Because our hearts pump normal, human blood, we have a little crush on Western New York Flash forward Alex Morgan. Because we follow sports closely (and have Kate Upton Google Alert boobytraps set up on every corner of the Internet) we know that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue goes on sale tomorrow, and because God is looking out for us, Alex Morgan appears in said issue wearing a painted-on bikini.
Our friends at SI Hot Clicks were kind enough to leak the photo and an interview snippet on Friday. From that interview, a condescending question with an awesome answer:
SI.com: What was more intimidating: posing in bodypaint or taking on Japan in the World Cup finals?
Morgan: I have been playing soccer my entire life. I know how to stay calm and not get too nervous for games. That’s why I would have to say posing in bodypaint was a little more intimidating. It was a completely new experience and definitely took some getting used to before I felt comfortable in bodypaint. I had to look in the mirror every five minutes to make sure I actually had a swimsuit on.
I’m still not entirely sure why the SI swimsuit issue exists. For the longest time I thought maybe female sports fans who subscribed to the magazine used it as a shopping guide of sorts to keep abreast of the latest bikini fashions, but then they started just dumping paint on ladies and glitter-gluing sand to their boobs and it lost me. I mean, it found me on a personal level, but it lost me intellectually.
Oh, and before I ramble on too much, here’s Alex Morgan wearing absolutely f**king nothing:
It’s like a Magic Eye. Trust me, I’ve been staring at it long enough.
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![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Euro-2-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Dwight-Magic-180x180.jpg)
Yes.
Kate Upton and Alex Morgan on the same day!? Brandon you are spoiling us!
What can I say? It’s a great day for naked sports ladies.
how does one obtain the position of “fella who paints gorgeous naked sports ladies”, please find my résumé attached
also “western new york flash”, what the hell
please write more news stories about the “central-west pennsylvania american football team with strong cultural connections to the steel industry”
Listen, I don’t start making fun of that minor league hockey team you love do I?
At least she doesn’t play for the Magic Jack
I’m going to get so much mileage out this year’s Swimsuit Issue. And by that, I mean I will be fapping copiously and furiously for quite some time.
I didn’t know it was my birthday already!
ALL HAIL BRANDON!!!! Follow him @MrBrandonStroud!!! Read B/W of Raw every week! Am I being a little too overzealous about this? Perhaps. But I love me some body paint.
No, you are exactly the right amount of zealous.
Just wanted to be clear on that.
I’m absolutely giddy today!!! Prelims for Valentines Day tomorrow!
She’s very pretty, but shouldn’t having breasts be a requirement for inclusion in the SI swimsuit edition? This woman looks like she had a double mastectomy or didn”t go through puberty yet.
(If she did have breast cancer & had surgery, then this is a very brave thing for her to do & I applaud her for it. If not… yikes!)
or, women have different types of bodies and it’s great to not be a prick
Why don’t people seem to get it. They are made of fat…if you are an athlete, you have less body fat…ergo..most likely less up top. Does it make her less attractive? I say no.
Not trying to be a prick, Brandon. I’m just not a leg-man or ass-man, I love me some boobs on a girl and there’s a certain expectation for an SI swimsuit model to fill out a swimsuit (ala Kate Upton) even if she’s not technically wearing a swimsuit. Different strokes & all that I guess.
Understood, but there’s got to be a happy medium in how you express yourself between “I like boobs” and “if a woman doesn’t have boobs she’s either a boy or has cancer”.
They almost always have an athletes portion of the SI Swimsuit issue, and they almost never have boobs. It’s ok, there are Kate Upton gazongas right over there.
USA! USA! USA!
Lol I was right I knew with leather would love this story
WHERE IS HER VAGINA????
Looks crazy touched up so it looks more like cloth than paint. Boo. She’s still a darling and one hell of a footballer.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!
Upton + Alex Morgan = THE INTERNET’S 2 BIGGEST FATTIEZ SOOOOOOO UGLY LULZ
my God they are attractive.
I like her soccer pic better, but maybe that is because airbrushing is less and that after soccer she needs a shower, a hot shower, with another team member scrubbing her back…
Im happy they picked one of the few girls that doesnt look like a water buffalo or handball player.
But if youre going to do the fake nude thing, you might think about some chick with something mroe than A cups. Bodypaint demands breasts to be just a bit pendulous not someone out of Barely Legal Teens.
And dont give me this shit about bodyfat. There are plenty of real nude calendars with athletes all over the world for hte past decade and even when its tall dorky italian basketball players there are still quite a few nice breasts included.
Pole vaulters, rugby players, tennis, volleyball, track, curling, netball (!) skiers and figure skaters, you name the sport and theyve dropped their drawers for a little cheap publicity.
The only thing that came close to this was the cover of the curling calendar which featured a naked curler holding a broom from behind who looked like a 10yr old with no ass, no hips and no sign that it was indeed female. It was like pedobears dreams picture.
I dont mind small boobs especially as women get older but it makes no sense to do these half assed nudeds where you are trying to tittilate when you have nothing to tittilate with.
Btw, this ISNT going to do shit for women’s soccer.
Take a look at volleyball, both court and beach and ask yourself why the sports gets such good ratings (ok, theyve really cleaned up the game the past 20yrs and its a much more entertaining game with the rule changes) and why even pingpong is getting with the game.
While female indoor volleyball players are top athletes, they also have short shorts, sleeveless and tight shirts and each girl usually adds touches to their hands like tats and nail jobs because the cameras are always doing closeup on hands.
Female soccer players wear knee high baggy shorts that look like it was created by some mullah and loose baggy shirts. Even handball players look more feminine.
The FIFA fart WAS right, you want to get more people to watch women play, look at the amish unis they wear and do something about it. Im not saying to dress up like track and field athletes but its as if they go out of the way to look the dikey part.
And I fail to see the prudes reasoning how sexier unis takes something away from them as athletes when posing nude for magazines doesnt.
Take a look at the woman who is the fastest, at the one who jumps the highest and the one who jumps the farthest, those women have done those feats half nekkid (ok, 75%) and no one considers them less of an athlete.