Last week’s Best And Worst Of WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread went beautifully, with well over 250 comments and 49.2% of you correctly predicting that Chris Jericho would make his return as the mysterious It Begins guy. The only problem is that it was … uh, weird, to say the least.
So this week, we’re continuing the Polls of Jericho by asking you what he’ll do next. That’ll be our topic of discussion heading into tonight’s show. If you’re the hopeful type (like me) you’ll vote one way … if you’re the type who reads house show results and decides that means they’re gonna do it on TV, you might vote another. Regardless, we want to hear what you think, and remember: the ten best comments from the open thread get super special gold star commemoration in tomorrow’s Best And Worst Of Raw report. And that’s something, right?
More Jericho debut goodness is after the jump.
1999:
2007:
2011:
uh huh huh OH MY
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I’m hoping he comes out with Ralphus.
That would be the best. Extra points for the Jericoholic Ninja (even if he’s dead).
I’m still disappointed that it wasn’t the return of Janetty. How epic and sad that would have been. He’d walk out to the old Rockers theme music, droopy with man-boobs in his spandex outfit, and the entire arena would have been stone silent. Maybe they’re saving that up for sweeps week.
Will we get the debut of Brodus “King Hippo” Clay or will we be treated to 5 minutes of screen time for Otunga’s coordinating sweater vest/coffee mug ensemble once again?
They should start next week’s Raw with her still in the car, having spent the week living off of the tic tacs in Zack’s glove compartment. She’d stink, but her breath would be amazing.
I look forward to seeing if With Spandex will adopt Jericho’s current persona for their inaugural podcast.
It’s still on the schedule. I had some technical difficulties, i.e. not totally being able to figure out how to keep from fucking myself over in GarageBand, but it’s coming. At some point.
My excitement level remains at “jazzed”. I’m really looking forward to the podcast and any pamphlets I can send away to With Leather to learn more about Archibald Peck.
Who’s the female behind this? the debuting SARA DEL REY!!!
Don’t get my hopes up.
I completely made myself sad for disappointing myself.
Or LANA DEL REY!
To awkwardly sing Jericho’s new entrance theme.
I’m hoping for a Fozzy reunion.
Jericho tonight: Arrives. Tebows. Leaves.
I voted other, because I believe he has come back to take what is rightfully his: The Chocolate Wonderfall.
Does Jericho dip his glow-jacket into it? I mean you can literally put anything in there!
ANYTHING
Calling it now: Jericho comes out and makes everyone watch him do his taxes for the entire show, and it will be the most riveting filing ever. “Watch me write off this jacket as a business expense YEAH YEAH BABY!”
Then boom, X-Pac shows up as his tag partner.
I would absolutely love this.
Does X-Pac have a light up crotch?
I think there could be quite the lucrative market for an official X-Pac branded light-up codpiece.
If we all march around the Polls of Jericho and blow our horns for six days will the Polls of Jericho fall?
A big part of THESTINGER hopes that Jericho is never mentioned again and that it was all just a joke.
Serious Prediction: Jericho and Punk will start their feud. Punk will be the face but will have a hard time going after someone that isn’t a drug addict / superman / otherwise boring and this will be The Rock 2.0 in that it will just involve someone from the past coming back and making a current big name look bad. Debates will erupt as to whether or not Jericho’s return is worse than Daniel Bryan’s passive-aggressive Leave It To Beaver heel turn. Also, people will immediately complain that the return should have been Brock / Undertaker / X Pac / Hurricane / Ultimate Warrior / Paul Bearer instead.
ps: Open threads mean THESTINGER can post here like a personal blog no one will read, right?
as long as you stop talking in third person, yes
Chris Jericho will photobomb every segment and not say a goddamn word. I expect the next trolling phase in Jericho’s master plan to be the week after of running through all of his old catchphrase in an incoherent promo of insanity, upon which he’ll fall into the rape hole of rapey before re-emerging as the Undertaker, and no, not a clone. Jericho is then never mentioned or seen again until after Wrestlemania when Taker inevitably comes apart at the seams like Matt Hasselbeck.
And then, THEN, we’ll get Jericho for real, in full on super heel mode.
“running through all of his old catchphrase in an incoherent promo of insanity”
Didn’t The Rock just do this last year?
The pop Jericho gets on his debut should have its own entry in the Hall of Fame.
That’s the pop of someone who really fucking MATTERED. Jericho had ACTUALLY been underutilized and had ACTUALLY been held down and held back and all that stuff we attribute to anyone we like now who isn’t Kingshit World Champion. He was taking the biggest step of his career, and we were getting goosebumps to see it.
