Worst: Here Are Some Important People From Our Company’s History, Let’s Take A Huge Shit All Over It
I’m not sure why this segment existed.
In theory, it existed to bring out Cyndi Lauper (who looked great as always, and a little like Greg The Hammer Valentine) and Wendi Richter (WWE’s “Wendi Richter”) to celebrate an important time and series of moments in WWE history, to sell a few Cyndi Lauper MP3s in the process and continue Heath Slater’s Legend Killer (where the legend is the killer) Tour. Bringing out Piper makes sense, and allows you to bring closure to one of the great mysteries of pro wrestling lore — why Rowdy Roddy Piper never bashed in Cyndi Lauper’s head with a fire extinguisher.
In practice, you brought out a couple of people who are uncomfortable in a wrestling ring, had your terrible ring announcer do his Terrible Ring Announcing thing all over it (even during the important parts, like when they were trying to pay tribute to Captain Lou Albano), bring out a guy who gets no crowd reaction because you’ve never portrayed him as anything but the Wendy’s looking henchman who sounds weird and gets emasculated by celebrites, and cap that off by bringing out a commonly-appearing legend simply to rag about how old he is nonstop. The only guy who’ll be there next week gets beaten up, nothing is celebrated and nobody looks good. I don’t know why it existed, unless that gothic image of Vince in headphones in a dimly-lit room yelling shit like CALL HIM PATHETIC DAMMIT is true and not a way for the Internet to justify WWE’s occasional abyss-staring blackness.
At least bring out Cowboy Bob to hammerblow Wendi in the back of the head with his cast one good time.
Best: Baaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaand
Poor Heath Slater left the ring looking like the least important wrestler of all time, but to esoteric nerds like me he became a folk hero. Ignoring pretty girls in Halloween costumes it was the most memorable moment of the show, and my favorite. I’ve been singing Heath Slater’s hit single all night long and for most of the day, and it works because it doesn’t really have lyrics. You can make it about anything. “I’m the one man baaaaa aaaaaa aaaaand, one man baaaaa aaaaa aaaaand. I like saaaaa aaaaa aaaaand, because I’m baaaaa aaaaaa aaaaanned” or whatever. Just throw a shitload of AAAAA into the middle of something.
I honestly think Slater should get whoever does the themes these days to put a few WWE Network wubwubwubs behind the song and use it for his entrance. He could start calling his finisher “The Drop”. I also think they should make it available as a ringtone with one of those Jeff Jarrett country beats behind it.
Worst: Cyndi Lauper As Masada
At some point during the day you’d have thought Jerry Lawler would pull Cyndi aside and say “hey, I know you’ve never smashed a gold record over somebody’s head before, but hit them with the paper side first, that way they won’t get a bunch of glass in their face, this is all pretend we don’t want to blind and kill people on our TV show”. But nope, there she is breaking a shoot pane of glass over Heath Slater’s head, then pulling it back long enough to slam it back down and do a Crown Of Thorns thing with the jagged pieces. Wendi Richter should’ve pulled out a fat plastic baseball bat with Christmas ornaments stuck to it and jabbed it into his stomach. Piper could’ve Lincoln Logged a bunch of light tubes and Burning Hammer’d him trough it.
My only understanding of how wrestling works comes from the Internet, so I hope Heath Slater is just “paying his dues” and isn’t being given this role as any sort of meta punishment. When he gets fired I don’t want his resume to say
- Shoved by Flo Rida
- Had glass smashed over head by Cyndi Lauper
- Kneed in the dick by Lawrence Welk
or whatever.
Best: AW As The Best Possible Funkette
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIO
Yeah, sliding Abraham Washington to the left to be the voice of the Primetime Players was the best unimportant decision WWE has made in years. The guy is money (obnoxious money) and perfect for the kind of OH BOO COME ON BOO thing WWE wants from its midcard heel tag teams. Darren Young benefits by having someone with charisma stand beside him, and Titus O’Neil benefits from not ever having to open his mouth again for anything but dog noises.
I like their entrance and hope it stays elaborate. They need a big explosion between their announcement and their Hip Hop Track #15 entrance theme kicking in. It should just keep getting more and more elaborate every week until they’ve got a dance troupe with sparklers and a mascot and they’re riding jungle cats to the ring.
