Or, “Dude, yer gettin’ arrested for a hate crime”.

From the Detroit Free Press:

Detroit Tigers outfielder Delmon Young was arrested and faces a hate crime-related charge in connection with a dispute outside a hotel along New York’s 6th Avenue early this morning, a New York police spokesman told the Free Press.

“Basically, there was an incident at the hotel (and) some anti-Semitic remarks,” said Det. Joseph Cavitolo, who added that alcohol was involved.

Our exclusive, three-part report on this very serious matter is after the jump.

The Dugout

	** Online Host ** Welcome to the New York 6th Avenue Chatroom!
	JewishMan: Excuse me, sir, have you ever noticed–
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: AW HELL NAW
	** Online Host ** DudeYerGettinADelmon is now choking the hell out of a Jewish Man.

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The Dugout

	** Online Host ** Welcome to the New York Police Department Chatroom!
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: naw naw see yall puttin words in my mouth
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: why da f**k would i say i hate juice i luh dat shit juice is f**ken delicious
	LadyCop: …and right here on the report it’s got a forward slash followed by “whips bat mitzvah”
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: yee
	LadyCop: I don’t think you know what that means.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: like a quinceanera but fa lil white bitches dont look at me like i ain know what a bat mitzvah be i threw that shit right at em
	LadyCop: So what exactly caused this attack?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: drank
	LadyCop: and you attacked the man because he was Jewish?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: nah see, at ain righ
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: yes i did choke the hell out of that man fa bein jewish an yee when i chokt his ass i screamt out ‘f**k u jew pig die up in a kike furnist with ya muf**in himy scrootch mcduck actin famly’ an all but that is just one statement i have said from my life
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: ax anybody who know me i ain a racist
	LadyCop: Excuse me, sir?
	DuLoveBelow: Yes yes what is it
	LadyCop: Would you say Delmon Young is racist?
	DuLoveBelow: loooool
	LadyCop: /glares at Delmon
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: why doncha ax somebody who aint a bitchass whiteass bitchass white-assid muf**ka who dead fa real as soon as i figure out how ta tex gun pics /glares at Duane
	DuLoveBelow: gulp
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: lissen police bitch i aint racist i said n**ga at least 65 times taday an only 40-45 of em was negative
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: jus because i say ‘i hate you fa bein a jew imma kill ya jew ass fa bein a honky jew lemme move at yammaka so i can stab ya in ya jew heart’ dont mean im antisemetic, the statement is antisemetic
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: i just said the bad statement it had lil ta nothin ta do wit me
	LadyCop: and you seriously believe that
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: got ta
	LadyCop: you know you’re really going to regret living your life like this when you’re dead, right?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: pfft like thatll eva happen

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The Dugout

	** Online Host ** Welcome to the Heaven In 2051 Chatroom!
	SaintPeter: approach, child, for you are GRRKKKK /collapses
	** Online Host ** SaintPeter has been struck by a flying bat.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: boom saint bitch
	TheGreatIM: uhhhhh can I help you?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: lemme inta dat heaven, im died
	TheGreatIM: Be at peace, Delmon, for it is I, the Son Of God.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: whoaaa how you know my name
	TheGreatIM: i have the internet, what do you think i’m stupid anyway, let Us check the Book Of Life and see if you are worthy to enter My kingdom…
	TheGreatIM: okay well right here at the top it says “whipped a bat at Saint Peter”
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: naw that ain soun like me
	TheGreatIM: … and there’s a big section about how you got pissed at a Jewish guy on the street outside of a Hilton and screamed a bunch of anti-semitic slurs and got arrested?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: probly
	TheGreatIM: Do you hate the Jews?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: hatin jew folk is just one thang i thought fa the entirty of my life, there are many things ive thunk and say excep fa that that point ta me bein not a awesome jew hater
	TheGreatIM: You know I’m technically Jewish, right?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: bullshat jesus you ain jewish you got whiteass skin blondeass hair wearin sandals
	TheGreatIM: I don’t think this is going to work out. We’re gonna cast you into purgatory and review your case.
	** Online Host ** DudeYerGettinADelmon has been cast into the Purgatory Chatroom.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: imma whoop jesus ass
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: delmon
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: meat tree??? where you been n**ga
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: dead fa 38 years
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: oh righ so what you doin out here why ain you in heaven
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: thot that muf**ka said burgertory

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