Last week was delivered with a sneer and a swerve.
Just like 2.21.11 when we all thought / hoped Sting would finally be brought to WWE, we got Undertaker…again. More fans than you can imagine were beyond disappointed with what was delivered after so much hype. It didn’t help that WWE was advertising the Undertaker appearing at that night’s Raw venue TWO MONTHS in advance. That gave us more reason to believe someone else was coming. What a letdown.
Fast-forward to 1.2.12 and what a lot of us thought would be the return of someone meaningful to affect significant and substantial change in the WWE, It was obvious WWE couldn’t keep a secret to save its negative-revenue life when the fans began chanting “Y-2-J” moments before Jericho came out.
It was the ultimate trolling!
Except we didn’t realize the hype promo videos were just part of the troll.
It all came together about five minutes into his return appearance that “heel” Jericho was back in a snarky, smirking, obnoxious, and most likely louder-than-ever package.
The new moniker, Jeritroll, is one you all should become acquainted with because this is what you get from the former Lionheart in 2012.
Oh…and as I voted “Other” in the poll, he’s gonna come out just like last week, give some fake happiness spiel about being nack, then either walk out with the same smirk and sneer as he left with last week or stop himself halfway through his first promo to make his role obvious to those who don’t follow subtleties.
I want to know when we’re going to get a B&W of WWE ’12. The Road to Wrestlemania storylines are. .. definitely something.
As for tonight, I hope jericho trolls, but I am kind of dreading he might just revert back to 2k7 Jericho and essentially be the same Jericho since 1999.
My hope is Jericho comes down to do a guest commentary on a Ziggler/Punk rematch and only says some variation of “It’s great to be here tonight” the entire time.
Two words: MAGIC SHOW. The jacket demands it. Maybe he can get Katie Lea to jump ship from TNA – she moves like a magician’s assistant in the ring, so it’d be perfect.
I see him just trolling out there unannounced during a match (probably a Punk match) and just trolling about, smiling, waving, etc… then attacking someone (probably Punk) to solidify himself as a heel.
Every promo, every match, Jericho should come out to the ramp and just stand there, stealing thunder
how about he does that BUT only during stupid shit like 10 second 6-diva tag and anything with santino/mcgillicutty/riley/cena/kane
How great would it be if Jericho’s new catchphrase was ‘ UMAD”?
I’m not 100 percent on this but I don’t think WWE will be so silly as to simply never mention him again. So, I’m betting we’ll see him a little bit tonight, probably doing the same old routine. They’ll probably REALLY drag this out. WWE has no idea how to pace things. It’s either rushing a feud to an illogical conclusion to hype one of their 22,000 ppvs a year or having the same 3 matches over and over again for months.
I’ll be fine with whatever Jericho does tonight, as long as I see the LED jacket again…
Other: Jericho will show up, have a ~5 min mugging for the camera entrance, say something to call back to last week, then stand in ring while the entire Jericho bit from last week is played on the TitanTron, entirely uncut. He’ll then mug for the cameras/crowd for another ~30 seconds, then spend about 2 minutes leaving the ring for the dressing rooms.
Did anybody really think Sting was coming to WWE on 2.22.11? Undertaker’s tropes are pretty easy to pick out.
Sneering, condescending, suit-wearing heel Jericho interacting with faux-earnest, condescending, suit-wearing heel Laurinaitis would instantly become my favorite thing in the WWE Universe.
That second paragraph, THAT. So much of that please, please, please.
Jericho on a skateboard. The New Dynamic Dudes.
I’m guessing he runs around the ring several dozen times screaming I AM THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT then collapses in a jacket induced seizure.
This. So this.
On this episode of the JeriTroll Show: Jericho is going to walk out smiling to the ring, LED jacket blazing. He’ll get to the center of the ring, open his mouth to speak… and his jacket will short circuit. He’ll smack it a few times to try to get it to start… the crowd will laugh, thinking the Troll got what he deserved. Then he’ll pull a Kayne and throw a hissy fit, destroying everything at ringside and storm out…. sad broken jacket and all… in the back he’ll run into Ryder who will say “Yo, Bro… too bad about the sweet jacket” and Jericho will beat the crap out of him until we cut to commercial, thus cementing him as our new Heel.
Tonight’s RAW surely shall be the “Bodysnatchers” of Jericho’s IN RAINBOWS period.
/Klosterman
Just announced: Kofi vs. “My Boy D-Bry” tonight. Heel turn, ENGAGE!
