(6) Pat Riley
I’d be wary of buying an Arby’s roast beef sandwich from this man, let alone a used car. And stop tapping your chin like that, you’re not a mafia don.
(5) Eddy Curry
As you toil over a set of meaningless PowerPoint slides for hours that your boss will look at for 15 seconds, only to rinse and repeat this process week after week for the next three decades, just remember that Heat player Eddy Curry, better known as the lost moon of Pluto, is making 1.3 million dollars this year. He played 83 minutes this season, total.
No, life’s not fair. I hope this isn’t news.
(4) Dwyane Wade
Pre-teaming up with Bron Bron, D-Wade was one of the NBA’s most beloved stars – charming and skilled, with a winner’s mentality and a full trophy case. Post-LeBron, he’s morphed into his bizarro self. He flops, he whines, he yells at his coach on the sideline. And, lest I forget, he’s also earned the reputation of a cheapshot artist, from dislocating Rajon Rondo’s elbow last year in the playoffs to breaking Kobe Bryant’s nose this year at the All-Star Game to tackling Darren Collison in this year’s playoffs.
You were supposed to change LeBron, D-Wade, not have him change you. For shame. If Charles Barkley has taken you out of his T-Mobile Fave 5, you deserve it.
(3) Boshosaurus
My wife made me promise not to make any dinosaur jokes about Chris Bosh, “Because he can’t help that he looks like a reptile.” Okay, fair enough. He also does weird things like this during postgame interviews. Creeper. Alert.
(2) LeBron James – Part II
Yes, he’s the best basketball player on the planet. That can’t be disputed. And I personally don’t care if he has a clutch gene or not (he doesn’t) – he’ll never be Michael Jordan, and to his credit (and in a rare display of self-awareness), Bron Bron seems to recognize that.
But still – man up. The best are the best when it matters most, be it in basketball, business or posting snarky quips on Twitter. The truth is, even after a strong performance in this year’s Eastern Conference Finals, LeBron’s reputation as wilting in the big moment isn’t undeserved. His 2009 Cleveland team won 66 games and was much more cohesive than any of the Heat teams he’s played on, yet couldn’t punch through to a championship. He’s 0-2 in NBA Finals already, and it’ll take a Herculean effort on his part not to go 0-3 with a hobbled, tired Heat team against the favored Thunder. Color me skeptical, but I don’t think he’s up to the challenge.
(1) The Type of People that Root for the Heat and LeBron
This is a category of individuals separate and distinct from Miami Heat fans. They aren’t orange, they don’t wear baby seal pelts and moon boots, they don’t look like they’re auditioning to be an extra in a Pitbull video. They seem normal. But they’re not.
They’re hater-haters. They talk about LeBron’s MVP Awards and his PER rating and blah blah blah. They argue that no one should begrudge anyone else for leaving Cleveland for Miami. They are snide and only peripherally invested in anything and use terms like “post-ironic” and have never let an outcome of a sports game affect their mood, let alone their life.
These people should all be waterboarded.
For God. For Country. For All That is Human Decency. Go Thunder. Beat the Heat.
Matt Gallagher is Senior Fellow at the nonprofit Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America and the author of the war memoir Kaboom, published in 2010 by Da Capo Press. A former Army captain who served fifteen months in Iraq, you can follow him on Twitter at @MattGallagher83.
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You have a memory longer than the 24-hour news cycle…but not long enough to remember that the Sonics were stolen from Seattle. I’m generally anti-Heat, but more strongly anti-Clay Bennett (I’ve got no problem with the people of OKC). So I guess I’m left rooting for a natural disaster.
I have a hard time with this predicament, as well, but I’ve come to this conclusion: I hate LeBron much more than I like Seattle. Not that I have any problem with Seattle, and I feel bad for them for losing the Sonics and all, but LeBron gave a big middle finger to basically the entire country except for Miami (Cleveland/Ohio just took the brunt of it), while Clay Bennett just d*cked over Seattle.
Also, as a New Yorker, Miami schadenfreude is always enjoyable – not as much as Boston schadenfreude, but still a good time. OKC is OKbyMe.
And if you’re from Seattle, I feel your pain. This Jets/Mets fan has gotten to see TWO Giants-Patriots Super bowls AND a Yankees-Phillies World Series – all in the past four years.
