BEST: OKAY JOHN CENA IS NOT HERE TO CALL OUT THE ROCK
Thanks for clearing that up (really) because all night long graphics have been shoved down our throat that you’re “calling him out” and some of us were confused because see above. Cena explaining this actually was pretty good because it makes the people who hate him hate him more the way you hate that the nice dude at work keeps bringing good donuts and it just drives you crazy. John Cena is driving his haters crazy and he’s doing a really good job of it even though at one point he says nobody goes undefeated at life and well to some, Wrestlemania is life and Undertaker is undefeated so he’s wrong there.
When Cena asks “Will this be the day I lash out at the WWE universe?” and then the crowd responds with “YES YES YES YES” and then Cena is like “It won’t happen” and then the crowd is pissed and starts chanting for Lesnar and then Cena says “Daniel Bryan you owe me one” it’s pretty amazing. So many worlds colliding and catch phrases becoming 100% DEFINITELY a thing and then there’s that anticipation because we all think we know what’s about to happen and I guess Cena forgives Bryan for choking him with that cable a while back and then WICKED GUITAR SHRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEST: BROCK LESNAR F5’S JOHN CENA
One of those “kind of knew it was going to happen” things but it’s still pretty incredible and I stood up and kind of pumped my fist and felt kind of embarassed
If I’m being super critical, Brock doing his old poses in a bit of a robotic way reminded me of Robot Mike Tyson calling back his days in Robot DX doing Robot Crotch Chops during the Hall of Fame Ceremony. Unfortunate, but I don’t care anymore. I’m excited about this and in honor of Lesnar’s F5, here’s 5 opponents I’m excited about him facing this year:
- John Cena because duh
- Chris Jericho because I want him to start smashing bottles of liquor on everyone’s heads and I get the feeling he won’t need a prop bottle to smash on Brock’s head which is probably made of cement
- Mark Henry because duh, see my previous gushes
- CM Punk because double duh
- Kurt Angle’s brother because sike, just kidding
WORST: HAVING TO FILL BRANDON STROUD’S BOOTS
But I tried my best and had fun doing so. Thanks all for reading. Can I plug some stuff? Okay.
I have a new weekly web series where my real life pro wrestling manager character, ChrisTrew.biz, cuts promos on whatever he wants. Watch that here, follow me on Twitter here and if you live somewhere on the East Coast I’m touring there this summer. And if you live in New Orleans let’s watch a Hornets game together.
BEST: TOP 10 COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
Top 10 (well, more than 10 so CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE)
Alopezb5
Tonight on RAW, the Road to Halloween Havoc begins!
radwithaB
I really wanted to see R-Truth run out yelling “THE PTA IS DISBANDING”
OR
“Cena for President Sign” Let’s not get too crazy Florida, remember the last time we let you decide an election?
Caz
he just buried Canada, go kick his ass….uhh, Tyson Kidd maybe?
Milkman
Does The Rock even know who Daniel Bryan is?
BookSavvy
LET’S GO ZIGGLER CHANT?!! I HAVE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN!!!
jay_latimer
So Brodus Clay actually has the ability to summon Funkettes out of thin air now? AWESOME. This is the character development we’ve been looking for.
RecSpec
I LIKED YOUR MATCH WITH JERICHO!! (Things Mark Henry can yell tonight.)
SHough610
It took ten years but we found something to replace what, and it’s glorious.
DocZeus
KILL HIM, MARK! INDUCT HIM INTO THE HALL OF PAIN!
Tobogganing Bear
You can’t solve all your problems by kicking everyone in the head, Sheamus. This isn’t Irish Parliament.
Jake Howell
Even Big Show thinks it’s embarrassing to lose to him.
DiabolicDave
DB should enter that contest to win the trip to WM.
aaron michael
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SH*T!? I’VE COMPLETELY LOST MY SH*T.
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/SHIELD-180x180.png)
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Great B&W Chris! May all your Rhodes be +Rhodes.
This means a lot to me, Mr. Bear. +Thank you.
That was by far the best episode of Raw I’ve seen since I started watching again last Feb.
Agreed…it was definitely not fair that I got to sub in for Mr. Stroud on this sort of masterpiece. Let’s cross fingers it continues.
Thanks for the fill-in, Chris. Here’s a gif I know someone will request later.
Never end, please.
And here’s another one.
[i.imgur.com]
Wow. That is seamless, LastTexansFan. Whoever made it deserves a Wrestling Gif Best.
I spit soda all over my keyboard, Jack. Thank you.
Thank you for posting this. Dolph shaking his ass makes me a VERY happy camper.
Yes. More Dolph is always welcome :)
@LastTexansFan It’s… memorizing…
Our boy, D. Bry, right there… those people just named him Emperor of the E. Might as well make him champ 4 life!
By the way, thanks to the fucking WWE for having a good episode of Raw the one night I’m stuck in an airport and can’t watch. Next week is 2 hours of Triple H talking, guaranteed.
HHH won’t come out, he doesn’t need to because… ♪ THE MEMORY REMMAAAIIINNSSS! ♪
I’d be okay with that if Shawn cried in the corner the whole time.
For the record, here’s my outstanding mark photo with Mr. Chris Trew.
#FocusUp!
Wow. One of you is a hairier other of you.
I can’t wait for racist Brock to come back.
How the hell did I forget about this.
Ay caramba!
