Worst: The Worst Thing You Have Ever Seen In Your F**king Life, Presented By Doritos Locos
And that leads us to our last page of the report, wherein all that positivity I tried to learn from Jeff and Jeff and the goodwill of laughing about pro wrestling for three hours with comedians and friends comes crashing the hell down because holy motherf**king sh*t the Funkasaurus is dancing with Hornswoggle and Hornswoggle is wearing a singlet and oh my god his legs looked like raw chicken wings and jesus christ he looks like a dick in a fruit roll-up and f**k me they’re destroying dolph ziggler and jack swagger
I’m sorry. I don’t want to be that guy who watches wrestling just to complain about it but WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. Two good things happened:
1. The Funkettes being renamed “Funkadactyls”, which is pretty funny
2. Vickie Guerrero’s Funkasaurus dance
Other than that, it was an entire commercial break of a fat guy dancing with a dwarf, approximately 30 seconds of simulated pro wrestling and then another minute and a half of dancing. I don’t know what to do. This makes me want to watch Impact, and I am not the kind of man who just says that.
Worst: In Case You Missed It Earlier And Last Week, Here’s The Brock Lesnar Interview Video In Its Entirety
sigh
Worst: AND UP NEXT
OH COME ON
Worst: So We Waited Three Hours And 15 Minutes For This, Then
They beat me down. I can’t handle these three hour Raws.
I was at least looking forward to John Laurinaitis and Brock Lesnar sorta interacting with each other on the mic, but all we got was a vast expanse of Brock discussing contract specifics with Day 1 Trish Stratus charisma and Laurinaitis just kinda glaring at him until Cena wandered out AND DID NOTHING. He held a chain and looked extremely sad and green.
That’s the segment in a nutshell, but it took them 20 minutes. It wasn’t fun. Hopefully this was to establish that Lesnar is a “real life” asskicker and not a performer, so he didn’t show up to Raw with a bunch of jokes and catchphrases to entertain you, he came here to get what he wants and he doesn’t give a sh*t about you or your fake wrestling show. That’s good. That’s a good place to go with it, but like the Punk sobriety test before it it just really didn’t need to take so long. It felt like I’d accidentally hit the pause button on my remote 10,000 times and was watching a two-hour Raw frame by frame. All that was accomplished was a feeling of malaise, and me wanting to see Extreme Rules a little less.
But … in the spirit of positivity, I like John Cena getting a little character depth, especially when it doesn’t involve him saying he’ll FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT something. I like that the contract signing was more or less an actual contract signing. I like that Cena has a legit reason to need to beat Brock, and I like that the WWE universe now has a reason to hate Brock, not just “he’s beating up the guy we also don’t like”. And hey, all in all I love that there were more prop-related segments in-ring than matches.
Wait, sorry, I f**king hate that.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Knoxville_Nightmare
What was the gift Punk? Was it deez nutz in yo face? -Josh Matthews, Ace Reporter.
IrishCream
I kept hitting what I thought was the “dislike” button during that contract signing, but it turns out that was just the power button for my tv.
blacksnakemoan
Change 15: Lord Tensai’s skull tattoos must read: “Jimmy John’s” in Japanese.
Space Monkey Mafia
Ladies and gentlemen…Inappropriate Crewcut Theater
KaitlynsThighs
Change #11: When I win the WWE Championship, I want the design to be changed–not to a new belt, but of Zach Gowen’s prosthetic leg.
Philip Rosenbaum, speaking the truth.
I’ve never wished so much that Cena would f**k somebody up.
Feklhr
“Brock’s List”
1. More boobies!
2. More aminals like farm!
RonSwanson
Vickie went to the Zach Morris school of conflict resolution.
THESTINGER
Eating Taco Bell makes you Live Menos, not Mas.
Dagotron
Dear WWE, if I wanted to watch something three hours long and featuring a midget, I’d watch the most recent Game of Thrones three times in a row.
See you next week, unless next week is three hours, in which case f**k you and goodbye.
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Cock Chestnar
Brock needs to take on Tiger Mask V (Or six, I can’t remember), AKA Minowaman! SUPER HULK!
Btw, @dadboner tweeted about the most recent RAW. Here’s a sample: “Funkosaurus is sponsored by Loco D’reets. Big caboose babes, bold flavors, nasty jams, fine threads? Might give Guy a run for King of Cool.”
I came here specifically to bring this up. So glad someone beat me to it. When he posted hours before that he was “going” to Raw I was hoping he would follow through. I’m not even on twitter and I follow this guy. Kudos.
