ALY PUU UUU UUU UUU UUUFFFFF!♪
I can’t wait for the RAW MITB match where a bunch of previous champions are in it for a title they can and probably have just asked for a match for in the past.
I’m sure if i watched all of the Raws from the Anonymous GM era I could prove that Hornswaggle couldnt be the GM
I think you just have to look at one. Maybe even the last one.
The show was so bad I dozed off and missed all of Sin Cara/Heath/Backlund and woke up just after King/Cole (ha! King Cole! Why haven’t they given Cole a crown to mock Jerry? Wait, have they? No, I’m sure I would have remembered that.) At the end of the show I was all “Where’s Backlund? Did he really not show?)
I’m seriously concerned that Tyson Kidd is going to get pulled from MITB due to excessive Tensai. The only reason I can come up with is the possible insertion (into the match) of Wade Barrett.
Also, question for the room. Has anyone missed Randy Orton? Even a little?
Not even a little. I brought that up to MrsTHESTINGER last night that Orton has been out for a while now and no one cares.
I miss Orton like the desert misses the rain.
Raw was so bad, I drank a pint and kicked a couple of people in the face. That’s what being a Star is right? Right?
As long as you smile and point afterwards.
Depends. Are the ODDS AGAINST YOU?
Good job FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Yeah, the smiling and pointing is key.
Or pounding your chest until there’s a welt the size and color of the Eye of Jupiter.
Sorry for being lazy and only skimming the comments, but has anyone else brought up yet how Cena is promising to do the same thing he berated Del Rio for doing last year? Are kids today really this stupid? Are we really this stupid?!?
No, he got really uppity and outraged about Del Rio cashing his Money In the Bank contract on Punk, even though Punk was fine with it. It was odd.
I admit, I’m looking forward to Money in the Bank. But, that’s only because, when it’s done, Breaking Bad will be on my DVR.
Thanks for this: Alberto Rio (© Jerry Lawler) I literally laughed out loud for 15 seconds.
I feel compelled to watch ROH’s Bryan Danielson the American dragon DVD just to balance out my wrestling karma
I’m thinking they wanted to make the worst #Raw ever this week so that when they do go to three hours we’ll just shrug and say, “Eh not that bad”
By a show of hands who laughed their ass off when they read the title of this article? Also can we now agree to do something for Smackdown? I think it’s become the better show and its great to watch while pre gaming for the bar.
I tried watching Smackdown a few weeks ago and ended up shutting it off after 15 minutes. Of course, then this shit of a Raw episode happened, so yeah.
RAWs like that make me glad I have to go to bed at 9:30. Just finished watching my recording. Dear god, any time something good started, it took two awful steps back. I think MC Scat Kat must have booked that show.
Thanks for doing this, B. I know it was probably torture, but you’re a good enough writer to at least make the reports entertaining. I’d also read reviews of XPW DVDs if you want to do them.
You don’t need to apologize. This was a FUCKING TERRIBLE RAW, and I’m glad that we watched via DVR in between rounds of the HR Derby, and then speeding through after. Vince should be goddamn ashamed he put this on TV. Seriously, when you call it the worst ever, the only thing worse I can imagine is late-1995 RAW, where people like Dean Douglas were making the show unwatchable.
If I’d watched this whole thing….I might’ve cried at how low I’d sunk.
Dean Douglas > Anonymous Hornswoggle
Hey Brandon, against my better judgement, I am going to RAW next week. If I whip up a decent enough 1 page “on location” report, would you read it and possibly add it to the B&W the following day? Let me know of it’s possible and if so where to send it to you & what are some of the guidelines or thingsyou would want in the report.
Sure, why not?
Just your thoughts on the live experience, any fun/dumb things you see or notice, whatever. Not interested in the TOP FIVE BIGGEST POPS or match ratings things.
Alex*’s Live Report: “I was surrounded by Kids Sheamus. I have never been more frightened in my entire life.”
I kind of hope I see one now. If one charges at me, I’m flying away on my Dolph Ass Cape :)
Thanks to last night’s Raw, I’m watching the All Star Game in fear that I’ll hear John Cena’s music any second now.
The WWE can no longer rely on Nickelodeon because they have DirecTV.
I turned it on for like five seconds last night to see AJ talking all slowly and literally noped so hard I threw my back out.
When AJ took a knee, my first thought was that she was doing some weird “submitting to ‘two characters ago’ Punk” and it really bothered me. Given the results, I would’ve welcomed it.
That could have been awesome, actually. Punk could have been faced with the dillema of having a deciple he didn’t want. Conflicted Punk could be a good direction for his character. …Not that it would have made any sense in the context of the current story. But it could have been interesting.
Giving it some more thought, had AJ started shaving her head I might have lost it in a confused erection sort of way.
Not exactly giving me the best lead-in, are you Brandon?
DOWNES! Where were you on Saturday?
I had to help teach people about MMA in the open thread and could have used a pro perspective, chief.
So, I’ve been on a long hiatus when it comes to watching wrestling (a handful of years now). I recently found out that Netflix has a bunch of WWE videos and have been drowning myself in them, while also finding out about the Best/Worst of Monday Night RAW recap on the site here. This week I decided to finally start watching RAW again … This week … WTF guys? Is it always like this now? Should I just go back to watching hand-picked matches on YouTube or Netflix?
Give it a year. It’ll get better. No, seriously. It will. Have I ever lied to you (besides possibly now)?