I think every morning that Brock’s got to look at the big scar on his cheek left by Cain “Brown Pride” Velasquez, he thinks to himself “Don’t be insensitive to other cultures”
Then he goes and shoots a groundhog in the face with a bullet larger than the animal.
“Punk is probably gonna break a glass of crystal pepsi on Jericho’s head”
I remember Cyrstal Pepsi and appreciate the reference.
See you at the CP Convention then, yeah?
Will Van Halen be there?
@NWOSTINGER: Van Halen, no. Van Hagar, hell yes.
CABO WABO BRO
Oh man, Wrestlemania in New Orleans would be amazing. MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN, VINCE!
You want it to happen, so Vince will film 18 seconds from New Orleans and the rest from, I dunno, Boise.
Wrestlemania in New Orleans? 12 Rounds completists assemble.
It’s really perfect. The city is built for huge events…Convention Center is awesome…Arena next door for Raw the next night…he can break the Superdome attendance record…and I can claim I helped make it happen by referencing this post.
Great B&W Chris, Here’s to hoping we get to see The Doctor of Thugenomics vs The Next Big Thing all over again.
Thanks for the fill in. It was a much different tone and I appreciated the different point of view.
Thanks for reading. If anyone needs a fill in for anything else, ever, just let me know. Book reports, dates, restaurant reservations, etc.
My only complaint is that I’m furious at you for not knowing Abraham Washington.
Although, became pretty apparent when Henry went “WHAT DO YOU WANT AW?!?” when he was Hulk smashing the locker room
(Enable :blush: emoticon)
That’s Abraham Washington, and I was certain that he no longer worked for the WWE.
My thoughts exactly
FUCKING. WIN. YES. YES. YES.
It might just be me, but when he says “last night was his worst night in his wrestling career,” that doesn’t sound like the character Daniel Bryan. That sounds like Bryan Danielson.
That was my same thought.
Yeah apparently there was a ‘Yes Yes Yes’ chant going on for 45 minutes outside the arena. The crowd was going crazy.
I swear, everything associated with My Boy D-Bry Right There the past two days has been magic, and that tops it off. Amazing. I saw Bret Hart tweeting his disappointment. I can only assume he realizes there is MUCH more to come.
I haven’t watched much of Bryan, but I still got goosebumps. Great moment
Not only was the ‘YES YES YES’ chant going on outside of the arena, it was still going on as everyone was wandering around searching for food, and even two hours later in the Hoops across the street. It just did not stop. If this doesn’t replace ‘WHAT?’ I may have to breach my verbal contract to buy his new t-shirt.
WORST: ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME
The best part of the night was Sheamus posing on the ramp, and then the camera cuts to Daniel Bryan in the back watching on a monitor. The crowd sees Bryan and reacts by cheering loudly, and you see Sheamus on the monitor perk up slightly, surely thinking that he had finally won their respect and admiration.
Good B&W even though I hate being reminded that the Colts lost the Superbowl to the Saints. Raw last night was the best I’ve seen since I started watching again 2 and a half years ago.
And yes, Brandon, next week will be all about THIS BUSINESS because there was no BUSINESS talk at all last night.
Apologies but man, that onside kick was pretty rad.
It seems somewhat apropos that Bizarro Raw had a top 10 comment from DocZeus in the B/W. Three days of the Reconciliation of Shit (Motherfucker)*
*RTSMF and all variations thereof property of THESTINGER.
Pretty much.
And it was basically a throw away remark anyway, I say Chris go back and put a asterisk next to his best.
Hey guys, it’s time for us all to be righteous to one another.
You’re so wise the THESTINGER, you’re like a skinnier Buddha covered in face paint.
Buddha comes down from the rafters with a baseball bat or I quit.
ERIC ANGLE REFERENCE YES YES etc
Wonderful job, Chris. +Rhodes
Appreciate that Mr. Dog. See you another time I hope!
My only problem with the show, besides the Rock’s twenty minutes of masturbation, was the character of Lord Tensai. I love The Giant Bernard, love. Lord Tensai is a silly “lacist” caricature. It’s like the WWE doesn’t have the internet and Japanese culture is still a mystery to them. Like Japanese society is a bunch of cartoon samurais and geishas walking around acting “honoroburu!” -_-
I was thinking the same. You can have him be a boss, and even appreciate/celebrate Japanese culture, without turning him into a cartoon character.
Both Cole and Jerry used the phrase “this ‘Lord Tensai’…”, and weren’t quite able to recall which WWE Superstar he has formally been. I realize they can’t say he was initially named after a dick piercing, but couldn’t they at least refer to him, if not by name, as a former Intercontinental Champion?
NATION OF DOMINATION feuds with Del Rio because of Trayvon.
The fact that the comment about John Cena not being able to ‘Si Si Si’ the Rock was amazing and deserved a Top 10, but in all great recap. One of the best Raw I have seen in a while, amazing I am still pumped up about it.
Well thank you for the the props!
agreed.. pretty sure i gave him credit for comment of the night on that one
What’s crazy is that even though this Raw was the best in 15 millennia, the Best Best of all happened after it was off air.
…and that was?
It’s right up there, LastTexansFan posted it. D-Bry addressing the crowd after the dark match.
I assume he’s referring to the fans going insane for Daniel Bryan in the dark match and booing the hell out of Show and Sheamus, refusing to let Bryan leave when he was cutting a promo and chanting ‘YES YES YES’ all the time.
