Worst: The End Of Storymode

Here we are, watching several minutes of boring Big Show/Cena cage match before the ref goes down and we jump to the cut scene, where Big Show’s path of destruction comes back to haunt him, a bunch of NsPC show up to save the day, John Cena escapes the cage, John Laurinaitis gets fired by Vince McMahon mid-finisher and put through the Spanish announce table. It played out exactly like the end of a WWE 12 story mode — a series of ridiculous events that don’t normally happen like that, but it’s the end now, so why not. Vince gets to fire the guy who fired Triple H who fired Vince (or whatever) and John Cena stands triumphant. As some of you mentioned, all it needed was confetti and credits, and maybe Otunga running out and getting Troubled In Paradise.

Show knocking guys off the cage like they were koopas in Super Mario World was pretty funny, as was Zack Ryder somehow getting knocked out by a punch from inside the cage. You have got to be the worst wrestler ever, Ryder.

I’m not going to get too worried about it, though, because “firing” stipulations never work in WWE and if Laurinaitis finishes tonight’s Raw without 1) getting his job back, 2) being put into another job with more or less the same abilities or 3) signing up for some dumb Summerslam match to get his job back I’ll be shocked.

And just so I can type it, ref bumps in cage matches are the dumbest things ever. If the match is pinfall or submission only, yeah, you need the referee around. But with “escape the cage” rules, why do you care that the refs got knocked out? Just leave the cage. Leave it and lock it behind you, if you want. Whenever somebody wakes up and you’re outside the cage, chances are you’ll get to be the winner. They’re taping this shit, you know that, right?

Best: John Laurinaitis’ Jim Cornette Suit

It wasn’t as great as his Ice Cream Suit at WrestleMania, but it was a nice compliment. Also, I love that somebody pulled Laurinaitis aside before the show and said “when John Cena picks you up for the Attitude Adjustment this time, act scared”. He should’ve gone completely zen again and reached enlightenment before the move hit, so when Cena threw him he just floated to the top of the arena.

Worst: Whew, Thank Goodness John Cena Didn’t Get Fired

Does anybody care about these employment angles? I don’t. I don’t care who does and doesn’t have a job. In a better world, the firing of Laurinaitis would be the end of the General Manager Era, and we could move on with wrestlers having issues with other wrestlers and wrestling because it’s their job, with only Triple H to show up in the Jack Tunney role once or twice a year to NEVER WRESTLE and objectively solve a dispute.

I do kinda wish Cena had gotten fired again, though, just to see him show up on Raw tomorrow like nothing ever happened. The George Costanza motherf**ker.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night

Bill Hanstock

That’s a clown question, brogue

SonsOfMass

Kane should’ve shouted “BROGUE” before that kick he’d be WWE Champion right now

Lionel_Hutz

Cena COULD simply walk into Mordor.

Big_Heat_34

HIS VISION IS BASED ON MOVEMENT, BIG SHOW. STAND STILL!

Knoxville_Nightmare

That’s how you preform a dead wrestler’s signature move. Take notes Punk

Shefty

You know what they say, ‘once you go kane, Triple H will probably try and rape your corpse’

Downbound

Camacho is the worst. If Hunico knew how to ride a bike, he would be fired.

RumHam

Only HHH could makes me feel like I’d be justified in demanding my money back for a PPV I’m illegally streaming off the internet.

Lobster Mobster

I wish Darren Young’s finisher was an inverted Attitude Adjustment.

bigskamz

Move over hydrogen, the molecular weight of peeps is 1.

If you’re reading this on Monday, be sure to check out tonight’s WWE Raw Open Discussion thread. If not, I’ll catch you tomorrow with the Best And Worst Of Raw report. Or, you know, on the remaining entirety of this website I run.