Best: Rosa Mendes As The Best Possible Rosa Mendes
I (and the WWE Universe) don’t know if PERM are babyfaces by default now or what, but indignant, pointing Rosa Mendes doesn’t have time for a ring apron corset wiggle, and that drops PERM’s television effectiveness by almost 80%. Thankfully they got most of that when Rosa started slapping canvas and … well, look at it.
That makes me want to chant “Primo”, but not in the way you intended.
Worst: The Shocking Conclusion
Raise your hand if you enjoyed seeing heels leave a match because they thought for a moment they couldn’t win. Go ahead, raise your hands. Put ‘em up if you like watching purposeful countouts 3 minutes into a match.
Nobody?
WWE’s got this weird sensibility going on where the only two types of bad guys are “unstoppable” and “too cowardly to finish”. As a result, the unstoppable guys seem super fake and the cowardly guys look like wimps, so no believable, compelling heel challengers are created. If a good guy can just call the bad guys whatever he wants and do whatever he wants with them and never faces consequences, there’s no drama created and no stakes, and that’s what gives us shit like Santino having the US title and losing to Alberto Del Rio in 40 seconds. Nobody cares about anything happening. John Cena can get fired and just keep showing up. Laurinaitis can get fired and show back up in a week or two (or on Smackdown) with a no job doing the exact same thing. Or the same job, if you’re Vince McMahon. Nothing matters, nobody has credibility, and only kids who can’t remember much of what happened last week move forward thinking you’re doing a good job.
The easier thing to do here would be LET THE PRIMETIME PLAYERS PIN PRIMO AND EPICO BECAUSE THEY’RE F**KING PRIMO AND F**KING EPICO AND YOU JUST MADE THESE GUYS THE #1 CONTENDERS TO YOUR TAG TITLES. Just let them beat PERM. Why do they need to be protected? You had Big Show beat them by himself. Let the guys you’re pushing get victories and stop 50/50 booking the god-damn out of everything. If nobody looks good, everybody looks bad.
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Musical acts on wrestling shows are never a good idea
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm excuse me, but you’re wrong, sir. Remember when Motorhead sang Triple H’s intro at Wrestlemania, but a hammered Lemmy forgot the words and kept repeating “It’s all about the game, and how you play it” over and over? That was a GREAT idea!
/typing “hammered Lemmy” is rather redundant
One of the many, many reasons to hate HHH
Am I the only one that thought “Vickie screws Dolph and aligns with Swagger” was a good idea?
Why did we take the mouthpiece off the guy that needs one, and give him to the guy that clearly does not?
Because hopefully this leads to him leaving her on HIS terms, and not because of a random match for her affections.
Because this is a WWE for the new millenium!
Yeah, if anything, that was a wasted opportunity. They could have boosted Dolph to the next level (where he belongs) with a storyline that saw Vicki screw him over in favour of Swagger. At the very least, I was hoping, after he won, that he’d tell Vicki to get lost because he does it by himself. Every. Damn. Week.
When was the last time Vickie had a “Buisness Partner” that she strickly kept for Buisness?
Why she always gatta be doin stuffs with them?
Very unprofessional.
If you watched the WWE Youtube Aftershow thing, they had a segment where Vicki went to talk about Dolph and Dolph cut her off and talked over her and made her leave with him without saying a word. SOOOO basically I’m seeing: Dolph=Shawn Michaels, Vicki=Sherri and by default, Swagger=Jannetty.
Of course, Vicki works best as a heel (just like the legendary Ms Martel) so I guessing we’ll have a “I AM SO AWESOME AND I TREAT VICKI LIKE CRAP” angle and Jack is like, “no man, treat her like an angel” and somehow Vicki & Jack end up back “together” while putting over Dolph as an awesome heel and next big thing.
Does that also mean that D-Bry is Savage, Punk is Hogan, AJ is Elizabeth, and Kane is The Warrior?
So Vickie and Bryan are going to eventually team up?
Ok, I’m starting to become ok with this…
Just watched the backstage fallout video. Punk said Big Johnny “fired some of his closest friends”. What, John Morrison?
Probably Luke Gallows, Harry Smith, and MAYBE Chris Masters? I know he mentioned a few of those during his airing of grievances to McMahon last year.
Man, I can’t stand Cena. I secretly wish a real “X” situation on him every time he comes down the ramp.
Don’t wish that.
Don’t wish that? Or don’t admit to wishing that?
Don’t wish actual harm on anybody, because it’s a shitty thing to do. You can wish for him to lose his job or stop being on TV or whatever.
Oh, alright. You’ve made me feel like a horrible person for wishing injury on Cena. I take it back.
