When you find out why the banana split is there, you’ll wish it was something else.
Father’s Day is this Sunday, June 17, and to celebrate, I’ve devoted an entire episode of With Spandex to Adventures In Bitchsitting, a nearly-lost pro wrestling fan fiction masterpiece about Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit being single fathers. Trust me, that’s the least bizarre thing that happens. Preserved from an attachment on a post in a long-forgotten Yahoo! fan fic group, the story features a frank discussion of French sexuality, two complete viewings of Lilo & Stitch and Teddy Long as the proprietor of a sex club. It’s amazing, and if I only accomplish one thing in my writing career I want sharing Adventures In Bitchsitting with you to be it.
This week’s special guest (and reader) is Ari from Tumblr’s Feminist Pro Wrestling, the person magnanimous enough to share the story with me in the first place. Also joining With Spandex are Lex Lybrand and Kelli Kelli from Wear The Cheese, because sh*t, somebody had to hear this for the first time.
Happy Father’s Day week, everybody. You can listen to and download the podcast below. Be sure to comment on this one in the comments section below, because … well, you’ll hear. LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
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Subscribe to With Spandex on iTunes (finally) here: With Spandex on iTunes
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Direct download of the episode here: With Spandex Episode 5 – Father’s Day Fan Fiction Special
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New With Spandex? Huzzah!
I just realized a huge movie quote error on my part contained within this podcast, and I’d like to sincerely apologize to Elizabeth Shue and Chris Columbus. It’s” Lords of HELL”, not “Lords of Acid.” #d’oh
:)
I’m getting a “file not found” message from the podcast player. :-( My office forbids the use of anything but IE for a browser though, maybe that’s the issue.
Why did no one tell me I sound like Lisa Simpson’s beach house friends from “Summer of 4 ft. 2″? Like, you know, whatever. Sorry about that, I was pretty nervous.
I am not sorry about this fanfic, though.
It’s Ari! And she looks like BLOSSOM!
My god this needs to be an animated short. “Shut up or I’ll eat you to look gangsta” made me do a spit take.
I got to see if I can find some of that $40 mouth wash for Father’s Day.
The RSS feed link just goes to a blank page with “Invalid URL” as the only text.
The RSS link should be [withleather.uproxx.com]
Uproxx adds some code to links that gunks it up.
And that’s withleather.uproxx.com/tag/with-spandex/feed with http:// instead of feed://
As the person who rescued this amazing relic from oblivion by finding it on a random disk more than a year later, I feel a special sense of pride knowing that I made this reading possible. Ari, thank you for caring enough to further the work of this masterpiece of fan-created literature.
Thank you for having the foresight to save it in the first place!
As one of the resident WithLeather Librarians, I thank you both for preserving this classic tome. There will be a note in the MARC record in Library of Congress one day to memorialize your contribution.
Umm…wow. Definitely the strangest thing I’ve ever listened to at work…
All in all you’re just another break in the wall
I’m changing my twitter handle to Cougar-Sane.
I’ve had a longstanding commitment to NOT reading fan fiction. This has either solidified that stance or shattered it. I can’t figure out which one as as my horrified laughter is confusing to me.
Accusative
Say what you will about this fanfic (there’s a lot to be said), but I think there’s a bit of solid writing.
“The man in the trenchcoat, blue hotpants, and black boots must have made Chris feel better.”
Chris’s POV
“The man in the trenchcoat, blue hotpants, and black boots made me feel better.”
I like gags like that.
This was the awfulest thing I have ever heard. It was glorious. You should make this a recurring event. I mean, there’s certainly enough awful pro-wrestling fanfiction to fuel the monthly feature.
It’s clearly obvious Stephanie Meyer wrote this masterpiece of fanfic.
“I’ll eat you to look gangsta”
Looks like R Truth has got himself a new catchphrase!
Also, I checked out feminist pro wrestling for the first time ever. It’s really good but needs to be updated on a more frequent basis.
Cudos to a good podcast
Yeah, I need to get on that. It doesn’t help that I’ve got a vacation coming up (oops). Thanks for checking it out!
This was amazing. I do have one minor issue, and that’s how did nobody bring up Harper Lee regarding the author never writing again? Adventures in Bitchsitting is easily on par with To Kill a Mockingbird.
I hope all future (well, after the D-Bates one) podcasts have a fan-fic corner where a chapter of amazing wrestling fan fiction is read
Why do I get the feeling that very soon a copy of Fifty Shades of AJ Lee will be floating around here?
You mean bloggers AREN’T in their undies all day playing video games? I’m totally erasing it from my list of dream jobs now.
I am on the hunt for this X-Pac/Shane Ice Cave FF… I will not be thwarted until I find this! LIBRARIAN’D!
I’m just now getting around to listening to this, and it’s the greatest thing ever. It must be shared with everyone. I’m just as entertained by the comments on the story as I am by the story itself, including Brandon’s interpretation of “fan fiction” as Buffy and Angel hanging out in their apartment with their new friend Brandon.
Everything about this is beyond great. I don’t even want to comment with my favorite lines, because I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who hasn’t read it yet. I’m so happy this exists.
Love the image of Flair elbow-dropping the rubber will never leave my mind. Thanks for that Brandon.