Best: MILPH, And Tag Team Matches Going 15 Minutes
I can’t take credit for R-Boom, but if The Miz and Dolph Ziggler from any kind of lasting alliance I’m taking credit for calling them Milph. With Vickie as their valet, it’s even better.
It shouldn’t have been super surprising, but the Christian/”Lionheart” Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler/Mike “The Grown-Up” Mizanin tag team match was fantastic, and if 3 hours of Raw hadn’t been one other good match and 2 hours 20 minutes of commercials and recap videos it would’ve been a really good show. Miz continues to look like an actual, athletic human being, Christian continues to be the most Christian Christian he can be and Chris Jericho has found some semblance of a spark again by being Suit and Sycophants Chris Jericho with Y2J’s moveset. As someone mentioned on Twitter, I’m happy Christian and Jericho could put the “ASS CREAM” incident behind them and work together.
Oddly enough, the weak link of last night’s match was Dolph Ziggler, who just couldn’t seem to vibe like he usually vibes and at one point did a jumping asshole to nowhere.
Worst: Dolph Ziggler’s Jumping Asshole To Nowhere
When you’re a guy who doesn’t screw up a lot, we remember your screw-ups. People love the Sin Cara Botch meme, but outside of being clumsy and just generally kinda falling down he hasn’t done anything remarkably memorable. A good example here is Randy Orton. Remember that time Chris Jericho had a guy in the Walls of Jericho, and Orton was supposed to run up and RKO him, but instead of just doing it he got a running start against the ropes, jumped through the air like an idiot, missed completely and landed in shame? Of course you do. That’s what happened with Ziggler last night, when I guess Christian was supposed to take a Rocker Dropper or counter it into a powerbomb but didn’t stand up all the way so Ziggler just called an audible and executed the JUMPING ASSHOLE TO NOWHERE.
The match ended with Ziggler hitting Jericho with the Money in the Bank briefcase and just kinda standing there grimacing, and the only two things I could think were
1. Man, his body and face are two completely different colors, and
2. JUMPING ASSHOLE TO NOWHERE
Best: Daniel Bryan As Walter Kovacs
Watchmen is one of the three things in this world I love more than pro wrestling, so of course Daniel Bryan’s psychiatric evaluation (complete with rorschach blots) reminded me of issue #6, wherein Dr. Malcom Long tries to cure Rorschach of a mental disorder and ends up having to accept the empty, black meaninglessness of life. In this segment, Dr. Long is played by “guy with stethoscope”, which is WWE’s only possible interpretation of “doctor”, but even that’s better than what he got in the movie.
Anyway, if I was booking Raw (and I should never be allowed to) I would’ve went all the way with it, if only hear Daniel Bryan scream “I’M NOT PUTTING YOU IN THE YES LOCK, YOU’RE BEING PUT INTO THE YES LOCK WITH ME” and to watch Hornswoggle get slaughtered in a men’s room.
“Boobs” and “The Phillie Phanatic” are the other two.
Worst: Jerry Lawler: “THIS CHINESE GUY SHOULD CHANGE HIS NAME TO CHING CHONG CHING”
f**k you
Worst: Lord Tensai, Still
How funny is it that awesome ass Lord Tensai with the Mountain Dew spit hand and plus-sized Great Muta gear had to be “depushed and repackaged”, and what they came up with was “take away his lordship, don’t let him wear as many clothes and make his underwear look more like a Fruit Roll-Up”?
I’m a fan of Albert’s and want him to be a cool and important part of the show, but the momentum is dead and it’s time to wash off the facial scribblings, grow back out some of that chest hair and start making choo-choo noises before you run into people. Or better yet, give us one backstage segment or interview where Tensai explains anything he does so we don’t have to blink through another stupid “HE’S BEATING UP HIS FOLLOWER!” thing. One f**king interview where he says “yes, I was Albert, but now I am SO MUCH MORE LOOK AT MY DEW BREATH” and people are stupid for chanting Albert. One f**king interview where he says “hey, WWE guys sure are tougher than my Japanese competition! Time to try harder!” and he’s got motivation and a reason to do LITERALLY ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS.
If Tyson Kidd is on Raw five more times this year, he can say he spent 10 minutes on Raw.
Worst: And Now Suddenly Kane Again
I’m giving this a Worst because (1) Kane, and (2) Kane showing up out of nowhere to give Bryan the Red Light Special, but if AJ is sincerely lording her General Managership over Daniel Bryan and CM Punk for treating her like an object for a month, shouldn’t she be really super nice to Kane? He never put his hands on her, he never threatened her, even in a match, she used him for ALT KISSES for a few weeks and he eventually nutted up and said “hey, this isn’t gonna work out, things are complicated”.
Kane should get to be her boyfriend now. That’s how the world should work.
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First! Also, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get Carpal Tunnel from refreshing my browser so much every Tuesday…
Sweet, it’s up! Thank you for these, as always.
Good jorb.