I’d settle for him to get another movie deal and get “injured” to go film it…
Seriously, how good would it be for him to leave now, get some time off, give US some time off, and then you can promote the hell out of his return in 6 months or whatever…
I’m still convinced he needs to spend time as a heel. Look what it did for Angle.
sent him to TNA?
That would solve several issues, wouldn’t it?
By the way, I have to thank you Brandon. While I have been watching wrestling since I was very young, I must have been only a casual fan. Its only been since I started reading this post several months back that I have noticed some of the subtler nuances to “this business.”
As much as I miss participating in the Discussion on WL.
Watching WWE on delay (which allows me to skip obvious parts) makes it so much easier to enjoy…
If you skip “obvious” parts, you sometime miss out on good stuff and never figure out why some of that stuff is worth watching.
So skipping most of the Lauper segment was a BAD idea?
For better or worse the best parts are usually very subtle things that get lost if you don’t pay attention.
Actually, that’s probably for the worst.
STANSKY FOR LYFE
@El Tigre – Yes, it was a very bad idea, because you missed Heath Slater being the raddest.
ONE MAN BAAAAAAAAAAAANDDDDD!
You didn’t skip a Lauper segment. You skipped a Heath Slater segment and, yes, that was a bad idea.
Oh no, I saw all that was the glory of Mr. Slater, I just didnt give two shits about what anyone else in the ring (sadly, including Piper) had to say
We don’t like Chris Jericho now? What happened to liking Chris Jericho?
basically everything from February until now
IMO it’s 56% based on the way they booked him. Because Vince thought tricking everyone was better than a good story…
I still like Jericho. Or, more accurately, I still want to like and expect to like Jericho.
Maybe this time he’ll be one of the many awesome versions of Jericho from the past! Right guys????
He wasn’t given much to do, but I still think he can put on an awesome match with anyone. I give him two or three weeks before he’s suddenly in an awesome story with someone unexpected and hopefully, stealing the show.
I was thoroughly dissappointed with his efforts ar WM vs Punk. He seemed off his game, and somewhat lazy at times.
And I love doing “Jericho Bumps” (aka, bumping without ever leaving your feet) at training.
Jericho is presented as akin to a legend, but his role is more akin to Jack Swagger. He’s the Irvine Kinneas of WWE. He turns up and acts awesome and we’re all happy to see him but then it turns out his mind isn’t all there and he can’t shoot Stephanie McMahon at the Sorceress Parade or something.
*applause for the FF8 reference* Irvine is the only char I remember from that game, because his guns were so friggin sweet. Awesome ultimate attack or whatever it was.
I’m still on Team Jericho. I’m not exactly sure if that Team has been regulated down a league though.
Yeah, Jericho’s my ‘unconditional love’ guy. Everyone on with leather seems to have one.
Mine is Mr Snrub for his witty comments
It was great seeing Da Maniac return on TV.
At least Big Johnny isn’t going away anytime soon. He’s advertised to be at House Shows in Canadia teaming up with Big Show against Cena. So he’s going to get the AA’d again. Again and Again.. . And Again. In many different angles.
+1 to the guy with WORST sign for the CUSE GEAR!
That was This Guy! Class of ’05, and loyal Best and Worst reader. The only thing worse than WWE’s creative direction since that time is the creative direction of the football team.
I give it a month before Brandon snaps into a tirade about the ‘Hipster-heel”, and why it’s the lamest thing in wrestling today.
YES! YES! YES!
Thanks for the +1 and shout out Brandon.Technically it was something my mom said, but I will take the credit and glory. And she’s 100% right. Alberto Del Rio absolutely owns.
I really hope they find a way to keep Big Johnny around. Have him manage a tag team or have him become the backstage reporter and conduct interviews about how great he is.
“Well Punk, you’ve got a big match later tonight, but first look at me in these New Japan videos!”
John Laurinaitis, Smug Asshole Reporter would be neat.
What happens to Josh Matthews then Lobster Mobster?
Smug Asshole is different from Dickhead, at least in my opinion. John would want to focus attention on himself because he’s great. Josh asks questions that needle his interviewees into knocking him into freestanding aluminum pipes.
Aren’t there always freestanding aluminum pipes in life?
Brandon, as the maestro of continuity and being a cool & intellectual wrestling fan, I need your help.
1) When did *you* realize Cena was being written into something resembling, but honestly surpassing, the bizarre, unflinching dominance of 1985-1992 Hulk Hogan?