I feel bad for Seattle, I really do, but I’m not going to punish OKC for that, their fans are really great, plus Durant has been my favorite player since he was playing for Texas. Plus, #&*! LeBron. Go Thunder!
im from sacramento. so im very worried to be in seattle’s seat very soon.. as much as i love Durant i cant support that franchise (even if i dislike lebron). go heat
Hating LeBron, while understandable, is juvenile. What Clay Bennett did is evil, pure and simple. And just write it off as, “sucks to be Seattle” is insulting to the nth degree. Trust me, if you’re favorite team was taken from you through no fault of your own, the very thought of rooting for OKC would make you physically ill.
Enjoy your ignorant bliss.
I can’t bring myself to cheer for The Seattle Supersonics of Oklahoma City (who also took every Sonics banner as their own), and I loathe LeBron and the Heat…
So I’ll just watch baseball inste…. fuck it, I’ll just drink during every Finals game.
I remember right before he was drafted, Lebron was on a MTV award show as a presenter with Maya. He spent over a minute breaking script to try to get Maya to kiss him on the cheek. It was really akward and finally Maya gave in and kissed his cheek. He came across as a self-entitled prick who has never heard being told “no” until that point. Since then, I’ve never really like James.
“Yes, he’s the best basketball player on the planet. That can’t be disputed.”
I’ll disputre that. I think Durant is a better player than Lebron. Hell, I don’t even think James is the best player on his team.
then you don’t know basketball. Durant is simply a better scorer. Lebron is a better defender, passer, and rebounder. – im saying this and i like durant more then lebron. Lebron is overall the best basketball player on the planet and the only reason people say different is because they hate him
except in the 4th Quarter
Nope, you’re wrong Yaboryafa. You. Are. Wrong. And you don’t even know it.
Dude, get over yourself with this shit. Dude plays basketball. He didn’t want to continue living in that hell hole that is Cleveland. You’re entire post is fucking pointless.
This guy’s right. You should get over you’re are self!
I was hoping for “yore post is pointless”.
Brandon: If grammatical /spelling errors and/or run-on sentences made someone’s opinion invalid your site would have been shut down the second you took over.
That said, go Thunder!
How are you trolling me in the comments section of a post I didn’t write?
Because I read the posts you don’t write.
Hey, at least you’re reading something.
Reality is right. Get over yourself and stop posting about sports on this sports site. There are real problems in the world, man. People are dying in Rwanda and you’re writing about basketball? So pointless.
Please pay no attention to the fact that I’m commenting about basketball when people are dying in Rwanda.
My only complaint with this post is that Shane Battier should have been higher than #10.
Also, thanks you for your service Matt.
So while I’m all for rooting against Miami- nothing comes out of Florida that isn’t crazy, or retarded, or both- I’ve got a couple quibbles:
Wade was a dirty, flopping cocksucker before Lebron got there- recall the 2005 finals, 6 games of charging into multiple defenders and flailing. That guy is the worst.
There’s no defending how the ‘decision’ actually went down, it’s one of the supreme dick moves in sports history. But it puts things into perspective a bit to remember that Cleveland had surrounded him with shit talent for years, Mike Brown actually makes Eric Spoelstra look competent, and no free agents want to go to fucking Cleveland. He was gonna bail anyways. Of course, he acted like a douche while leaving, so hate on- it’s just food for thought.
Finally, Lebron gets endless shit for not being clutch at the end of games, and yeah, he definitely fades into the background more than he should. But just another couple grains of salt: First, he plays a preposterous number of minutes, with a huge amount of defensive responsibility. No plays off. He’s the Heat’s best on-ball defender, he’s their weak-side shotblocker, he’s their rebounder, he’s their outlet man, and he leads their break. It’s a shitload of hats to wear. Doesn’t excuse the lack of clutchness, but helps explain it. Second, neither the Heat nor the Cavs run anything close to an efficient offensive set. There’s not a lot in the playbook besides the pick and roll. You see Durant coming off screens and catching the ball with options to shoot, drive or pass, for the heat you see wade or lebron dribbling until haslem sticks his hip into somebody. Against a team with length and shotblockers that shit gets old fast, and they dont have a plan b. They dont have a point guard to initiate anything with scorers off the ball, and they have no post presence to cut to/around. Part of this is personnel, part of it is shitty coaching. And part of it is Lebron not figuring out ways around it. Not absolving him of the unclutchness, just saying there’s more to it than JUST that he’s kindof a pussy.
