Wait, that was last week. Or was it 2002?
Tonight: a special documentary!
Get unprecedented access into The Rock and John Cena’s incredible journey in a special hour-long documentary tonight at 8/7 CT on USA Network. Then later tonight on Raw, Rock and Cena will meet for one more live in-ring confrontation before WrestleMania.
Or, I don’t know, skip the documentary and watch the two hours of video packages that follow it.
- This is the last (important) stop on the Road To Wrestlemania, so expect a lot of major things to happen! Hahaha, just kidding!
- Poll of the week:
- Last week we had a weird error where the site wouldn’t let you post comments on the reg and gave you “SLOW DOWN INTERNET GUY YOU’RE PARTICIPATING TOO MUCH” messages. That problem has been addressed and solved, so let’s get this bad boy back up to the 2,000+ monster it was.
- I’m going to be at Wrestlemania this weekend (section 138 … stop by, say hi, bring a With Leather sign!) so the tentative Best and Worst schedule looks like this: Best And Worst Of Raw tomorrow, Best And Worst Of Wrestlemania X-7 on Friday. A “Best And Worst Of Wrestlemania Weekend” for Monday morning (I’ll be on a plane for most of Monday), Best And Worst Of next week’s Raw written by comedian Chris Trew for Tuesday, and Best And Worst Of Wrestlemania 28 proper by me on Wednesday. Other festivities will hopefully be announced soon.
- My personal Mania weekend schedule, should you want to catch up with me: ROH on Friday, WrestleReunion Saturday morning/afternoon, WWE Fan Axxess on Saturday night to catch up with all the NXT and Funkasauric people I love. Marlins/Yankees on Sunday afternoon, Mania on Sunday night. Jet lag and writing cramps all other days and times.
- Remember, the top 10 comments from tonight’s open discussion thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best and Worst Of WWE Raw report. That makes you an Internet celebrity by proxy! You’re even more important if you tweet this report, retweet it, share it on Facebook and get all your wrestling friends to come hang out and make jokes.
- To nominate a comment for one of the top 10 of the night, be sure to reply with +1. That’ll make it easier for me to differentiate between the 18-or-so comments we get instead of the usual 2,000 because of a server error.
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2,000 weeee
YEAH!!!
Now it’s just time for THE BEST AnD WORST OF WWE RAW 3/26/12 JUST BIG SHOWED (not the actual title, but if it is… AWESOME!!!) plus I apologize for my spamming of the comments. It was tactless (unless otherwise said) and I am deeply sorry. But about those replies…
1988 comments? YOU PEOPLE disgust me.
7th. D-Bry verse (lol) Wolverine? I don’t know… Wolverine’s a dick at times, but D-Bry may give him a run for his money if he can keep the claws at bay… but then again, I don’t see Logan tapping out to anyone at this point in his career. Oh wait, my bad. lol.
CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho… If Jericho winning causes him to continue to be a massive troll, and not to devolve into his previous character I’m all for it (honestly, any situation where the Jeritroll persona stays active is good with me).
So if anyone is wondering, this is the current announced matches according to WWE.com:
John Cena vs. The Rock
The Undertaker vs. Triple H (Hell in a Cell Match with special referee Shawn Michaels)
WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho
World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus
Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show
Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny
Randy Orton vs. Kane
Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Divas Champion Beth Phoenix & Eve
First and foremost, where are the WWE Tag Team Champions?
Did the WWE honestly make it so that all of their competitors all have matches at mania so they wouldn’t have competition? Terrible…
But my thoughts on the results:
1st. I’m putting (as much as I don’t want to) Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos over Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos, simply because celebrities tend to always go over at mania, and I don’t see this being any different. Plus, K2 has the dreaded rollup….
2nd. I’d really like Kane to win. Randy doesn’t need the win, and it doesn’t make sense to have Kane return just to keep being on the losing end of every feud he gets into (unless that was their plan all along!!!)
3rd. Team TeddyJohnny nuff said. And if that team (population Miz… and possibly Brodus Clay, ADR, and broken Christian) isn’t allowed to compete as it shoud, then Team Johnny will do [probably gonna need them Otunga gifs soon THESTINGER...]
4th. On a personal note, I really want Rhodes to win. I like it when the WWE gives certain people a certain wrap for certain pay per views, and then they stick to it (Undertaker and Mania, Hogan and Summerslam), plus I really want Big Show to become a verb, because I’ve already started using it. :D
5th. I can honestly see my boy D-Bry winning this match with or without help from AJ. I mean, he’s the best wrestler in the world, and the luckiest S.O.B. in the WWE if we were to go based off of what the commentators say about him. Oh, that and he’s a vegan.