Also, nice camel toe on the Bella Twins.
why are there a group of zombies behind Otunga?
The best part of going to Taco Bell is getting Baja Blast. I hate Mountain Dew, but BB is awesome.
I’m with this guy. Baja Blast is the only soda I drink (excluding rum and Cokes). So to whit, here is a list of things I eat and drink that Brandon doesn’t: 1. Delicious, delicious meat 2. Delicious, delicious Baja Blast 3. Inebriating, inebriating alcohol (I think. Does Brandon drink? I don’t even know. If he doesn’t then props on not being all in my face about it)
Basically: I DON’T WAHNT, YOUR LAYFE!
But plz keep writing cool stuff about wrestling kthxbai.
He does not. If you go to a wrestling event with him at a bar. He will fetch 1,000 tiny cups of free water.
The Baja Blast is the most underrated thing about Taco Bell. There is no reason that a soda/pop/coke drinker should willfully obtain another beverage at that restaurant.
I think I like it as much as I do because it reminds me, more than anything else currently available, of Pepsi Blue.
Man I fuggin miss Pepsi Blue…and Crispy M&Ms…
/sheds single tear
I love Baja Blast because it reminds me of Beachside Blast Fruitopia. I’d sacrifice children to have that brought back permanently. Then again, I’d probably hate it because I was stupid back in middle school.
Should’ve had Coconut Flavored Rockstar sponsor the B&W, you could have asked me, I got pull.
They showed Rock getting F-5′d multiple times when he talked about becoming the youngest WWE champion.
You’re right. But he wasn’t super featured like the rest of them, he was just a guy in an F5.
Shout out to DC Talk! :)
If you only laugh maniacally at one well placed DC Talk reference this week, make it the one on Page 2 of this week’s B&W
I DID!
When I hear of DC Talk I only think of Jon the cowboy from season 2 of Real World. In other news. I’m old.
Depends on how old you were when Jon from RW2 was doing his thing. I remember him, too, but I was but a wee lass of maybe 7 (I’ve got it in my head that RW2 was on in 92 and I don’t care enough to check that).
Also, Real World taught me that everyone with a pager in the 90s was a drug dealer.
It was ’92. I was twelve. I’ll let you math my age.
Also, I think Aaron from that season probably went on to become a serial killer on a tropical island somewhere.
so you are as old as brandon, if i’ve done my maths and stalking correctly.
i think.
I was about 5yrs old in ’92. I was just a young cat trying to survive the tough streets of East LA, I was living in a much “Realer” world back then, no time to watch this Music Television everyone was talking ’bout. :)
god, git outta here, you baby! bet you don’t even know the snorks, you baby! gosh, big dumb babies, always ruining things! gosh!
I long for the days when I am no longer referred to as the baby of the group. *sigh*
gotta wait for little rhodes carlson to get bornt, sorry.
*marks out for Funkasaurus, then catches sight of Hornswoggle*
Ghaaaa! Dammit, where’s the brain bleach? Dear gawd, I did not need to see that.
Haha, Paul Bearer is Martin Blank. Does that make Brother Love Jeremy Piven?
BTW, it’s no coincidence that Orton thought of this the day that Edge *happens* to be backstage, right?
Tensai is Seagal
Am considering not reading your column until I have my baby because, once again, laughed so hard I peed. Great job.
name the baby rhodes!
We wanna see pics of Baby Rhodes Carlson when available.
if she does name the kid rhodes, i think we should all chip in and buy a gift.
personally, i’m thinking a replica white-strap intercontinental championship, but maybe something more useful would be better appreciated, like a YES! YES! YES! onesie?
If a baby ever gets named after something I’ve influenced I’ll know I’ve made it.
Marella’s COBRA strike is a pressure point, durh.
Do people have a pressure point in their forehead?
Just the nasal points, where it makes you cry afterwards. No one wants to kick-out while they’re crying.
I never thought the Bellas were that attractive, but strangely, after seeing them in tinfoil cameltoe mode, I … kinda want a baked potato.
Haha, the Bellas are canonically related to Kaiju Big Battel’s Silver Potato!
Edge and Paul Bearer take turns pushing each other around in the wheelchair of life.
I kept expecting to see #bellatwinscameltoe is now trending No. 1 world wide.
Brandon – the Otunga court room sketch was done in magic marker because the last guy used gel pens, and he kept drawing dragons and shit in the background.