“Wade was a dirty, flopping cocksucker before Lebron got there- recall the 2005 finals, 6 games of charging into multiple defenders and flailing. That guy is the worst.”
Absolutely true.
Good points to bring up but….this is the bed they made. Knowing that by bringing in “The Big 3″ meant all they could spend money on was has-been role players and scrubs, I feel no sympathy whatsoever. Its why a team like OKC should win it all: after, of course, the outright swindle of taking the franchise from Seattle they built it on a young (and relatively affordable) star in KD, brought in a great second banana (Westbrook) and then surrounded them with young, active players who can and will do the hustle work. Miami couldn’t, wouldn’t or didn’t do this and its catching up to them.
Oh, and LeBron is a coddled man-child. That is all
Oh yeah, I’m not advocating sympathy here- I’m gleefully rooting against them. It’s just that some of the arguments people make for hating them are repetitive, and easy, and dumb. Also, i guess I can’t make myself care that much about Lebron and Co. being obnoxious, entitled bitches off the court. I don’t know them, I don’t hang out with them. There are lots of douchebags in the world that I don’t know, or care about- I’m not going to spend my time getting worked up about one famous one. Also, Lebron is a fucking magnificent basketball player, and I really like watching him. I have this lingering distaste that makes me happy to see him lose, but I’m happier when I see him doing awesome shit on the basketball court, because nobody, ever, has had a game quite like his.
I don’t know what my point is. I totally get why people hate the Heat, but I just can’t get that excited about it. And Lebron is both super easy to hate and super awesome at basketball. That’s all.
How can you say that Cleveland surrounded LeBron with shit talent and then say that LeBron sucks in the 4th quarter because he fills so many roles on Miami? The overall talent (other starters and bench included) was better on Cleveland.
I disagree- I think that wade, bosh, and a pile of shit is still better than anderson varejao, mo williams, and a pile of shit. The similarity between lebron’s cleveland and miami teams, I think, is that they’re poorly put together for playoff basketball. They’re great regular season teams, because they always have the best guy on the court, they play with great intensity, and their defense is always solid. But then they get to the playoffs, everybody is playing with intensity, the defense steps up a notch across the board, and the Cavs/Heat don’t have enough variety on offense to keep teams from zeroing in on taking away their bread and butter plays.
Jordan played in the triangle. That shit makes a big difference. It means that, even though Jordan COULD create shots on his own, he didn’t HAVE to, every play. He could run the offense, let the movement from the rest of his team pull the opposing defensive shape apart, and pick his spots. He could be a creator, or a finisher, or both. James has to be both, every play. The fact that he’s so good at it is really fucking impressive, but teams can stop it, or at least slow it down, because it’s predictable.
LOL BOSH
In fairness, No. 3 actually makes me like the Heat a little.
I feel the statue of limitations on hating on the Heat and LeBron should last for many years, not two, not three, not four, not five…
err, statute
And like murder, the statute of limitations should NEVER run out on hating Clay Bennett.
Hey Joe Stupid Name:’
You don’t like Clay Bennett. We get it. You don’t have to reword/repeat your comment 43 times every time a post mentions the Thunder.
This writer sounds like every other moron on every other sports forum ranting and raving about the evils of the Miami Heat. Go pressure wash your sandy vagina, you sound like a woman that just got dumped. This is journalism? God help us all.
Thanks for registering! Like a woman!
No diggity, no doubt!
Dudes, could you imagine if a woman that just got dumped that ALSO hated LeBron wrote an article like this? It would be so damn whiny!
+rhodes, brandon
While you’re at it, why don’t you tell the author to take his balls out of his purse?
Who ever claimed this is journalism?
“As you toil over a set of meaningless PowerPoint slides for hours that your boss will look at for 15 seconds, only to rinse and repeat this process week after week for the next three decades,”
Ha. I was doing this exact task while alt+tab-ing back and forth between this story, ass.
Let me preface this with… Hello everybody, I’m Roddy Piper, and I’m a Hawk’s fan.
Also, I’m not a Heat fan, but a Lebron fan. So, I will be rooting for the Heat. Why?
1) They aren’t playing the Hawks.
2) Because I AM a hater-hater, and I actually do like Lebron James. I also think he is the best player in the NBA. You may agree/disagree, and that’s fine, but 3 MVP’s says a lot. (YES, I know he doesn’t have any championship rings. I’ve heard haters use that talking point over and over. People who spout are starting to sound like the Sean Hannity of the NBA.)