The ending was kind of weak and I think it was partially because they want CM Punk to be a bad guy so bad, but the people don’t seem to want to turn on him.
I thought there was too much Triple H and too much “our set caught on fire” throughout, but this was a pretty nice episode.
Also Jerry Lawler inventing words to try and make Punk seem bad was a highlight.
Nice as always, I enjoy these and I wish I could come in for the live thing more often.
Great jorb.
please do not actually post good jorb in the comments section
best jorb?
“Good jorb” – Bork Laser
+ jorb?
way better than worst but not as good as great jorb
awesome show; great job?
ewmygerd good jorb
Hamstray?
gerd jerb
Brandon took our jorbs!
Great jarb!
-Coach Z
JEEEAAAOOORGGGHHHBBB!!
DOUGLAAAAAASSSSS!!!!!
So, is this ‘WWE is NSFW’ week or something? Lord Hentai posted his first Tout below:
[www.tout.com]
and….wow.
Normally I would say DATS RAYCESS, but he is Japanese now, so I guess it’s okay?
That is awful. He is bad man.
quote from some news website about racist Tensai:
“Tensai can’t be racist, he has nipple rings!”
This is wrong, but that’s hilarious.
I’m not done reading yet, so I’ll hold off on commentary about how good of a jorb you did, but I have to stop and ask – would a big reveal that Vicki only came out to dance with the Funkdactyls to distract everybody long enough for Sandow to get the drop on Brodus be the best thing ever? Think about it: Vicki managing a stable of Ziggler and Sandow – TEAM PINK.
Sandow and Dolph would be rad together.
I said it before and I’ll say it again, Ziggler and Sandow will form a Pink Megazord to take on the evil Funkasaurus monster, The Ryback, and Lord Tenzed
Sheamus can be Zordon
I know, right? There possibilities are infinite.
And complicated, and nuanced, and actually FUNNY, which means it’ll never happen. Wait…why do I like wrestling again?
I don’t know, I think Judy Bagwell vs Vince would draw
fuck the Silver Snakes. Green Monkeys 4 life!
So I guess we are just accepting the phantom face turn by Jericho?
I was sort of wondering that last night as well.
denigrating the Brazilian flag was the face turn, but it was a dark match….
You missed it? It was a few weeks ago when they were all “CHRIS JERICHO IS IN FOZZY! AND HE’S BACK NEXT WEEK!” They said it like they were excited, therefore, face turn.
White lights on the jacket = heel, slightly blue lights on the jacket = face
Didn’t he force a straight-edge to drink alcohol recently? Great guy.
But yeah, as he came back as Huge Rock Star, stronger Y2J chants were heard, so I think they just went with it.
“Daniel Bryan & The Miz & Dolph Ziggler defeated Chris Jericho & Kane & Christian.”
Hey, so do you guys wanna play a game of Spot The Heel with this match from last night’s SmackDown? No..? FUGUYZ
Not cool to post SmackDown spoilers. Even less cool, based on that match, is that Teddy Long got his job back.
So does the complete lack of any Diva related story create a Best or a Worst? I could go either way, but I am surprised that we have an extra hour but still couldn’t fit in a 2 minute bathroom break….errr Diva’s match.
could go either way. depends on which Divas we’re talking about… the ones who can actually wrestle, or Kelly2?
I stated last night on Twitter, I bet the complete lack of any match probably made Sara Del Rey wonder a bit about her decision to move on up.
I think I could watch SDR kick the crap out of K2 much more than I can watch the same Bork Lester re-cap for the 8th time.
+ Death Rey
(sorry for double post)
I mention it on the last page.
Bork Lester!
They didn’t have time for a Diva’s match, what with all the reminders about BROCK LESNAR AND TRIPLE H’S FAMILY! If they had put a Diva’s match somewhere in that 3 hours, they wouldn’t have been able to remind us of that every 30 minutes and we would have forgotten.
If there was a Divas match, it probably would have involved Eve, K2, or Foxxy rather than the women who are good at their jobs (who are on NXT or impersonating Stephanie Mcmahon), so perhaps we were spared.
+Death Rey
The one thing I felt was lacking was more commercials and recaps. I really felt out of touch, not only with what happened both last week on RAW and earlier in the same show, but with what alternatives I have to coffee, and with what frozen slush drinks are readily available to the thirsty motorist.
“Once there were brook trouts in the streams in the mountains. You could see them standing in the amber current where the white edges of their fins wimpled softly in the flow. They smelled of moss in your hand. Polished and muscular and torsional. On their backs were vermiculate patterns that were maps of the world in its becoming. Maps and mazes. Of a thing which could not be put back. Not be made right again. In the deep glens where they lived all things were older than man and they hummed of mystery.”
Bro, can you come back down…I’m pretty sure the NWO is gonna attack us any minute now and we could really use your help…you know how hard it is to wash off spray paint? Cause I don’t!
There aren’t enough exclamation points (none, actually) after Randy Orton starts making snake noises and presumably attacks you. That is all.
