Pre-show notes:
- Don’t be afraid to leave a comment on this report. We’ve build a great community of intelligent, funny wrestling fans and you should be a part of it, because seriously, you aren’t gonna find it anywhere else. Don’t post your comments too fast or they might not show up, because our server is run by Angelfire and is from 1995.
- Big thanks again to Casey/THESTINGER for helping me out with gifs and pictures. Be sure to visit his gifs Tumblr for the stuff I didn’t use. We’re gonna get that kids in the crowd tumblr on the Internet, buddy!
- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.
- If you’re going to be at Wrestlemania this year (or in Miami for Wrestlemania weekend, at least), make sure you let me know so we can find each other and say hi. Section 138, if you’re wondering. Also probably ROH on Saturday afternoon, and Axxess that night. Both Chickbusters are going to be there, it may be my Waterloo.
Please to enjoy the Best and Worst Of WWE Raw for March 19, 2012.
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FIIIIIIIIINALLY
About time you entertained me for free. Jerk.
Nice, a Best and Worst w/a breakfast burrito & a Monster Energy Drank…BREAKFAST OF CHAMPS!
Worst for Johnny Ace trombones? :(
No, that was a typo. I had something else there initially. Fix’d.
Kirby’s Epic Yarn FTW!
Before I even read this weeks B&W, I’m going to say that Lord Tensai is a worst for me. I will miss Bad Intentions.
You ever think that since one of the WWE’s main sponsors is K-Mart, that Shane Douglas was sent to disrupt the show by Target? He was just trying to win Employee of the Month.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Miz is the Walking Dead. I keep expecting him to come out here and spend the next 5 weeks looking for Maryse, until we find out that she was sent by Vince to go live with the Godwinns but instead made to be all ugly. Then Miz goes all duckface on us and cries when he realizes he has dropped further in stature than King Kong Bundy.
” I feel like I’m watching ‘The Walking Dead’ with all this hopeful inactivity.” thank you
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that was OK with Rock’s promo last night.
I don’t want Rock and Cena to just find new ways to call into question the other’s sexuality, so whenever one of them remembers that you also need the audience to get behind you I get happy. Seriously, if neither is going to go full-on-DBry-heel than give me a chance to like these guys.
If you understand that we’re grading on a curve then I think Rock earned that Best from last night.
I’m also happy and excited to see that Dolph Ziggler has given Swagger some pointers on personality.
Also, as someone that watches NXT (hello!) when will Kaitlyn step in for an intervention with AJ like she did for Bateman? NXT and Superstars don’t have to exist in their separate worlds, they can and should be incorporated into the rest of the series. It’s like when Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps would share storylines but before they would then have storylines spread out over 15 different books and make me stop reading comic strips.
Also, this was one of your best writeups in a while, Brandon! Well worth the wait!
Grading on a curve is really the key for Rock/Cena at this point.
It’s never about me liking any of it at this point, it’s more just what doesn’t piss me off. I did not like Rock’s promo last night at all, but I didn’t hate it, which at this point is enough for me to go: “Oh! Well all right then!” But regardless of that, it still means we’re settling for mediocrity because the bar has been set so fucking low at this point. But hey, it still didn’t make me want to punch myself in the dick like every single HHH/HBK/Taker segment has so whatever I guess. Still doesn’t change the fact that I’d trade every single Rock/Cena segment (even the tolerable ones) for nonstop montages of Dolph Ziggler selling everyday injuries like a fuckin’ pro. Like, he stubs his toe but does an immediate front flip but somehow it still looks good. What were we talking about?
Stone Cold Jane Austen must be the best username I’ve ever seen.
It was either going to be that or ‘Grandmaster Sex Aid’.
The uber hormonal pregnant lady say THANK YOU for the gif of Ziggles shaking his ass. That made my whole day.
THESTINGER aims to please.
I expect Cody to retain at ‘Mania. What good does it do to put that strap on Show?
Maybe they are looking to put the belt on somebody else who won’t get a chance to defend the title
Maybe it won’t be a belt match?
How is Destiny by the way? Are you gonna write a list for her similar to the one “That boy D-Bry right there” wrote for AJ?
I think I might actually be looking forward to Cody/Show more than Orton/Kane. At least those two have a semi convincing reason to be feuding. WTH was all that “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU COS I SHOOK YOUR HAND ONE TIME” crap all about?
Cody / Show is a great feud.
Cody manages to sickburn Show more in 2 minutes than HHH, Taker, HBK, Rock, or Cena can do with a half hour.