6th. Hopefully Taker, so we can get a more meaningful match at next year’s Wrestlemania. But honestly, if a win by HHH means that I’ll never have to suffer through THISSSS BUSSSINESSS again, a part of me will be fine with that (read: I’ll get over it).
Dang, I messed up…. anyway….
8th. Like I’ve been saying I would love it if the Rock wins via submission just so Cena could have some major character development in the upcoming weeks. But it won’t be believable and I think that Cena will just get pummeled on until they decide to go through the motions and wrap the match up.
That was my sad attempt to get this blog to 2k views…. sitting here at what will be the 1993 post…. i came up short.
I guess you can say I Big Showed
Oh, and I think that Team Johnny should become a stable of some sort, like the Cabinet, if they win. Also, there needs to be more Ziggler and more Clay, and ADR needs to recover…. And Otunga’s pose needs a name (if it already doesn’t have one, OR the name it has isn’t up to par.
I think you did a great making a push to 2000… I think we all would love to see Rhodes over Big Show but Big Show will probably get the W here, it just makes sense the way Rhodes has been showing him up. Hopefully it’ll be longer than 5 minutes though.
In an effort to push this to the 2K mark, I’m just gonna say I was at this show last night. I was on the floor, right side of the ramp behind the guy with the “1004 Holds” sign. During the Cena/Rock promo, my arms can be seen doing D-Bry’s “YES!YES!YES!” gesture.
Biggest pops of the night: Cena, Rock, and Booker-T’s scissor kick.
Personal biggest pop went to Cody Rhodes, and the Spinaroonie.
Atlanta is +Rhodes
I’m glad the Miz is now a part of the six man tag match that I still don’t care anything about, because it strongly reduces the possibility that he will interfere with the Rock/Cena match. If we get a clean win in this match, I’ll be impressed. If we get a double count-out or double disqualification, or if Albert del Rio comes back and runs over one or both of them in a rented car with a “La Cucaracha” horn, I’ll be disappointed but not surprised.
What needs to happen is that one of them (read: Cena) needs to tap out on Sunday. It’s time for some character development folks!
Hey guys remember, that you are either a bastard…. OR THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD!!!
apparently they are NOT in fact mutually exclusive according to mythbuster and WWE champion CM Punk
According to Punk, you’re either a bastard or THE bastard.
I just arrived to the aftermath that was the open discussion thread, I feel it is my duty to get this thing to 2.000 comments. I will now read through these and comment/reply like crazy, till we exceed 2,000. HERE WE GO!
Do it Doug.
I was doing my part…. i guess
*Comes out of cave with full beard*
…we did it you guys…
*collapses*
I don’t like the current generation’s inclination to instantly label things as “the greatest ever!” or “the worst ever!” But I say with confidence this is likely to be the worst Wrestlemania of all-time. It’s going to be a four-hour, $75 version of a middling RAW.
Have you guys seen my TUMBLR? I’ve been doing a gif and small write up of every Undertaker Wrestlemania match. I’m pretty happy with how they’re coming out.
TOMBSTONE CITY
[hammerlockdialectic.tumblr.com]
Hey THESTINGER, I like your THETUMBLR.
I LIKE TUMBLR
This tumbler deserves some number of internets…. how many? I unno?
Hey guys, THESTINGER believes we can do this.
I mean, seriously, how could we consider ourselves THE BEST WRESTLING COMMUNITY IN THE WORLD WIDE WEBS if we don’t get this over 2000?
What are everyone’s thoughts on Dialectical Materialism? Me? I’m for it.
Also, can someone explain the appeal of UFCMMA to me? It seems like a mixture of Bum Fights and dick measuring but somehow more sad.
Seriously, I really don’t want to watch two dudes try to hurt each other. I was a roadie for a while and have been in more than a few scraps and even when you’re hurting someone that “deserves it” it still kind of sucks.
Also, I’m downloading last night’s RAW IS FUNK so I can make gifs. Any suggestions? If I don’t get suggestions I’ll just be making 100 gifs of David Otunga being sexy. errr, I mean, looking good to women and only women.
Guys, we’re going to end up making Brandon a LIAR if we don’t get this over 2000 comments. I can’t do it alone! (I can do it alone).