Go search the video on Youtube. It’s well worth your time.
This.
Ah, now I see. Stuff like that makes hopeful that the WWE might see that the fans really do want wrestling more than anything.
Great review, Chris. You had your own style yet still fit in with the style of analysis that makes this column so good usually.
However,one thing I disagreed was I really felt like there should have been a best reserved solely for the crowd in general, since they made that RAW way better than it would have been somewhere out in the boondocks.
I feel like this RAW’s legacy to us will be as a night where Daniel Bryan was freaking golden in front of 15000 people for two hours, without even wrestling. For that, I am truly thankful to Miami and its fans.
Ah, yes! Good point. Crowd was amazing. I fumbled.
Did Albert actually get all that shit tattooed across his face? Because that is commitment if so.
I doubt it. I think, as Hanstock pointed out last night, he just had a modified, possibly mutated form of Hakushi-face.
“Hakushi-face” sounds like a meme waiting in the on deck circle. That or it could be the name of a servicable Danish noise rock band.
I think I saw Hakushi-face open for Skinny Puppy a couple years ago.
I wish Rock had come out and said, “Finally… The Rock has come back to the state he lives in because of tax laws! I mean home”
I loved this. Great B&W. Are you going to get the neighbours to chant hoeski to your wife?
If she turns on me, yes. Until then though they shall nod and wink.
Jericho’s tweet about the slip was pretty funny
Why Mania has never been to New Orleans is the greatest mystery of mankind. But should it happen? YES!! It’s about the only thing missing from the Dome’s resume. #NOLAThirtyToux
I was joking in the column but I’m really thinking we should get a petition going.
I haven’t been able to comment much, as I’ve been super-busy, but I want to say I’m still lurking and you guys are the best. Hope to be able to rejoin the mob soon.
I totally mean to be an asshole when I say this, but when Stroud can’t do the B&W of Raw they should just run a past B&W like a television rerun…
NICE!
So, if fans of Brandon are Stroudmouths, does that make Chris afficionados ‘Trew Believers’?
I’ll just see myself out (But not without first saying that it was a great recap of a great Raw)
Here, I’ll show you the door… ;)
You’re not going to Al Bundy fake throw me out then smash my face into the door frame are you?
I was thinking more along the lines of “Uncle Phil tossing DJ Jazzy Jeff”.
That’s good, it leaves my face unbashed!
Print the shirts!
Great B&W, really enjoyed it. Really glad I decided to tune in to Raw instead of the game last night.
Also, one of the top comments? Yes! Yes! Yes!
I am apparently drawing X-Pac heat now. Changing my spirit animal to John Cena.
I might not have agreed with your statements/opinions, but I’m not going to think you are just the worst thing on the planet because of them.
We’re wrestling fans on the internet, I don’t think there’s too many emotionally stable cats in the group.
Yeah, I suppose calling “anybody the worst kind of fans” wasn’t the best way to make my point. I was just bummed that so many people didn’t enjoy what I thought was a pretty rad Wrestlemania beause of one match.
I agree, and honestly, I don’t feel that the entire night was ruined. I had kind of forgotten about the brevity of the match as the night wore on since, as you said, the other matches were good enough to distract from that fact.
I was mad when it happened, but it’s not like shitting all over everyone else’s good performances is a mature response.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be really excited about The Match That Could Have Been and to be let down and angry about it after it happened.
I was really excited about the Rally to Restore Sanity And / Or Fear and was really disappointed in that, too. Seriously, after they have Cat Stevens (!!!!!) and only let him play half a song (????) while Jon Stewart made fart noises it became really hard to enjoy anything else that might have been worthwhile.
Still, even if Sheamus and DBry delivered I don’t think the rest of the night was great. It was good enough. Taker / HHH was better than I was expecting, but both Jericho / Punk & Cena / Rock were as good as to be expected but not as great as I hoped they could have been.
No, I honestly just thought it was funny that you had a top 10 comment, that it was appropriate for it to have happened with Bizarro Raw because you were what could have been considered the heel of a debate that sparked the invention of RTSMF. It was interesting to me as you were a fairly controversial figure over the last couple of days. It’s not X-Pac heat, it’s just a disagreement with others. Nothing personal, just a fun add-on to a weird weekend.
I was the emotionally unstable cat, (that wore a tie), BUT NOT ANYMORE!
I was kinda with DocZeus on the sentiment, even though it was probably a pretty poor choice of words. While the 18-second thing sucked, I was kinda put off by the gnashing of teeth over DB being “buried” because of what happened. It’s like everyone forgot what happened to him at last year’s Mania, and he ended up having a fantastic year. Hopefully after last night people will have a more measured response to Mania as a whole, because I enjoyed the shit out of it aside from the beginning.
Plus, if Bryan lost to Sheamus in 12 minutes, I firmly believe last night would not have been what last night turned out to be. And that would’ve been a shame. All that said, next year, they owe him a big spot and some time to tear the house down.
P.S.: Yes.
People weren’t gnashing their teeth about him being “buried”. Teeth were gnashed because we didn’t get to see him wrestle at Wrestlemania, and he didn’t get to wrestle at Wrestlemania, and it started the celebratory end-of-WWE-year PPV on a sour note that was hard to shake.
And if people hadn’t been gnashing their teeth about it, specifically the fans in Miami, last night’s joyous release of “YES!” wouldn’t have happened.
