Back when I was the editor of my student newspaper in college, I drew the ire and attention of the local chapter of the National Organization of Women after I wrote a harmless entertainment editorial about how the James Bond franchise should be celebrated for creating empowering characters in the Bond girls. Of course, the male president of this NOW chapter (*rolls eyes*) argued that Bond girls were objectified sluts, but it taught me an important lesson that if you take a stance regarding women and their looks, you’re going to piss people off.
And the point of this edition of “Cool Story, Bro” is that nobody ever taught CNBC reporter Darren Rovell that lesson, because on Saturday night, the self-proclaimed “Twitter police” had the balls to Tweet the following from the Playboy Super Bowl party:
Obviously, if you’re familiar with Rovell’s work, he likes to play with numbers, throw around statistics about money and impose his will on anyone who listens. He needs us all to know that he’s in charge and we’re just the pooper scoopers of his Twitter elephant. There isn’t really a big problem with that Tweet, as there just weren’t enough ladies for his liking, so he vented a little. Then he vented a lot.
See, it’s one thing to complain that there aren’t enough girls at the party, but to suggest that they’re not attractive is usually going to draw some vitriol from the Internet, especially from those people that you’re suggesting aren’t attractive. But then he just wanted to be an ignorant jerk about it and whip out those flashy numbers.
That’s a correct report of statistics, I’ll give him that. But is the downfall of Playboy a lack of attractive bunnies or the fact that in 1975 there wasn’t a thing called the World Wide Web for us to find endless supplies of pornography instead of having to pay for a subscription to get airbrushed boobies? The decline of Playboy’s circulation is for the same reason as every other magazine – we get everything online now.
Thankfully, Miss January 2010 Jamie Edmondson was one of those Playmates at the party and she knows exactly why Rovell was pissed and of course it’s because he’s an arrogant tool who thinks that Twitter stardom is a real thing.
Rovell could have just taken the high road and turned his attention elsewhere, and it would have passed. But then he fired back at Edmondsson by asking why he couldn’t judge their looks, and while he does make a decent point – Playmates are who they are because they’re attractive – he still did it in the most dickish way imaginable.
After that Tweet, he exchanged a few arguments with comedian Rob Delaney, who came to the Playmates’ defense after Rovell called them commodities. And really, that’s where Rovell crossed the lines, because there are plenty of people who will argue that Playmates are just the product of an elderly smut peddler, but plenty of us will also argue that they’re women worthy of respect nonetheless. Just ask Tampa Bay Rays third baseman Evan Longoria, who swooped in with his fedoras to tell Rovell what’s up.
Rovell eventually stopped talking about the incident, but he basically came across as a sad little man who showed up to a party full of celebrities and very attractive 20-something-year-old girls, and when they didn’t know – or care – who he was, he threw a hissy fit. And we know that he was a sad little man and forever alone at this party, because of a wonderful picture that Will Carroll leaked…
That's Rovell, standing by himself and Tweeting at 12:04 a.m. from the Playboy party. Instead of, you know, talking to people and being sociable. But hey, at least he's up to 178,000 Twitter followers now. The empire grows stronger.
In the meantime, you can see for yourselves just how un-gorgeous the Playmates at Saturday night's party really were.
Rovell also Tweeted this picture of the party's "roster." I'm shocked he didn't circle certain Playmates and draw stars next to them.
If these girls aren't attractive then I'll just go get a room by myself on Newt Gingrich's moon colony.
(Party images via Getty.)
It actually makes me very happy that Guy Fieri was at the party and took multiple pictures with Playmates and Rovell couldn't get a single photo op.