Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon and Washington Nationals manager Davey Johnson have spent the last few days insulting each other over an incident involving pine tar on Joel Peralta’s gloves.
The Washington Post has a full rundown of choice quotes — including Maddon saying Johnson had made a “pussy move” (or “cowardly”, depending on who’s story you’re reading) and Johnson calling Maddon a “weird wuss” with a “Tweeter”. We can only hope this goes on until the end of the season, when the Rays meet the Nationals in the World Series and Fidel Castro is throwing out the first pitch.
Anyway, the “what” of this story is less important than the “why”, so for all your Why needs, today’s Dugout is after the jump.
[banner image via CSN Washington]
The Dugout
 | StillInTheNavy: Hey ump, looks like Joel Peralta’s got some pine tar on his glove. Mebbe you should check that out. | |
|---|---|---|
 | Maddon12: pussy move, davey pussy moooooove | |
| StillInTheNavy: what | |
| Maddon12: only pussies would point that out. real men don’t care how much pine tar is on gloves. why don’t you go have a light beer and get your man-card revoked, pussy | |
| Maddon12: I bet you can’t even drink dr. pepper 10 | |
| StillInTheNavy: I can so!!!! Read the rulebook! | |
| Maddon12: insider trading right there, man. It’s bush. It’s bogus. | |
| StillInTheNavy: shut up, you weird wuss! Go twirt about it on your Tweeter! | |
| Maddon12: Most men have Tweeters! | |
| StillInTheNavy: I use quill and dedicated hawk to send my messages, of course you could just hop onto Tweeter and tell all your little followers about how “neato” and “with it” you are for tryin’ t’sneak STICKY GLOVES past me! | |
| Maddon12: Ray Bolger follows me on Tweeter! | |
| StillInTheNavy: look, why don’t we settle this like men I say what I want and get my way and then I sit down and read the paper | |
| Maddon12: /hunt-and-pecks “PUSEY MOVE” onto Tweeter in all caps | |
| StillInTheNavy: Ump! Look! He’s usin’ his Intenda game machine to talk mess about me! | |
| Maddon12: pfft, you’re such a tattletale you’re such a tattletale the boy who cried wolf’s mom warned him about being a DAVEY JOHNSON | |
| StillInTheNavy: that is meanest thing anyone has ever said about me and you will take it back right now | |
| Maddon12: this is a free country!! | |
** Online Host ** | ||
 | pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: looooooool | |
 | Genie: And for your second wish, master? | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: can i just wish to see ‘funniest old man fight ever in america’ again wait no DJINN MAKE ME ALL POWERFUL SOURCERER | |
| Genie: I’m not Djinn, I’m a genie. | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ok for my secont wish i wish for a djinn who knows the differents between a genie an a goddamn djinn | |
| Genie: /glares | |
| Genie: look, I’ve got things to do, Bryce Harper’s wish about becoming Prince Ali Ababwa is about to lead to him learning a life lesson or whatever and I’ve got to be there for it | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: sry sry | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i hereby wish to see adam dunn strike out 570 times in one season wait no i want the pirates to win the nl central wait no | |
| Genie: ughhhh | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i wish we wored uniforms like we was in the 70′s in 2012 but we arent, but they look like it anyway, like we was playen in a time what didn’t exist | |
| Genie: so, ugly uniforms? | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: bingoed | |
| Genie: /grants wish | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: rolfffff it looks like the braves f**ked the padres | |
| Genie: yeah, well | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: aight, wish three | |
** Online Host ** | ||
| StillInTheNavy: what now, you gonna go on Friendbook and send a thumbs up to your Friendbook links about Old Man Johnson, s’at what’s happening now | |
 | Maddon12: the f**k am I wearing | |
| Maddon12: no, I’m not on Friendbook, I’m pinning a bunch of pictures of vaginas to my wall to remind my online friends that I’m “into” games with Davey Johnson | |
| StillInTheNavy: you caint say that word in a chatroom! | |
| Maddon12: Which word, “Davey” or “Johnson”? | |
| StillInTheNavy: grrrr | |
| Maddon12: /grits teeth | |
** Online Host ** | ||
| Genie: you’re f**king weird, you know that? | |
| pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: now make them touch each others butts |
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com
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Davey’s screen name is a goddamned stroke of genius!
It is great. “Goliath’sOwner” would be a good alternative.
I knew we would get Farnsy in this Dugout.
“it looks like the braves f**ked the padres” = classic
I’ve got things to do, Bryce Harper’s wish about becoming Prince Ali Ababwa is about to lead to him learning a life lesson.”
Would that lesson be that rapping a princess in a really creepy way would not fly like it did 1400 years ago? *Read Arabian Nights*
“It looks like the Braves f*cked the Padres”
Ah.mah.zing. line.
*raping
I saw some article where the guy loves the Rays uniforms, so I’d like to thank you for having the correct opinion. They are hideous.
Or as Michael Cole would say, “FINALLY someone with some sense!”
So, putting a performance enhancing substance in the body= 30+ games suspension whether you knowingly inject yourself with the substance or not.
But conciously putting a performance enhancing substance on the body= an ejection from the game with no further punishment? MLB is cray.
I had three wishes from a genie once. Used them all on Dr. Pepper 10. I regret nothing.
Time to Dug some Outs!
*Dig some Oats!
*Dugsout
I will dugs all the out and digs up the oat!
I read that last line in the voice of Tina from Bob’s Burgers.
hey, i look like a weirdo jerk (moreso than usual) with the cama arro guy getting his post deleted.
WOW! Fantastic information, I’ll give this surely reputable business a call immediately!
Reading this post was like riding a LOLLERCOASTER!
it looks like the braves f**ked the padres
More “exactly the perfect way to describe it” than “funny line.” And it’s a pretty funny line…
“I say what I want and get my way and then I sit down and read the paper” …..oh. So, my dad. Minus the furiously making out with Joe Maddon.
basically everybody’s dad
i want the pirates to win the nl central too :(
Joel Peralta = moron. If you cheated while you were playing with a team, and then you end up playing against said team (and said team KNEW THAT YOU CHEATED), wouldn’t you think the first thing your former team would do is point out the possibility that you’re a cheater?! He deserves a suspension for stupidity alone.
Or better yet, be forced to wear one of those gawdawful Rays uniforms on his off-days. That’ll learn ‘im…