If AJ doesn’t drop the power suit next week I will never watch RAW again that week.
Speak for yourself. Sharply dressed women are like Christmas presents; you just want to rip off the wrapping and get to the goodies inside.
at least throw me a bone and put some hello kitty skulls on her suit
Yes, I did think they needed her to add a little spice to her get up even if it was “corporatized”
Why is Lesnar being wasted in a feud with Triple H instead of properly being used to elevate a guy like CM Punk, Sheamus, Bryan, etc? …I know the answer, but just humor me.
Because only a guy as tough and awesome as Hunter can hang with Brock (And he got his arm broken anyway). Twerps like Punk and Bryan would get their heads torn off and Sheamus would just end up as one giant purple bruise-man for the next three months.
It’s because triple H will still be there when all those other guys are gone.
Because if he was in a match with Sheamus, they’d both die of bruising and bleeding faces.
Feed him to the Ryback. maybe he’ll get full then
Because he needs some Raw #2000 Moments!
because he already fought Cena
Because Mr. Hs is an idiot who is going to get his pelvis shattered by the BORK LASER.
Ridiculous excess of filler aside, I did enjoy the matches, and am enthused at Sandow already making the jump to RAW and potentially feuding with Clay. Less enthused that he will probably get squashed in a throwaway match at SummerSlam because we like to watch dancing.
OK, done. Outstanding jorb.
Just one small request – just because he’s a face now, can we please NOT call Jericho “Lionheart”? “Lionheart” Chris Jericho is the baby-faced kid I saw on ECW TV back in 1996. Current Chris Jericho is the guy that makes me think Jon Bon Jovi’s been hitting the gym.
Pretty sure they were calling the lionsault, which has always been called that, and not actually referring to him as “Lionheart” Chris Jericho again. And slowpoke as all get-out, but I could also stand for them to start calling it “The Lion Tamer” again, while we’re at it, because “Walls of Jericho?” Seriously bro? A defensive structure that collapsed when some old dick yelled at it? And not even in some cool sci-fi-rip-off-of-Wuxia magical yell technique but just shouting modestly?
Aren’t the Lion Tamer and WOJ different moves? Being old, I could be wrong, but I recall the “Walls” is more of a seated move while the “Lion Tamer” is a standing/kneeling move that starts closer to the ankles with pressure from a knee to the back of the head (and looks a hell of a lot more painful).
Being even older, the Walls were standing up (thanks to a million Ovaltron-era Smackdown matches in head) and the Liontamer was kneeling.
The Walls of Jericho look like a Boston Crab. The Lion-Tamer looked like Jericho was going to break your neck and back at the same time.
The Lion Tamer is more awesome, but 8 year-old me likes The Walls of Jericho more since a single replaced letter led to hours of laughter.
No, I wasn’t talking about the WWE announcers, I was talking about Brandon referring to Chris Jericho as “Lionheart” Chris Jericho.
I started watching at around 9:15 last night, and let me tell you what, skipping through all commercials and HHH video packages made for a pretty good show.
If AW doesn’t get fired, the next time he’s on TV he’s going to have read his lines off a QB wristband. Rape jokes are why we can’t have nice things.
Pretty sure AW got himself and PTP pulled from TV for a couple weeks. We’ll see next week I guess.
Wouldn’t shock me. Which sucks – I mean, come on Titus, why must you be so reminiscent of Kobe Bryant? What was AW supposed to say?
Vince probably told him to say it… it is as timely as most of his “ideas” (re: coke induced fever dream)
Just remembered this thought I had last night: What are the chances that AW’s Kobe comment was done on a dare from one of the boys? I mean, between the offensiveness and the datedness of the remark, it had to be thought out in advance.
The only problem I have is Punk’s had the title for 9 months, but now all of a sudden he’s afraid of matches and challenges because he’s a bad guy? Sorry, doesn’t compute.
That’s what makes a great villain. A guy who offers no threat and stands little chance of winning outside of cheating or running away. That’s what made Darth Vader and The Joker so good.
Jim Parsons/Randy Orton made me LOL. So thanks for that, B-Stro.
Also, great job on the comments guys. Good stuff.
One minor brightside of now having to work during RAW is that I can fast forward through the commercials and recaps. I’m not sure if it was this fact or the actual content or the combination of the two but, I felt like it was a pretty good episode overall.
Great work with the Rorschach/Bryan line. I could not come up with one last night. On the plus side, two bests! And yes, that was an explanabrag.
Thanks for putting me in the Top 10, and I didn’t even have to use a Daniel Bryan is Rorshack comment to get in.
Good jorb, Good effurt.
Whoo! I finally made it!
I’d to thank Bryce Harper, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, And the interviewer who likes to ask questons about clowns…
Looking forward to the High-Five-Fest 2012 at Summerslam!
Summerfest?
/Piven’d.
You missed the biggest best of the show John Cena did not say a single word
Out of curiosity, Brandon – you mentioned a B&W meetup at King of Trios at one point – for serious? Because I just got a chance to look at the lineup and HOLY FUCK.
