Here we see the latest in Austin, Texas’ quest to lose all of its cool points — shifty rape jokes on its local bar marquees. This pic comes to us via the Twitter of area improv comic/copywriter/friend of mine Reagan Ward, and I’m proud to say she told people about it immediately instead of waiting for someone to find out. Cough.
The Ranch is advertised as the “best bar in Austin, Texas for nightlife, bottle service and a general good time”, and I’m pretty sure their idea of “a general good time” and mine conflict. To their credit, heavy drinking is really the only way to process the Jerry Sandusky thing. To their discredit, they are offering a drink special with a child molestation theme. Why not just advertise it as “Anal Grape” and go the full nine?
The next time you’re in Austin, drink anywhere but The Ranch.
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“Open wide, guys! We’re gonna grape you in the mouth!”
As a person who drinks a lot, I would not drink there.
Are we sure they’re referencing Sandusky…and not Lawler?
Good point.
Honestly, Seinfeld popped into my mind first.
For me I just assumed they had a barback named Jerry or something and I figured they were playing a (albeit mean) public prank on him. I scoffed a little. Then I read this and realized what it actually meant.
I think we should block out the man that Sandusky was while remembering the heinous crimes that can exist in a place where egos are allowed to run free, such as the college football arena. But fuck Sandusky – I never want to hear his name again.
First thing I thought of too.
That’s disgusting Juice, I will not butt-fuck Sandusky!!
I thought they were were talking about Jerry Jones
In all fairness, do you think the person who put that up was sober?
As long as I dont have to tickle the bartender before I get my ‘shot’…ok, I’m leaving now.
Austin blows?
Haha come on, it’s 6th street and it’s a bar. No ones expecting them to put up bible quotes. . I googled the shot as well, it’s been around for a while. Props for having a sense of humor.
They should just leave the funny billboards to El Arroyo…
Stunned no That Guy On The Internet’s have shown up here yet.
Oh snap, stay classy indeed, SHORThorns!
I believe the “Full Nine” is a different cocktail.
It wasn’t even statutory, should have just been “Grape-Grape,” per whoopi goldberg
As an Austinite, I will say “The Ranch” is douche central. No self respecting Austinite would be caught dead there. So to hell with em.
self-respecting and Austinite are contradicting when placed together.
Ozonne is completely on point! The Ranch is DB central and not worth a visit anyway, unless of course you’re from Dallas or the cast of Jersey Shore….then you’ll love it. Not sure where they would have been rated as “top bar” in Austin but that’s definitely not the case. BTW as a rule of thumb DB’s love bottle service….which gives them the right to say “look at me I paid 4X the retail amount for this bottle of Grey Goose and Red Bull does give me wings”. Douche!
Not gonna deny the douchiness of this bar and its marquee, here. However Brandon, there is a BIG difference between statutory rape and child molestation. The term “statutory rape” generally refers to sex between an adult and a sexually mature minor past the age of puberty. Its usually some HS senior or college age dude dating/screwing a HS chick. Thats still not a cool thing of course, but a far cry from Sandusky-like child molestation. Once you know somebody charged with the former and being scarred for life in society, you will know the difference between them and a real threat to society – a child predator.
We apologize for and completely agree that the Sandusky-related joke on our marquee was in very poor taste. This message was not approved by The Ranch’s management, and absolutely does not reflect the values of our company or it’s owners. The sign was removed immediately upon being brought to our attention, and the employees responsible have been dealt with to the utmost degree of severity. We are saddened and disappointed that this incident occurred and are pursuing every effort to ensure that nothing of this vein ever again transpires within our establishment. We are sincerely sorry for the oversight and this offense.
Please direct any further inquiries to ranchaustin@me.com.
Whaaat the fuuuck. Also, was the Sandusky thing really “statutory”? I’ve never bothered really reading up on the case, ‘cuz ew, but I always kind of assumed that it was non-consensual, so that particular qualifier seems unnecessary.
Hey! I think everyone needs to chill out. Jerry Sandusky is a scumbag and everyone knows. He will die and jail and he deserves every bit of what is coming to him. And yes how ever off colored the joke is, I will laugh at every single Jerry Sandusky joke. I will continue to drink at The Ranch. It’s a good time with hot girls and even hotter bartenders. As far as the whole “statutory rape, child molestation” talk goes, just chill out. It was meant to be in good humor.
HA! It’s funny cause I don’t know them…any of the children mind you. Yes yes I know, to the corner.