(I was also at the Rally to Restory Sanity and thought it was disappointing but more because I traveled from NYC to be there and all I got was Kid Rock)
Yeah, I was being flippant. I mean I was responding to somebody who said “I had a bizarre idea of fun” and I took it probably a bit personally but it was certainly dickish.
Bizarre aspect is I don’t disagree with anybody in thinking it was disappointing. I wanted them to get a ton of time too. I mean I totally “get” what they were trying to accomplish (ie Having the wormy chicken shit heel who has been dodging title matches get his comeuppance by having Sheamus kick his head in) but I wanted them to get a chance to shine because I thought I would enjoy that.
I guess I was annoyed I came on after a pretty fun Wrestlemania party at my apartment with a whole bunch of WWE novices to find a whole people whining about Bryan being screwed and assumed everybody was being petulant that Daniel Bryan, the REAL internet champion, getting five minutes and assumed the worse. Hence, the ECW comments. Thus, the snark.
C’est La Vie if you c’est la vie though.
@Lester
To be ABSOLUTELY fair, I can’t imagine there would be such a fervor if this had happened to like… Big Show or Orton or even if Bryan had squashed Sheamus. Its not as if there aren’t a lot of people on messaging boards around the world complaing about WWE “burying” D-Bry.
I mean Daniel Bryan does have an extraordinarily large cult following amongst the hardcore faithful.
(Also went to the Rally – glad I didn’t miss much while nursing a migraine. :P)
Let’s all just hug it out.
FWEND FWENDS!!
@Alopezb5 But… Emotionally Unstable Cat in Tie is gone?! I haz a sad :(
It’ll be ok Book Savvy, now I am an emotionally unstable human in a tie, not much has changed :)
Yeah, of course the reaction was specific to Daniel Bryan and his position in the company and in our hearts. I don’t think that was ever put into question.
And we aren’t talking about the message boards of the world, are we? Just this little gem of an open thread.
Who you calling emotionally stable?
I don’t understand why the Rock goes around wiping monkeys’ asses.
Aside from being the People’s Champion he is the Animal Kingdom’s Champion.
Those monkeys could not be more thankful.
Thanks for steppin’ in, Chris! A very well deserved +YES for you. I’d offer you a +Rhodes badge, but I’m keepin’ mine.
Framing this comment as well.
This B&W just wasn’t the same. It wasn’t vegan enough for my liking.
Are you trying to say that Brendon is a vegan?
VEGAN MEANS I’M BETTER THAN YOU.
*Tastes the B&W*
Needs more vegan, (which based on his trip to Marlins Park, would taste like water & napkins).
I was kind of a vegetarian for 2 years, I think.
Damn, I put this in the other Raw thread right after this one went up.
Here’s the best video I found of the entire post-Raw YES! fest. I love that every time he hits anyone during the match, they chant YES! And every time he gets hit, they chant NO! Awesome. 23 more minutes of a great Raw, filled with Daniel Bryan!
(turn your volume way down)
[www.youtube.com]
Christ almighty, the screaming bitches…it’s worst than a fucking rock concert.
A rock concert or a Rock concert?
YES!YES!!YES!!! – My first full night commenting on RAW and I crack the Top 10! I’m thinking that the fact that I evolved from a cat in a tie to a human in a tie might have something to do with my success as well.
Don’t you turn your back on your roots! Keep your history and heritage of being a tie-cat in your heart forever!
Lets take a moment of silence to reflect on my business cat avatar and all the great memories.
.
.
.
.
:’) never forget…
Yeah, well, you might have a Business Cat, but I’ve got an Electrical Outlet Face!
HAHA! YOU DOOO!! :D
Sorry guys, but it’s definitely either White, M4G3RK or Tobogganing Bear that have the best avatars.
You’re right, I always laugh when I see the Tobogganing Bear on my screen.
Will the old avatar return? Y’know, the way teams have alternate jerseys?
Perhaps…I’m thinking maybe if WWE does another Old School RAW or something similar.
So if I read this correctly…
John Cena = Ned Flanders
Us = Homer Simpson
Stupid Sexy Cena!
Much respect, Mr. Trew.
This was awful. Bring back Brandon.
You’re gonna have to climb the turnbuckle to grab the key and let him out of the cage dangling on top of the ring first.
Brandon on a pole match?
-*Kane sitting in back watching Cena getting F5′d on RAW, (w/Jeff.)*
-Kane: Aww! See that? this wouldn’t have happened if he had listened to me in the 1st place.
-Jeff: Want another hoagie?
Does Kane toast his subs with his demonic fire powers or is that too mundane a use of them and just lets the sandwich factory do it for him?
Or is it more hateful to eat a cold meatball sub?
He uses his demonic fire powers any chance he gets!
Wouldn’t surprise me if he uses it to pick up chicks.
“Check this out ladies, *KABOOM/FIRE!*, yeah…so who wants to come home with me?”
Good work Trew. I don’t envy Brandon’s position of being the exhausted guy who promised us all sorts of wrestling writing this week and is going to have us up his ass if it’s not quick enough for our liking.
I agree. I for one want my free entertainment PROMPTLY and will take my non-patronage elsewhere.
Great write up on a great raw.
The only bad thing about last night was DocZeus and THESTINGER got in a fight, and it was like watching two best friends fight :(
Nay! That fight was Sunday; yesterday they became friends and RECONCILEd.