I also really respect that Cody is upfront about how he thinks Show is unstoppable 364 days a year (which is BS, but I like it when wrestlers don’t try to bury each other all the fucking time) but that he sucks at Wrestlemania so that’s why he’s so confident.
List of best to worst ‘Mania feuds:
Jericho v Punk, Laurinaitis v Long, DBry v Sheamus, Cody v Show, ugghhhhhhh… the rest are bad whatever.
My problem with the Bryan/Sheamus feud is that the writers seem to be almost in love with the girlfriend AJ stuff as I am and so are forgetting about Sheamus until the segment is nearly over and adding “oh yeah then Sheamus arrives and kicks someone/something in the face”
I’m still looking forward to the match though, because DBD in a world title match at Wrestlemania is amazing, even if it opens the show like Edge/Del Rio did last year.
Lester, that works for Sheamus though. He’s their ultimate skyhook now.
Writer: Oh, shit, how the hell do we end this segment?
Sheamus: OY’LL FIGHT UM!
*brogue kicks (whatever/whoever) in face*
*end segment*
Trivial and I’m sure no one cares, but WWE deserves a best for referring to SummerSlam as the “25th Annual” and not “25th Anniversary.” Of course, they get a worst for taking three years to figure this out.
I’m so happy that my Grandpa Simpson quote made the top 10. I literally thought of it about half an hour after the previous week’s RAW had ended and had been sitting on it for a whole week.
I actually like Rocky II better than Rocky. Not saying ITS better. I just LIKE it better. “Would you mind marryin’ me too much?” C’mon…that’s classic.
Rocky II sucks for me because it ruins what made Rocky so good. He’s not supposed to win and be an unstoppable champion. I actually rank II behind III and IV because I prefer the cheesy bullshit to the still-earnest-but-contradicting-part-one stuff.
4, 1, 3, Balboa, 2, 5.
If you switch 1 and 4, that’s my list, too.
To be fair, my liking it has more to do with its constant airing on premium cable when I was a teenager more than anything. I was Rocky 2 Indoctrinated!
Rocky IV is one of the movies I saw most as a child, for some reason. I own the soundtrack on vinyl. It cost me 50p.
DOW BOW THERE’S NO EASY WAY OUT
DOW BOW THERE’S NO SHORT CUT HOOOOME
Rocky 4…..then the rest of them.
Two worlds collide, rival nations
It’s a primitive clash, venting years of frustrations!
“4, 1, 3, Balboa, 2, 5″
What is “Sylvester Stallone trying to count”?
Why is Swagger 4 feet taller than I remember in that intro. It looked like Swagger was the Original 12″ G.I. Joe and Dolph was the 80′s 3.75″ version.
I gotta be honest, I don’t really like Jericho’s approach. I mean, yeah, it fits with his character and with Punk’s key gimmick, but…it just feels off. “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH SO THAT…YOU’LL…UHH…DRINK ALCOHOL AND STUFF.” Maybe in an undercard feud or something, or on Raw/SD, that would fly. But as WM fodder? Nah, I ain’t buying it. Sure, they’ve done more with less before, but…it just doesn’t feel right.
Still dig the column, though.
I know what you mean. I’d be fine with the story being the basic “I’m better than you, let me prove it nancy-boy!”
The fact that Punk is in his 30′s, has been humiliated more in the WWE than Jericho realizes and has still stayed STRAITCH EGER’d proves dis Jericho boi he don’t know what he talkin’ ’bout.
But I like what Brant said, that Jericho don’t need no reason to be sayin’ these things, he jus’ wan’ fuck what that there CM Punk (without the CM. BOOM).
I hate when people do the “x made me spit out my coffee” thing, but Jericho on still as Test made me do the “snort coffee into my nose and my god it burns” thing.
The Rock said he was going to cram the biggest ball of cheesesteak we’ve ever seen up Cena’s ass. Because in Philly, balls of cheesesteaks are like tumbleweeds. Be sure to look both ways to avoid that giant ball of cheesesteak heading for your shitter.
Backstage segment idea for next week/future Best: Johnny is turning on his new phone after Santino broke his old one. Swaggler walks in. Swagger has a Johnny Unitas haircut and Ace sets his new phone’s clock to it.
Also, “Remember when WCW did that angle where Glacier had to sell off his gimmick” HAHAHA what no of course not.
Great write up as always.
Nothing is happening in the END OF AN ERA feud because Undertaker still thinks that he has 4 weeks until the match.
