Worst: Yeah, I Went To Bed, Too
Yeah, I didn’t watch the main event.
Usually if I miss a segment on Raw I go back and watch the WWE Fan Nation video to get an idea of what happened, but even as I’m copying the embed code and pasting it into WordPress I don’t care. I think I’m saving up my good will for these three-hour Raws coming up. I’m happy to see Jericho is back and everything, but he dispatched Cena well enough verbally that I considered them done. A show without Ryback, anyone (besides Maxine of course) from the NXT crew, David Otunga and John Laurinaitis didn’t give me enough momentum to make it till the end.
I formally apologize. Next week I’ll recap the first 10 minutes of whatever comes on before Raw to make it up to you. But here, let me guess:
1. Cena needs to calm down and stop being so impossible about everything
2. Jericho is still good, but would probably benefit from not wrestling Cena in a Raw main-event immediately
3. Big Show is
fat and stupid great and wonderful fine
Best: The Subtlety Of Big Show’s Cowardice
They haven’t really mentioned it, but I think I’ve figured out Show’s motivations, and I like them. People (including me) wondered why he didn’t just let John Cena beat John Laurinaitis at Over The Limit and let a new GM take over and rehire him, but there wasn’t a guarantee that would happen. If Vickie Guerrero or somebody got put back in charge, Show might not have gotten his job back. If he did, it would’ve been at his same rate of pay with the same shackles and he wouldn’t have been happy.
Instead, he signed his contract with John Laurinaitis, “sold out” and helped him win to maintain job security. “Iron Clad Contract” aside, it was the right call to make. Laurinaitis wanted Cena taken care of, so Show felt he needed to keep up the appearance of loyalty, because 1) he disliked the fans anyway, 2) Laurinaitis still had a lot of power and a lawyer at his side, so who knows how he could’ve f**ked with that Iron Clad Contract, 3) Cena blows and deserved to be punched. However, when Laurinaitis got fired, Show was in the clear. So when he had a chance to team up with Otunga and Big Johnny to maul Cena on Johnny’s farewell show, he didn’t … his reasons for loyalty had expired, and there was no reason to throw in on another goddamn John Cena handicap match. He let Laurinaitis get the final comeuppance and disappear into the ether.
Show got into the Money in the Bank ladder match to get a shot at the WWE Championship, because he’s an unstoppable giant and figures he could just end the Kofis Kingston and whoevers who’d end up in it. When Cena stuck his nose in there because he CANNOT LET GO OF AN ISSUE UNTIL HE WINS, Show had a reason beyond “Cena blows and should be punched” to further show up out of nowhere and punch Cena in the face. It all makes perfect sense. He’s a guy trying to do this thing, to basically keep his head down and do his job to the best of his abilities (for the first time ever) and Cena’s the privileged tattletale who won’t let him do it.
Also, next week they’re both gonna get Ryback’d.
Best: Oh My God
If Ryback gets into a Money In The Bank ladder match it will be the greatest thing ever. DO IT.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
I’m gonna start calling this new Tyler Perry movie “I Can Do American Pie All By Myself”
Somewhere an Old Navy security guard is figuring out who stole all their display items.
Save us Y2J, you’re our only hope.
El Blanco Aussie
Mean Street Posse next week, or we riot.
We’ll know if Cena’s neck was broken next week depending on whether he has rib tape or not.
Did you hear that Destiny? Sheamus is calling you out.
Bogey Orangutan, re: Del Rio/Ziggler:
This is like a Sammo Hung fight.
Disappointed Sid’s entrance didn’t involve a stormtrooper helmet and falling down.
My closed captioning is just starting saying “BULLSHIT” over and over again.
F you Cena. You’re totally Jar Jar Binks
See you folks next week, when I’m Lando and you’re all Han Solo.