Here is a quick list of things that happened on Raw that I would’ve loved to have seen, had I not been trapped in an airport trying to get home from WrestleMania 28:
- Brock Lesnar making his return to WWE to trounce Giant Starbucks Logo John Cena
- The debut of Lord Tensai, who incapacitated Alex Riley with his Mighty Spit-hand
- The return of Abraham Washington, a low-level guy from FCW/WWECW of whom I may be the Internet’s biggest and most vocal fan.
- Mark Henry being awesome again.
- YES~ chants overtaking WWE.
What’s in store for this week’s show:
- The Three Stooges host.
Heaven help me.
- Remember, the top 10 comments from tonight’s discussion will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column, and no, Watchmen references are not automatically included (just kidding, they totally are).
- To nominate a comment you’ve found particularly funny for inclusion as one of the top 10 comments of the week, please reply to it with a +1. Using +1 instead of +something else (like the ever-popular +Rhodes) makes it easier to find them later, but if you gotta +Rhodes something, who am I to stop you?
So, what’s going down on Raw tonight?
[photo credit WWE.com]
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I can’t wait for the Raw after Extreme Rules when Batista shows up to challenge Cena. And then the Raw after Over the Limit (or whatever the next PPV is) when Goldberg comes back to challenge Cena.
If you smellllllll-lalalala, what the McMahons are cooking.
There’s no Bryan, there’s no A.J….it’s all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
As a wrestling show, it was pretty great; guys actually fought each other for a while. With the exception of Punk/Henry, and the 3 Stooges skit, I’d say a pretty successful outing.
My question though does WWE have rights to the old Hulk Hogan stuff? Is that why Hogan is the way he is today? He only has the copyright to “Douche Hogan”?
“RRRARRR!! I’M AN UNSTOPPABLE KILLING MACHINE!! HERE COMES THE PAIN!!!”
…
“Don’t forget to eat at Jimmy John’s, everybody!!”
Next week: An enraged Cena jumps Brock in the back and pours a bag of poppy seeds down his throat.
/diverticulitis joke
If only Brock had a Condom Warehouse logo, too.
Even money says Hacksaw and Eve mysteriously end up in the same segment tonight.
I just don’t get why they wouldn’t try to capitalize on the amazing response My Guy D Bry Right There got and feature him prominently. It makes no sense to me whatsoever.
Basically any part of this show that featured Brock was very good, and any part that didn’t was pretty awful. Except for the time where Lawler told Cole that if he was a dinosaur, he’d suffer from Reptile Dysfunction. That was legit hilarious.
It makes perfect sense when you remember how long it took for Zach Ryder to appear on anything that wasn’t Superstars. He’d been building up a significant internet buzz and had been getting a lot of chants all over the place and it still took months for him to get on Raw. WWE moves at a glacial pace most times.
I was on the fence about ordering the YES! shirt; but I bought it last night, because I’m afraid WWE will forget Bryan is even on the roster if he doesn’t sell enough T-shirts. =/
I’m not buying the Zach Ryder and Daniel Bryan comparisons. Zach Ryder is great in theory, and in very specific roles, but doesn’t really work as a wrestler (minus his feud with Dolph Ziggler, but that’s Ziggler being Ziggler) and WWE won’t give him enough time to cut a promo that involves more than catch phrases.
Daniel Bryan is great in reality. Just let him go out there and wrestle and it’ll be cool. Accept that some people, I’d argue a decent sized group, relate to him and will cheer for him regardless of his role and that should be embraced.
After Smackdown on Friday I don’t see how anyone can think anything but that the WWE just wants Daniel Bryan to go away. There are heels (like Ziggler and Del Rio) that can be enjoyed and cheered for and then there is what Daniel Bryan did on Smackdown.
Oh well, at least we can start the cycle anew!
Independent wrestler we love – is great in independents – we keep demanding they go to WWE – WWE buries or otherwise misuses him – we all acknowledge that is what the WWE does – WWE releases or otherwise trivializes them – angry at WWE – Fall in love with another independent wrestler
@THESTINGER – I’ll admit, Bryan/Ryder isn’t a great comparision, but I still feel that since it took WWE so long to shove Ryder onto the Raw stage to even just shout a catchphrase and gesture, let alone wrestle (the thing everyone is in theory paid to do), it makes some sense for WWE to be really slow in giving us more Bryan (Especially now that his chants were significantly reduced from last week).
I guess since I don’t really follow the independent scenes (Instead, I follow as much gay skinhead dry humping as I possibly can), I am sort of free of the cycle and get to judge wrestlers based on how they are presented in WWE, which is both good and bad.
That’s totally fair, Lobster!
I think I’m perceive the momentum a little differently: From December to WM it felt like DBry was getting a good push and was going to be a Big Deal. After WM, especially after his awful breakup with AJ that makes it hard for anyone to like him, it seems as though the momentum as totally shifted and he’s going to be relegated to Superstars again.