Trew dat.
I’m the worst kind of person. Nobody likes a punnster.
But seriously, I agree on all counts. Great writing, and sometimes, us commentators just need to chillaxulate.
DocZeus – THESTINGER
“ONCE IN A LIFETIME”
That shit was reconciled, motherfuckers.
“NEVER BEFORE, NEVER AGAIN”
Except, of course, for the Inevitable Summerslam re-match. I’m going to go apeshit when people complain about Rocky winning the title.
FWEND FWENDS!!! Awwww. It’s like when mommy and daddy fight and they have to reassure you that sometimes grownups get into disagreements but they love you no matter what.
I’m not sure where this leaves MrsTHESTINGER though…
MrsTHESTINGER is the badass auntie you run away from home to and she tells stories about how she punched Kim Ching Ill in the face in 1992
For the record, I was only 4 in 1992.
It doesn’t have to be true. In fact, it’s better when it isn’t.
What a great night. I followed WM on the open thread and participated in my first RAW open thread (which has been the best since my return to watching since last years’ post WM RAW)…lots of fun everyone. Now if only Cena had come out in manties.
We will still keep up hope for the Cena of Earth 3
Was anyone else hoping that when Johnny came out after Punk’s match that he was going to announce another title match to take place that night…right now! And then have Daniel Bryan’s music hit?
That said the bit with Jericho was every bit as satisfying to me as that would have been.
Also, I expressed this sentiment late last night, but let me add:
I started watching wrestling again in 2005, and this is easily the best Raw, start to finish, I’ve seen since then. In addition, I stopped watching in 2001, so I missed the whole Brock Lesnar era (though I was aware of him and this goofy white rapper they had who seemed pretty good), but nonetheless I popped like I did back in high school when his music hit. And that pop, oh that pop!
Wrestling at its very, very best last night. Its very best.
Thanks for Pitch Hitting with the B/W, Chris. That Raw deserved a B/W. I just hopes this YES! thing lasts. That crowd was giving me flashbacks to the Attitude Era.
Being the Ultimate Bum Fight fan that I am,I really hope they don’t screw this angle with Brock up. He’s no longer just some tough guy that people would rather not face if they had the choice.. He was arguably the baddest man on the planet.He should be legitimately feared by every wrestler on the roster for this to come off realistic. If Cena comes out as anything other than pale faced frightened next week then this will be ruined for me.
Yeah, it’s going to be tough for me to reconcile the image of Brock I’ve got in my mind with the image I’m sure WWE wants me to have.
That said, if he gets tapped out by a super smarmy, smug Daniel Bryan, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.
That actually would be really good.Only if Bryan did it though because he legitametly has a good ground game. Trains at Xtreme Couture in Vegas.
Mabe Cody could come out with an Emberassing Moments in the UFC for Brock
Oh, man, that would be snazzy.
I’ve been thinking about who else in wrestling corresponds to Lesnar’s MMA opponents. Khali = Min-Soo Kim (Because Asian and bad), Batista = Couture (Lecherous grandpa). Not sure who is homophobic and mediocre enough with dumb hair to be Heath Herring, though.
I feel like the easy joke is the Rock… but he’s bald.
Oron=Mir
I’d love to see Rock get smooched by an opponent prior to the bell, flip out and Rock Bottom the guy, then spend five minutes defending himself by pointing out that the guy tried to kiss Rock, and Rock’s not a gay homosexual, so of course the only course of action was attack.
If it leads to Rock vs Regal, I will parade in the streets. If and when Regal deservedly Regalplexes the shit out of him.
Would Cena be kinda like Carwin? Big guy, not as big/strong as Lesnar, but seems far more personable? Or would that be Scott Steiner? Big, strong, but gasses out?
Carwin kinda looks like Skip Sheffield
Oh, by the way, alopezb5′s new look > A-trains new look
↑This…
OK, (Tobogganing), bear with me on this:
I was trying to find a clip of the episode of Pokèmon where Metapod evolved into Butterfree due to Beedrill beating the crap out of it. That was me.
Metapod = Cat Alopezb5
Butterfree = Human Alopezb5
…Beedrill = Sheamus/D-Bry 18 sec squash match.
It’s analogies like this where digimon comes in handy. Unfortunately I think only about 9 people in the western world watched that show including myself.
I liked Digimon, especially the little dinosaur who I am to lazy to google search at the moment so I can tell you his name. Yeah he was cool.
The main thing I remember about digimon was wormmon and how he reminded me of hans moleman
That and sora. I loved her before I knew where babies come from.
What’s a Digimon? Is that like a Monster In My Pocket? Or those cool flesh colored wrestler guys that fit in your pocket?
Digimon is to Pokemon as Go-Bots are Transformers
Undertaker may be undefeated at Wrestlemania, but he still had a “Sara” tattoo.
♪ The Memroy remains!♪
*♪ Memory ♪
Of the tattoo that is…GAH! I BLEW IT!
Damn, you just rock’d that right up
I still see the remains of the ‘Sara’ tattoo when the blue light hits it. Seriously, check it out some time when you literally have nothing else to do.
Not sure if you guys have seen this but it’s worth seeing.
[www.youtube.com]
Overall I had been hoping Kahli would find ring wear that is slightly more flattering. At least he could have color coordinated his gear for Team Teddy for ‘mania. I think dress shirt is a good way to cover that awkward hulking mass of upper half of him.
