A very Bleacher Report-esque “five things to look for on tonight’s Raw SuperShow Starring Brock Lesnar Raw SuperShow Monday Night Raw”:
1. What will Triple H have to say about Brock Lesnar “complexly injuring” his arm two weeks ago on Raw, and how unbelievably positive will I be about the whole thing?
2. How will John Cena cope with his upcoming divorce, and will it involve a heavyset bald man doing The Creep, spitting Mountain Dew onto his hand and rubbing it on Cena’s forehead?
3. Will Abraham Washington finish a sentence, or will The Great Khali’s dancing be too awesome for the production team to miss?
4. The Rock will continue his quest to once again become WWE Champion by not ever showing up or wrestling anyone and shooting guns with C-Tates.
5. David Otunga may return from the Hudson murder trial/his fun trip to Six Flags, give Eve The Verdict and restore the rightful Laurinaitis/Otunga backstage dynamic.
Things to remember:
- My 10 favorite comments from tonight’s Open Discussion Thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 5/14 column. Comment as much as you can, and get everyone you’ve ever known to show up in here and talk fake fighting. We’ve got a great community going, and two years from now I don’t want it to just be me and THESTINGER and Lobster Mobster awkwardly talking MMA during Kofi Kingston matches.
- To nominate a comment for the top 10, please respond to it with a +1.
Let’s enjoy pro wrestling!
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So Big Show will interfere to help Johnny Ace stay on Raw and to embarrass Cena, AJ will interfere to help Bryan win the WWE Championship because Punk wouldn’t sleep with her, and Kane won’t interfere with anything because he is the pre-show. Sounds like a good ppv to order! haha
I wanna say that Raw was terrible, but, anytime Big Show gets fired, even if it’s really short term, the show is always just a little bit bettter.
Bests: Eve looking AMAZING, Big Show getting punted (even though I’m guessing he is choke slamming Cena straight to hell this Sunday), the divas match wasn’t terrible (and Fox showed some skill), Kane and Ryder are finally going to fight, D Bry and Rhodes tag team!
Worsts: Cena’s loooooooooser crap, Big Johnny breaking character to laugh at Cena, no longer caring for Funkasaurus, Big Show/Kane match, Santino doing stupid Santino crap and presumably told to do that when he is hanging with the World Heavyweight champion.
ok i figured it out (and im probably not the first):
tensai was supposed to be big johnnys lackey and his muscle at OTL. however, crowd reacted to tensai like he was michael mcgillicutty so they had to change plans. thats why tensai can be found on superstars this week and laurenatis’ muscle will now be portrayed by (drumroll please) a heel-turned recently-fired Big Show, interfering on johnnys behalf to screw cena and get job back.
there, i saved you 55 bucks
After last night, Knucklehead 2 through 10 have been green-lit.
We all know the real reason John Cena ripped up that page as soon as he seen it.
Papyrophobia?
How soon till we have a PPV that is named after a Direct to DVD movie. Bending the Rules, Inside Out, and coming in 2012, Barricade, the movie, and Barricade, the new August PPV. All cage matches? No one has done that before, right? Christian, why are you crying in the corner?
While it’s not direct to DVD, I’d love for a PPV to be called Hell Comes to Frogtown.
Or just debut Kevin Steen as Max Hell Frog Warrior.
Watching Big Show get fired was my one delicious moment.
[images5.fanpop.com]
Not trying to steal LTF’s thunder, But If I was ever to be attacked by a Zombie, and be totally Ok with it…
[images5.fanpop.com]
Did Vicki even put on makeup?
So anyone else think Cena may have made a couple of the MILF’s wishes come true on the road?
Judging by that final segment, John Cena’s divorce is going to be very hard on all of us.
John Cena’s Ex-Wife is a LOOOOOOSSSSSEEEER…
LOSER.
LUH-HOO-SUH-HER!!
I hope Big Show rips through the ring during Johnny/Cena, just to bring his career full circle…
So, Common Law is actually pretty funny.
Sadly my @mrbrandonstroud and inappropriate ponytail theater signs got no airtime due to the “remember Benoit” signs next to me
It’s the thought that counts, but the screen grab that gets you internet famous
Since both Cena and HHH lost to a piece of paper tonight, does the paper get a shot at The Rock next?
nah; it’ll be an inanimate carbon rod.
BTW, I showed up late, did they explain Otunga being back in kayfabe?
Nope. His being gone was just a dream, apparently.
It’s not breaking kayfabe to mention that he’s married to Jennifer Hudson – Cena, for one, has mentioned it in a promo – so trying to explain away his absence would be pointless and kind of disgusting.
I mean I would’ve just appreciated them saying “he was gone because he was at court” instead of pretending that he was just there then not there then there again.
RAW IS MONOLOGUE
RAW IS RECAPS
Seriously though, tonight felt like everyone was auditioning for BATTLESHIP 2: MAHALO AGAIN.
If you can’t see Big Show helping Johnny win at the PPV…Well…Witty comment.
Just starting watching Raw. I have a feeling, I’m gonna be wearing out my fast forward…
if you do, you’ll only see one match…
maybe 2
When is Big Show finally going to win his Emmy?
when he’s dead… sadly
So this is Raw this week. DVR the last a bit so I can watch the Kurt Sutter show as it comes on, then start Raw again. Feel like I can fast-forward through things until I see something that looks good. Fast-forward until Cena – play and hear him talk for 15 seconds – then keep fast forwarding and the show ends because of the overrun on my DVR. Don’t even care how it ended. Did Tensai come out? Did Cena make more jokes? I hope yes and yes and *fart noise*
I’ve been up… since yesterday afternoon. 30 hours straight. I stayed up… for this?! This, this… monstrosity! My god… Where are my priorities at? Really… why did I think this was a good idea? I feel so… so stupid, so ashamed. So… used.