Yeah, I know several of us are going to be there already. I go to Trios every year.
Trios, son! Be there!
FACES OF PAIN FOR THE MFW!
I’m particularly excited for the Faces of Pain Trio, seeing as how until I saw him advertised for the show, I was under the impression that Warlord was DEAD.
Ever since it became a “Universe” the WWE dropped the E. I don’t mean that in the sense of that it’s not entertaining, but every time Cole says it he says “The double-u-double-universe!”
I didn’t love the ending, b/c I really felt like they should have gone off-air with Punk still in the ring, after calling Cena/Show losers. Then the question all week could be “OMG, who’s gonna face Punk at Summerfest?” as if we didn’t know.
…But the more I thought about it, I’m OK with it. The way it ended was yet another example of someone stealing Punk’s spotlight. Those things are going to keep piling up as Punk’s slow turn continues. And it may continue at Summerslam– if anything can take Cena out of the main event, it’s being in a match with Punk, AND the existance of Hunter v Lesnar. So Punk *still* won’t get to main event.
Also, I don’t love AJ as Stephanie either. But to paraphrase what someone said in a reply to me last night– the character she has to play might be a bummer, but she’ll still find ways to bring her awesome personality into it. I hope.
I sure as hell will take her facial expressions and voice over Stephs…
I really could have used a recap of the fire.
That someone last night was me!
*doffs cap*
“Jumping asshole to nowhere” is now the first thing I’m going to think whenever I see Dolph. Kind of like “Jumping dick to the face” is really my only memory of any Zack Ryder match. Although I’m gonna go ahead and blame Christian for not standing up and power bombing him the first time.
“jumping dick to the face” was copyrighted by the Rogeau Brothers in 1988.
Good jorb.
No, wait.
Excellent jorb.
I think Daniel Bryan missed the memo that was sent to Randy Orton. Punts have been ruled illegal, for fear of concussions. I expect Lil Jimmy to seek swift punishment.
Everybody see J.R.’s latest comments on D-Bry? Here:
“Does Daniel Bryan ever have a bad night? Bad match? Bad promo? He certainly hasn’t that I can recall. WWE is lucky to have Bryan on their roster and the two entities have formed an amazing fit when, in the early part of Bryan’s WWE tenure, I’m sure that some thought the relationship wouldn’t last. Now Daniel Bryan is one of WWE’s most valuable assets. He’s a dream for management to have on their roster. No one that I can recall in recent years has improved their verbal skills and overall on air persona as Daniel Bryan. Plus, never disregard just how legit, physically tough Daniel Bryan is.”
YEAAAAAH Daniel Freaking Bryan
+1 for JR
I hope WWE’s recent love for D-Bryan means we get a redesigned Yes! shirt soon. The one that Jill Thompson designed with the “S” as a dragon would be so awesome.
Awesome read, as always.
I physically cringed when I processed AW’s “joke.” I hope they keep him around, but the good news is that they will not give him a headset ever again. I seem to be in the minority, but when there’s a wrestling match on a wrestling show, I like being able to focus on the wrestling.
“Wrestling” is a loose term with Titus O’Neil, but still…
Yeah, the headset was a bad idea. There were points where he’d be interrupting Cole and Lawler. …Which we’d all like to do, I know, but it didn’t sound professional at all.
Brandon Stroud, thank you for taking many for the team and watching RAW in agonizing detail to write these reports. I don’t think it’s said enough.
It’s insane how quickly they tanked AJ. It’s in no way smart business to take almost every compelling thing about a character and throw it out the window in favor of retreading worn out ground. If AJ were the kind of boss that people tried to keep happy in order to keep her from fucking wishing them into the cornfield, i’d be completely on board. But being another Steph / Eve / Vicki GM? I’m off the bandwagon.
One thing i did love / hate about Punk last night was him being SO GODDAMN RIGHT about being champion, yet being undercarded to guys who weren’t champions, being an afterthought when the champion should be the focus. That went out the window at the end when he was just upset about how AJ was a BAD GM and couldn’t do that, which is where my hate comes in. If they keep Punk on track, i think it could be really compelling motivation for him, as opposed to ice cream bars or whatever.
I liked that the champ was a focal point (sort of) without having to wrestle. The champion shouldn’t have to compete on every show. And if he’s going to hold the title until Rumble (I hope I hope I hope), they need to keep him healthy. I’d even be OK with a tag-team main event on PPV.
Punk on part of a Survivor team, maybe? If he can find anyone to be his friend?
Absolutely. I remember back in the day where you’d see the champ maybe beating up some jobbers between ppvs, but otherwise there wasn’t as much of the champ competing. And that was really good.
How awesome would a Punk-led “bests in the world” Survivor Series team be? Punk, D-Bry, Ziggler, Sandow and like SDR or something? MILLIONS OF BUYS.