2) Would the hit to merchandise be *that* disastrous (in your broad view) if they decided to play with Cena’s character even a little bit?
3) Why is shame and sadness (Cole with BBQ sauce, Ace’s exit last night) becoming a bigger part of their writing agenda?
4) Is bullying culture part of WWE more now than it even was before B.A. STAR (sounds like a Mid-South territory guy from 1984) was a gleam in Vince’s forced eyes?
5) If so, why?
1. I’m not sure. Sometime around the Edge feud, when every Raw would either end with him standing triumphantly or lying in the ring pretending to be hurt, looking up at somebody walking backwards up the ramp. It was just like, “oh great, we’re gonna be watching this forever”.
2. Absolutely. Cena’s the only reason they’re still making money.
3. Because they haven’t had competition for 10 years and don’t have to worry about being knocked off by a better alternative, so it just turns into personal vendettas and wanking.
4. Absolutely. I’m convinced they do it just to spite their own program.
5. Because “insane rich people”.
Feels good to be back in the Top 10. The influx of top talent in commenting has made us all step our game up. Basically, the reverse of THIS BUSINESS.
The influx made me start using commenting steroids then I got busted for violating the WL wellness policy
So is this the part where the E proves that they shouldn’t have fired Big Johnny, thus making Vince look really stupid?
Because if so, can we skip to the end and just hire him back next week
Brilliant as always, Brandon. I would have liked Ayches’ oh-so-clever retort of “we’re not in a bingo hall, and nobody’s ‘drinking the Kool-Aid’ to have gotten its own Worst, though.
Really, asshole? Eleven years later and “bingo hall” is still the best you can come up with? Trust me, pal – I saw more great matches in that bingo hall than you’ve put on in your career, and if it weren’t for “Pops” stealing so many great ideas from that bingo hall, you’d be the douchiest bar bouncer in all of Connecticut. Probably not such a hot idea to tell somebody else not to live in the past when you’re all of 5 weeks from DX reunion spot #3,489,214.
I know it doesn’t mean anything in the post-writeup discussion board, but this gets a +Rhodes to the Future.
Thus begins the Summer of JBShakes, new Voice of the Voiceless.
And in 3 months I’ll be telling you all to take your balls out of your purses, Knoxville.
Getting rid of the Dolph Zigger Ass Roll made me a VERY sad panda and Heath Slater gets a Best from me because his singing was so awful, it made me laugh myself into about 40 minutes of Braxton Hicks contractions.
If you have that baby during his song, you know you must name it Heath. REGARDLESS OF GENDER. Actually that should be the case for the big day any way. Make sure you have random WWE dvds on and went the baby is born, name it accordingly.
WHEREVER THE DVD SHALL FALL, SO SHALL THE CHILD BE NAMED.
I’m hoping for it to be “The Rise and Fall of WCW”
Little Eric Goldberg Hall & Nash Bischoff will be the hit of the Nursery…
SCC is totes going to go into labor during a live thread and we’re all going to go apeshit.
I’d name him/her “Li’l Juventud”.
Two point..
I wish I was “Is totes”
and I’d prefer “The Juice”
I would not be surprised to go into labor during the Open Discussion. We’re not telling anyone her name til she gets here but I think it’s wrestling appropriate. :-D
That superplex was the greatest ever. And the fact that it started from Bryan preventing that horrible elbow drop made it even better.
Man that RAW blew.
And about Lesnar/Heyman/Aitches, all of that gets a worst. Why are we still doing lawsuit angles? Really? Does anyone even remember what Brock is suing for, because they certainly don’t remember Lesnar breaking H’s arm. Ugh.
And cool main event, Foley. Forgot main events open the show like so many Hunico matches should.
HHH did mention his arm feeling better, so there was a minor mention of it, but only as a ploy for HHH to point out how awesome he is and can heal from all wounds in just a few days.
Triple H’s arm was actually healed by having Floyd Mayweather punch it repeatedly. THAT’S how tough and cool he is.
A minor best/worst goes to Lawler. After Triple H hit Heyman, Lawler quickly responded with “That’s why he’s the cerebral assassin.”
It gets a slight best for me because it was such a stupid thing to say after a stupid action, I couldn’t help but laugh. If Heenan said that line, I’m sure everyone would have been in stitches
Yeah return of the king had a million endings,EXCEPT FOR THE RIGHT ONE. WHERE WAS SHARKY? I FELT CHEATED.