I haven’t seen all the comments from the Raw thread since my internets get finicky at times and won’t load new/old comments properly, but I went nuts when I saw Swagger had a damn Sons of Anarchy hoodie on during the company meeting. Swaggles is deepin SAMCRO, and I can only hope that Otunga is a Grim Bastard.
Speaking of that meeting,I’m really glad Chris pointed out how nice Khali’s shirt was.I’m sure he gets a decent discount at K-Mart but he made the extra effort to get it at Target. Rule #1 when trying to impress the new boss
Swagger is a prospect.
Yep, I’m on board with him 95% recently, only took two days to realize he finally changed hid singlet.
The guy doing the Brock pose in .gif form.
[cdn0.sbnation.com]
If Raw can continue being as fun as it was last night, people might start liking wrestling again.
Yep. One of the best episodes in years.
So I was searching for a song to use at the end of a wrestling podcast I recorded last night and just finished editing, and stumbled upon this masterpiece: [www.youtube.com]. Enjoy.
Wow, we need to request this on TRL or whatever music countdown thingy they have going on @ MTV. YES!
I want that song to be playing in every room I walk into. Also, all ceilings must be raised two feet to account for my jumping and pointing.
Solid job man. I wouldn’t want to fill Brandon’s boots either. Unless it’s with Fake Punk Beer/Flat Pepsi. Thank you for the Top 10 nod for the “losing of the shit” for Dolph because I like being pseudo Internet Famous (but totally not really, cuz I’m not that funny or clever enough to be internet famous).
Best of the night for me is still aaron michael with
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SH*T!? I’VE COMPLETELY LOST MY SH*T.
YES!YES!YES!
The filling of the boots because I just want to see Brandon with a “What. The. HELL!” face as he sees his boots filled with Fake Brandy. I’m in a weird mood today.
You’re such a prankster, BookSavvy, always telling jokes.
STINGER, no screen cap of the school girl???
No. I’m not doing screen caps or gifs of audience members if it makes me feel creepy.
Why would you find it creepy to gif audience members, yet you gif zigglers ass shaking every week… wait, nevermind, I just answered my own question.
Ziggler is a performer. Rosa Mendes is a performer. AJ is a performer. Random Attractive Lady is not. She’s Random Attractive Lady.
That she is… *creeper face*
Still, it’s a shame that I was looking at the computer and typing and missed Random Attractive Lady.
*Herman Cain smile*
FunkyWarm,I know that most everyone else’s profile pics are of someone else i.e. I’m not actually Great Khali (although Ive been in my share of Punjabi Prison matches) but for some reason i really imagine you as the man in that picture. Please don’t lead me to believe otherwise
I’d never try to lead you astray, Dandy. But, as a throwback, I’ll say this:
“Attention all ladies, the Candyman is on the prowl..for those who wanna get busy, you gotsta speak up now.”
he doesn’t even do Rosa mendez without twisting his nuts. Methinks Mrs Stinger wants all the stinging. Which normally I’d say “AWWW, C’mon dawg”, but Mrs. Stinger’s a really nice lady and we should all respect her wishes.
Especially if her wishes are for more Rosa Mendez gifs bouncing around like a goddamn whack-a-mole.
Chris, Did you do some sort of Voodoo Magic or Rain Dance to make this Awesomeness happen? You must repeat your exact steps from last week to make RAW next week just as good. Also – flying that crowd to D.C. would probably help.
I’ll likely be at Raw next week in DC and you better believe I’ll be going apeshit all night.
I’m looking into this right now.
I’ll keep a weather eye on the rafters
THESTINGER, any sign we should be on the lookout for?
Not sure! I’ll be buying tickets tomorrow and looking at Stub Hub it looks like I can get some good seats that’ll be in the camera. I’m open to suggestions!
I would say buy 10 sheets of posterboard, 5 of them cut out the letters Y and E, and the other 5 cut out S and !. Then hand them out to everyone in the row.
If you don’t rep @MrBrandonStroud at RAW you ain’t shit.
Can you make that Robocop gif into a sign?
I request a STARRCADE sign that I can point at from my living room.
This is going to be so embarrassing when Brandon makes fun of us after we run YESYESYES into the ground.
I don’t think it would be possible to bigshow YES!YES!YES!
Give it a couple months.
If Stroud’s absence from B&W means awesome Raws do we make that trade? I mean, I am actually going to re-watch Raw right now.
I have a big frowny face on right now. Brandon, your quality, freshness and flavor are sorely missed.
You asked what the wrestling equivalent would be for punting a football into the giant Dallas screen. It would have to be Ziggler getting chokeslammed off of the Hell in a Cell cage and selling it by bouncing into outer space, taking out the screen in the process. Also, I saw HBK’s pyro go off at Wrestlemania. It came out of the very top of the stadium for some reason instead of right above the TitanTron. I missed the flash, but saw the smoke clouds from his usual pyro. It probably would have been easier to see if it’d been fully dark when he came out.
I think the smoke clouds were from the explosives that make the loud BANGs for the pyro. You can see them in the top corners of the frame on the PPV. The actual fireworks didn’t go off.
This was our thing back in, like, august, I know, but lets get to 200 comments!
YES!
Lesnar calls out Gilberg next week for WM29 or GTFO.
Very good job, Chris!
Yep. One of the best episodes in years.