Made the same “doctor = guy with stethoscope” joke in the open discussion thread -________-
Sorry friend, no harm meant. It’s probably impossible to see every comment in the thread, and I always try to credit you guys if I borrow something from you on purpose.
I remember this. I even replied, “Hi, Dr. Nick!”
Lionel’s the guy that does the stethoscope gags, folks. They’re his, they belong to him. Good luck with that career, tiny child.
Dolph didn’t miss…. Christian’s head was slippery (as was the ring)
My friends and I were talking while the All The Black Men We Have match was going on, so I didn’t catch AW’s rape “joke.” It was likely for the best.
goodness, i marked hard for the Dostoyevsky name-drop. you’re the best.
Also, Olmec.
I like trying to predict things about the Double-U-Double-Yee lately and I seem to be off quite a bit since the most feasible answers are right under our noses. I was thinking Cena would win last night, beat Punk at SS, lose to Rock at the Rumble, and then fight the Rock again at WM. I think I have it figured out now though: Punk wins at SummerSlam, something unimportant happens at Survivor Series wherein the title does not change, The Rock wins title at Royal Rumble, Cena wins the Rumble itself and makes poopies all over after winning at WM. Rock/Cena Iron Man match? That’d be a whole lot of poopies.
I sincerely hope that next week, they give us an update on the condition of Lil’ Jimmy in hushed Owen-voice”…
If punk GTSing the rock gets owen-voice I think punting lil jimmy out of the ring should get like double owen-voice.
Great read, that is all.
By the way, did Cody Rhodes fall into a pit or sometihng?
He fell into Daniel Bryan’s ringside vortex. He’ll be spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey turnpike any minute now.
-Rhodes
He went into that tent that Ozzie Smith went into in Homer at the Bat.
I swear to God I am waiting forever for a face to turn heel but also say “For my fans who still cheer me, I thank you for it and I will be there for you, but everyone else is a dick”, that way they can turn but still sell merchandise. I am dreading the inevitable “You people…” promo from Punk next week.
The perfect person to do this is actually Cena.
They did that with Diesel almost 20 years ago.
But Diesel turned into a guy who only maeks poopiez. Cena never gives up and maeks poopiez.
Diesel had a good match with Bret Hart once. That is all.
Depressing with brief windows of hope that ultimately won’t lead anywhere…
Thank you good sir for these. All day at work I look forward to reading them.
I’m still recovering from the awesomeness of the DX/SEC analogy.
Awesome column as always, Brandon.
Lets continue.
Kentucky = Chyna
Miss St. = Rick Rude
Vanderbilt = Hornswaggle
It’s too bad AW had to go and be an idiot and make that Kobe joke, because I really laughed hard when he whipped his shoe at Kofi and yelled YO MAMMA! No idea why I found it so funny, but damn. I think it did not help that I wasn’t paying attention when he made that rape joke, and had to ask afterwards why Cole was apologizing.
I feel like ADR might be turning the corner here, delivered a top-notch promo after his match. No stumbling on words, clear and concise, I hope he gains some momentum.
Punk getting back to what he does best warms my black, black heart. Annihilated Lawler on the mic to the point where the only thing Jerry could say back was ROCK IS BETTER BECAUSE ELECTRICITY.
Selfish Personal Worst: Having a permanent job now means I can’t stick around for the open discussion with you guys, and that means when I watch raw the next day, it’s always too late for my various (okay, two) witty remarks. :(
I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this yet, but on second watch it seemed like Dolph’s botch was intentional. Since he’s the “Show Off”, they’re gonna have him fuck up in matches now so Jericho can point and Nelson Muntz him. Which seems incredibly stupid, making it all the more likely that’s where they’re going with this.
Oh, and the AJ as Stephanie part was dead on. If your going to have a new GM, but just have them do the exact same things as all of the other GMs, why even bother with it at all? I want Big Johnny back, dammit.
At least have her ride the People Power scooter (or Kane) while giving zero fucks.
To be honest, I don’t see why the whole AW rape thing should be taken further. WWE’s apologized, AW’s apologized personally, it was a dumb moment and it should be left at that.
Hopefully he gets just a slap on the wrist and everyone moves on, hopefully.
Brandon, your recap was amazing as always. Thanks for doing these. Does Good Jorb make Destiny your Marzipan? or do you consider yourself more of a brother strong?
I hate everything you’re mentioning
I hate Destiny too.
+Poopsmith
don’t say things you can’t take back, Brian
I am the king! I can say whatever I want! I am here to save my cousin Roman!
Back to the original point, I have always been under the impression that Good Jorb is the the classic 1980′s tag team of Steve Good and Bobby Jorb.
I’m going to try this awful formula for Touts to get on RAW.
“I think Cena is gonna win the tripul tret because he never gives up and rises above things. Derp!”
Oh and an excellent jorb as always Brandon.
Brandon, you should try doing the same thing I’m going to do but using your “Euro-trash Charmander trainer” impersonation. I would die a happy man if you Touted that.
hahaha what a fantastic thing to reference
that’s a pretty good impression, isn’t it
Best in the Pokémon world!