Ok, so CM Punk calls Daniel Bryan ugly and goatface, John Laurinitis spends months dressing Teddy Long up as his maid, John Cena beats up on and older non wrestler, and HHH strangles and punches Heyman, who is not an employee of the WWE. Why are they still running the Be A Star program?
Also, I would kill to have Heyman announce me every time I enetered a room, in the same way he says BRRROOCK LESSNAR.
Lemme try.
BIIGG PHILLYY FAAN!
How’s that?
His name is pronounced and spelt differently dude, that’s Lillian Garcia territory.
D’oh!
No Best for Titus O’Neil screaming “SHUT UP FAT BOY!” to the fan as they were counted out?
Is fozzy really preforming? Also I am very flattered to have been bestowed a spot in the top 10 comments, thanks.
I just wanted to say how happy I was to see like 8 people post some variation of “Et Tu, Otunga?” simultaneously. It’s nice (and sort of eerie) to know people who have the same line of thought that I do.
I think it’s very important for us all to remember the categories on OKCupid. Not that I ever used the site or anything.
Today’s Best & Worst of WWE RAW by Brandon Stroud is
♪Super Raaaaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaad♪
No one else thought maybe Cindy Lauper was a little… intoxicated?
I liked where that segment was going but it seemed like everybody had just come out of a tilt-o-whirl.
All of them were. I’m convinced Piper was, he was mumbling and it almost sounded like he was about to cry for the last five minutes.
Piper totally nailed both of them huh
Was Piper mumbling something about how the Maniac loves his boys?
I heard there was a bit of a scuffle backstage when the Maniac caught D-Bry swiping some of the chestnuts from Maniac’s bucket.
“It should just keep getting more and more elaborate every week until they’ve got a dance troupe with sparklers and a mascot and they’re riding jungle cats to the ring.”
They should talk to Burnsy, maybe he can get them “El Tigre Magnifico”, or whatever his name is…
I am a fan of this.
Anyone else upset that Laylas new music is one again recycled from another diva and also not woman empowering?
anyone else upset Layla has beat Beth twice?
I was upset by the first beating, yet by her second victory she kinda sold me on being able to best Beth. Could’ve been the dancing…
Am I missing something about AW? He doesn’t seem to be a very good manager/promoter.
John Cena is in this weird gray area. He’s necessary for the live show, because the kids love him and pay to see him. He’s totally unnecessary for the TV, because he serves no tangible purpose to anything of consequence that’s happening in the WWE Universe (which is an actual universe, per WWE Cosmology standards). His greatest utility is running into the ring and basically waving at fans, and his greatest disutility for fans watching in TV Land is the very same. I desperately wish he’d take a month or two (or three or four) off, or whatever he thought he was going to do after Brock Lesnar nearly murdered him. We can be reminded about what he’s doing through vignettes and him Making-A-Wish (and so on).
And no, I don’t consider the angle w/ Big Johnny to be “of consequence”. I’m beyond glad that Cena doesn’t have to carry the belt in order to be relevant, but I’m not sure what he’s doing now is really relevant. However, it did seem to be useful in quelling the “CENA SUCKS” chants that I’m sure WWE management detested, which seems to make Big Johnny the biggest heat seeker on the roster behind Vickie Guerrero. Because that’s healthy for the other WWE wrestlers, probably.
Alas, I’m just grateful for the brief era of People Power as I knew it. It gave us people the power… to believe. Big Johnny will live forever in our hearts.
rumor is Cena will be back in the WWE title picture at Night of Champions. Meaning he will win the belt back
Yep. Cena has been screwing around with things not involving the title for a while (Rock, Brock, Laurinaitis) but he’s out of people to do that with so now it’s time for him to go back to chasing the title.
I fully expected Kane to win last night and to move onto a feud with Cena as Daniel Bryan gets fired and goes on to form a Trios team by himself.
Daniel Bryan doesn’t need to team by himself… he has His Beard and the Word YES! as his partners…
And its not like that really quelled the Cena Sucks chants. They were still going pretty strong last night.
But the weird thing about Cena being necessary for the live show is that he doesn’t come out until 10:50ish; when I was at Raw last week, all the kids around me had left before he came out. I think there were two people under the age of 21 in my section by the time Cena showed up (and even then, I’d wager they were 13/14).
Also, I’m very happy that CM Punk has not used the words “balls” and “purse” once with respect to this AJ angle. I considered that to be a positive.
