Tonight on Raw:
- Teddy Long takes over as the Raw general manager thanks to an edict from the mysterious Board Of Directors, meaning nothing will be planned out, Randy Orton will probably have at least three matches and Teddy will be waiting by the curtain to interrupt any kerfuffles with an impromptu tag team match announcement. Also, if we’re lucky, the return of the White Boy Challenge.
- Pre-emptive best: David Otunga and Teddy long switching clothes, finding out that they’ve been accidentally wearing each others’ sizes.
- The Rock will be in the house! Or he won’t.
- Triple H and the Undertaker were oddly absent on last week’s show, which nearly guarantees a solid 33 minutes of THIS BUSINESS to open up tonight. I hope they reveal that when they say “this business” they don’t mean wrestling, they mean public speaking.
Poll time:
Also something to remember: To nominate a comment for one of the top 10 of the night, be sure to reply with +1. That’ll make it easier for me to differentiate between the 2,000-or-so comments that are left.
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Just watched RAW. Surprised The Rock didn’t accidentally throw Edge in the river whilst he was wading through Cena’s merch.
Someone should probably tell Cena that it’s not okay to call a black person “Boy” (even if they’re half-black). Then again, when in Boston…
Just wanted to share that I managed to watch the 2nd hour of RAW and my dad decided to watch it with me for a while, despite the fact that he mostly speaks Spanish.
Rock came on to give one of his History Lessons and towards the end of it my dad walks off and shouts, “Shut up Rock!”. I have never been more proud of being that man’s son :)
/ COOL STORY HUH BRO!?
I have two thoughts from last night:
1. Are we positive that The Rock doesn’t have dementia or possibly had a stroke? Could that be why he keeps repeating himself and can only remember his catchphrases?
2. After that HBK and HHH promo, I was a little disappointed when WWE didn’t have one of those Did You Know screens dedicated to them, just to recap their conversation. “Did you know HBK and HHH have been friends for 17 years! Also, THIS BUSINESS” I get it, you guys are friends…now make out already.
Can we just get to ‘Mania already? These Cena/Rock promos are so bad it’s embarrassing. I hope their in-ring chemistry is better than what they’ve shown in the promos.
Now THAT was a pretty solid show!
I lol’d at the end when Cena through that woman’s Mike’s Hard onto the floor. She totally had the “Shit! That cost me 7.50 and that asshole Cena threw it to the ground!” look in her face.
Next year, at wrestlemania, I want Bryan, Jericho and Punk in a 60 minute Iron Man match as the main event.
Just got done watching on I-live-overseas-right-now-delay, and I really only have one question:
Does The Rock think he’s a Centaur, or that his mom had sex with a horse?
Screw history lessons, homeboy needs a biology lesson.
Whoa, over 2700 comments. With Leather might become With Spandex before we know it. Since I am on Team DVR, I just got done watching Raw. Here’s my crap on it, on no order:
1 *begin mark out* SHAWN MICHAELS FUCKING OWNS. *end mark out*
2. AJ in the black in yellow made her look like the perfect Nexus valet. We miss you, Nexus.
3. Cena using the Pats perfect streak loss as the worst Boston sports heartbreak? I recall a ball rolling through Bill Buckner’s legs that could argue that point.
4. Rocky was better than last week, but Cena JUST keeps on rolling. As someone who is more looking forward to Punk/Jericho than Cena/Rock, I am finally getting into this.
5. I swear to God, when Cena said “Lets bring out The Rock!” I thought a little person dressed as The Rock was going to come out. Thank You, WWE, for conditioning me for this.
6. OK, Kane wanted Mr. Happy-Scrappy-Hero-Pup Cena to “Embrace The Hate”, what does he want with Randy Orton? Orton already hates everything. Except tanning beds. “RANDY! YOU NEED TO EMBRACE YOUR NATURAL SKIN COLOR!!!”
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought Midget Rock was going to become a thing at that moment.
Wrestlemania Spoiler: Randy Orton gets Kane to embrace love.
He will defeat him with a Care Bear Stare.
Also, being on the West Coast USA feed when it comes to the discussion boards sucks. I love you guys and can’t read your comments until the show is over.
So let me get this straight. The Rock, who was forced down our throats for years, is upset that John Cena is being forced down our throats.
What’s his solution? Challenge a guy he wants us to see less of to a match at Wrestlemania?
Got it.
The thing that hurts me the most is they keep exposing me to Nickleback. Over and over. I will never get used to it.
I can’t wait to read Justin Watry’s recap of tonight’s RAW!! Seriously, you guys don’t know SHIT.