LM, I think you are my favorite commenter.
YES! YES! YES!
Yeah you are pretty much the best.
/has Fred Sanfordian heart attack
Randy Orton’s lack of pants is disturbing. Like, intervention-level disturbing.
Cena: We need to have a talk Randy.
Randy: bout what?
Cena: I want to be upfront with you and let you know that this is an intervention.
Randy: FOR WHAT!?
Cena: Ok, look, you don’t wear pants, ever, and it’s upsetting people.
Randy: Oh shut up Cena! Stop wearing jorts first then maybe I’ll listen to your “pants talk”!
*Sad Cena Face” ~FIN~
What if he actually brings pants to each and every event, but Bateman steals them since Orton also likes America-themed trousers?
Look out everyone, there’s a pants thief on the loose.
That ‘freezer’ was actually Bateman’s stolen pants treasure trove/hoard.
He shall soon Gollumifiy.
Are you kidding? Guys pairing their t-shirts with tiny wrestling trunks is half the reason I tune in.
I was actually liking last night’s ep until around the half way to last hour point. Then it devolved into a hot mess.
I usually watch the last 15 minutes of RAW, just to see if anything is interesting. The fiancée (who hates wrestling) was in the room, and I always hope that I won’t be embarrassed by whatever is happening in those 15 minutes. Oops, turns out this was not a good time to have that hope. After five minutes, she turned to me and said, “I can’t stand looking at this guy anymore. He’s gross.”
I’m glad that the B/W column, unlike the open thread comments, wasn’t egregious with its talk of the Bellas unfortunate attire. Otherwise, I’d have to respectfully request that Brandon highlight at least one dude-bulge per show and spend at least two sentences covering it.
You could have gotten a nice write-up highlighting Jack’s All American-American Swagger crotch, American.
D’aww, pumpernickel!
Well yeah but we get dude bulges all of the time. Cameltoe hasn’t been seen since that last Halloween episode with Melina.
True, but it’s not like they get pointed out by the various ladies here to the degree the thread went apey for the Bella-Toe.
That wasn’t just regular cameltoe though! It was the female equivalent of the Sticky Fingers cover.
If I ever cover a show with Renee Dupree on it you’ll get nothing but a page of bulge talk, swear to God.
Great stuff. One day I’ll commit to being a part of the live threads just to make obscure Real Cowboys of Moo Mesa jokes in hopes that there’s someone who will get them.
The comment thread is the only thing that gets me through the show anymore. Making snarky comments keeps me from chewing through my wrist at how bad the show can be sometimes.
Punk said “ST” instead of “TS” whilst reciting the alphabet … meaning that he should immediately be stripped of the title.
Backstage in Wrestler’s Court, Undertaker paused for a moment and then said he’d allow it.
WCW Jericho wouldn’t have stood for Dean Malenko messing up the alphabet… He would have had JJ strip the belt immediately.
Ok, the hardest I’ve ever laughed at this column was the segment from the time Ricardo ran over Big Show in ADR’s car. But the graf about Stone Cold gave that fit of hysteria a run for its money. And I mean, all Brandon did was point out what Stone Cold did week to week. I think the hilarity comes from the realization, man life was a lot easier in the 90′s!
Kane screaming out, “SHOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” still makes me laugh.
OH! So if Randy REALLY wants to torture Kane all he has to do is run over Big Show.
Big Show might be involved in the most unintentionally hilarious moments in wrestling history. There’s his tranq’d screaming during his Hall of Pain induction, the car “intentional” that left Kane by his lonesome, him clinging to his dad’s casket, and many more.
Is it strange to live out my Bella fantasy by banging a baked potato?
Only if you switch in a different one right before you finish.
I think Jake the Snake once almost murdered Macho Man over a field sobriety test…
Teddy Long, during future contract signing segments: ahhhhhhhhhhh, who took the contracts? who took the contracts away?
They couldn’t reference Brock berating Morgan because he mentions Crispin Wah, who doesn’t exist and has never existed.
Funkaswoggle is why we can’t have nice things.
I’m cool with blacksnakemoan displacing my “Santino as Clown Pagliacci in Watchmen” comment as Brandon’s favorite of all-time as long as we can get more Talking Heads references in the B/W.
Brock Lesnar was Born Under Punches
AJ’s Love -> Building on Fire
Johnny telling Teddy to remove the water from the bottom of the ocean
Dowwwnnnnn, down in the basement, I hear the Big Red Machine
Daniel Bryan’s commentary during all Claire’s Divas(TM) matches not involving AJ: “I’ve got a girlfriend who’s better than that!”