Agree that the AJ thing sucked. Good writing would have been if at the end of the show she said a “Triple threat match between CM Punk, John Cena *screeeeee goes lil jimmy*, and becauseifeelsorryforhim Daniel Bryan”. It makes what happened last week have some relevance and keeps everyone from having to pretend big show is a thing.
Great recap as always, Brandon! How much would you enjoy a Ziggler/Slater match where all they do is sell the shit out of each other’s moves? Would it be oversell? …. Lame joke. Moving on.
The only thing I can think to add is on the subject of rape jokes. If someone already addressed this I just didnt fee like reading 100 comments
I’ve always found jokes about horrible subjects only funny if the circumstance is fictionional, and they’re actually pretty widespread, and in the heat of the moment thing you shouldnt hold things against what people say. Im sure AW facepalmed hard afterwards
Lol Olmec. That kid who muttered “cucumber” is gonna feel like a douche when he needs the half-pendant of life. Also, thanks for writing about all the wrestletowns.
Santino/Del Rio both have fight backgrounds. From watching Del Rio’s matches they seem to be quiet physical maybe guys aren’t willing to fight ADR?
MILPH! I get it!
I’m slow glad that Punk is only swinging at pitches in his wheelhouse again (for now). How great is it that people who incorrectly use the phrase “360 degree turn” can be right for a change? (for now)
But Kobe Bryant didn’t rape anybody. He was accused of that crap. How is this offensive to anyone? Just because WWE felt they had to apologize for something doesn’t mean we need to take out our soapboxes every time. Heck, I didn’t even notice it watching live.
Exactly. The soap box was the worst part of this best/worst.
Get over it. The one thing I don’t need on my wrestling show is rape humor or discussion, guilty or not guilty.
I also agree with an above commenter….that joke was too forced and longwinded to be anything AW would say naturally. Seemed like the work of someone else just seeing how many fans would even make a connection to that incident.
Alternate theory: AW knows people hate Kobe, and he wants people to despise his guy, Huff Huff O’Neil (go Gator!). AW was implying that even O’Neil could overcome the hate, much like Kobe did against accusing women in Colorado. AW seems like a smart guy, so I’m going with this. So maybe they pull his team off TV a few weeks, it’s not that big of a deal considering bigger stars than them are off Raw just as frequently. But if he gets fired like some are speculating, that’s a damn shame.
Are we going to talk about the new SD GM early, since WWE.com is reporting it?
Because I certainly didn’t expect that.
Me neither. Doesn’t seem like they’re trying very hard. But, it *is* Smackdown.
Brandon, it’s late and long but I hope you read this. If not, thanks for all your columns – wrestling and otherwise! I enjoy every word.
I don’t post often so bear with the exposition, but I’ve been meaning to write something up …
I started watching wrestling during the build-up to Shawn Michaels’ and Bret Hart’s Iron Man match. My little brother and friend from across the street were big fans, but I hadn’t watched much other than a few tapes of the Hogan/Andre bodyslam match. I think at first it was just the fact that I had something to do with a couple of guys and I really concentrated on getting into it. And it worked! I was already hooked by the time Austin wrestled Bret, or, rather, Steve wrestled Hart at Wrestlemania 13 and THAT MOMENT happened, but from then on I was an Austin guy all the way. My room was plastered in wrestling posters and cool pictures I liked. I couldn’t talk much about WCW and, now more than ever, I regret that quite a bit. I was a WWF guy. My brother and I would watch and would have a running dialogue of what the wrestler’s would say when they got backstage after the match. “How do you think the Undertaker explains Stephanie’s sacrifice when other wrestler’s ask why?” “That dude who throws Austin his beers probably has a really intense one-sided rivalry with a t-shirt gun.” “I bet Kane just hangs out with the diva’s and talks about acne prevention.” “Why the fuck do people like RVD?” I was looking at pictures of the first home I purchased the other day. It was mobile and the walls were covered in posters of WWF wrestlers. This was in 2002-2003. I wore a red, white, and blue Kurt Angle tank top (with a muumuu body) to work at my federal government job, shaved my head, and took numerous crotch-chop photos on my way to a house show with my brother. And Angle wasn’t even really my favorite, it was just a shirt we had that wasn’t extremely tight around my belly. So I totally went with it. Then I just sort of stopped watching around 2004-2005. Off and on I would start, but whenever I would tune in I’d see some totally racist crap that would turn me off from it, which I regret very much. Not, not being racist enough to appreciate it, but letting it get to me that way so I missed out on Jericho the savior and JBL and Eddie and everything else that was cool that got generally trashed when I was “growing as a person”. I kept up with the dirt sheets, just to see who died and where people were, but I didn’t watch a whole lot. A big reason being that I don’t have a television signal and didn’t know you could overload on wrestling pretty much anytime you wanted via the internets. This was until about two weeks after CM Punk did his big promo last year. I tuned in because I was curious and because people were talking. But I didn’t have that connection that I’d had when watching with my brother. I wanted to here what other people thought, but all the places I tried to visit didn’t really mesh with where I was coming