Great write-up once again Brandon. Something to look forward to on hump day.
Thing that make me happy:
-Kirby’s Epic Yarn
-”Wrong Latin Hammer”
-Ziggler butt shake from THESTINGER. (Mr Ziggles thanks you.)
-Sad face for eaten Rhodes Mutant Hermaphrodite paragraph
-Otunga’s Cape-let. As I was discussing with MrsTHESTINGER during Victory Road (don’t judge), Austin Aries needs a better cape than his jacked up generic Harry Potter one and I think we can hook him up with that. Otunga obviously took note of this Twitter discussion and didn’t want to repeat that fashion faux pas and instead, raided Holly Golightly’s closet (from the Austin Scarlet Spring 2012 collection, natch). I’m glad we could help, Bowtunga.
-”Teach Kaitlyn how to be a convincing Sherri Martel for Daniel Bryan’s inevitable descent into Macho Madness.” THIS, PLEASE! So many +Rhodes I can even…
-”The segment gets a secondary best for Randy Orton’s lackadaisical book report style of interview response” I felt like I was teaching again when I saw this… “umm…well… that was very… insightful Randall… thank you… does… anyone have anything to add?” ::crickets::
I post too fast so I’m glad it wasn’t just the WL gang on Twitter (love you guys) that got to enjoy my “Ongoing Saga of Taker & Aytch in High School (with special guest appearance by his First Love.)” post. I think next week, Aytch is going to start doing emo poetry/.gif sets on his Tumblr now that Taker has put him in his place. Either that or show up with a Scene haircut, not sure yet. “Geez Taker, Goth is SOOOO 90′s.”
Thing that makes me happy:
- You finding so much in my report to make you happy.
Yup, it’s a comment alright.
YES YES YES! Made the top 10 comments. Great write-up as always Brandon, everything that happens here makes watching the product that bit sweeter.
I do what I can.
Shame on that Raw crowd for being dead and chanting boring throughout the Kane/Show classic. That was actually pretty fun; thanks for linking it, bistro!
The top image is definitely the best best. Next week Cody should show up in sumo gear, throw salt in Big Show’s eyes and just palm slap him in the mouth.
Great as always. Glad you didn’t get dead.
When I clicked like, I somehow ended up in the LeBell Lock. Bravo, sir!
I would just like to reiterate, because I feel like it was missed Monday:
“+Rhodes” is not just “Plus Rhodes.” It is also “Cross Rhodes.” Hence, it is perfect and awesome and I want 200,000 of them.
You are welcome.
Wouldn’t “† Rhodes” be the actual “Cross Rhodes”? Is it greater in value than “Plus Rhodes”?.
What’s the ratio of “† Rhodes” to “+ Rhodes”?
comparing the size of the symbols, I would say † Rhodes is roughly 2.5 +Rhodes
Congratulations, Brandon! You are now a meme. [i.imgur.com]
Did you make that? Because seriously, that was the joke. Were the dollar signs in “asshole” not enough of a tell?
I did..and we’re on the same page with the ‘that was the joke’ part. ;)
Then what’s the purpose of turning it into a meme? Isn’t that meme for people who are being legitimately hypocritical? You might as well paste a print screen of With Leather onto the body of the Nyan Cat.
I heard you like jokes so I put a joke in your joke so people could joke while they joke. But you got all pi$$y. =/
‘Memes’ are no longer jokes because they’re not funny. ‘Memes’ are now considered insults.
I’m not pissy, you just didn’t make a joke. You just put a misinterpretation of an obvious joke on a random picture of me. I’m not mad or anything, I just have to battle with people not getting my jokes every day.
“Oh yeah? Well, I turned your joke sideways and put it in John Cena’s Mom!”
- The Rock
and yes, by definition this means I am bad at jokes
[www.youtube.com]
Hook the leg, please censor your entire comment.
You missed the part where I clearly stated I got the joke. You did,didn’t you? (Protip, you did)
Good Guy Sidney Huffman: Makes a joke about a joke & people don’t realise the joke about a joke was a joke. Doesn’t tell anyone he’s going to kick the b******t out of them.
You’re the only other person I’ve ever seen that used the accented é in Pokémon.
That’s how you spell it!
Wait Daniel Bryan is Vegan and he has love handles…
Vegans can gain weight just like everyone else. Just because food was made without animal products doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
I just read that Daniel Bryan is dating Brie Bella. If this ends up with the Bellas getting more screen time and A.J. getting demoted back to Backstage Bystander, I am going to find the nearest Vegan and force feed them a T-Bone Steak and a Big Mac.