Gotta wonder what kind of prick behavior Daniel Bryan is going to pull tonight. It’s going to be Big Show/Bryan/Henry at the Royal Rumble, right?
This is my first time using the commenting system of Uproxx/With Leather, but you can only comment on the first post of a sub-thread? Really?
You comment on the first one, but it goes underneath the follow-up responses in proper order. I don’t really understand it, but it’s to keep things from branching out all crazy.
We ain’t gonna see brodus this week.
Give me Ralphus or give me death.
Give me D-Lo Brown or give me death. I wanna see a motherfucker get Sky-Highed.
*Skied-High
Faded to Black!
Jericho will be back in the suit again, talking down to us.
The Sheepherders will be his security team.
And the sheepherders will be wearing suits as well.
Here’s a bold prediction for the Royal Rumble, Brodus Clay will cost CM Punk the match and re-debut as Dolph Ziggler’s new protege, Rolph Jiggler.
I voted other, he’ll come out with El Dandy and just wreck everyone’s shits.
This would literally be the greatest thing in the history of wrestling.
what, no Silver King?
I want Jericho to be accompanied to the ring by the President of the Y2J fanclub. He’ll tell Jericho how great he is and ask the audience ‘Isn’t it great that Y2J is BACK??!?!?’ etc. etc. Jericho will be the 30 year old guy at the high school party wearing his letter jacket.
Does the thread update automagically?
Scenario 2: The lights go out… the crowd cheers. The lights come back up to Jericho holding his suitcase (as in the infamous Twitter photo that ruined it for everyone) facing the audience to the right of the TitanTron. He stays that way for 15 minutes before he slowly walks to the back. Fin. Bonus points if the LED jacket is worn with matching LED suitcase lights.
Yeah I’d like him to add a new LED accessory every week up until Wrestlemania.
If I were an 8 year old boy I would kill to have a Jericho doll with matching Jericho LED light suit, LED light briefcase, and Jericho Wonderfall House.
LED bow tie FTW. Because bow ties are cool.
If this isn’t what happens, the WWE is going to be kicking themselves for missing this merchandising opportunity.
/door flies open.
Oops, wrong website.
T-minus roughly 5 minutes and counting. Will we ever see Brodus Clay? Will Jericho troll? Will CM punk break the 4th wall? Will Kane drag anyone down his rape hole? All this and more shall be answered shortly!
No. Yes U MAD?. No but he should. Hopefully.
Am I the only one who can’t wait for the inevitable Cole starting to like Daniel Bryan with his heel turn?
Cole will find reason to complain.
LOOK AT THIS GOOF. He’s getting booed by the fans! They agree with me!
I hope if he turns “heel” the first thing he does is kayfabe break Cole’s neck and he’s off my TV for a few weeks. Of course, with our luck if he did that Cole would just be on skype or something from the “hospital” talking about what a nerd DBRY is.
I absolutely love this idea. Over time Cole will become a vegetarian accidentally.
Raw opens with Jericho’s intro countdown on the Titantron, but it starts at 100.
THIS.
I’m interrupting a viewing of Royal Rumble 1991 for this. Better be good.
Incidentally, Rick Martel was a beast in 1991.
Thanks, Sky Sports, for warning me about strobe lighting effects.
Kane dragging people to Hell didn’t work when I was 12, why should I be subjected to it now?
Kane is so tall at wrestling. Watch out everybody. He’ll tall you up good.
Can’t Kane just leave the Predator mask on?
Lawler: “This isn’t my favorite way to start Monday Night Raw.”
I’ll open this up for discussion. What IS Lawler’s favorite way to start Monday Night Raw? I’ll say “Kerry von Erich apologizing for no-selling the piledriver.”
16 year old Miss Kitty.
Lawler loves opening up Raw with casual racism and bigotry. It’s not Kane hate, but at least Lawler embraces it.
Oh go listen to Bauhaus ya goof.
GOD when did Kane start to suck so fucking bad on the mic? This is a silent crowd.
Backstage, Cody Rhodes is nodding in quiet approval at Kane’s promo delivery.
Actually Cody thinks this is over the top.
Might need to be more lispier to get a Cody Rhodes approval.
is this kane promo about ron paul again?
Sounds more like a Santorum promo to me.
Kane II: Return of the Tiresome Premise.
In Canada, Raw is delayed by 15 minutes so the network can fulfill its Canadian Content requirements by showing an episode of Rocket Robin Hood.
Kane is launching into his “you Americans and your Coca Cola and rock n’roll video games” villain speech.
I thought Obama repped Hope. Also, Clinton.