Once again, a fabulous night with you fine folks… bet we can hit 3,000 next week…
::slow point to Starrcade sign::
The only think this picture is missing is the *wank* motion. [tinyurl.com]
#Heel Brandon’s gonna have a field day with this one tomorrow, but I swear to God. YOU LEAVE SANTINO ALONE
8Chris Crocker face, hides under bed sheet*
Yeah Santino should get a best.
Well, now that that’s over I can go back to dreaming about KoW vs Young Bucks and Moxley vs Punk at WM 29.
The Young Bucks sat on Booker T’s jacket, so I think they screwed themselves. They also screwed themselves out of a spot on Booker T’s Fav Five.
And still no Funkasaurus… I guess someone finally called his mama.
Or maybe it’s a matter of not ENOUGH people calling his mama.
I think too many people called his mama and she’s punishing him for not being home before the streetlights came on because don’t you know you are the only living, breathing funkasaurus in captivity?!
Don’t you be runnin’ up Funkasaurus’s momma’s phone bill, either! Don’t play on people’s phones, okay?!
WHY ARE THE DAMN LIGHTS ON, FUNKASAURUS?!
Perhaps, its because I don’t have ten years of Cena baggage but Cena is owning right now and you should root for him.
No, even those of us with the baggage are behind Cena right now.
I’m not behind either of them. I hate it all.
Agreed, brianjodain.
Rock is giving promos where he’s almost on the verge of not sucking, and then ruins it all with a stupid line or Twitter reference or eHarmony bio or whatever. Then he says a serious line like “I am going to rip your throat out”, and it’s such a total non sequitur that you’re left to scratch your head and wonder why he didn’t just do THAT in the first place.
Then you have Cena, who makes jokes about this guy, and doesn’t take anything seriously. He’s your typical Boston douchebag prick, who will smirk in your face and always have some smartass thing to say, because he’s too cocky and/or stupid to know that he should be taking something…ANYTHING seriously.
My question is this…The Rock, in his career, has beaten EVERYONE. Movie star or not, he should be getting respect for what he accomplished in “this business (TM Triple H). When he doesn’t GET that respect, it should make him angry enough to say something about it. The Rock circa 2000 would’ve smacked Cena to death for smirking in his face the way he was. This Rock just says “Yeah? Well…I’m gonna win!” and walks out.
So basically we have thoroughly unlikeable cocky douchebag party-jock being a prick to a guy who clearly doesn’t care whether he wins or loses. Why should I care? If they don’t, I don’t.
If it wasn’t for this comment section, I would have turn off that crappy RAW at 10:10. I’m not sure if I’m thanking all of you or blaming all of you.
But then, you wouldn’t have gotten to hear about how John Cena being gay and a bitch would have lost the American Revolution.
Once again The Raw Open Discussion Thread is the spoon full of sugar that helps the medicine go down. Pure brilliance.
Oh and Cena really needs to stop going to the John Krasinski school of acting.
It’s true… he does do a lot of hard camera “uhhh” stares.
Next week: The Day the Music Committed Suicide
John Cena’s dad: “LET’S GO CENA!”
John Cena’s wife: “CENA SUCKS!”
…awkward.
The People Under the Stairs is on one of the Cinemax’s and I missed the beginning of it to watch Raw. I am upset.
Raw tonight more resembled The Comedy Central Roast of Rock “The Dwayne” Johnson than professional wrestling.
In parting, I will say that nobody tonight even came close to living at the end of a lightning bolt. Not even close.
And Santino STILL hasn’t pinned Barry Windham.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING NEXT WEEK?!?
There’s going to be a dance off to the Beatles.
Just wanted to thank you guys for another awesome night.
Can I get a Best for Cena bringing up 18-1 because that shit never ever gets old ever.
I don’t watch porn now because now the only thing I find erotic in this world is that football game.
I hate this as a Pats fan, but as a fan of comedy, Big Blue’s comment made me spit out my water.
A rock/rap battle? I thought these guys were beyond NXT challenges.
+1 TALK THE TALK
This.
Hopefully Michael Cole brings back his gong.
Rock wants to make it a win, so he’ll make it a win.
Something something something mustache.
The Rock looked at John Cena and thought THE GREAT CITY OF TULSA OKLAHOMA?!?!?!
Funkasaurus vs. Special Agent Peter Burke at Mania
You know, that Raw was terrible. And I don’t even care, because at this point, for me, Raw is more about cracking wise here with you lot. So, as always, thanks. I say this every week, but you rock.
(Tonight’s comments were especially hilarious, I don’t envy Brandon for having to pick a top ten.)
