Lawrence Vickers Had Ants In The Pants

In the best NFL/children’s game story mash-up since Mario Williams accidentally Woke Daddy, veteran fullback Lawrence Vickers had to be helped off the pratice field during the Dallas Cowboys’ final week of organized team activities to be medically treated for Ants In The Pants. No, the actual ones.

The story, via Shutdown Corner:

On Wednesday, during the Cowboys’ final week of organized team activities, Vickers was seen leaving the field with head athletic trainer Jim Mauer, holding his right hand near his waist. Vickers wasn’t injured — he had been attacked by the nasty bugs while on the practice field.

“Fire ants got in my pants,” Vickers said. “I was freaking out. Oh, ants!”

At least he didn’t KerPlunk himself. Maybe he should tell that story the next time he has to Break The Ice.

The worst part is that Vickers is allergic to ant bites and already has to carry around an EpiPen in case the team isn’t near a hospital, something bites him and his neck swells up so badly he can barely breathe. That’s the worst part for most people, I mean. The worst part for Vickers is that women were around and he didn’t want ants to bite his balls in front of them.

“I was trying not to squeeze myself in front of women out there … I wanted to pull my pants down and run inside, but I couldn’t do that. When those ants get close to those testicles, there ain’t no laughing about that.”

Look on the bright side: at least you didn’t have to have an Operation.