#OccupyJohnCena
Kane is pulling the Mom and Dad like it so it’s not cool move on Cena. It’s like when your mom buys a PS3 and tries to enter your Ventrilo channel.
oops. I meant on CENA SUCKS chanters. They’re using reverse psychology.
Destiny, try and defend this.
Wait, what? :D
“THE WORLD IS NOTHING BUT MARMITE!!!”
“…IF YOU HATE MARMITE!!!”
I would be angry and full of hate if I wasn’t bored silly by Kane’s schtick.
YOOOOUUUU!! YOOOOUUU!!!!
I want Ryder to get shirts that say “Zack Ryder: Vessel of Your Vicarious Elation”
Boring Kane hate promo and YOU PEOPLE! Cool story, bro
NOBODY wants to see Kane
If the point of this whole angle was for the IWC to side with Cena, maybe they’re geniuses after all.
So Vince has taken on OWS (walkout) and Obama’s “Hope” campaign. What else left-wing can he take subtle pot-shots at?
Kane gets what he wants? Can he start teaming with the Mountie? That’d be the raddest.
brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrSHABBADOO!
Cauldrens can fester?? o.O
this is dumb i am going to see how much milk i can drink
it wasnt that much milk
Kane is at his best when he’s silent and still and creepy and tilts his head like a dog and then beats people up, so let’s have him give 20 minute promos and wildly gesticulate before getting his ass handed to him!
When did WWE’s mantra become self-reflection?
Boy, I hope no one gets thrown into a garage door.
Why is Kane beating up the cast of Entourage?
Did a limo full of prom dates get dropped off at RAW?
Just wait until John Laurinaitis books Cena and Kane in an arm-wrestling match later tonight.
Just throw Cane down some steps, Cena.
I just took a drink of bourbon everytime Kane said “you people” you guys oh noooo
They should have a “Caution: Stairs” sign backstage.
It’s like I’m playing HERE COMES THE PAIN on my PS2 again. lol.
WHO LEFT THOSE POLES LAYING ABOUT?!?!
Kane is now a ninja.
I think that corridor they just walked through existed in the alternate dimension where it’s Smackdown and everything is blue.
HIT A STRONG GRAPPLE NEAR THE TRUCK
/hits triangle 57 times
/nothing happens
apparently we were kind of on the same wavelength. Ha!
I did very little bit play that game Sophomore year, so I’m frequently on that wavelength.
Why does WWE have so many discarded vegetables boxes?
Daniel Bryan had a dinner party?
Because Daniel Bryan is a vegan.
Welp, I’m checked out.
Well, Kane certainly proved he… exists, I guess.
Why stand around looking incredulous? Just ask the camera guy what direction he went.
MOAR CHEESE!!
The Brits have some weird-ass commercials.
“Spread the Hate” made me LO the F L.
lawler that is clearly a crow bar come on
YAY GUY WHO NEVER FUCKING LOSES ANYMORE!
I guess I’ve read too much Dugout, because I keep expecting the Brothers Young (Dmitri and Delmon) to go after Kane, trying to get the Fruit by the Foot off his face
Great White is RAYCESS
THESTINGER approves this comment.
I think the article tomorrow should be titled : Best and Worst of Raw: Vessels of Vicarious Elation or BnW of Raw: Resurrection of Angry Poopies
Ok Sheamus, time to white out what Kane did.
over/under on Santino lasting more than one move?
so has jinder mahal ever expressed distaste for america, or are we booing him because “silly hat”
Foreigner boo.
Both. Creative’s next step will have him come out with a telemarketer headset on.
well that and he speaks a different language.
Aren’t they all foreigners in this match? Who do we root for?
Brown skin.
WHY NO ANCHOR ASS, WADE BARRETT?
Nevermind, I see the Anchor Ass. Thanks, Wade!
You’d think Jinder could control the Cobra….
If he countered with a snake charming flute, I’d piss myself.
I like how Jinder’s gimmick has gone from “Rich Arab dude that has pull over a giant” to “Arab”
So Jinder wearing that… turban…. to the ring. Eww.
In a few weeks he’ll be coming out wielding scimitars atop a camel.
“Jinder, we’re gonna need you to be more sinister foreignery, put on this turban.”
“I don’t wear turbans.”
“You do now. Now, what do you know about snake charming?”
He already does the Camel clutch as his finisher. He needs to go full Iron Shiek and just say “I fuck you in the ass, make you humble!”
This is worse than a 5th grade United Nations Council.
barrett and mahal should call their team the east india tagging company
Where the fuck is Brandon?