And you would be well within your rights to do so!
I thought Bryan was legit dating AJ and that’s where the storyline came from?
I’m okay with a Maria Menenous match if it leads to an impromptu Slater vs Nedick 2 out of 3 falls match. Followed by Belding being the GM of said match.
Maria is legitimately a WWE fan, and her past appearances have been on the better end of the celebrity shenanigans the WWE insists on putting on, so I think it could be all right. It’s not like we realistically would have gotten a good women’s wrestling match in its place.
I hate tornadoes.
I know, right?
Yeah it was pretty crazy over here for sure. Though it was nice to actually see water in our rivers.
It makes for nice afternoon radio conversation, though. People were calling in reporting on what they sky looked like, and for a second it sounded like they were describing the End of the World.
Host1: “So what do the skies look like where your at?:
Caller: “The skies look like a dark grayish green.”
Host2: “The skies look green?!”
Caller: “Yes, sir.”
Host1: “I think you should take cover.”
Host2: “Yeah get off the phone, and get indoors.”
Caller: “Okay.”
Host1: “Its time for a news update. The time is 3:2…3:… Did he say green?”
Not finished reading yet, but the fact that “+Rhodes” made it into the best/worst article may just be my proudest moment this year. I’m waaaaay too excited about it.
Is the next step on your diabolical plan to turn +RumHam into a thing? If not, it should be.
Shhhhhhhhhhh!!
I mean it is, but +RumHam is only going to be for constantly bragging about really unimportant things.
“Hey guys! I came up with +Rhodes and Brandon said it! Look at me! I’m so cool! Don’t forget it was me who came up with +Rhodes! Me! +Rhodes”
“+RumHam”
Like that.
Great article as always. I had a whole list of things to talk about because I was one of those unlucky bastards that was apparently just posting way to fast on Monday – so I was going to wait until this article to say all my “hilarious jokes” about Raw, buuuuuut…. I forgot them all because FUCK YES ALBERT IS BACK DUDE IS A BEAST AND I AM PUMPED UP ABOUT IT.
I just hope he discovered a razor during his time away from WWE…*Thinks of Albert’s hairy back* *Shudders*
If anyone didn’t know it was Albert already when that video hit, I’m pretty sure the blatant shoulder stubble would have tipped them off.
Now if we can find a spot for Pump Machine Gun Karl Anderson we’ll have a great Raw.
As a straight guy, I could watch zigglers ass gyrations all day. And what’s weird is that I don’t feel weird about it.
You shouldn’t. It’s not showing off if you’re backing it up.
Oh I get it now.
“It’s not showing off if you’re backing IT up.”
IT is referring to his butt!
Awesome article again. I even enjoyed the show until THIS BUSINESS began.
I couldn’t help but wonder, though, do they need to bring in a 39 year old to do A-Train things? He was pretty decent when they gave a crap about his existence, but I feel like some younger guys could use this too.
A-Train’s age is up there, but he’s younger than, say, R-Truth and way, way, way better.
Totally true. I can totally picture Big Zeke sadly bodyslamming people in the back while watching A-Train’s high profile feud.
That Menounos stuff pisses me off so much. I think one of the worst things about the divas division is that everyone always seems on the verge of breaking into laughter. They know it’s stupid, but they don’t care enough about wrestling to ever propose new ideas. You can imagine Kelly Kelly, former Divas Champion saying “oh, you know, its just this thing i do lol”
This might have been said before but I feel like Miz is going to turn face at W28. He’s not on Team Laurinitis yet and Team Teddy seems to be lacking the star power.
Am I sensing a Chavo/Kane moment with Miz v Brodus for Wrestlemania?
In the partly fictionalised land of the WWE, Brodus is the Paragon to Kane’s Renegade.
A lot to like here, but I have to skip over that and ask a serious question; did Shane Douglas always look like Mark Madden or is this a recent development?
I still say Aksana and Vicky furiously rubbing their boobs together was a Best. I’ve long believed that any quasi-lesbian contact makes the less hot of the two women involved more hot; was true on Monday.
So you’re saying Aksana never looked better?
Also, love your avatar.
JJJJJEEEEeeeeFfffFFFFFff………..
( hope I didnt post that too fast)
That reminds me.
After Kane beat Big Show, Kane’s music hits but there is no fire or red lights.