This week was exceptionally bad. It seems like about once a month we get a subpar show, but they’re *very* rarely this bad. And when they have a really good night– it’s electric. So yeah, stick with it a bit. Especially with Raw #1000 coming up, and the build to SummerSlam starting.
Does anyone (besides me) think the new GM of Raw and/or Smackdown will be…. Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, Mr. John Laurenitis?
Sorry, “Laurinaitis” oopsie
I think everyone could use a break from the ‘heel authority figure,’ so we can get away from the ‘heel authority figure holds down ____,’ soon followed by ‘_____ gets his revenge.’ (____ will be played by John Cena.) …That having been said, I won’t be surprised by any swerve they throw us, including the possibility that The WWE Universe will be the new GM (what with all the new interactive crap they’re promoting).
Apparently this show was so bad last night that it made me fall asleep before it started.
At least face Punk is acting like a face instead of “I dig crazy chicks.” I also have no idea what happens at MITB between Punk and Bryan. Besides that, this Raw confirmed we are in the darkest time line.
There’s NO possible way you’d think this show was that bad. Kofi didn’t even wrestle Dolph. Nobody beat up/embarrassed Ricardo.
Not even the lightning-fast wit of the best and worst livechat gang could keep me interested in raw this week. I wandered away rather quickly. Just imagine what three hour raw will be like: this episode, plus an extra hour of bullshit, business, and weird polls, and also Charlie Sheen. At first I wrote Martin Sheen but that would be great: please imagine President Bartlet on commentary and tell me it wouldn’t bring a tear to your eye, and indeed the eye of all true Americans everywhere.
Anyway, I might watch the PPV to see of AJ does something awesome, but she’ll probably just marry Hornswaggle because he shimmied up the pole the fastest.
Now do you see what happens when Randy Orton is gone? Without cool Orton moments in the middle, you get to notice how vapid a lot of the segments on Raw are. I’ve seen a LOT of bad films and TV shows in my lifetime. Hell, I put up with the ending of season 1 of The Killing and still found the show decent. But The Anonymous Raw GM reveal was the first time I actually felt cheated. Dammit. I think I may just leave WWE alone and wait til the next UFC. (maybe not cuz I need something to fill in that time.) AND there was no Layla to drool over. DAMMIT!
This is how bad WWE is now. Id rather watch TNA. The fact I have typed that makes me very worried. THIS SHOW IS FUCKING SHIT!!!
Oh and thanks Brandon. If I had to watch this show and then recap it I would cheesegrate 10 puppies to death. Kudos to you sir.
They said The Rock would be on the 1000th show. Does that mean Cena wins the briefcase, gets the title and Rock challenges? So that we get another year of “feuding” and once in a lifetime becomes redundant?
Same as it ever was.
I didn’t watch it Monday night; I think I’m gonna delete it from the DVR. I know enough to know I don’t want to see more.
You will be a wise man in doing so.
Sheamus Brogue kicks Make a Wish children in the face.
Just wait and see how it all plays out. They’re going somewhere with this, I’m sure…
Krusty is coming. Krusty is coming. Krusty is coming.
And I’d advise against deciding to do a TNA Impact B&W this week, Brandon – this is probably the week they ruin all of this nice momentum by revealing that “Aces and Eights” is Jarrett, Steiner and the Magnus/Crimson/Morgan pupu platter.
Question: Eve and Alicia Fox will be at Planet Hollywood, here in Vegas, this Monday from 11am-1pm…should I go? I’ve never gone to one of these things and I’m a little curious to see what it’s all about.
And if I do go, I’m not sure what I would say to Eve & Alicia other than “WILL YOU GIRLZ TAKE A PICTURE WITH ME! GAWRSH YOU LADIES SURE ARE PURRTYY HYUK HYUK! WILL YOU BOTH MARRY ME NOW!?”
Alex, you should go. Eve is hot and had the honour of working with Big Johnny. You should ask her what it was like to work with him.
Alicia Fox on the other hand has allegedly sucked Big Johnny’s little Johnny. You could ask her how that worked out?
I am so thankful I was out on the the beach instead of watching this Raw. Even reading the Raw recap on WWE’s website sounded so terrible.
But look on the brightside: The WWE didn’t pay tribute to a man they openly knew murdered his family and himself just hours after he committed the act. So, this episode has to be by default not the worst Raw ever, right?
That Teddy Long as GM episode that you didn’t really want to watch looks pretty awesome now by comparison, eh Brandon? This RAW was complete and utter shit.
For everyone who’s feeling a little down about wrestling after Raw this week, here’s something that might cheer you up.
Go to youtube, search “AJ Lee meets Lita” and click on the first result (I’ll add a link in reply to this comment but it might take a while to show up). It’s a WWE video package from 2001 of Lita doing a fan signing for her home video release “It Just Feels Right”. One of the fans she meets is our very own AJ, who bursts into tears because she’s meeting her idle. Eleven years later that nerdy little girl is the #1 female wrestler in the WWE.
Just a reminder of why so many of us fell in TV love with her back during NXT season 3, when she was wiping the floor with the competition in the “Name The Entrance Theme” Challenge. Not because she’s super pretty and can get under the second rope without bending her knees, but because she’s genuinely one of us (AND those other things). And now she’s a nerd who can identify Dusty Rhodes music by “HE’S JUST A C–” and is living her dream as we speak.
AJ meets Lita in 2001: [youtu.be]
bonus: NXT season 3 “Name That Entrance Theme” Challenge: [youtu.be]
That is exactly what we needed this week. =)
Hornswoggle stole Jesse Pinkman’s ricin cigarette
I came here for the monkey.