from. Oh, I should mention I’m obsessed with watching tv shows while simultaneously reading their Television Without Pity recaps. Well, I mean, not all, but I have my favorites over on the site. So my search for a different voice in wrestling fan lead me to UGO and Aubrey Sitterson, who was a breath of fresh air for the small amount of time UGO hosted that column. I didn’t agree with everything, but I enjoyed the way it was being said. I’ve checked in on his new column a couple of times, I need to do that more often. Anyway, he mentioned your B&W column in his, and I came to check it out. I must’ve read for 5-6 hours that night. And nights following. I went back and read your old columns from that AOL site and I’ve backtracked and have been reading from your first column’s on this site. It’s been a blast! And I love to watch, even when I don’t like to watch. It’s reinvigorated my interest and now I’m more excited for the matches than the story lines. I’d never watched WCW that much, and never the indie promotions, outside of a fleeting interest in OVW back in the 90′s, but I can sit and watch matches on Youtube for hours. I went back and watched all of NXT from Season 1 until now. Thank you for introducing me to Bryan Danielson, he’s like the Captain Planet of my favorites right now. I like being able to like wrestlers in AND out of the ring. I’ve been hanging around with you and the people from the live message boarding for a while now. I’ve dropped a couple lines on there, but it’s hard to out-clever that crew. Because of what you’d said in an earlier B&W about veganism, I’ve been adhering to a vegan diet since March 5th. There were other factors, but you’re the one who got the thought churning in my head – you said something like, “I enjoy liking what I eat.” That sparked me. I hadn’t enjoyed or been proud of what I ate for a long time before that. The horrible farm videos sold me. Never again. I feel fantastic, dropped 45lbs, loving wrestling even when I don’t, feel like I’m witnessing something that I might never again in Daniel Bryan, have found the best place on the net to hang out and watch the graps, know about Dave Shoemaker, and I’m more or less very happy every time I finish reading your column. I even read some of your baseball stuff and my mindspace is galaxies away from watching that. I appreciate and enjoy the love that baseball fans have for their game, but I’m just … explaining myself. So I’ll stop. Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting into words the thoughts I didn’t know I was thinking until I read them. That’s all.
That was kind of a horrible sentiment – “thoughts I didn’t know I was thinking until I read them.” What I meant was that we agree on a lot of things and I like the way you word them. At least that’s what accidentalhorriblesentiment.com told me to say. Whatever. Carry on the good work! Me out.
I feel you 100% and have been going through a similar situation. What got me was that I had found Netflix had a ton of WWE stuff on their instant streaming service, so I started soaking that all in. Then I heard about the CM Punk promo from last year and it all sort of snowballed from there.
I had stopped watching wrestling shortly before Benoit’s death. He was (and still is) always my favorite wrestler and I followed him from WCW over to WWF/E. I had begun to lose interest after Eddie’s death though, another favorite of mine. I randomly stumbled on the Best and Worst column while I had been soaking in the videos on Netflix and it just reignited my desire to watch the show again. This is only my 3rd week back, but I’ve been enjoying myself and slowly figuring out who I like (Ziggler, Sheamus) and who I don’t (Cena .. and, uh .. Cena).
Either way, the point I was trying to make was that it’s cool to see someone else going through a similar situation of getting back into wrestling.
This is one of the best comments I’ve ever gotten on anything. Thank you, Katodaye, I’m humbled to have helped you feel better in any regard. Eating vegetables rules.
I think I can answer your “Why the fuck do people like RVD?” question.
1) He points at himself with his thumbs while saying his individual names
2) ???
oh you guyyyyssss…you’re making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Seriously though, +Rhodes to Katodaye! Great comment.
How can anyone hate heel CM Punk when his arguments are logical, he backs up his claims and doesn’t come off as a dick like Triple H did.
did you read the column at all? Who here is hating CM Punk for being logical?
+ Evelyn Woodhead
I think he’s talking about the general fan base
If you’re asking philosophically as in, “how is this heel turn going to work when his arguments are logical, he backs up his claims and doesn’t come off as a dick”, then the answer is that you just described a 2012 WWE heel.
They’ve effectively replaced “being a decent person” with “being cool and funny” as the requirements for being a good guy, and replaced “not fighting fair unless provoked” with “doing anything that requires the audience to think above a 3rd-grade level” as the requirement for being a heel.
If you’re asking how anyone HERE can hate heel CM Punk, then…yeah, I agree with Brandon. I don’t think you read the column.
Yep talking about in general. Punk reminds me of Hart’s anti-American run. A 3-D villain fighting 1-D faces. I think outside of Cena the only guy that would give a good feud is Lernar. Yet, the waste the limited amount of time they have with Brock on Triple H. Makes no sense.
Another good read, Brandon. Although I have to admit I’m a little hesistant about what they’re doing with my boy D-Bry. I kind of fear that they are just going to make D Bry a running joke and he’ll get the Swagger treatment in under a year.