I’m totally cool playing the waiting game if it means progress, but it feels to me that things are regressing.
It’s a weird life the “average” wrestling fan leads. On one hand, we’re wary and gunshy that someone we like is going to be relegated to curtain jerking in Siberia because we’ve been burned too many times before (And thus, might be slow to buy into someone getting a push for fear that it’ll all be taken away on a whim). On the other, as you pointed out, the next indy darling that gets signed is fawned on even more, hoping that this one will be the guy that revolutionizes everything and moves WWE out of its neanderthallic ways (Or is at least allowed to shine in the main event spotlight for years and years).
I won’t equate it to the battered spouse analogy, but I think that as wrestling fans, we’re bound to develop some psychoses along the way (Including unhealthy obsessions with Psychosis) if we’ve got any kind of loyalty to the product. The casual fan that comes and goes is devoid of that since they can flee when things get boring (Saving themselves from heartache) and rejoin after it’s been confirmed things are “good” again.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, La Parka was always one of my favorites!
Is Vince vindictive enough to punish Bryan for getting a response on his own? I don’t expect to understand what goes on in the back, but don’t know how to explain this. I get the feeling this isn’t just WWE moving slowly, this is them deciding to screw the internet fans.
It feels extra weird to me because his title run was clearly one of those Jack Swagger “we’ll give him the ball and see if he runs with it” things. And he ran with it…
He carried Smackdown on his back from December through March, got incredibly over with the crowd (and I don’t think it’s because he’s an indie darling. He was greeted by crickets on NXT and then Smackdown during his US title run?), created a very marketable catchphrase, consistently puts on great matches…
And now they’ve taken the ball back and sent him back to the mid-card, going so far as to edit out his chants from Smackdown except for during his segment, when the wrestlers specifically referred to them and they couldn’t not.
Am I the only one that liked this show? It reminded of the good ol’ days back when I was in middle school. This was easily the first RAW in a while that I actually thought it was great throughout.
It was probably better on TV than in person. The Three Stooges bit could have been worse (a lot worse) and we got to see like 4 or 5 wrestling matches that were each about half as long as a real match so that adds up to 2 or 3 actual matches.
I liked the show too.
Brock reveals penischestsword next week or we riot.
Or is it chestpenissword?
I prefer chestpenis s-word.
Well, that show sucked.
My seat was further back than I thought (just off the floor, but barely) but were awesome for actually watching the wrestling. I just ended up sitting underneath the long arm that had the crowd cam so you guys would never see me. Really good seats otherwise.
Boy, that show was awful. I have a lot to say about it later (I gotta be at work in 5 hours, ugh) but I think this is the first time I legit disliked a wrestling show. I’m serious, I always like wrestling. I can bitch about it and talk like I hate it, but I really always enjoy it. Later years of Nitro? Fucking loved it.
Tonight was just bad. The crowd wasn’t bad or anything, the crowd was just representative of the WWE audience which means it’s really 10 different crowds who are there for 10 different reasons so they can’t actually get any sort of energy going for anything except Brodus Clay.
I’ll have more to write tomorrow, but man, that stunk.
No yes chants? I saw plenty of signs. smh
There were a lot of chants, but they happened mostly during commercials and during segments where you probably couldn’t hear the crowd. Lots and lots of yes signs, I’d guess I saw over 100 individual ones.
Has the system stopped working or has no one really posted in a while?
Well, I think that is the general consensus then. Adios all!
Oof, I’ve never seen the live thread drop off like that.
I think everyone’s kinda bummed out at the lackluster show. it had it’s moments, but I thinkw e all know we saw the same shit more or less last week.
Does Brock still get sponsorship money from Jimmy John’s for wearing their logo?
When ‘Curly Hogan’ was in the ring, why didn’t ‘Larry’ and ‘Moe’ just play Three Blind Mice over the arena speakers?
I’m going to resist the temptation to say that Raw was boring, so I’ll just say it lacked “entertainment”. Yes, that’ll do.
It started so promisingly too!
*mumbles to self quietly*
yesyesyesyes
they sure stuck it to us. especially me, i’m really feeling beat down from tonight.
Tomorrow’s live. They can’t hold D-Bry down two days in a row. OR CAN THEY
This is Vince McMahon. If we start cheering “Daniel! Bryan!” or “YES! YES! YES!”, he’s going have Hornswaggle read the Phone Book for two hours just to spite us.
I may watch Smackdown for the first time in several years, just hoping it washes the taste of Awful Jericho out of my mouth. I hate him in an X-Pac heat way; I get that he’s a heel but since this Jericho has lost his touch the only way to save the angle is to let Punk talk, and they aren’t. So Test Jr. is just ruining it with his shitty leather pants, terrible haircut, and somehow bright dark red coloring.
@redshirt – now you’ve got me hoping that the new dueling chant will be “Da-niel Bry-an” and “YES YES YES!”
Smackdown is usually pretty awesome. I’d say it’s the more consistently good show between the two.