The words “Balls” and “purse” are reserved for people taller than him.
Probably because he thinks AJ’s so crazy, she might actually have balls in her purse.
Serious question: When he first started appearing on tv, did anyone expect Big Johnny to be as awesome as he ended up being? I certainly didn’t.
No… he was a blessing from the best summer of wrestling in years. Where did that go?
Yeah, I was thinking he’d be kept in the Vince’s Stooge role and that’s it.
I really didn’t either. It’s amazing how much his pro-graps acting improved over the months too. He’s still stiff, but he’s using his stiffness in a really cool… this is getting very phallic… never mind. People Power!
Not at all. I even remember the WL commenters trashing him after Money in the Bank 2011.
All your points on Ultimate Babyface Dolph Ziggler are brilliant and dead on. Sadly, two will likely be disregarded in the lead up to the next PPV or two.
Thank you Piper for inspiring my return to the Top 10. Seriously… couldn’t we get a 10 second flyby of Piper walking out, turning a corner and running into Tamina for an awkward pause before both go on their way? Creative, these are the inside jokes you should be making, not references to bingo halls. Even fans who never WATCHED the original ECW get it. It’s tired… move on. If you don’t get it, it won’t bother you but if you do, you will FREAK THE EFF OUT on WithLeather and be a happy panda asking if we finally make it to the fireworks factory.
I have to admit, Slater’s singing was a huge Worst for me.
Me too. I still can’t find him anything other than obnoxious.
Heath Slater gets all the bests. He’s so obnoxious whenever he shows up, and they never even try to protect him. Plus, he’s second only to Ziggler when it comes to flopping around like he just died.
At the Royal Rumble 2012, he made Yoshi Tatsu look like he should get a shot at the IC title. (P.S. WHERE IS BEST AND WORST OF ROYAL RUMBLE 2012?!?)
I’m going to set a reminder in my phone from one year from today that says “Youtube Heath Slater Cyndi Lauper” knowing that I’ll see it, go “WTF?”, and then watch it and have my face melt off again. The only way that segment makes sense is if they handed everyone involved the script and a half-gallon of Jack Daniels and said, “When it’s gone you’re on.”
And I’m probably in the minority, but I didn’t like the way the Ziggler match happened last night. I don’t want him to be the guy fighting to reach the ropes and scratching out a win. Don’t try to make me like him, I already like him because he’s awesome at bumping and hair-flipping and ass-rolling and acting like he’s the uncrowned King Shit. Let him do that and just win more often.
Can’t Piper just come out and shoot on Russo again?
That’s going to be the third hour of RAW.
Isn’t it eerie how much WWE seems like bad WCW sometimes?
there was good WCW? You mean the first hour of Nitro with good Rey, Juventud, EFFIN 3 Count…. etc
Jericho and his 1004 holds
ARMBAR.
“These superstars talk about the favorite moments of the 1000 episodes of Raw. I am so good, I’ve created 1004 Best of Raw Moments. 1. Beating Triple H for the title. 2. Debutting. 3. Redebuting. 4. Armbar 5. Saying nothing for 10 minutes and have the crowd in the palm of my hand. 6. Stephanie McMahon. 7. Armbar 8. …”
TeamCaptain, WCW was pretty amazing for a good couple of years. You aren’t basing this off of WCW docs WWE puts on Netflix, are you? Because those all exist to trash the company.
WCW right at the death was pretty good. No one was watching so they pretty much just shut up and wrestled. It’s just by that point the damage was done to the brand though.
It’s funny that in the last 20 years wrestling has become the last resort of the wrestling companies.
I agree on the “I am Perfection.” bring it back plz
the ass-roll with “I am Perfection” is why we love Dolph….
x3. Where is the ass-roll? Is it too hot for tv? I think it’s way more appropriate for children than, say, shoving a guy in a wheelchair off of a stage, or stripping a grown man and smothering him in BBQ sauce.
Okay, girl talk moment: pretty jealous of Vicki after that kiss.
Ass Roll was probably absent because Dolph was focused on breaking free of Weak Link Jack Swagger. I’m sure it’ll be back when he’s wrestling others and not LASER FOCUSED.
Three 6 Mafia performing Mark Henry’s entrance song was also sweet as hell.
Sad to find out Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson was not in fact actually the Uno-Dos-Tres Chico per his interview on Wrestling with Rosenberg.
Ryback as a verb is quickly climbing my “awesome list.”