Anyone else think the ending credits to Buckaroo Bonzai are better than the rest of the film? That’s a film I try so hard to like but fail to do so.
Although I do think Clancy Brown has the best fashion sense ever in that film.
[www.banzai-institute.com]
Seriously, I need to talk to my Men’s Warehouse guy and see if I can start looking like that ASAP.
I’m hopeful that after ‘Mania we can have a draft and everyone I like will be sent to Smackdown so I can go back to half ignoring Raw.
Guys, I don’t know if I can do 68 more comments by myself. Guys? Guys? :(
this raw didn’t deserve 2,000 comments.
We’re not doing it for the RAW, we’re doing it for the BRANDON!!!!
Or the B&W, oh, that should be 2000 huh. go figure lol
My hope this week, with all the upcoming updates, is that we can get through them without 20 versions of Brandon’s go-to joke, where he comically misplaces the ‘s’ when making things plural (or is that “when makings thing plural?”).
Don’t get me wrong, I love the B&W Reports, and I love the open threads. That joke has just become like Steve Austin’s “What?” for me. I remember when and why it was funny, but… it’s not anymore. For me, anyway.
It’s actually a legit pluralization for certain titles where the title includes an adjective (ex. attorneys general, postmasters general, etc.) You’re right that it’s funny in limited doses, but can get old.
I’ll never know how Brandon can write such good stuff when he has nothing good to write about. I believe he can shine shit and make it gleam.
So who else is now waiting for:
“The Best and Worst of WWE RAW 3/26/12 Just Big Showed”?
I don’t think we’ve been punished enough. How about Cena and The Rock fighting to a draw?
I am legitimately more excited to be commenting with you guys on Sunday than I am for the actual PPV.
+Rhodes
I mean, I don’t think I’m alone in the world in imagining this may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but… an hour long promo for the match between The Rock and Cena? Who would sit through that?
Works better if you also see this: [www.ifc.com]
I’m greatly disappointed in the lack of Ziggler wrestling.
I don’t know what happened. Earlier this year (or was it last year?) we saw him wrestling two matches per ppv for back to back ppvs and now on the go home show for the biggest stage of them all, the showcase of the immortals, all you get is him doing a run in with the rest of Team Johnny???
In all respects to ALL of Team Johnny but, Dafaq?
“Can I have your attention please… I’ve just received a t-shirt from the interim RAW General manager.”
Instead of having Cole come back from commercial cold in the ring, they should have led to the commercial with some sort of scene in the back with Big Johnny texting, then returned to Michael Cole in the ring with:
“Can I have your attention please. I have just received a text message from the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Raw Mister John Laurinaitis. And I Quote…” and then yadda yadda yadda, he’s the official commentator of Team Johnny.
This Cole persona annoys me, but ‘And I Quote’ is hilarious. And any opportunity to refer to Mister John Laurinaitis’ full title is fully encouaged in these parts.
+Rhodes
When Cena was talking about everyone running him down and wanting to beat him, I expected him to go into list mode and to name all the guys who wanted to beat him, including Unaf
Well I butchered that comment. I was trying to say I thought Umaga was about to get namedropped but good taste prevailed for once.
Quick thought: Wouldn’t pinning Undertaker at Wrestlemania make The Rock the greatest of all time instead of pinning Cena?
If they put the Funkasaurus on Team Johnny… I might just faint.
For a minute or do, Cena was running with Brandon’s suggestion if talking about his superpower is that he just doesn’t lose. Unfortunately the Rock seemed on the verge of responding with “The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, Dwayne Johnson, the Rock, etc., Dwayne Johnson” and we were lucky to get what we got from him.
At this point Rock should just use the “We” speak like Venom when talking about himself. “We love pie and hate gays John Cena.”
Y2J should have called punks sister a Jericholic
+1 million.
I hope Punk would’ve continued to brutalize Christian after that.
“I think the ponytail is equally if not more responsible for the death of the Attitude era than Triple H.”
-Geraldo
I fear that Booker T might get fired later on tonight. Earlier, he referred to Raw as the Super Bowl when he was supposed to say “Million Dollar Game”.
Oh shit, I shouldn’t have taken my Ambien, I coulda pushed this to 1900 or so just with my Undertaker and Kane fanfic jokes! (hint: they often get new female managers that wear black and were raped as children)
I’m late to the party, not a regular, and on my cell but I’d like to push this past 2k…so what are we going to do with Funkasaurus after WM? Show? Mark Henry? I’m on board but I can’t deal with another month of squashing Hawkins and Slater.
well until the draft he’ll be on both shows, so nothing until he’s only on one show.
