BEST: OKAY JOHN CENA IS NOT HERE TO CALL OUT THE ROCK
Thanks for clearing that up (really) because all night long graphics have been shoved down our throat that you’re “calling him out” and some of us were confused because see above. Cena explaining this actually was pretty good because it makes the people who hate him hate him more the way you hate that the nice dude at work keeps bringing good donuts and it just drives you crazy. John Cena is driving his haters crazy and he’s doing a really good job of it even though at one point he says nobody goes undefeated at life and well to some, Wrestlemania is life and Undertaker is undefeated so he’s wrong there.
When Cena asks “Will this be the day I lash out at the WWE universe?” and then the crowd responds with “YES YES YES YES” and then Cena is like “It won’t happen” and then the crowd is pissed and starts chanting for Lesnar and then Cena says “Daniel Bryan you owe me one” it’s pretty amazing. So many worlds colliding and catch phrases becoming 100% DEFINITELY a thing and then there’s that anticipation because we all think we know what’s about to happen and I guess Cena forgives Bryan for choking him with that cable a while back and then WICKED GUITAR SHRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEST: BROCK LESNAR F5’S JOHN CENA
One of those “kind of knew it was going to happen” things but it’s still pretty incredible and I stood up and kind of pumped my fist and felt kind of embarassed
If I’m being super critical, Brock doing his old poses in a bit of a robotic way reminded me of Robot Mike Tyson calling back his days in Robot DX doing Robot Crotch Chops during the Hall of Fame Ceremony. Unfortunate, but I don’t care anymore. I’m excited about this and in honor of Lesnar’s F5, here’s 5 opponents I’m excited about him facing this year:
- John Cena because duh
- Chris Jericho because I want him to start smashing bottles of liquor on everyone’s heads and I get the feeling he won’t need a prop bottle to smash on Brock’s head which is probably made of cement
- Mark Henry because duh, see my previous gushes
- CM Punk because double duh
- Kurt Angle’s brother because sike, just kidding
WORST: HAVING TO FILL BRANDON STROUD’S BOOTS
But I tried my best and had fun doing so. Thanks all for reading. Can I plug some stuff? Okay.
I have a new weekly web series where my real life pro wrestling manager character, ChrisTrew.biz, cuts promos on whatever he wants. Watch that here, follow me on Twitter here and if you live somewhere on the East Coast I’m touring there this summer. And if you live in New Orleans let’s watch a Hornets game together.
BEST: TOP 10 COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
Top 10 (well, more than 10 so CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE)
Tonight on RAW, the Road to Halloween Havoc begins!
I really wanted to see R-Truth run out yelling “THE PTA IS DISBANDING”
“Cena for President Sign” Let’s not get too crazy Florida, remember the last time we let you decide an election?
he just buried Canada, go kick his ass….uhh, Tyson Kidd maybe?
Does The Rock even know who Daniel Bryan is?
LET’S GO ZIGGLER CHANT?!! I HAVE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN!!!
So Brodus Clay actually has the ability to summon Funkettes out of thin air now? AWESOME. This is the character development we’ve been looking for.
I LIKED YOUR MATCH WITH JERICHO!! (Things Mark Henry can yell tonight.)
It took ten years but we found something to replace what, and it’s glorious.
KILL HIM, MARK! INDUCT HIM INTO THE HALL OF PAIN!
You can’t solve all your problems by kicking everyone in the head, Sheamus. This isn’t Irish Parliament.
Even Big Show thinks it’s embarrassing to lose to him.
DB should enter that contest to win the trip to WM.
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SH*T!? I’VE COMPLETELY LOST MY SH*T.