Don’t feel bad, that comment is still near and dear to my heart.
Thanks for the 10 ten props Brandon! Will there be a video of the next Monday Night Watch Party?
No prob. And yeah, hopefully we’re going to stream the next show online.
I wish Matt Stryker would do commentary for a Lord Tensai match so we could hear him referred to as The Galaxy Express.
Striker, with an i. Matt Stryker is a different guy. He has a unibrow.
In re: Funkasaurus/Hornswoggle
We were also treated to about 5 seconds of Hornswoggle Marv Alberting Vickie which is okay because he’s not really a human which is why he can do things like this.
And yes, Vickie’s Funkasaurus dance was incredible.
I mark for Jeff the Production Guy mentions.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeffffffff… >_
people keep namedropping him in the comments so I have to bring him back from time to time
Best: Vickie yelling “get him! Get the little man!”
Great Jorb as always Brandon. Were you saddened at the lack of a golden corral commercial at your Live party?
I was seriously upset that our talented improv groups had to come up with shit for the same five commercials all night. The first two or three Doritos Jacked efforts were funny.
Kofi v. Jericho is like the battle for the weirdest pecs in WWE.
Kofi wins that.
Jericho may have the weirdest nipples I’ve ever seen.
I thought Marella/Funkasaurus was the new tag team!
And did that WWE Censor get fired for his f*ckin terrible performance?? Was Josh Mathews pushing the button too late with his Lesner-broke hand?
This makes me want to watch Impact, and I am not the kind of man who just says that.
Do it Brandon, do it. I’m not going to tell you that you’ll feel better in the morning, because you’ll probably feel worse. Still, it will be a helpful experience, like getting horrendously drunk when you’re trying to quit drinking. You wake up in the morning, throw up for an hour or two, look at the hole you punched in the wall and the table you broke, then swear off drinking forever…
…
And there’s always the off chance that you catch the one really good episode of Impact Wrestling they have every 4 months or so.
Don’t do it, Brandon.
Last New Year’s, I decided to get drunk for the first time. I got to an estimated 0.16 BAC, when I was compelled to worship the Greek god Porcelain. After spending four minutes vomiting two glasses of alcoholic Egg Nog, my right kidney and I think a third of my liver, I sat in a seated fetal position for 11 minutes trying to figure out why people get drunk in the first place.
The moral of the story? I still more fun drunk vomitting then I have ever had watching any episode of Impact.
Impact would be more entertaining if Kurt Angle the wrestler was more like Kurt Angle the tweeter…
If Bully Ray is there for at least an hour and I don’t see anyone who used to be in WCW, I should be all right.
I’d like to think that ever since losing his job at Wrestlemania, every RAW since then has been a Teddy Long fever dream and that he’ll wake up sometime towards the end of May and none of this garbage will have actually taken place.
Would mark the fuck out big time if the whole thing was a dream since 2000, and senior official Earl Hebner woke Teddy up and told him, “Hey Teddy, you’re up next! Road Dogg & X-Pac vs. the Dudleyz! Good luck!”
*Right clicks and save a certain pic above*
Now, I kinda enjoyed thsi week’s Raw I must say. Some of it was a load of rubbish (some of it always is) but I thought it was decent for the most part. Agree on the too much everything you say there was too much of, but think you’re nit picking a bit on the Punk/Jericho segment, I thought it was good fun. I don’t think the idea was that WE might believe Punk was drunk, only that Jericho did.
Someone needs to get Hornswoggle over to the squat machine. Dear Lord, I weigh about as much as three Swoggles and my legs are less flabby and disgusting than his. Maybe in true WWE insensitive fashion, they can get him an offensive dwarf barbell, like an oversized toothpick with two really big thimbles attached to it. Because, midgets.
Little Ham Hocks, Big World.
I’d like to see AJ flip out, knock out Teddy and then use his giant suit to make a tent/fort and play games inside.
As a representative of Otunga’s Oversized Jackets (OOJ), I believe A.J. would only enjoy the integrity of playing fort inside our beautiful Jackets. THIS MEANS WAR!
Does the Oversized Jacket have a neat pattern like the inside of the blazers on Fresh Prince? Gotta have something cool to look at when you’re playing fort, my friend.