I started watching Raw late tonight because we watched Toy Story 3 first. I’ll admit that I almost cried. Raw was sadder though.
An Abridged Rock Promo: “CENA! YOU ARE A WOMAN AND HAVE A VAGINA! WE HATE VAGINAS… wait… I mean… we LOVE VAGINAS BUT NOT YOURS.”
OFWGKTA
Welp, six days to convince my 8yo why it’s important we root for Cena and not team vaginajoke.
sooooo close…
You think it’ll happen?
if people keep making comments overnight yeah.
I’ll give it as much as I can, Independence Day is on… Goldblum is the best.
word.
+1 sad ponytails for that reply.
You’re all still gonna illegally stream Mania on Sunday, and you know it.
I’ll be at a bar.
I’ll be there. Too bad I bought a nonrefundable ticket.
You’ll have the fun, man. It’s just cool to be there.
Yeah I know, it was like a year ago I was really excited about the whole thing and a year later they didn’t develop anything to be excited about. It’ll still be cool. And I’ll be in Miami fergodsakes… could be a whole lot worse.
very true!!
I’m trying to find a bar locally that is airing it, but we’re not in the WWE SPLASH ZONE ft. TAG TEAM CHAMPS FATU AND SHAMU, so I’m going to call around and see if I can find a place I and my significant other can go to where we can eat wings and watch wrasslin’.
If I had an aneurysm during that shit show and I die in the next hour, please tell the coroner to list my official cause of death as “this business”.
It is sadly, the end of the Robinson era.
We’ll all grow out ponytails of sorrow.
Or shave our heads and wear Maria/Layla hoodies.
BookSavvy, I’m wearing a Dolph/Cody hoodie.
This episode of Raw was one long fart.
Is Wrestlemania seriously $75? I’m not sure I can justify that, even if me and a few friends chip in, when season 2 of Game of Thrones starts the same night.
The stream is $55 from WWE.com
That’s a bit more reasonable, I guess I can always DVR GoT.
I’m doing the same. Gotta have my Tyrion.
SPOILER ALERT FOR GAME OF THRONES:
Scruffy looking brown hair guys will talk seriously and lack charisma.
Attractive blonde people will be villainous but have clear motivations so I’m rooting for them.
Tyrion will say something internet people will find hilarious. Will likely involve sex with prostitutes.
Show will have at least 4 scenes set in a tent.
Show will be canceled before getting a proper finish because 1) GRRM won’t finish the series because he’s OLD and FAT and will DIE and 2) even if GRRM does HBO won’t have a series go on for 10 years.
Not buying ‘Mania…but I will hang on the live thread. I’m sure it will be much more entertaining.
I may be watching Game of Thrones premiere instead of this…
The WWE had 366 days to convince me to buy WrestleMania XXVIII… and they failed.
I hope there’s an open thread for ‘Mania. I know brandon’s nto gonna be around, but could Burnsy or someone just toss it up so we can post in here and mark out?
It really does feel like life won’t be complete without a Mania thread. Even though we had a kind of slow night, which I blame on the show.
If there’s not one, there’s no reason we couldn’t all join up again on this thread for Mania.
There’s the B&W of WrestleMania X-7 on Friday…
We should make that the official WM thread if there isn’t one.
furreals
I’m sure there will be one if there was talk of badges…
I wish Kevin Steen was in the crowd with a microphone to yell about the ending.
21 days ago, I was buying Mania. Now, it’s a coin flip.
Very much agreed. Even Punk/Jericho has “your momma” jokes now. They can’t just let good things be.
Really looking forward to April RAWs, you guys.
kidding aside…i am looking forward to hitting the reset button….having the draft with Cena going to Smackdown, then Raw, then NXT before back to Raw again
i really don’t wanna say this…but did Vince Russo really have that much of an impact during WWE’s golden age?…all the promos just seemed so mush better and crisp
plus they had way more activity than just bullshit talking
confusing the golden age with the attitude era, that’s a paddlin.
you are so right…. i really Big Showed that one
New rule: you don’t get to headline WM unless you are at Raw every week in March. No video packages. 4/6 headliners there part time.
I support this rule.
Go home Raw for the first Austin v. Rock WrestleMania Main Event was the original beer bath. Let that sink in.