All we see is Kane just rolling out of the ring and heading to the backstage area, he looked confused. I’m pretty sure I saw him saying, “Damnit Jeff, not again!”.
Dammit. I would have marked incredibly hard for a Gatchaman reference.
CHIKARA is your example for great Philadelphia independent wrestling? ROH was right there!
Technically, I’m not sure where ROH is based out of anymore. Most of their corporate stuff runs through Sinclair which is based in Maryland. I’m assuming the school is still in Philly, though I haven’t heard anything about it since the buyout that I can recall.
@Brandon it pains me to read you running down the (formerly) great Shane Douglas. Even if you’re probably right about most of it. ECW would have never succeeded in the early days without him. He had some incredible promos and I still cackle hearing him run down Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan.
Yeah, it is a little funny that Brandon would say he wouldn’t care to meet Shane Douglas in real life. Says the guy with countless pictures of wrestlers posing with him on the internets.
Isn’t Jericho already on stilts as Jericho?
Is that Corkscrew Crossbody from R-Truth a new thing? Or something he hasn’t done in awhile. Either way it confused and titillated me.
Brandon,
I was really lukewarm about this RAW (which, apparently makes me weird, since PWTorch was raving about it), but, as always, great write up!
Part of my dissatisfaction with the show is that they haven’t really given me any reason to give a damn about ‘Mania. There is just too much circle-jerking-back to the same points and not enough sense of urgency to any thing.
And, for the sake of Avatar Aang, Mark Henry should have beat Cena. Then, Rock comes out and puts Henry down. THAT sends the message that Rock is in it (“And Mark is one of the Rock’s oldest friends, you candy ass babytalkchickenpoo!” or whatever).
Cody was, again, Brilliant, and exists on another plane of awesome. He is the Lady of Pain of the WWE Planescape, as far as I’m concerned.
We’ll see if next week changes my mind, but, at this rate, I’ll watch some clips of ‘Mania and wait for your write up, and play D&D with my friends on April 1st.
Macho Man drops the “heavenly elbow” on Rock’s chest to end the match at WM…don’t mock the macho.
Which brings up the interesting point of whether WM means “Wrestlemania” or…”Waste Management”…
Big Johnny going all Archibald Peck for that celebration is pretty great.
I have to take issue with the Shane Douglas working at Target jokes. What’s wrong with him working at Target? Good for him, if he’s in a regular life and doing something productive. Justin Credible makes breadsticks at Olive Garden, doesn’t he?
I get that it’s just a mindtrick to know that the guys who used to be hardcore kings of wrestling are now doing mundane jobs, but I just don’t get the putting him down.
And mind you, I’m not trying to whine or say you shouldn’t make the jokes, I’m just putting a thought about the jokes out there.
Alright Mr. Stroud. What I really want to know is, with the red skies and meteorological foofurall did the Anti-Monitor show up at your place? Did you take it to the Golden Corral? And a quick follow-up; what did it place into the Chocolate Wonderfall?
Brandon, how conflicted are you that Kait-Man are now an official thing on NXT?
Also, after this past month, I’ve totally turned the corner on Johnny Curtis. Dude is amazing.
I’m late reading this week’s B/W, so I need to know if anyone has noticed that Jack Swagger’s new haircut makes him look like 30 Rock’s Kenneth on HGH?
Oh and HEY! Maybe besides “get all snakey and kill people”, Orton’s voices are telling him not to wear pants? Hmm. I know wrestlers like to write books towards the end of their career, but damn Orton’s book, I wanna read what Orton’s Voices have to say.
So late reading this because of not having any time off work ever, but this was hilarious. Sorry about the tornadoes, Brandon, that’s some scary shit. Glad you’re alright.
buddy don’t mess with big show without cheating man he will fuck ur bomb understand idiot
buddy don’t mess with big show without cheating man he will fuck u r bomb understand idiot bullshit kind of man [miracleheelstick.net]
I had to take a moment with the ‘CZ’ rhymes with ‘EC’ comment. Way to confuse the Canadian girl.
I did the same thing.
cee zed?
So what happend to the old PPV BnWs? I was starting to live for those….and now…
This is fucking tits. From a man that doesn’t have cable: thanks.
Dude, Randy Orton knew Teddy was on the show. He knows that any wrestler within 100 yards of the ring runs the risk off getting thrown into impromptu matches by the same Mr. Long. He saw what happened to Otunga last week, when Otungas pants split halfway through the match. Mr Orton values his pants, and thus wisely leaves them in the locker room.