Quickly conceived team names: The Cobrachauns vs Bhangra Barrage.
all of these men are foreign, some are just more foreign than others
When in doubt, boo the “Muslim.”
The Great White Shaemus quickly beats up the Arab to a mass of cheers.
That ether-soaked snake is devastating.
THEY MATCH KINDA!!
I’m suprised WWE didn’t make Affluent Indian Jinder Mahal into a snake charmer and have him make Santino hit himself.
It would of been the single greatest moment in WWE racism ever, ever.
If this ever happens you win an internet award.
Also, National Enquirer is “reporting” that Jennifer Hudson wants Otunga to quit wrestling. I refuse to let her take him and those outfit matching coffee mugs off my TV.
I WANT EXISTENTIAL FAT MAN PLZ MR EXCITEMENT
Permanent best: Big Johnny!
Wow. The crowd gave 0 fucks about Brodus Clay debut announcement.
LAURINATIS WIN.
BRODUS CLAY TONIGHT?
CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE CARBS OF WAR!
If KillPrint’s post is put as one of the funniest in tomorrow’s column THESTINGER promises to stop talking in the third person.
“I’m not a little Jimmy, I’m big Johnny!”
PUT IT ON A T-SHIRT
I love Johnny Ace so much now. He’s consistently awesome. (This goes on lists of things I never ever thought I’d say.)
Um, Mil Mascaras?
DIE Pizza Hut singing guy.
Coffee mug matches the sweater again. Really enjoy that attention to detail. Now if only they could do that with ANYTHING else.
First inductee – Savage? Edge?
Phantasio!
Better use of Dubstep: WWE Network or Tuskeegee Airmen movie?
HOW YOU LIKE THAT MR. HITLA?? sounds so much better with Dubstep.
I’ve been turning it to ESPN during the commercials so I can hear more about Tebow and they keep showing some college bullshit.
I think they need to set up tracks to the ring and make Jinder ride a mining cart to the ring. And make Santino dress like Short-Round.
it would great if brodus clay debuts and loses
Or comes to the ring and confesses that he’s pregnant.
with Kharma’s baby.
Big Johnny is my hero. He’s even better than Otunga’s argyle sweater.
Oh fuck, Spiderman the monster truck in Houston for the first time ever! Sorry, guys I gotta go visit Ticketmaster.com. Tell me what happens while I’m gone.
c’mon Benoit!!
OHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEAH!!!!
Even better is if Brodus debuts, then Jericho walks out and kneecaps him so he’s shelved for another 4 months.
Or not. So Edge is the first inductee over Savage.
Will Gangrel introduce him?
Damn, well played
I hope Gangrel is the one to induct Edge
Beat you.
I was hoping it was going to be Jeff Bagwell.
i was hoping it would be buff bagwell he was both buff and also the stuff
Still SO pissed.
Or maybe Judy
They should induct the Buff-Booker match from when WCW showed up on Raw and chinook chinlock chinlozzzzzzzzzzz…
I was hoping another shot of Lita’s tits.
So WWE has run out of old crippled guys to induct into the Hall of Fame?
Seriously thought that was Matt Hardy on steroids.
I dont understand the importance of the WWE hall of fame, its not a real place or a tangible collection of stuff? It’s a list of names
According to their Wiki page, Shane O-Mac is hoarding a bunch of memorabilia to open a hall ‘someday’.
Lawler LOVES Mason Ryan’s body.
Hell is now Cannon in WWE.
“Kane almost raped me bro!”
Have you seen the way he dresses. C’mon…he was asking for it.
It really makes you think about what else could be behind doors in the building. (Note:Corpus Christi has not been a great place for WWE superstars to learn about surprising developments.)
ACTING! by Eve.
+1
“Zack, are you okay? You almost got dragged to hell.”
the sequel to “Drag me to Hell.” “Don’t drag me to hell bro. Woo Woo electric Bugaloo”
Did Kane just pull a Road Warrior Hawk?
kain maed poopies in this closet, shhh dont tell nobody
Ok seriously?? Is Kane turning into goddamned Jason Vorhees? 80% OF YOUR AUDIENCE IS OVER THE AGE OF 12 YOU FUCKCOCKS.
whenever the wwe sets up a ring in an arena they have to dig down to the pits of hell first
I Know What You Did Last Summer X-Men looks awesome.
How quickly can we get a gif of Kane slowly leaning out of the door to think about how he’s going to ruin Zach Ryder’s date?
I’m waiting!
Kane hates Ryder because of the orange being too close to his red.
Somewhere, Michael Tarver is furious.
Kane is confused as he just wants to play hide and seek
Lurking Kane needs to be a gif right now!
