Have you heard the one about the superstar free agent center who left his team, citing myriad problems within the organization as well as his desire to leave behind a “small pond” market for stardom, and then spent the next decade constantly ripping that team at any chance he got for no good reason, ultimately focusing on its new superstar center, who admired and idolized him enough that he used the same nickname, with an inexplicable vitriol that was later passed off as “all in good fun”, eventually finding himself out of the media spotlight when his career ended, only to use that once-again-hurting franchise to make people talk about him, because, hey, what’s a river of bad blood beneath a burned bridge anyway?

*exhales*

Of course you haven’t, because it won’t happen. It can’t happen. Can it?

The Orlando Magic is set to meet with former star Shaquille O’Neal about the team’s vacant general manager position next week, ESPN reported Wednesday, citing sources.

O’Neal, who spent his first four NBA seasons in Orlando, would be an odd choice, given he has no front-office experience and has had a longstanding feud with Magic superstar Dwight Howard. (Via Fox Sports)

Yeah, about this… no. Not gonna happen, folks. You don’t “mutually agree” to let a guy who was terrible at his job walk away, only to bring in a guy who has not only never done that job come but has spent the length of Dwight Howard’s career criticizing him and calling him names. Because that would clearly make Howard stay.

On the other hand, it’s the Magic, so we should expect to hear the announcement any minute now. And he better make that panda his assistant GM.