On tonight’s show:
- Finally, The Rock, HAS COME BACK … to Portland. The dream of the 90s is alive in Portland, everybody!
- Triple H and The Undertaker continue their catch-as-catch-can verbal exchanges to build to their epic three-match at Wrestlemania. What’ll come off first, Triple H’s tie or the Undertaker’s bald cap? Stay tuned!
- John Cena almost misses the show to be the Grand Wizard (or whatever) at the rain-delayed Daytona 500, so hopefully his plane will arrive as scheduled and we won’t have to cart out Heath Slater or whoever tonight to call Eve a stupid bitch.
- Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk Champion vs. Champion may happen on the third consecutive show, and I am completely fine with that.
Remember, the top 10 comments from tonight’s open discussion thread will be featured as my fave five in tomorrow’s Best and Worst Of WWE Raw report. That makes you an Internet celebrity by proxy!
Also something to remember: To nominate a comment for one of the top 10 of the night, be sure to reply with +1. That’ll make it easier for me to differentiate between the 2,000-or-so comments that are left.
Poll time:
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I watched that awful Highlander movie just because Edge was in it, I might watch this one.
I just hope there’s a scene where the chief is like “Dammit Copeland! I wanted Gambini in handcuffs, not a body bag! You spear a guy like that again, and you’ll be guarding a crosswalk for the rest of your career!”
And Edge is all “I get results!”
“Your ‘results’ are three men dead, and four critically injured!”
Well McGarnagle, Little Jimmy is dead! They slit his throat from ear to ear!”
just to clarify. What is a lady part?
You put your hand in it. And occasionally, hands come out.
A part that a lady plays. Like Juliet.
It’s needlessly complex, yet magical.
The only part of Raw I’ve had time to watch (and may watch at all) was the Punk/Jericho open, which did more to make me want to buy WrestleMania than a thousand brooding Triple H THIS BUSINESS riffs. That’s the Punk that we all loved and wanted to follow, as I’m sure dozens of commenters have said. I was instantly concerned that it would devolve into LOL SPARKLES LIGHT UP FAG.
Just wanna say I love my new job. LOVE it. But I miss you guys on Monday nights.
okay idk if anyone else touched on it.. but since when does The Rock talk about himself in 1st Person?!?!? It’s very confusing.
That whole Rock/Cena promo was pretty awful, with Cena actually having the best moment (I never thought I’d say that). I usually enjoy Rocky promos, but the whole “trending worldwide” and idiotic phrase chants turned the whole thing into a boring and messy affair. That crap didn’t work last year, and it didn’t work last night. Let’s just hope it gets better from here.
The whole “lady parts” putdown is pretty silly, unless the Rock can pass a bowling ball through his urethra.
After watching that whole exchange agian something dawned on me. I think The Rock gave the writers his self destruct codes to help Cena, it’s almost like he was Abed trying to help out Hilary Duff.
+1. +1+1+1.
Cena: Does rock have a self destruct code, like “destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-”
*rock explodes*
Rock: Thanks alot, Cena! Now everybody knows!
I fell asleep during the Notre Dame/Georgetown game and I missed all of RAW =(
The Best and Worst of Raw 2/27/12 – Let’s recap last weeks Raw.
Holy piss… The Rock was shook up. That was fantastic. Cena did something that I didn’t think anyone could do; he made me give a damn about the match.
I’LL SAY SOMETHING, THEN ALL OF YOU WILL SAY IT, AND THAT MAKES ME THE BEST.
Jericho did it first!
Wrestlemania 28 main event: John Cena vs the Rock/mindless Army of Darkness.
also, the over/under on how many times the Rock switches his microphone hand during any promo is 20.
So, is HBK going to be downhome cowboy or disco Crusader next week?
Natural strenghts? Quit enabling Big Poppa Pump, Eve.
NEW COMMENT RECORD. I HOPE BRANDON REMINDS US HE IS THIS TOMORROW:
[www.youtube.com]
I hope he doesn’t.
Swagger spamming the “COMMON REF” button is doing no favors for his talking problem.
If I am to believe that the Rock can legit beat Cena at Wrestlemania I’m going to need him to be put into action in the upcoming weeks. Screw the promos. No, I’ll give him one more, but then he needs some in ring action. All they have to do to make me “believe” that the Rock can possibly beat Cena is put him in matches for 3 consecutive weeks leading up to Wrestlemania. Have him fight a mid-tier, The Miz, and a main-eventer. This way I can rid myself of this connotation of “ring rust” and be more enthusiastic for the Cena/Rock match at WM.
