One of the first things that I plan to do whenever I eventually visit New York City for the first time ever is get 200 lap dances in a row at Rick’s Cabaret. But right after that, I’m going to Coney Island so I can fulfill my wildest hipster urges. Now, though, it appears that I may have to bump that trip up to the week of July 4th, because the Brooklyn Cyclones are hosting what sounds like the greatest promotional night of the year.

Dubbed Williamsburg Night, the Cyclones – playing in the Short-Season A Penn League – will be honoring New York City’s finest hipsters on July 5th with a variety of games and deals, including:

People in skinny jeans, running the bases. That’s all I need. I’d pay hundreds of dollars to witness that, especially since it will probably be 30 people huddled by home plate, smoking cigarettes and texting. After the game, a bar will also be hosting a skee ball tournament. This sounds like the greatest night ever. All that’s missing, aside from the 200 lap dances at Rick’s obviously, is me blasting all the hipsters into the Atlantic with a fire hose. A boy can dream.