*you guys ROCK, was maybe not the best adjective tonight. You guys Rhodes. You all Rhodes so hard.
I tried to pay attention to Raw, and might have given myself an aneyurism. Good thing I stayed on here.
Be careful, we’re only smoke and mirrors.
I’ve undone EVERYTHING we’ve worked so hard to create.
Seriously. This was my first live discussion follow-along, which corresponded nicely with 15 minutes of worthwhile television.
Yeah, I miss all of the “important” RAW stuff because I’m too busy laughing at this thread.
I probably would have changed the channel in hour one if it wasn’t for this.
As a final post, I’d like to announce that starting next week I will be using Rhodes as an adjective for pretty much anything good that happens. That is all.
Agreed. I think the only point I wasn’t looking at comments and laughing was during the tag match. The Live Blog definitely made a crappy Raw better.
The Live Blog is pretty much the Sriracha of Pro Wrestling.
Shawn Michaels is mad that Aytch gets to ‘Mania with Taker instead of going towel shopping with him. They were supposed to go to Bed Bath & Beyond and now Aytch has ruined EVERYTHING. Now how will they match to the little soaps?!
Nothing more is needed. Well said, Rum.
So it seemed like they were going to get serious and move past all the fruity pebble goofy shit. On top of that, I was actually starting to root for Cena. Now they’re going to have a concert next week. Fuck.
I hope Motley Crue is there and Test debuts!
Probably not a good idea, I dont know if you’ve seen what happens when you take dead people in caskets and add Kane.
I bet Jerry Sandusky & Bernie Fine wish they had The Rock around to rip out other little boys’ throats.
I’m ok with too soon humor. I however, not ok with played out, too late humor. Try again.
I got this one.
In Soviet Russia, throat rips you!
I’ll check with you first next time before making a joke. You’re approval means everything to me. <3
Your*. fuckin autocorrect
Did that Raw actually happen? I mean, I normally hate everything associated with Boston but I feel bad for people that “paid their hard earned money” to sit through that.
so that one match tonight was cool
White Collar has already been more action-packed than Raw.
+1
/Road to Wrestlemania’d
well AM I HAPPY I changed to ESPN right afterward
Oh man, the Giants franchised Steve Weatherford!
Superbowl hero Steve Weatherforf
I’m actually happy about that! But no, I got to see Gonzaga tie the WCC title game with 3 secs left
So am I, Weatherford was probably the biggest upgrade to a position in the history of ever.
I can’t believe they stuck with Matt Dodge all of last year.
/fellow Giants fan
I can’t believe he lasted past that first game, where he has line-driving punts like 20 yards.
But then he couldn’t have given me a permanent heart palpatation by punting to DeSean! #sortatrue
He looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown every time they showed him on the sidelines. Anyway, fuck him.
Money well spent. Hopefully we can get him a long-term deal eventually too. Seriously.
oh man, this Cody Rhodes/ CM Punk match is really great!
Cena used tongue with Eve….just saying
I haven’t been this excited for a Wrestlemania match since Lesnar/Goldberg.
…
…
That comment had all the excitement and enthusiasm of a Linda McMahon promo
At least that match ended with Stone Cold stunning both of them. That moment almost made it worth sitting through the match.
Guys, am I dreaming? I feel like it’s going to flash forward to next week’s Raw in about 30 seconds and I’m gonna wake up in a cold sweat.
John Cena kissing his wife…not to be confused with the time he kissed Eve. Oh yeah, and she’s the hoe.
To be fair, Eve kissed Cena because sluts.
Zack Ryder still thinks he comes before Cena’s wife.
Woah, Cena’s wife looked like she was 15. Dude is way too in tune with that age bracket.
I hope that was Cena’s lady and not his sister he just kissed…or his dad’s girlfriend. Look, I’m just saying, I saw this porn once! *shuffles nervously.*
Rock concert and Cena rap near the Rock n Roll hall of fame because fuck talented entertainers.
Wait a second. I’m in between Buffalo and Cleveland, so maybe it was only me who saw this. But, I got an advertisement for a Rock concert and a Cena rap battle at the Raw in Cleveland. Is this a joke?
I got it in Kentucky
I got it in San Diego.
Also got it here. I thought I was hallucinating as well.
I wanna, like, actually hang out with John Cena again. I really hope this doesn’t end at ‘Mania.
Well as long as you’d be willing to inject roids in his ass I’m sure he’d love to have you around.
But I still get to hang out with him, right?
Guys, can we please turn this into a White Collar thread?
Sorry Jake, the world revolves around me and its past my bed time.
Well I’m still gunna.
Really? A rock and rap? I am watching Food Network next Monday.