So we’re on for next week then?
same time, same place, same channel, same site, different url
‘Night all.
SO. Now that all of that is over, I turn to you all for the answer to the following conundrum:
As a new college grad with no job living back at home, what show should I spend the next few days burning through on Netflix? The options are as follows: Mad Men, Breaking Bad, The X-Files, All the random WWE Documentaries I can find, or rewatching all of Buffy the Vampire Slayer like last summer. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
Buffy. It was what I did when I graduated.
Watch lie to me
Mad Men, Breaking Bad, early X-Files and Buffy are all amazing.
Avatar: The Last Airbender and Twin Peaks are also good options.
1. Breaking Bad (new season doesn’t start for a while, that’ll give you plenty of time to catch up)
2. Mad Men (with a season currently going on don’t try to overwhelm yourself with bouncing back and forth)
3. X-Files
Already seen all of Lie to Me, but rewatching it might be an option.
Huh, I did Buffy too, when I graduated, moved out, and actually got internet/torrents.
I say do Buffy, but add in Angel starting s4.
didn’t know that… then go… with… breaking bad? or avatar like Lester suggested
Sledge Hammer
Yeah, do it with Angel at the appropriate points, but you’ll go crazy if you try to do ACTUAL chronological placement of episodes.
Can’t go wrong with Sherlock.
When I did Buffy last summer I went with Angel too, good times. And Dagotron is awesome for mentioning Sherlock, love that show so much I torrented the second season as soon as the episodes came out in Britain this winter, fuck waiting for PBS to show them now.
In addition to Mad Men, allow me to recommend Top Gear and Doctor Who.
Other: Parks And Recreation
I’m currently burning thru Arrested Development.
I vote for the entire top ten tomorrow to just be LTF’s AJ gallery
Seconded.
@LTF you would
I’ll third this as my final act as a member of Los Cynicos.
It’s the right thing to do.
I am fully behind this idea, but I might just be hallucinating everything at this point.
What freaks me out about this Common Law show is that the two guys are exactly the same height. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN???
casting?
THESTINGER enjoyed tonight’s Raw. It was bad, yes, but entertainingly so.
Good Raw > Bad Raw > Boring Raw
Well now that that’s over, I’ll be in my bunk.
I want to come home to this.
We all already have…..
Save some +1′s for the rest of us!
What the fuck? A ninja turtles shirt?
Can I just meet a girl exactly like her but even 1/5 as attractive? Cause she as a person seems to be fucking amazing…
Stroudmouths, my thanks for making some truly painful TV palatable.
That was a terrible Raw but, factoring in the AJ backstage segment, I give it an A+
I was impressed by her change in demeanor as Punk was a little condescending to her. She started out all hair twirling sweetheart and ended with a cold conniving stare. Me likey.
John Cena just gave the Battleship: The Movie of wrestling promos
+mahalo motherfuckers.
Oh man, that final segment was BEE ARE YOU TEE AYE ELL.
Dueling Johnnies and The Bork Show…sounds like the name of a lesbian indie band.
Hey guys. As if the dubstep wasn’t enough, all of the people in Battleship are assuring me that Battleship is going to be great.
I wanted to go to Over the Limit to support Punk vs. Bryan, but I’ll probably get 8 seconds of that followed by 42 minutes of goofy Cena.
I heard they’ve already ok’d a sequel to Battleship. Apparently this one takes place in Africa, on the Nile.
COMING THIS FALL… HUNGER KNOWS NO BOUNDS..
*bass drop*
HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS
…no balls are safe…
Except this one will be produced by WWE Films and star Brodus Clay.
That’s from get in the cage!
Well I guess Show is due for his annual turn..
I’m starting to think he’s bi-polar….or just a boring bag of shit.
Raw review: Matches were decent, promos were HORRIBLE
Big Show was wrong; him crying did NOT make me happy. He even screwed that up.
Goddamn, that was painful.
If it wasn’t for Punk/Bryan, I would be so disinterested in this show, I’d actually go around to people’s houses and cut their cable, to ensure THEY couldn’t get it, either.
Show’s gonna run in and chokeslam Cena. And get job back
That would actually be a great idea.
oh and +1
lol you said ‘run’
Cena goes serious after all of that after just a slap? a SLAP? REALLY?
Johnny Ace uses “Pimp smack”. It’s super effective!
Is John Lauranitis gonna have to choke a bitch?
So Big Show comes out and help John.
Can Laurinitis take Lawler with him?
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHEKOV PUCK!
Oh, I get it. Big Show’s already fired, so he can interfere. or Bork, cuz he quit.
Can I divorce Cena from my brain, please?
Sham Wow? Cena, you’ve got all five knuckles on the pulse of America!
Cena will finger anything with a pulse!
Hustle, Loyalty, +1
that +1 is directed at radwithaB, I don’t +1 myself unless my girlfriend is watching while she’s dressed like Cody Rhodes
Wonder if Cena will bring his mistress to court, point at his exwife, and scream, “YOUR TIME IS UP, HER TIME IS NOW”.
I usually +1 myself when I come home and the Kaitlyn wrestling buddy I made is giving me “that look”
I like to imagine Cena’s mistresses change every 8 months or so and they have a strict clothing color scheme they have to adhere to.
I like this idea. I think I used up my “Wrestler in the Green Lantern Universe” joke quota during the Funkasaurus match, but if I hadn’t, I’d use it here.
+1 for Color coordination
Cena should be used to getting slapped in the face.