Best: Jennifer Hudson’s Whitney Houston Tribute At The Grammy Awards
This was great, right? But you know what was even better? The fact that Jennifer Hudson being at the Grammys means David Otunga is at the Grammys. And you know what’s even better than that?
Best: David Otunga’s Travel Thermos At The Grammy Awards
I don’t think I can best this enough. I wish they were my parents. I’d be born with a great voice and fastidiousness. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
Worst: Anyway, Stop Having Fun And Let’s Talk About THIS BUSINESS
I have to give this a worst before I get into it, because at no point do I want two guys from the Attitude Era (who “grew up” in wrestling together according to the announcers, despite Michaels retiring what, four months into the original D-Generation X? What, did Triple H grow up with Rick Rude, too?) spending 20 minutes repeatedly reiterating how much better things were back then, and how wrestlers today are just broomstick pussies who don’t “leave it all in the ring”, as if that’s their choice and not a mandate from a publicly traded company.
I also didn’t like Undertaker being referred to as a “brand”, because he’s more or less the only wrestler left who exists outside of WWE’s “this part is fake but THIS PART IS REAL” nonsense and just possesses and embalms people. If he’s the last of a dying breed of anything it’s kayfabe, and you’re kinda f**king that up for him here by calling him a marketable character.
Best: LOOK INTO MY EYES AND TELL ME ABOUT THIS BUSINESS
Regardless of the problems I had with the content, Shawn Michaels is better at WWE’s interpretation of drama than anyone in the f**king Earth and dragged the best promo in ten years out of Triple H.
Like always, it took them 25 minutes to say what they could’ve in 10, but I liked it. I like the idea that Triple H is scared to death of being the first guy to go up against the Undertaker three times at Wrestlemania and fail and has convinced himself, probably over the course of the entire year, that his excuses are real. That’s cool. I like that Michaels managed to call him a sellout who does Stephanie McMahon’s busy work without resorting to Punks Balls In Purse insults, and I like that Michaels, the guy who spends his free time dropping Showstopper elbows on cave bears at the Crossed Eyes Ranch, can be H’s friend and still have a legit beef with how he’s living his life.
Sometimes WWE gets the melodrama right. The Road To Wrestlemania could benefit more from explaining who these people are and why they’re doing what they’re doing, inside and out, than it could from one-or-more Elimination Chamber match. This is the stuff we’ll remember when we talk about it next year.
Worst: The Undertaker Is 17 Years Old And Totally Pissed
The Undertaker reacts to rejection by scrapbooking and rebelliously cutting his hair. If he locked his door and turned the Corporate Ministry theme up too loud he’d be every 17 year old girl I’ve ever known.
I am prepared to best this so f**king hard if he shows up as Booger Red next week. BOOGER RED OR WE RIOT.
Whoops: I Forgot This Match Existed
R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler wasn’t bad (and I loved the sit-ups into a small package finish), but I completely forgot about it when I wrote this report and had to find somewhere to tack it on when I was done. That’s not a good sign.
A lot of (pyro and) ballyhoo is made of “50/50 Booking”, wherein people who are feuding trade wins and losses and nobody really gets better or worse and everyone is the same when they’re done. Many critics say it’s a terrible idea and that nothing comes of it.
just uh, throwin’ that out there