He’s not technically a Baltimore Oriole anymore, but when the O’s disassociate themselves from you you’re an Oriole until proven otherwise. From an AP report:
SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic (AP) Former major leaguer Vladimir Guerrero said he has surrendered to police after authorities contend he attacked a police officer in a disco. Guerrero denied being part of an attack.
Police said no charges have been filed against Guerrero following the mayhem in Nizao, about 40 miles from Santo Domingo.
Maximo Baez Aybar, a spokesman for the police in the Dominican Republic, maintained Guerrero “physically attacked” police officer Renato Pena Rojas after a brawl broke out in the disco. Baez Aybar asked that Guerrero turn himself in “so the case can be put in the hands of the justice system.”
Thanks to chatroom technology we can jump to the moment of the arrest and find out exactly what happened, pending my ability to remember Spanish. Today’s Opening Days Dugout (which was originally just the above picture with FLAGGERERRO written at the bottom) is after the jump.
The Dugout
** Online Host ** | ||
 | LadyCop: Licencia y registrario por favor | |
 | VladTheImPLAYER: que | |
| LadyCop: sorry, it’s been a long time since I had to do this in the Dominican | |
| LadyCop: License and registration, please. /gestures with flashlight | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: /slides hand into wallet /breaks four bones in hand trying to slide | |
| LadyCop: Mr. Guerrero, do you have any idea why I pulled you over tonight? | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: ¿porque soy joven y soy negro y se baja mi sombrero? ¿parezco un lector del cerebro? no sé. | |
| LadyCop: You haven’t been young in like 40 years. Pretty sure you were born 38. | |
| LadyCop: anyway no sir I’ve been asked to bring you in for your role in tonight’s melee at the El Punto disco and the assault of a police major. | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: ¿una major de policía? ¿es la policía repentinamente una banda de la escuela secundaria? | |
| LadyCop: /shines flashlight into car Sir, have you been drinking tonight? | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: un poco sí | |
| LadyCop: and at any point did you take a swing at a police officer | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: si, hago pivotar en todo | |
| LadyCop: all right, well, I appreciate your cooperation, I’m so used to getting bats whipped at me or having the hell choke out of me by you guys sometimes I forget you’re just wait who are these guys | |
 | Bodyguard1: goons | |
| LadyCop: who? | |
 | Bodyguard2: hired goons | |
| LadyCop: Hired goons?? | |
** Online Host ** | ||
** Online Host ** | ||
| LadyCop: /tossed into chatroom | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: lo siento, espero que Crusher y Low Blow no causaran lesión | |
| LadyCop: you know if you’re innocent you could’ve just ridden with me down to the police station | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: sí, pero la comisaría es tan impersonal. prefiero la sensación personal que usted puede conseguir solamente con los matones contratados | |
| LadyCop: Hired goons?? | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: hice nunca ataco cualquier persona, ni era que huía | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: me presenté en la cárcel anoche después de la queja en la disco, y esta cosa de la mañana primera que fui a la policía que está manejando el caso | |
| LadyCop: then why’n the f**k you choke the hell out of me and fly-drag my ass to the only place in the world worse than the Dominican Republic | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: ¡Porque odio policía! | |
| LadyCop: GASPS | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: y no hay discos en baltimore así que voy a matarle con un arma del clavo y a ocultarle en un vacante | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: /shoots nail like 15 feet above LadyCop’s head | |
| LadyCop: AHH AHHHH | |
** Online Host ** | ||
 | FredFlintstoneAndino: oh hey Vlad there you are I was hoping you’d still be in our chatroom, Buck said he might need a guy in the lineup today who can kinda squat over with his ass out and poke at balls 10 feet out of the strike zone like he’s trying to stoke a fire | |
| FredFlintstoneAndino: sorry didn’t see you were busy | |
| VladTheImPLAYER: ¡COGER LA POLICÍA! /accidentally drops nail gun /tries to pick it up /accidentally drops it again | |
| LadyCop: DON’T YOU SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING | |
| FredFlintstoneAndino: looks like he’s trying to kill you with that nail gun and drag you into a vacant | |
| LadyCop: WHAT, ARE YOU JUST GONNA STAND THERE, HELP ME | |
| FredFlintstoneAndino: lol this is the Baltimore Orioles, lady, nobody here gives a f**k about human life |
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com
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too bad theboymorrow isnt an O :(
This Dugout was brought to you (or at least to me, since I don’t speak Spanish) by Google Translate. Google: We’ll own you all one day, just you wait and see.
Good God, B, this is the most Spanish I’ve ever understood at once, even if some of it was just by context. I puzzled over the…song lyric (no spoiler) for about 15 seconds. Cheers to you. Also as a test to see if this works in Dugout comment threads, “sheamus”
FUCK SHEAMUS
Never change, THESTINGER
Brandon’s Spanish > Rosa Mendes’ Spanish
Incredible conclusion. Also, perfectly accurate.
Brandon’s Baltimore experience brought to you by Season 4 of The Wire
Nope, Baltimore really that shitty.
/knows from experience
Given that I live there currently, I’d say there are facets that, yeah, are *that* shitty.
But it’s balanced out by the things that are worth living here for. I’ll stand by the things I love, even when they tend to let me down.
…
/says this as we’re currently down 2-0 at the top of the first. some things just don’t change.
Vlad’s got 99 problems but an understanding of the strike zone isn’t one.
That’s some nice writing, Mr. B.
I really thought you would’ve gone with DangerGuerrero
Lady Cop is the best. I don’t have anything more creative than that to say.
ladycop needs braces
For the non-joking record I really like Baltimore, and One World Cafe is one of my favorite places to eat ever.
For a brief period of time a few months ago, there was a badass diner called Lost City that was serving a really great vegan menu. Plus they adorned the place with old comic books and a really nice design in general…. It was really tough to get into, actually, cause it was usually packed.
and then for some reason they put a sign on the door that said they were closed for ‘renovations’, and not much has happened since then.
sigh.
That sucks. One World Cafe is good when the guy who looks like he should be in Type O Negative is working. If you get there late the late shift lady won’t do anything to help you and will hate that you exist.
If you’re ever down Rockville way (where I lived for a year), Vegetable Garden has a completely vegan menu that is super good. Veggie gyro with grapeseed oil vegannaise and fries is the tops.
In general, I believe any and all Baltimore servers/bartenders double as members of metal bands. Just a hunch.
(quoting more Jay-Z because originality is not my strong suit) If you’re having Lady Cop problems, I feel bad for you, son . . .
Longtime Orioles fan here. I was actually in Camden Yards in 94 when Cal Ripken Jr hit his 4th career Grand Slam.
I was excited to see them win their first 3 games. Didn’t take em long to even out.
Reading this last night was made better while watching the Yankees beat the Orioles. Also, love Andino’s screen name.