This Kane shit is making me embarrassed watching this.
Kanes mood lighting was definitely on in the closet but failed to transition into the hall way…disappointed
Remember when the Hall of Fame was where they honored legends and not superstars from recent memory? Oh and Pete Rose.
Drew carey is also in the hall of fame
vince once said if you stop being better than me at basketball i will let in the hall of fame and i was like uh let me think about it vince then i drained a 3 in his face
The same Drew Carey that had no clue who Bryan Kendrick was, when he made it on the Price Is Right?
the very same, and he was inducted by Kane. The very same kane who is best known for surprise sex attempts
And necrophilia. Win.
So I’m guessing being Tag Team champion means you only compete in one-on-one matches forever right?
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it disgusts me that the AMERICAN FKN DRAGON still gets no response.
Hey! Kofi’s doing all things that Chris Jericho did last week. Shenanigoats!
Confused crowd is confused.
I kinda like “Gettin too big for his breeches” DBry.
Am I the only one who thought of this with Kane stalking Zach Ryder? [25.media.tumblr.com]
No this one. [25.media.tumblr.com]
Code of Honor upheld, I see.
Kofi Kingston wrestles like he’s an 8 year old on a trampoline.
I do appreciate the fact Miz made a face and looked like Mr. Furley after finding out Jack Tripper wasn’t gay.
You know Bryan is a heel now because Michael Cole isn’t taking a shit all over him yet.
+1
delicious.
vicious
I want Daniel Bryan to do that amazing back roll-up into german suplex he did a few weeks a go on Smackdown.
Hell yes that was RAD.
Good 6 seconds of Kofi tapping there.
DANIEL BRYAN SQUASHING DUDES FUCK YES.
Bryan wins without cheating. Baby steps, WWE
Heel Kane = Rapings and attempted murder
Heel Daniel Bryan = Being really excited
+1
Gratuitous celebration Dragon is awesome
Michael Cole badmouthing a heel. His head just exploded.
Oh shit. Camoflauge sausage is angry.
“Go Big or Get Lost”: the phrase that’s sweeping the part of the nation where phrases don’t really need to make sense.
Dick Daniel Bryan is awesome.
Heel Bryan FTW.
Yeah I’m going all-in on Heel Bryan, liking it.
Giving stuff to troops/little kids at ringside is the new pyro. At first it was special and only one or two guys did it, now everyone does it.
Next week Jinder Mahal is going to pause before his match to give a little girl his turban.
Big Show made that army girl look like Dumb Donald from the Fat Albert cartoon.
Oh wait nevermind there goes Cole taking a shit.
Bryan better not be getting the Christian title reign. I will explode if that happens
They’re slow-building him up to being a cocky heel. I expect cheating to retain on SD. Big Show is not interesting as WHC.
“we need to make tag teams important again!!!” — triple h or whatever
Brodus Clay with the “Let’s Make a Deal” font on his dressing room.
Brodus ain’t gonna happen.
Brodus Clay debuts now.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived at the fireworks factory.
Hopefully he returns to his home planet afterwards.
“America’s been getting under-cheesed big time.” America’s scales would love to disagree.
There’s nothing behind Brodus Clay’s door but extra metal poles for the parking lot.
Brodus Clay’s door is going to open and then John Laurinaitis is going to run in there and shut the door and we’ll have no Clay again this week.
the door will open and a voice will say YOU FOOL, BRODUS IS DEAD
I loathe Vince’s “announcer guy” voice.
WHAT???????????????????????????????????
PLANET FUNK??? FUNKASAURUS?????
planet funk? oh no.
WTF
the fuck??
IS THIS REAL LIFE?!
From Planet Funk??? The Funkasaurus?? Something amazing is happening yall
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good God, really?!?
Fuck you, WWE
This is not how you punish someone for spoiling. This is cruel and unusual punishment. More unusual
OH FUCK YES FUNKASARAUS
OH FLASH YOU ARE SO FUNKY!!
dude I can’t even breathe right now. PLANET FUNK.
What the hell is the Kool-Aid man doing here?
IS THIS REAL LIFE????????????????
WHAT THE FUCKING CHRIST!
Planet Sports Bra, more like it.
MY FACE JUST EXPLODED
What is Godfather doing here?
this is amazing i love flash funk
Building new stars.
Oh. My. God.
/dead.
LOL they spent 6 weeks focus group testing EVERYTHING and thats what they came up with….
Dancing Brodus Clay… Wow, WWE really can ruin anything…
This ticked all the boxes I wanted ticked.