Here is a great article from Rick Reilly on the whole “Hate Lebron” trend. Its a good read.
[espn.go.com]
(If the Heat weren’t playing in the finals…I would be rooting for OKC. I really like Durant as well.)
On a side note, I think it would awesome for Kobe to watch Derek Fisher win a championship without him.
I have to disagree… Game 5 of the Cavs vs Celtics TAINTED Lebron James for me. I had never seen someone quit on their team when they needed him most like that on National Television. Standing around doing nothing when the game was on the line but when the Celtics got so far up that was when Lebron decided to “shine” so he can get those stats.
Here is a great article from Rick Reilly on the whole “Hate Lebron” trend. Its a good read.
Okay, now I know you’re joking.
@IrishCream: HE’S A HEEL, BROTHER!
@Hot Rod: MVPs in any professional sport are meaningless, simply a reflection of (arguably) the best player on the media’s most popular team (see: Brady, Tom, winning the NFL MVP in 2007, and his team going 10-6 with him playing half a quarter the following season. As much as I hate the Dongslinger, and I do, with every fiber of my being, Favre deserved the MVP in 2007.)
Wait, Tom Brady shouldn’t have won the MVP when he broke every single passing record ever?
And Roddy, using a guy’s lack of rings against him is valid when he promised more than six.
More on Brady. His team went undefeated in the regular season. Without him, they lost six more games the next year and missed the playoffs.
No, Reilly is a douche too. He misses the whole point. We don’t loathe LeBron because he’s “disappointed us with his talent because he hasn’t won championships” We hate ANYBODY who calls themselves a “king” and brags and then tells us to go on with our miserable lives as unchosen ones. And not five, not six, not seven championships will erase that kind of douchebaggery. I don’t hate Lebron the man, only Lebron the cartoon character heel he has embraced.
I refuse to support any franchise that robs its city of its team. i from Sacramento.
robbed?… Seattle didn’t want to upgrade their facilities
idgaf about the franchise. OKC has been hands-down the most exciting team in the league all season long. durant is doing his best, and with ease, to show why he deserved the mvp award, and he has a wonderful supporting cast.
durant/westbrook >>>> wade/james
also… IBAKA. where is the love for this monster?
Duchess, go to [www.sonicsgate.org] before spouting such stupidity (unless you’re so rich you can just throw away $500 million like it was toilet paper).
Piss on the Heat! GOKC!
I haven’t read WL in months. Checked in today to see what was up. Remembered why I stopped reading. Worst of the Uproxx sites.
Thanks for playing!
You were reminded of why you stopped reading by a guest post from a guy who doesn’t write here? Cool story bro.
Their stupid pre-season championship celebration after signing the “Big 3″ alone should be reasons #11 – #1.
I’m just absolutely sick of all of the ringless LeBron memes.
I hate LeBron but after this season I hate Wade even more so.
I forget if West-Baylor-Chamberlain Big 3 were hated, but they only won one title. LeBo being a jerky makes me hope they keep counting to zero.
In comparison to other, beloved, NBA players, LeBron hasn’t raped anyone in Colorado.
FUCK the Thunder. Shawn Kemp and Gary Payton are rolling over in their graves. Thus concludes my finals analysis.
That’s the only situation where I would actually root FOR the Heat, if they were playing the even more spoiled, rapey douchelord Kobe.
Remember the time KG, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce teamed up because winning championships was hard?
in fairness to the Celtics, they traded for both KG and Ray Allen (and gave up some talent to get them). not really like the Heat at all.
on top of that, neither KG, Allen or Pierce are talented enough to win an NBA title alone (sort of like Bosh) but Wade and James are very capable of winning a title (or making a title run–Heat in 2006 and Cavs in 2007) alone.
So, am I supposed to stop liking the Heat because society blows shit out of proportion?!?!? I can’t say that anyone on the team is a moral example of all that is Holy…but seriously that goes for any kind of celebrity be it sports, music,or acting. Enjoy basketball because you enjoy it. Root for your team because it’s your hometown or because there is some sort of other connection. I really expected more from UProxx, not this petty baloney. I guess we wrote about it though because it’s a popular topic and it might have better chances of winning an award.
haha what awards do you think we win
Take a look at the way Durant and Derrick Rose act and then tell me that everyone in sports acts like LeBron and Wade.