The insides of these Jackets are coated in only the finest baby oils money can buy. There are also secret compartments to hold extra bow ties, to keep the busy man always matching bow ties with his accessories.
1. What kind of babies these oils derived from?
2. Any coffee-related compartments? Cream/half-and-half, sugar/sweeteners, stirring sticks
I will yield that the OOJ is a better fort construction material and is more readily available, but it doesn’t involve Teddy Long getting his clock cleaned (AJ doing it is just bonus fun)
Also, before anyone else mentions it, I’m sure Aksana spent many Smack Downs cleaning Teddy’s clock.
As a representative of Team Shucky Ducky Quack Quack 4 Life I would like to issue the following statement:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shucky ducky quack quack!
Lester you magnificent weirdo!
I keep waiting for Booker to use another Def Comedy Jam comic’s catchphrase, but 1. There really aren’t any other coming to mind and 2. None would be permissible on regular cable, regardless of if it’s TV-PG or TV-MA.
AWWWW BEEF JELLY
OF COURSE THEY THROW PAINT ON ME. I’M FUR COAT BOOKER.
Great report, Brandon. You helped to refill the hole where my soul used to be until this RAW sucked it out of me. I’m not there yet, but at least the healing process has begun.
Glad to be of service.
Brandon, Raw had to be expanded to three hours because USA ran out of NCIS/SVU episodes.
That makes way more sense than it should.
“Change #11: When I win the WWE Championship, I want the design to be changed–not to a new belt, but of Zach Gowen’s prosthetic leg.”
This made me crack up for about 25 minutes straight.
Randy Orton wearing pants would be worse than Jim Neidhart shaving off his goatee.
I don’t know, I’d love to see Randall Keith in a darling little pair of capris (Especially if they’ve got sailboats on them!)
At least that way he’d have something to intermittently explode upon.
The best part of Alex Riley spying on Punk is that his brain went “Jericho gave him booze –> red Solo cup –> Punk is drinking alcohol!” But the only reasons that the red Solo cup is associated with alcohol (to the point of being, uh, immortalized in a song by Toby Keith) is because 1) they’re cheap as hell, so they’re affordable for dumb college kids holding a backyard kegger, and 2) they’re durable enough that they won’t be immediately crushed like Dixie cups during the round of 64 of your beer-pong tourney or whatever the kids these days are doing to contract the Hanta virus. But unless Jericho also had a keg delivered to Punk’s dressing room, there’s no particular reason that Punk would be drinking whiskey out of a Solo cup. If he was interested in propriety (even though he’s just drinking by himself in his locker room), he’d find a rocks glass or something better than a f*cking plastic cup; if he wasn’t, he could just swig out of the bottle, right? So Alex Riley isn’t just a narc, he’s a stupid narc.
They should keep finding increasingly implausible reasons why Punk is surrounded by booze each week. First it was “I went to a pub for fish ‘n’ chips with a friend, which is what people in Britain do.” This week it should be revealed that Punk had a red Solo cup of water because Zack Ryder and his dickbag frat-boy friends were playing flip-cup behind the door Riley couldn’t see through and Punk had volunteered to DD for them. Next week they’ll catch Punk in one of those giant Party Central liquor stores they have in Kentucky and it’ll be revealed that they’re the only establishment that carries his favorite brand of pretzel sticks or something.
If Kofi wants to see the Non-Alcoholic Drinking Game catch on nationwide and turn him into a star, he needs to change his entrance music to this: [youtu.be]
Also, thanks for putting me in the Top Ten this week, Brandon. Had more fun reading your column today than I did watching Brock Lesnar Eli Cottonwood the contract signing.
If Kofi wants to see the Non-Alcoholic Drinking Game catch on nationwide and turn him into a star, he needs to change his entrance music to Busta Rhymes’ “Pass the Courvoisier.”
Also, thanks for putting me in the Top Ten this week, Brandon. Had more fun reading your column today than I did watching Brock Lesnar Eli Cottonwood the contract signing.
Or “Jump” by Kris Kross, if we’re still that intent on keeping it PC for Linda, although Brock’s eventually gonna throw all that out the window.
Someone really needs to ask Brock Lesnar what a moustache is and film the results.
Loved the ‘Stop Making Sense suit’ reference and I almost spit water out of my mouth over the Stillbourne tag team.
I really hope the keep up the peeping tom thing with Riley, almost solely to hear Michael Cole reference him as “The voyeuristic Alex Riley”. After a few weeks of Riley spying and starting rumors, Kharma should return and catch him peeking in the diva’s locker room and then proceed to throw him into a loose bundle of pipes and/or a garage door. Then we could forget about the character completely and he could go back to Superstars or wherever Alex Riley goes when he’s not on my television.