WE’RE GETTING TROLLED! AGAIN!
Oh, I see. It took those extra weeks to teach him how to be funky.
And re-stenciling over Mark Henry’s old singlets
This is not the fat, deep monster I was promised. WHAT!?
so basically the writers room in WWE is 4chan now?
+ 1
WHAT.
The most shocking thing about the Brodus Clay debut is that Curt Hawkins still has a job.
+1
THE.
OH YEAH!
So the reason they kept delaying his debut was so we’d forget about the existential fat man promos?
Oh fuck, this is fucking serious??? The hip roll? I’m embarrassed in my own living room.
FUCK.
Brodus Clay fights like a damn Punch Out enemy. You have to hit him in the belly first!
this is awesome whats wrong with everyone this is the best character in years
Brodus Clay wins. It’s everything the Godfather wanted to be, only with more Too Cool ft. Rikishi! It’s just so ridiculous, it’s just so, so *tear* *sniffle* beautiful…
Bravo, WWE. You got us good. Next week I hope to see Brodus swoop down from the rafters with black and white makeup and an aluminum baseball bat. Viva los 90s!
OMG WHEN DID RIKISHI COME BACK?
Somewhere 2 Cold Scorpio is 450ing in his grave.
I’m glad WWE finally has a use for all of Mark Henry’s old onesies.
“My bad!”
PUT IT ON A T-SHIRT
Okay. After watching that, I’m with Kane. Time to embrace the hate, y’all.
What the hell just happened? Didn’t they spend months building up Brodus Clay as the guy who was going to end the world or something? Now he’s The Godfather 2.0?
Call Dominos. My face is melted. They can use it for extra cheese.
I am IN
YUP.
Weeks and weeks of ‘here comes the monster, Brodus Clay”, and we get to pee our pants to this. This was a billion times more hilarious than jericho last week.
I know this is all meta commentary and smark-friendly and junk, but it’s part of the same show with a seven foot monster that snatches people out of flaming holes in the ring. So this is silly but Kane grabbing a Jersey Shore homage man is not?
Kane hates dental hygiene!
Zack Ryder with Post Traumatic Kane Disorder rules.
Goddamn Rosa Mendes. That’s all
Zack was 10 seconds away from dropping the soap.
When did Kane become Big Ben. I know he was in there.
HARF HARF KANE RAPE ZACK
wrong website, sorry guys
If that’s wrong, I don’t wanna know what’s right.
Dammit Kane, just get it over with and ass rape the guy, Heidenreich-style.
Miz looking for some cheap labor… ugh, really WWE? It had to be those two he asks?
he already asked mason ryan. maybe you shouldnt just complain without knowing whats going on!
Yeah my bad, I guess I’ve just come to expect the worst from the WWE with stuff like that.
They manage to make me not know how to think or feel on a weekly basis. I’m scared.
Well, we asked for Brodus for weeks, and the WWE gave him to us. At least we can say that.
Best part of Brodus’ debut? The body suits that his dancers wore
those dancers CAN GET IT.
The debut of Brodus Clay might beat the @MrBrandonStroud sign as the best best in the history of this column.
ok, it might have been funny, but in 2 weeks you’ll be sick of it, not lasting interest. This immediately puts him on the low midcard “kinda funny” level for the next 3 years.
Ya but at least hes actually on screen wrestling and doing something, I think thats the best we can all hope for
I think the collective freaking the fuck out of this thread is a huge best. Funkasauras for life.
This was so awesome. Like just awesome.
I can honestly say I did not see that coming.
I need Brandon to talk me off this Funkasaurus ledge.
So, Kane is Michael Myers, there’s a Funkasaurus, there’s been a parking lot brawl, and Jericho gonna troll.
This is the best Raw in 145 years.
I guess next is Brock Lesnar as a giant baby, with diaper, bonnet, and pacifier, right?
Godfather and 2 Cold Scorpio mating and producing Brodus Clay is still more believable than Beyonce’s pregnancy.
I will not be able to enjoy anything else today. FunkBrodus has ruined my eyes.
Can we please talk about Miz trying to hire Epico and Primo like so many immigrants outside a Home Depot?
Uh, Brodus Clay is the Funkasaurus. Primo and Epico could’ve been slumped against a cervezaria with big sombreros like every non-Speedy Gonzalez mouse in the Looney Tunes canon and I wouldn’t have noticed.
Yeah, good point.
There is an obvious explanation for this. Laurinaitis was taking a nap. The Funkasaurus walked into the office and slapped his forehead with his dick and yelled “ALARM COCK”!