WWE needs to start selling pillows stuffed with Albert’s shaved body hair.
AMBROSE IS GONNA BE ON NXT! AMBROSE! JON MOXLEY
Don’t get too excited – you’re only setting yourself up for the inevitable disappointment when he debuts on NXT as “Mon Joxley (TM)”
I went to WrestleMania on Sunday, and was so pleasantly surprised that the crowd chanted “YES!” from the time we got there (around 2ish), until past midnight. I say Daniel Bryan for Undisputed Champion!
its kind of sad that none of that made its way to tv. all the +Rhodes ever to those crowds.
Here’s something I was wondering if someone could evrify: The W-mania where Cena came out to the old Chicago gangster vignette, then fake mobsters surround the ring….. Is that CM Punk getting out of the back of the car?
Yep he was def. one of them
Yeah, he made a big deal out of that last Summer.
I remember watching that with a friend who paid attention to the indies, who was all “CM Punk!!” and I was all “neat…”. If only I’d known!
Just saw it for the first time, actually. Just wanted to know I wasn’t seeing shit. Is there a promo where he talks about it, Stinger? Or was it just in the midst of an interview somewhere?
PS- So glad I saw it the first time and called it. I feel smart for ten minutes.
It’s definitely mentioned somewhere between the shoot heard round the world and MitB.
Have to admit hearing the pop Bryan got for calling A.J. into the ring last night just to tell her shut up and go was srt of reminicent to The Rock belittling everyone with a question and a good old IT DOESN’T MATTER. Called my mom and explain the whole senario for justification and without half the story out she agreed, “just like The Rock?” I said, “Yes(yes yes) that’s my point but D.B. can wrestle.”
Yeah, if crowds keep up like this (probably won’t) it’s going to pretty weird to watch Bryan have to go out there and pull out every stop he can to try and stay heel (like belittling AJ).
If there was anyone backstage who Creative wanted to get some heat on they should’ve sent a production assistant to MGK and say “hey, we’re giving you a mic, just talk about how Heath Slater is a rocking and rolling legend” and then voila, mega-heel.
Best: THIS
So I apparently picked a pretty shitty time to fall asleep before Raw, huh? Might be good though because I don’t know that my shit could handle a WWE crowd being THIS awesome. Just watched Raw and oh man it was glorious.
Anyway, great job Chris, enjoyed the whole article thoroughly. A hearty +Rhodes to you, sir.
Maybe I’m just no fun, which is probable, but I really did not think Raw was super great last night. The crowd, yes, was phenomenal. Maybe the most +Rhodesy crowd of all time. And there was some definite awesome: Johnny Ace large and in charge, Ziggler+Swagger teaming up, falling out, and then teaming up again, CM Punk’s bad weather forecast, Mark Henry in dom mode, Alberto Del Rio’s smiling mug, and so on, but it just seemed off. Maybe it’s because I do not like that WWE alway talks about the “wwe universe” and tweets their tweeters nonstop to the point of insanity, but constantly ignores what people are actually discussing on the internet, even in the social media they are supposedly glued to. It’s annoying to have an entire night of an amazing crowd shouting Yes! Yes! Yes! and only one person acknowledges what they are referring to, and it’s John Cena. They didn’t even call the match “controversial.”
Also I do not know what to think about The Rock attempting to wrestle again, and I don’t know who Brock Lesner is beyond his wikipedia stats. Is he just another big guy who is big and sort of powers through stuff? Do we need that? Also I liked that the crowd was chanting for him and then he comes out and the announcers are like “who could’ve seen that coming?” I don’t know, everybody for at least all weekend?
Lesner can pro graps for real. Better than the average big man. Go check out his match vs. Angle at Wrestlemania, aside from one of the more horrific botches you’ll ever see (won’t spoil it) it’s pretty fantastic.
lets recap. k? because you clearly werent paying nearly enough attention.
ziggler/funkasaurus after a pretty solid match
the ENTIRE cm punk/henry match and everything that ensued
albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (i swear ricardo held this note longer than my fingers can)ooooooooooooooooooooooooo del rRrRrRrRiiioooooooo!
lord tensai destroying
the announcers DID mention the crowd.
a solid match by both miz and ryder
and jesus christ fucking BROCK LESNAR
if youre relying on wikipedia to learn about him, youre doing it wrong. go spend an hour on youtube. and then spend another 45 minutes watching his mma highlights. and then find the picture of him trudging through the snow with a fucking deer on his back.
I did take the time to look at the youtubes and Lesnar did deliver. I hope they can channel all that hunting into some sort of super heel feud with Bryan, who, as you may recall, is a vegan and doesn’t even eat meat.
And again, lots of good stuff on raw! Raw was strong! But something still seemed off.
That boy right there D Bry doesn’t even eat meat??
I feel like they should have mentioned that on air at some point. They’ve missed a trick there.
Check out his Goldebrg match. Worst match ever. I’m skeptical, but happy. Just wish Heyman was around to keep me fap-happy.
lol at 45 minutes of Lesnar MMA highlights existing
good call dandy.. all this pro wrestling excitement on top of cramming for a test has me a bit fried
@Joelski – to be fair to both guys, I think the quality of the Lesnar/Goldberg match had a lot to do with both guys feeling like the crowd was shitting on them both from the get-go (rightfully so, but still…), and so they kind of said “fuck this” and phoned it in.