Brandon – I will give you the award of Most Blog
Holy shit, there is a lot of complaining about this article. I liked it.
I agree with Duchess, Game 5 of that Cavs/Celtics series really made me change my tune when it comes to LeBron, then the whole decision/pre season victory parade made me dislike him even more. It would be great to see LeBron lose in the finals every year until his skills start eroding and he doesn’t even make it that far.
I enjoyed this article. I enjoy Brandon trolling people who don’t like it / Uproxx. I don’t frequent WithLeather as much as I used to, but I really like Burnsy’s writing style. I don’t connect with Brandon’s as much, but I’ll still read it. It’s a tough job trying to write something, multiple times a day, that has content and is ‘funny’. So kuddos for continuing to try and do it the hard way.. and not joining the Miami Heat version of blogging (wherever that might be) to win your championship!
See? I brought the comment subject back to the original article.
I will NEVER fault a man for wanting to get out of Cleveland. I did (and did).
But there are ways to do things. Let’s string along a bunch of potential teams, including the one in a city on the edge of collapse and dump them on national TV. It’s like a horrible dating show where there was something at stake FOR REAL, unlike actual dating shows.
To me, that’s enough. And the fact that the league is now in “prevent superstars from gathering on other teams” mode is closing the barn door after the barn has been burnt down.
I don’t even care that there are superstars who want to play together. I just think it says a lot about them and I was disappointed that LeBron felt he needed someone like Wade to take the pressure off of him. I hate LeBron because of what he could’ve been more than because of what he is.
The Heat are like the Yankees…. but with no rings. A couple more seasons will pass and then LeBron will get a ring, but not the way he wanted.
In defensive of why The Heat are Un-American you mention use a Scottish-Canadian (Alexander Graham Bell) and an Englishman (John Lennon) as examples. That is stupid and so are you.
^^He Wins.
You’re conflating American ideals and principles with being born in America. Which is a [insert descriptor here] stance to take, though I’d consult the history annals before doing so – American history is filled with immigrant success stories. Not coincidentally, you know where Bell and Lennon made their mark in their respective professions? Yeah … wasn’t Scot-Canada or England.
So, short version: you’re stupider and so is your profile avatar.
The people that hate Lebron are never going to stop hating him, so don’t attempt to sway them. Seriously though, the people that keep saying Cleveland had a better overall line-up. Post that line-up and then try to keep a straight face. I dare you.
Dont forget, Magic MJ and Bird all played for the Dream Team. These Chumps dont and/or want to get paid to do it. F them
Who are you even talking about? James, Wade, and Bosh are all on the roster this year and were on it in 2008 as well. James was also on the team in 2004 when pretty much everyone quit.
Stern has this scripted for a seven-game Thunder win, wringing out the drama of Heat angst for one more year before giving pouty boy BronBron his ring. It followed script pretty well in Game #2–early foul trouble for KD, which I predicted as smokescreen for the Heat win. Bet Thunder take only Game 4 in Miami, sending it back to OKC for the final two. In games three or five, Heat will reach 45 free throw attempts to “steal” one of those.
Oh, you thought Stern talks to the refs before games only to thank them for not going on strike?
You forgot to add that LeBron is a socialist
Even worse than LeBron leaving Cleveland was watching Cleveland turn into a psycho ex-girlfriend who’d been dumped and was now going to whine and cry about how wrong it was. Pathetic and embarrassing. I guess the Cavs were all that was worth living for in that city. But how about THANKING LeBron James for all of the hand-over-fist MILLIONS of dollars he DID make for people while he was there? Add it up. And say ‘thanks!’
I love how the author judges the Miami Heat fans for how they look! Really? And his wife’s ha-ha comment about Bosh ‘not being able to help looking like a reptile’. What a great couple- I can only hope they pro-create, because what the world needs more of is shallow, judgy people who live in glass houses and throw stones. Last time I checked, athletes and fans weren’t required by law to good-looking or pleasing to your eye! But then, we only live in your world, and serve as background fodder to your ‘let me pursuade you to hate X, Y or Z team’ because you do.
No one is asking anybody to love or hate the Heat. But just because LeBron James makes decisions you don’t agree with doesn’t make him the devil. Even though I know that breaks your heart. Regardless of who wins the Finals, only two teams actually made it there, though every team had the chance. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.