This does not mean that I think Cena is better than The Rock at present, but the Rock hasn’t had a legit match since he’s “come home”, whatever the hell that means now, so he NEEDS to be put in a few matches to TRULY show that he still has it.
He’s The Rock… just showing up should be enough….lol. In all seriousness, I don’t think WWE or The Rock are interested in warm-up matches. He has to beat Cena, or else what’s the point of this whole endeavor? The likelihood of him losing for the sake extending the storyline is slim to none in my view.
you’re the best, everyone!
Vertical screen wipe? Are you on Lucas’ payroll now too, Rocky?
Mizanin is one “I suck dick for coke” away from morphing this from boring to legendary.
If Sheamus wants me to cheer for him over Daniel Bryan, he needs to shave the goatee and just have a big red pornstache.
In some perfect smark world, Claudio Castagnoli will acquire K2 as his escort and combine the Big Swing and the Pointless Screaming Rana to defeat BateMax.
Miz: power bottom.
Not even my DVR recording can diminish how fucking awesome John Lauranitis is right now.
Jesus, all the Rock has to say whenever Cena mentions that he’s not around anymore is “If Hollywood called you instead of me to make The Toothfairy, your ass would be gone in an instant and you know it!” Instead, he talks about breakfast cereals and Chinese buffet food. Do I REALLY have to pick a side between those two?
I think your avatar appropriately answers your question:
[www.youtube.com]
Outstanding
Missed the boat…again (lack of working television is killing me on Monday nights), but from what I heard, Rock’s promo was pretty uniformly awful tonight. Something to ponder…could WWE be so concerned with protecting Cena (as he’ll be the one carrying the company come April 2nd) that they’re asking Rock to sandbag it? It doesn’t seem so far-fetched to me as they basically shit all over Eve to make sure Cena wasn’t getting any boos from that, so why wouldn’t they set up Cena trouncing Rock to make them look more equal going into ‘Mania? Gotta protect that golden boy no matter what.
Please note I am in no way trying to be a Rock apologist – I am equally annoyed with both characters and may suffer from a joygasm if this match ends up as Brock Lesnar/Goldberg v2.0.
I didn’t achieve the +1 I set out for. I hate me SO much now.
Pity +1
+1!
If we add paginated comments, I would’ve +1′d you bud.
I don’t like this whole “click to show more comments” …it was too much work to read all the magic.
thanks for the pity..I embrace them like hate!!
thanks for the pity..I embrace them like hate!!
THAT earns a legit +1
lately i’ve had to do the whole DVR catchup thing on Mondays. sooooooo is it too late to point out how awesome Mark Henry’s behind the back camera shot is and always has been?
i just want that at wrestlemania and nothing else, really.
(as i type that, mark henry jobs out. whoop whoop.)
i’ve never witnessed someone get punished so hard for BEING INJURED.
all will suffer, indeed.
I’m sort of fascinated, the way that whole final section played out. Rock’s promo initially was concise, with only the most obvious dollop of nonsense misogyny, and then he completely ran off the rails with all the stupid Twitter nonsense, and yet…if it wasn’t for the insufferable trending stuff, John Cena’s subsequent dismissal wouldn’t have hit anywhere near as well as it did. It reminded me of “Carrie” where you NEED the hour of insipid high school nonsense to make the climax work so well.
What I’m interested in is how much of this WWE Creative actually intended. Considering their proclivity for starting storylines and then completely losing the thread, most of their occasional awesome, subtle ideas seem like complete accidents, so I honestly have no idea what THEY’RE attempting to do with this story, but the way I’m choosing to read it makes me way more intrigued (read: not entirely scoffing when the storyline is brought up) than I ever was before in this match, and that’s cool.
Incidentally, I tried to make this point to Mr. Stroud in 140 characters on Twitter and with all the messages presumably flying at him, he apparently thought I was making a “this wrestling stuff is so fake!” comment, and then I stepped out and didn’t get to retort until 45 minutes later, and being misunderstood by writers I love and not being able to clear the air IS SO IRKSOME. So if you happen to see this, Mr. Stroud, OH LORD PLEASE DON’T LET ME BE MISUNDERSTOOD.
The rest of the show was surprisingly quite good but I kept waiting for the Rock shoe to drop and then it ended up providing its own sense of random intrigue. Nice job, WWE. We’ll see.
Napoleon Complex is trending worldwide.
Colmpex*
The pictures hung up outside the Trainer’s Room are remnants of Slim Goodbody’s run as Raw GM.
//please insert this in the correct timestamp of 9:41 pm
Bulleted form thoughts on the show:
-I liked the opening promo between Punk/Jericho. Disagree on the “lite brite” jacket, I think we all do.
-Was Teddy’s suit made out of dinner napkins?