As soon as Scott Steiner fixes TNA via Twitter, maybe he can get started on WWE before the inevtitable steroid-induced heart attack.
How that hasn’t happened yet is mystifying…the heart attack, not him fixing TNA via twitter
Every time his heart stops beating he just HOLLERS, SO IT CAN HEAR HIM!
When I saw that Inappropriate Crewcut Theater had made the top 10, I was happy. When I saw my name, my arms of their own volition flew into the air and I spouted a few YES!es. That actually happened.
If you suffer from Spontaneous YES! Syndrome, do not seek help, as this is quite common among charming, witty, sophisticated people. If you find Spontaneous YES! Syndrome to no longer occur, or only resulting in a single YES!, immediately go to YouTube and watch Daniel Bryan clips until your arms are sore from holding them up for several hours.
Who is Hornswaggle for? I mean, I get that kids love Cena. I see the shirts. I hear their cheers. I’ve never seen ANY group go crazy for the midget. Not at a house show. Not at a PPV. Not on tv. Has anyone else seen a strong reaction…ever?
My heart is happy today….and full of bacon grease. Many, many thanks, Brandon.
it was a good comment, I loled
I’m not really sure about the attempt to use “logic” on the Punk/Jericho segment, regarding what the cops should or shouldn’t do, what Austin may have done, or anything else. I mean, ultimately, this is *wrestling.* There’s no logic to Orton bringing Paul Bearer to Detroit just to throw him in a freezer. Things just *happen* in wrestling. Yeah, sometimes the things that happen are really stupid. But in comparison, the Punk/Jericho stuff wasn’t that bad.
Yeah, it was a little too long, and maybe it could have been set up more convincingly (and yet somehow in a way that didn’t take even *more* time?). But it is what it is.
…Also, I’ll see your “It was stupid and tiresome to watch, and the ‘coolest and smartest and best wrestler ever CM Punk’ we get in moments like these might be the worst character in WWE” and raise you any segment with a dancing red Funkasaur and his posse.
I really dropped the ball when Paul Bearer was in the freezer. So many Under Siege jokes, so few, precious opportunities.
1. Now that Brodus and Hornswoggle has matching ring gear they are officially a proper old fashioned tag-team, they only need a name. As I have said on my (norwegian) blog they should be named “Funky&Horny”. And yeah, Cole called the midged “Horny” at least once during that segment.
2. Why the urge to get rid of the Bellas? Their ring gear is by far the most alluring in the diva division since Melina discovered panties, and they are above average in the ring on the curent roster. (IMHO: Beth, Nattie, Kharma (absent) and possibly AJ and Tamina are better, Alicia Fox, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Aksana, Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn and Maxine are worse.) Their main problem has always been that they have to go matches against divas like Kelly Kelly whose impressions of “wrestler” and “inflatable sextoy with seisures” have been mixed up.
I like the Kofi drinking game concept. I think a Kane hair whip drinking game would get you more effed up.
Next week I want Jericho to bring in scott hall dressed in a best in the world t shirt, beat him up, and yell “This is you, Punk. This is YOU!”
That would be shoot fantastic.
The fact that you know what a “BoohBah” is is, well, incredible. I salute you, kind sir. But as for RAW, I agree with most of the synopsis/critique, but I actually liked how long the Lesnar/Cena contract signing went, because it was uncomfortable and brutal to watch, and that’s what Lesnar wants. He wants to make this miserable, because he’s a dick. And I can appreciate that. Even Cena, in all of his pain and sadness, can’t catch a break and has to suffer (thus, Lesnar’s smirk as he left). He’s punishing us for liking his return, and that pisses us off (or at least it should, and it kind of does, but I’ve already hated Cena as much, so you know, whatever). Of course, this is all conjecture. Maybe it actually went that long because Cena couldn’t find his chain or something.
Could someone please clarify blacksnakemoans Watchmen reference? Still scratching my head here.
He didn’t make one, the old “best comment ever” was a Watchmen reference and I’ve mentioned a few times that contextually referencing Watchmen was the easiest way to get me to love your comment.
Aaah okay! Now i can rest easy. Thanks Brandon!
D Bates agrees: NXT should end like Newhart. Snowglobe, and someone waking a drooling Bates on RAW on the couch.