I’m not sure if it was the crowd, or the WWE trolling us but that Raw wasn’t fun. The Miami crowd was into it and the wrestlers brought their game up a level. The DC crowd wasn’t into it and the wrestlers went to cruise control.
I can only imagine if Vince decided, “We’ve got to stop this ‘Austin 3:16′ thing before it takes off. I hate it!”
True!True!True!
Right before the Main Event, Lesnar snuck into Johnny’s office and texted himself to “stick the winner”.
Just kidding. Brock doesn’t know how to text.
How you know it was a bad RAW – Quick exit by the commentariet.
Yeah. I’d have stayed around to talk but honestly it was so depressing I can’t think of anything but going to sleep
In the grand scheme of things, I didn’t think it was bad. It opened great, with Cena/Brock pull apart. We got good Funk/Santino vs Swaggler, Punk Henry went as well as can be expected, and Punk Jericho escalated. The stooge stuff wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. The ending wasn’t great, but it wasn’t awful. It is easy to call this show bad, but harder to call it above average.
Jericho being so disappointing in his role just threw me completely in an inescapable hole the last 40 minutes, and cast a pallor over the good things for me.
I’m going to stay positive about this Raw. Considering they had to use the 3 Stooges, they still pushed their upcoming PPV main event. You have a bloody and pissed off hero. You have a big name villain backed by the boss. I’ll take that over Cena and Rock tweeting any day.
+1 all day
Maybe The Rock will show up next week and try to turn something sideways and shove it straight up Brock Lesnar’s surgery ravaged ass.
Very nice. Laughed hard! +1
Jimmy John’s just got here, time for a sexy party!
I imagine all the black people talking on whatever show is being played after Raw being Mark Henry.
John Cena’s gonna be limping out and slurring “rise above hate” through inflated lips and attempting a smile whilst going “ow ow ow!!!” NEXT WEEK ON MONDAY NIGHT RAAAWWWWW!
So the only Daniel Bryan we got was as an extra in the opening brawl and a talking head in the This Business video package.
Way to monetize your hot property, WWE!
He’s gotta get over their way or no way at all!
The WWE: fingerblasting the plot straight into the next PPV since 2002.
+fingerblast
Welp, time to round up Sable’s Playboy pics from the internet and show my disapproval of Lesnar’s behaviour in my own way.
Hey don’t beating yourself off -er, up over it.
+1
Sable 2/10 would not bang.
Does USA have anything besides cop shows? Jeez…
They also have bad movies.
Lawyer shows, and maybe a doctor show.
Don’t give up one guy who chats about White Collar after Raw.
Or… whatever’s on.
Is that the end?
Cena vs. Lesnar will be a “Loser Leaves Barber” Match.
You know how you used to make yourself the biggest guy in the WWE? WINNING THE WWE TITLE!
Two F-5′s, a busted mouth, and a nutshot. I really hope John isn’t laughing and joking again next week.
So is “Top Dog” higher than any championship?
Yes. It goes:
US Title < IC Title < WH Title < WWE Title < Top Dog < Bragging Rights < Dibs < Criss Cross Applesauce
Not liking that WWE has broken one of their main PG rules: no smeared red lipstick on their male wrestlers.
That screws up Justin Gabriels upcoming Joker gimmick
How fucking boring was this show?
They want to make Brock Lesnar the face of WWE? Are they making Vickie G the “Voice of the WWE”, too?
I wish the new face of WWE didn’t belong to a sunburned baby.
+1 purty boy
+the entire Rhodes family.
That’s high praise, NWOSTINGER.
I NO
RITE?
(Added after premature posting)
Happens to me all the time. I just read one of the baseball articles, usually helps.
and i didnt see the beginning of Raw, could you guys tell me what happened over and over again during each and every segment please?
It have been fun everyone! Good night France!
I think they thought because it was interesting and exciting that Brock came back last week, that we actually give a shit. It just happened to pop huge at the end of an exciting night. This week nobody fucking cares.
I care, dammit!!!!
You slap me in the face, I kick you in the balls. It’s the MINNEAPOLIS WAY!
That’s….kinda true.
I loves me some Jimmy Johns, but er, that’s just weird
But not as much as I love Case IH’s tractors
Brock’s just pissed that Cena stole his haircut after he left.
Well, Brock did inherit it after Ludvig Borga died.
Brock Lesnar keeping his shirt on during Raw is the equivalent of a fat kid swimming with a shirt on.
No, he’s just keeping us PG.
I want to see Big Johnny and Brock come out wearing matching suits next week.
Gotta give Cena credit for being consistent in his Big Johnny impression when it comes to selling
Brock would’ve made it in the NFL if he tried to be a kicker/punter, after that place kick.
Lesnar doesn’t even need eyebrows!
Fantastic slap-stick comedy tonight on the part of Brock Lesnar
He’s embracing the stooge!
Mr. Cena, you’ve just been kicked in the nuts, lol
Was Lawler being sarcastic? Because Brock low-blowing Cena was legit.