-Kelly’s hair extensions looked great.
-A Best is order to the dude with red afro and sleeveless T-shirt (showcasing his Confederate flag tattoo I might add) yelling at Miz during his promo.
-Jack Doan is old and swollen.
-Miz v Cena tonight > Miz v Cena WM 27
-”There’s only one rock.” There are plenty of rocks Jerry, we live on a rock.
-Kane shouldn’t be allowed to use the Wolverine font.
-I feel like Eve waited for the Hoeski chant in any case, what was the point of her talking? Could they make this situation worse?
-And seriously why would you make Kelly’s cleavage unhappy…
-Cody Rhodes wins Raw tonight.
-My DVR cut Rock’s soliloquy short so I’ll wait to pass judgement.
+1 for -”There’s only one rock.” There are plenty of rocks Jerry, we live on a rock.
Sometime I guess there just aren’t enough Rocks.
+1 Forrest Gump quotes never go out of style!
there’s at least 3 Rocks…. otherwise John Lithgow and Joseph Gordon-Levitt lied to me
i want to make love to all of you
but only if we keep the lights on
What if we use Jericho’s jacket?
You know what, thanks for ruining Twitter WWE. I’m going back to Friendster.
Technology is cyclical anyway. Bound to happen sometime.
Will you be my friendster
Then I’m going back to WWF Compuserve chat rooms
There’s an Eric Bischoff chat on Prodigy tomorrow at 2 pm EST.
“Call the WCW Hotline. I don’t give a fuck.”
–Mean Gene, probably
Friendster? Please. You’re just a LiveJournal wallaby.
Shit, you found my LiveJournal?! Better go move my Orton/Cena slashfic somewhere else…
I’ll never look at the STF in the same way again D:
Ok, so the turd sandwich made the giant douche look a little more douchey. I still gives no fuck.
Anyone else think that Triple H looks around awkwardly when they do the Eve segments about sleeping her way to the top?
Before Cenas promo I would have bet money that Cena/Rock WrestleMania would be special guest refereed by Wilmer Valderama and would have develoved into dueling Yo Momma Jokes
I think, and this is just a guess, that Cena went off book with the promo notes comment. That’s my feeling on why Rocky was shaken up.
I hope someone realizes that what made Cena’s promo so great was that it was short and to the point. They probably told him, “You have 60 seconds. Get in. Get out.” Too bad they try to get these guys to fill 10 minute segments between Chocolate Wonderfall commericals with some long, rambling soliloquy. Sir Francis Bacon, you ain’t.
We don’t like Cena again, we just hate THIS Rock so much that we’d take anyone coming out and shutting him up. I would have been happy to see Red Lights and HELLFAHRBRIMSTONE Kane.
The Zig Zag man shoulda Zig Zagged that man right there dawg! (Like halfway into the promo)
wtf is this show about awful white people in suits
Last week’s Raw?
that just makes me wish there was a show about people in white suits.
Mark Twain, Colonel Harlan Sanders, Colonel Robert Parker and uh…did Matlock wear white?
Matlock wore seersucker, but it’s close enough.
CM Punk: screw your stupid light-bright jacket
HOW DARE YOU, SIR!
I can’t recall a time I’ve seen Rock so thrown off. Or liked Cena as much.
As far I’m concerned, Raw begins with 2 minutes of NCIS and ends with 2 minutes of White Collar.
I liked Raw better when it ended with the Silk Stalkings opening credits.
+1 x infinity
Silk Stalkings credits gave me my first boner.
What does Cena really have left if he beats the Rock?
I mean if Undertaker is still undefeated after Mania there’s that.
But what’ll be left for him if he wins?
Have to combine the championships.
Sell Eve into white(?) slavery.
You guys, we like John Cena, Character. They somehow manage to suck us in even if we’re jaded.
The whole “Using Twitter to show how relevant we are” runs into the whole problem of there sometimes being gigantic awesome fireballs on other channels. And apparently also the Bad Girls Club.
And Beliebers… or however the hell you spell it.
Twitter is where I find out which famous people have died. Today it was Jan Berenstain.
Do you think Jericho’s jacket is like Christmas lights? Like, if one goes out does he have to scrap the whole strand?
Cena’s not awesome again. He’s Marky Mark again.
Johnny John and the Funky Bunch
did we just kill filmdrunk’s oscar comment count in half the time?
UPROXX don’t count us rasslin’ fans.
feh to them, sir medina!
what’s an uproxx?
I hope Cena laser murders the Rock and leaves his bloody corpse on the ground. Turns to the crowd and goes “Here’s your heel turn, sheep.”
I would approve of this.