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Photo via Vivid.com, by way of my nightmares

It was only a matter of time before Chyna parlayed her “please forget I wrestled” acting career into porn, and an even smaller matter of time before that porn career became all about how she used to wrestle.

From TMZ, who I’m gonna pretend are using ellipses because you need to pause and take a breather in the middle to get out these sentences:

Former WWE superstar Chyna is finally getting back in the ring … taking on 9 dudes at the same time … except it’s for a porno movie.

TMZ has learned … Chyna was totally serious about pursuing a XXX career … and just wrapped up on a Royal Rumble-inspired flick in which she locks up with a bunch of dudes who all look like famous wrestlers … including a wannabe Hulk Hogan, wannabe Triple H, wannabe Ric Flair and more.

Cue the “this is fake! Look, he stomps when he f**ks!” comments. I think what upsets me the most is that someone’s making a Royal Rumble porno and giving it 10 entrants instead of 30. Maybe the next one can feature a Money In The Stank ladder match.

Anyway, the two major points of interest here (besides a broader point about sadness) are that Chyna competed in multiple Royal Rumbles during her WWF career and that in the long long ago (before the darkness came) she dated the actual Triple H, in contrast to simply letting the gay-for-pay one put it in her butt. As you may know, Triple H made the biggest upgrade in pro dating history in the early 2000s when he went from a drugged-out bodybuilding monster to the daughter of the billionaire who ran his company.

TMZ has photos of the 9 unlucky gents who got to wear Halloween costumes and go knees-deep in Chyna, including an Iron Sheik who is probably in a worse mental state than the real one and a living version of the “john cena gay” meme from the Best And Worst Of Raw:

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Photo credit: Vivid.com

I wish I couldn’t see you.