One last minor thing. Did anyone else notice the D-Bag in the affliction t-shirt that got a few seconds of facetime? It was the same weiner who got facetime and did the Chuck Lidell pose when Lesnar debuted.
So, the question becomes: D-Bag guy: Prop or D-Bag with lots of money?
I’m pretty sure that’s Sean William Scott.
Yeah, that’s definitely Stifler.
Punk’s whole “I demand respect” schtick, while coming from a good place, is eerily reminiscent of Miz’ title reign. Hope Punk can somehow make it really be about how stupid it is for the WWE championship to never be the main event unless it features Cena and not so much about how annoyed he is he doesnt get respect. Lawler really isnt helping in that regard at all.
Thanks to Brandon, I have been a bigger fan of wrestling in the last few months than I have since I was 11. Unfortunately it is almost becoming unhealthy, because I had a dream last night… about watching Raw. Not being a part of it… just watching it. I told my fiance about it, but she just looked at me like I had perhaps lost brain cells. So I figured I would share it with you guys.
Overview:
The part I remember the best was Ziggy cutting a promo on Punk over the fact that Punk has been upset over not getting attention and what not, and Ziggy was all like “You act like the ‘voice of the voiceless’ and that you care about everyone, when in reality you only care about yourself being the WWE Champion! I’m earning my shots no thanks to you.” And I was like whoa. Shit’s going down. And then Ziggy said, “You don’t give a damn about…” And the whole crowd cheered THESE PEOPLE and Ziggy backed out of the comment by finishing with “…the many people here in attentendence.”
Then there was a ladder and Ziggy was standing on it. He jumped down catching CM Punk by the neck and Zig Zagged him.
Now for my Best and Worst of Raw: Dream Edition
Best. Ziggler/Punk fued because I would enjoy that
Best. Two fueding guys using logic. Punk might return to “Summer of Punk” form, but part of me always felt miffed by the fact that he spoke on behalf of everyone who wants better quality wrestlers getting pushed, yet nobody but Punk really seemed to go anywhere after the shoot promo for a long time. The idea of dream Ziggler calling him out on that to spark a fued seemed awesome and well though out. As opposed to lame excuses like we have seen. Example: “RISE ABOVE HATE!? YOU LIE! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!”
Best. THESE PEOPLE chant from the crowd because it will never happen. The reason all heels are the same is because the general audience just goes “Bad guy! Boo! You suck! Cena! Cena! Cena!”
Worst. Sudden improbable changes in ring scenery and elevation. I was like WHAT? Theres a ladder. WHAT? Ziggler is on it. WHAT? Punk doesn’t seem to notice. WHAT?
Best. My dreams apparently don’t include commentary which makes me happy. I probably would have eaten a hot pocket this morning in an attempt to kill myself if I ever had a dream with Lawler’s voice in it.
Thanks for reading. I will probably never be blessed enough to fall asleep and have a dream like this again, so if you hated this, take comfort in knowing that nothing like this will ever be posted again.
I say fuck you! I think it’s hillarious, how do you like that? I can PROVE to you that rape is funny! Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd!
-George Carlin
On a related note, did anyone else catch miz checking his own pulse? Can i get a gif
Sometimes I think I only watch raw so I can read The Best and Worst
Some Smackdown thoughts:
Randy Orton right now is like Bender after his personality is wiped in How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back. “I am Randy, please insert girder.”
Taking Booker off commentary and using him as a GM is a great move. He’s a lovely guy and a welcome on-screen personality, but oh boy was his commentary a bit much. Also, continuing the Cody/Booker feud gets a big +Rhodes.
How much fun was that guy having when he YES/NO dueled with Bryan after the 6-man tag match? The answer is all the fun. All of it. *jealous*
They’ve finally replaced Kelly Kelly in the Summerslam hype video with Eve. Is she not coming back?
Daniel Bryan slowly and spectacularly losing his mind since Raw 1000 is my favourite thing ever. His ability to project frustrated rage is second to none. So much so that it makes you wonder where it comes from. It’s like in American Movie when Mike Schank does that primal scream. Kinda. Just without the history of acid use.
Christian/Jericho/Kane IS Team Poorly Realized Face-Turn!
It’s getting too easy for wrestlers to escape a Rybacking by just walking up the ramp and giving up. The Ryback needs to start chasing fuckers down when they do that. And on the rare occasions that he doesn’t catch them, do the Britta “Me so hungy” dance.
My Smackdown thought is that it’s hard to fathom how stupid the Prime Time Players look as they make their way down a backstage hallway doing their “Millions Of Dollars” shuffle. Standing in place, it doesn’t look so bad. When they try to move while doing it, they look like they should be on ice skates.
The YES/NO duel was amazing. I envy that guy so hard haha.
Anyone else notice that Ryback seems to have popped a blood vessel in his left eye from flexing to hard? All I could think of was Stewie from Family Guy.
too*