"Your eyes are like oceans on a faraway star."

Earlier this week, we checked in with our With Leather political correspondent, Dick Tughard, to find out if any professional athletes had been grumbling about President Barack Obama’s sudden support for same sex marriage. Sure enough, professional boxer and Filipino congressman Manny Pacquiao was the first to step forward and stomp his feet in disgust.

OR DID HE???

Granville “The Conservative Examiner” Ampong was the first to report Pacquiao’s controversial words, and I read his article, a writer from the Digital Journal read the article and mainstream writers all over the country eventually read his article. Everyone came to the same conclusion – Pacquiao directly quoted Leviticus 20:13.

But after a few days of ridiculous web traffic and people mispronouncing his name, Ampong wants people to hold their four horses and learn how to read, because Pacquiao never actually quoted that Bible passage. How do we know? Because he’s never read it.

Ampong’s original mention of Leviticus read:

“Pacquiao’s directive for Obama calls societies to fear God and not to promote sin, inclusive of same-sex marriage and cohabitation, notwithstanding what Leviticus 20:13 has been pointing all along: “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

To be clear, Ampong is the one who invoked the Bible passage that calls for homosexuals to be put to death. He just neatly roped it into Pacquiao’s thoughts, but it no way did he mean to attribute it to the boxer. The media morons just need to learn how to read, is what Ampong is saying, presumably in between sniffing his own farts.

As we see, nowhere in my supposition and integration of my interview with Pacquiao did I mention that Pacquiao recited this Leviticus 20:13 nor did I imply that Pacquiao had quoted such. I have simply reminded in my column how God made it clear in the Old Testament time that such practice of same-sex marriage is detestable and strictly forbidden, in as much as God wants to encourage his people practices that lead to health and happiness and fullness of life. As my style of literary writing suggests in almost all of my columns, the critical thoughts I tied up in the structure of thoughts I wanted to convey pertinent to this issue at hand do not translate Pacquiao’s point of view, however conservative I am in my exposition.

And even though Ampong claims the fault lies with the major media writers who misconstrued his terribly written article, he felt the need to change the text in the online version. But enough about some guy we’ve never heard of, what the heck does Pacquiao have to say about this sudden controversy?

“I didn’t say that, that’s a lie… I didn’t know that quote from Leviticus because I haven’t read the Book of Leviticus yet.”

“I’m not against gay people… I have a relative who is also gay. We can’t help it if they were born that way. What I’m critical off are actions that violate the word of God. I only gave out my opinion that same sex marriage is against the law of God.” (Via the Village Voice)

Again, I know this is an incredibly sensitive issue that affects how people live their lives, so I will choose my next words wisely…

Here are Kate Upton’s boobs pressed up against an inner tube.