I hate to be the voice of reason but if we hate the John Cena segments, then we have to stop watching them. Nothing says “this guy is hurting our show” like watching the ratings drop 0.7 points everytime his music hits.
I have actually stopped watching his segments, the benifit of him being on during the overrun.
Great B/W again sir. WCW Raw makes me so happy.
In April, I decided to give John Cena a 3 month pass on any criticism because he was the only guy to actually acknowledge Daniel Bryan as the reason the crowd was chanting “YES!” during the post-Wrestlemania Raw. Thankfully, that pass is expiring in about 2 weeks because I really wanna hate on this garage again.
I’m not the best WWE fan out there, so can someone explain to me what “Kayfabe” means like I’m a 5 year old?
Fake.
Er.. 5 year old…
“Pretend”
Kayfabe: The fictional parts of wrestling they want you to believe are real. Such as:
The matches are real and not scripted.
John Cena flipping you off his back does more damage than him punching the shit out of your face.
Kane can make the ring posts shoot fire.
Alberto Del Rio is a multi-millionaire who hires illegal Canadian immigrants.
Right, it’s the illusion of wrestling. It started as a company trying to make the audience genuinely believe in the sport, characters and storylines, and is now more of a suspension of disbelief, in which the company and the audience are complicit.
It exists because pro-wrestling grew from a place of being passed off as a legitimate sport, so any indicator that the matches were pre-arranged or that the babyfaces didn’t really hate the heels or that these guys weren’t really beating each other to a pulp were dangerous to the profitability of the company.
I’m pretty sure HHH kids’ first words were “This Business”
Also “Cookie”
+ (wait wrong thread…. opps)
I thought it was “I’m the last baby who left it all in his diaper each and every night.”
woah woah woah, miss lippy the part of the story i dont like is they gave up looking for Zac Ryder after an hour….
seriously no worst for no zac ryder in a long island show?
He wasn’t on the first RI show when he was actually becoming relevant, why put him on now?
Great column, but I have to disagree about Ziggler and Swagger arguing. A few months ago while arguing Ziggler told Swagger he was “great in Planet of the Apes” and I’m pretty sure I heard Swagger call Ziggler “Sleeveless In Seattle” last night. Just some goofy ballbusting, but it gave a little bit of depth to their uneasy alliance. I wish they kept that kind of stuff up during their run as partners instead of, you know, not letting them speak on screen at all.
I concur. Those two have been having back-stage segments for months now, doing exactly what you said. They don’t particularly like each other, but realize that their career benefits from being part of a grouping.
I actually kind of hoped Dolph was going to lose. He was selling pretty awesome against the ankle lock. It made Swagger, a 6’5″ expert in technical wrestling look strong (instead of the usual way he looks like a joke), and it made Dolph into a simpe face.
Plus, I’d love to see Swagger and Ziggler wrestle more. Along with ADR, don’t those two have like, record-breaking histories as ACTUAL wrestlers?
History aside, kayfabe wise, they have a reason to have a rivalry. Actual storytelling reason + longstanding history + wrestling ability= good combo for excellent matches.
I’m just here to say: Layla is outstanding.
With all the confusion circling around who is in charge and all this lawsuit stuff, it makes me wish so hard for Linda McMahon to show up and scold everybody. I’m probably the only one in favor of this though, huh?
Linda McMahon makes everything better.
I have my theory on “wrestling” WWE has shifted to a far more profitable model. the model of pandering. they pander to the ADD youth that tune in every week to see the “good guys” win and the “bad guys” lose. They don’t care about the subtle (or glaring) details such as continuity and personality. for so long as parents are willing to pay hard cash for the new cena shirt the new cm punk action figure and tickets for ppv wwe will continue to churn out this corporate structured carefully groomed product that kids eat up like happy meals. it quite literally is about this business.
of course that’s what it’s about. Anybody who says otherwise is fooling themselves. Once you realize it, it’s a little easier to handle when it’s bad.
I’m sorry, but to me, no matter how lackluster Jericho is, he’s still awesome, and wwe with Jericho will always be better than wwe without Jericho, no matter what he’s doing. Except singing.
Maybe he’ll sneak in a bit of hosting Downfall during one of the backstage segments.
I think it’s a case of us all expecting more from him. Not just because we hold him to a higher standard than most wrestlers because we know how great he can be, but also because his return in January was so weird and new and exciting that it devolving into “your sister does drugs, probably!” was hella depressing.