Shooter McGavin would wipe his ass with impossible after he’s doing eating pieces of shit for breakfast.
*done
“(also what’s the wrestling equivalent to touching it with a punt?) ”
Jeff Hardy has a swanton bomb proposal for you.
Also, I apologize that I can’t recall who noted JBL’s tweet about Del Rio stealing his gimmick – maybe, but Del Rio does it all 10x better.
Yeah, because John Layfield invented the “annoying rich guy” gimmick…
M4G3RK: Yeah, that too.
Earth 3 Great Khali has the acrobatic skill of RaymondStereo.
I don’t know if this was covered in the thread, and yeah I am nitpicking, but Punk being at the back of an employee meeting when he hates the boss is totally in character.
Mania at Jerry World in 2015 needs to happen.Rock v. Cena XXXXIV, Punk v. Austin, Sheamus v. Brock v. Lashley v. Tank Abbot , Bryan v. Angle
Tweeted, Facebook’d, and Tumblr’d.
Good job for a homeless dirtbag like yourself, Chris Trew. Good job, indeed. I had some laughs, and I know its not an easy gig. Thanks.
I look forward to booing your shitty pro-wrestling managerial skills in the near future, and having some chuckles at your zany antics.
Also, don’t know if you’re aware, but your tag team reps (PayDay and Highroller Hayze) at the last Anarchy Championship Wrestling event had a bit of a falling out. Just FYI if you didn’t get the Tweet/Facebook update/Tumblr.
Thanks for the kind words and trust me, I know exactly what’s going on with my ACW talent and there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll see you the 22nd (before you see me).
Dear substitute,
You did a good job filling in for the Immortal Internet Wrestling Review Writing Champion, Big Bad Brandon.
Crystal Pepsi getting discontinued was a sad day for myself. I’d pick A Ry’s tat over Albert’s face tat.
I was unimpressed with Lord Tensai. He looked slow and akward. In other words, it looked like Albert trying to be Japanese. I was far more happy when it became clear that the ‘E was focussing more on stars like Punk, D Bry, Ryder, Sheamus, Del Rio, etc, while phasing out the geezers like HHH, Taker. Albert sucked in the attitude era and his first match looked unimpressive. I will give him a shot, but, I didn’t see this new and improved Albert everyone has been talking about.
Regardless, it was a fantastic Raw. I hope the crowd for next Monday brings their cheering A game.
Just read the Smackdown spoilers. I demand brandon have a thread or soemthing for us to go bonkers over since all of our hormones are raging after RAW.
Not a bad job, ChrisTrew…ALL CAPS make the bests and worsts even more BEST AND WORST!!!!!!!!
**smashes bottle over head**
Thanks! And be careful with that bottle, it might break too soon.
I decided to put off Raw until Tuesday because of my residual resentment about Wrestlemania. And then they turned in one of the best episodes in months. Outside of Rock taking 15 minutes to say one sentence and Cena taking 15 minutes to talk for 5, that was one suspenseful, perfectly-booked Raw.
no best for the crowd chanting “Si! Si! Si! Si!” when the Alberto Del Rio came out after chanting “YES! YES YES!” all night? That was the single highlight of the night. Plus the “Randy Orton is an anagram for Beef Jerky with a face” sign.
Worst: Me missing this.
Best: You calling it out.
(Good call)
Heard that the yes yes yes chants continued at a Heat game the other night. There ya go for your mainstream recognition, Vince.
First and foremost, unbelievable job filling Brandon’s large non-leather shoes, Chris.
Second – one of the things that kept running through my mind from the moment the rumors started flying that Lesnar was going to be in Miami was that I honestly couldn’t remember what Brock’s entrance music sounded like, and wondering if any of the other fans did either, and what would happen if the music hit and nobody reacted, and then…
WICKED GUITAR SHRED!
…and I think we all kinda thought, “Oh yeah. It sounded like THAT.”
And then completely lost our shit, as it were.
I had a very similar thought process and I remembered it MILLASEXONDS before it came on and I felt a strange sense of accomplishment. Thanks for the kinds words.
Jericho – I want a re-match at Extreme Rules
CM Punk – Chris I just kicked your ass with rules. Think about how bad It will be without rules.
These 2 don’t have any chemistry together. I felt like the match against Mark Henry was more entertaining to watch then Punk V Jericho at wrestlemania.
Mark Henry and Punk DID have some amazing chemistry.
That came off as weird…I mean I agree with you.
As much as I disagree with the Lesnar bit (because apparently Road Dogg wasn’t proof enough that given enough time, WWE audiences will cheer for anyone), great job on the B&W. I’m intimidated just thinking about trying to fill in for Brandon, so kudos to you!
I’d also like to throw out a personal best to every person in section 118 who joined in the chorus of ‘Oh, he was Prince Albert. You know, A-Train’ after Lord Tensai came out. I assume this happened in every section.
I was busy getting relocated during the entirety of the Rock’s segment, so this Raw was pretty much all bests for me until Lesnar showed up. The crowd was so much fun, I got to mark out like crazy for both Prince Albert and Mark Henry splitting CM Punk’s wig, and Chris Jericho gave me a gigantic heel-inspired lady boner. I am not looking forward to the let down that will be every single Raw after this.
It’s such a relief to know that I can pop my head out, not see the Rock’s shadow and possibly enjoy RAW for the next 6 weeks.