Heath Slater is possibly my favorite guy on the roster. He’s just so perfect at everything he does.
People who won’t watch Heath Slater because he was a mediocre face when he was Christian’s rookie two years ago are the wrestling equivalent of flat-earthers. He’s great at what he does and if all he does for the next decade is get his ass kicked for a living, I’ll be happy to watch.
agreed on both counts
I want Mike Adamle back as GM. He was the worst, but for some reason I legitimately enjoyed him in that position. Adamle Originals were fun.
Agreed. I liked him, and not sarcastically.
He was Prototype John Laurinaitis
If we really do have the collective super power to make our With Leather wishes come true on Raw in very rare specific occurrences like “AJ in Kane mask,” I would dearly love to see the next step be AJ doing the Kane Ring Pyro Gesture and have glitter or confetti or something shoot out of the ring posts.
+1
I legit want AJ to come off as unstoppable through weird guile and sheer force of Kayfabe. I want her to get shoehorned into a fatal-4 way or handicap match when the WWE title is on the line, and I want her to win.
I want it to kind of be a joke, that Punk smirks through and Daniel Bryan is incredulous about, and it lead to a 1-on-1 match where AJ still manages to win, using one of their finishers (or the TOMBSTONE).
I’m a sucker for WWE nostalgia and legends, but seldom do their returns right. I get all excited seeing the come down the ramp, but my excitement turns to SMH. Just let them be themselves like the way we remember them, instead of trying to involving them in a one episode storyline.
Facebook’d, Tweet’d, Tumblr’d, and Google+’d
These blogs pretty much make up my Tumblr account.
Also, one of the things I admire about you is that you draw a hard line, even with your fans.
You’re a good man, Bowie.
AJ is currently leading a wwe.com poll, titled “Which Superstar has impressed you the most in the first part of 2012?”
There are 16 options. In the lead are:
1st: AJ (21%)
2nd: Christian (15%)
3rd: CM Punk (13%)
4th: Sheamus (11%)
5th: John Cena (9%)
That’s pretty crazy.
Great post, as always. The frustration felt at times is palpable. I often question my love of pro-wrestling, but its infuriating moments are sometimes forgivable through flashes of genius, highly-entertaining stories and/or mysterious intrigue.
One thing I’m thinking about is the GM situation. Certainly, John Laurinaitis will have a major role as he’s still a key player, but I’ve been entertaining the concept of a group of wrestlers (superstars, whatever) forming a sort of representative body and attempting to govern the WWE with a mutual goal for order or whatever bullshit they can come up with.
Have them start taking up controversial decisions and shaking under pressure of wrestler representation and their varied agendas and interests, accented with in-fighting and the like. Perhaps they elect a leader, but someone’s working behind the scenes? I don’t know, I’m ripped.
Booker T has three words about this RAW….
“Let’s get it on, tonight!”
Shucky ducky et al.
Dear Brandon:
I’m writing this comment not because you ask for them with each report, and not even because I’m worried that you’ll follow through with your threat to stop writing this report (which would be a huge loss, in all honesty), but because I’m sad and confused by life now, and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT.
You see, I’ve loathed Triple H every time he’s been on my screen since, oh, 1999 or so, and no matter how many times he’s proven to be just the coolest and best pro wrestling guy in the world on the show, nothing will change that.
Except this column.
Now, when I see Triple H on my screen, I groan and wish he wasn’t on there (which is normal), but I also think to myself, “Oh, hey, kitty pictures and Haley Williams gifs – this won’t be so bad.”
So by tempering my hatred of Triple H, you’ve caused me to question all of my values and the true meaning behind anything that I’ve done in the past 13 years. This kind of soul-searching has shaken me to my core.
Seriously, though? Thanks B for not making me completely detest every second that Trips is on screen by giving me something to look forward to after he’s finally gone.
You’re welcome. I feel sorta the same way. When he isn’t on now, I’m all, “damn, gotta save this Hayley gif for next week”.
I gotta call that number, I am also all up in the gutter.
1. Kane should pay attention to his matches and stop wandering away and falling in love every time anything happens
Counterpoint: AJ.
Anyone know what happened to NXT? I thought the new season was supposed to start yesterday, but I can’t find anything about season 6 on the WWE wobsite or youtube.
For some reason WWE has taken down all mentions on their site, not streaming it and the only way you can find it is to get lucky and find a a Youtube upload before WWE takes it down. Lame :(