Hahahahahahahaha
I’m still fucking laughing my ass off. I’m in tears.
How the fuck has this crowd recovered so quickly from that?
They are on a perpetual Whataburger high. Nothing phases them.
God I miss Whataburger.
So we’re stuck in this “CM Punk: End of first hour” “Kane/Cena: Closing show” now huh?
NO! You’re name is Big Johnny now!
oops Your
Off-topic: I watched the 2004 Rumble last night, and oh my God Josh Mathews. Think about how big a twink he is now, and multiply by 1,500. Totally worth the weird vibes from seeing Benoit as the center of the promotion.
Proof: [www.youtube.com]
Never go back to Corpus Christi, mmmk?
Who is John Lauranitis constantly texting? I say Brett Favre.
Hey Brett… Is it now or later I start sending the pics to Lilian
No no! Wait until you’re fully limp. Girls love that!
OF COURSE Brodus Clay is the number one trending thing in the world. THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT GOOD.
You’re right!
It’s good independent of that!
DUUUUUUUUUUBSTEP
G-d, I hate being a grown ass man that is in fucking love with Mike “The Miz” Themiz
So when will Big Johnny add Head of Storyline Exposition to his job title?
idk, but first he needs to add “Big Johnny” to the title
I’m gonna have that fucking Brodus Clay song in my head all fucking day tomorrow, aren’t I?
FUNKIN OUTTA MAH MIIIIND!!!!!!
I think Funkmaster is going to be responsible for about 200 comments today.
how many of those are going to be you complaining about something awesome?
Sorry. My mind is just now getting unblown. I was expecting world destroying poetry reciting baddass.
Yeah regardless of what you think of it that is easily the most surprised I’ve been watching RAW in YEARS.
I love Cole correcting Jerry Lawler that Jinder wears a Pagri and not a turban only to call it a turban himself 5 seconds later.
nice debuts, Naomi and chick from Tough Enough. lookin’ good!
For a pretty big guy, Swagger sure throws punk into the ropes incredibly gingerly. It’s okay to use a little bit of force, Jack.
Ziggler Vs. Cena could be a good match as long as Kane and Ryder stay the hell away from it.
Why has none of the Miz’s friends shown him this video yet? An intervention is needed! [www.youtube.com]
Has Jerry Lawler’s “loogaTHIS!!!” become the new “Wotta Maneuver!” ?
I really liked the Brodus Clay debut because I always wondered what happened to Noticeably F.A.T. after “The Luck of the Fryish”
Comment of the night.
I want Swagger to pull down the upper tights just to piss off Kurt Angle. Then shave his head.
If the Brodus Clay hype videos and the Brodus Clay debut have taught us anything, it’s that there’s no underlying meaning to the It Begins videos. Let’s not read too much into anything ever again.
Over/under on Punk ‘n Funk tag team run – November 2012.
if that happens I will find you and cry at your feet.
oops
What the hell kind of a finish was that?
Up in Canadia, we are delayed. I wonder if Flash Funk is going to sue for having his schtick stolen? . . Get rid of Clay and keep his two valets. Wowza.
Also, will Cena acquire green jiz fog of hope to defeat Kanes red spotlight of fear? It was nice to see the WWE to mimick WWE 12′s backstage map.
Macho Man elbow finally finishes a match!
The ref audibly said “sorry.”
Aaand we can now add “counting to three” as things that Jack Swagger struggles with, apparently.
Um, pretend better Punk. You’re not meant to be annoyed at winning the match.
Confused by this TNA finish
Punk’s awkward elbow drops remind me of Jeremiah from Tough Enough putting the bag in the wrong direction and flipping over to land the elbow properly. Only Punk just slams down however he wants and also, he’s got a lot more training and experience to know better.
This. I yell at my screen about this every time. The lack of resulting response just makes me yell more.
Does anyone remember when Lawler got the Ed Hardy endorsement?
They were pretty quick with an explanation on the botched finish. Either that was planned and everyone sold it beautifully or that was a pretty good job by Cole and Lawler to cover it up.
I’m pretty sure this was Johnny Ace related chicanery with the “Swagger and Vickie banned from ringside” thing.
I’m pretty confident that was planned but with 3 weeks in a row of wonky finishes I’m starting to get scared that this is going to turn into WCW circa 1999 with every match ending with a run in or some other BS.
Ziggler’s going down the rape hole?
DUBSTEP Network
I need a Red Bull and vodka bro.
Pass the oxycontin, wrestlin’ is on! ( or is it a movie preview in 2012?)
I want to change my screen name to Funkasauras now.
Football game update:
It’s 12-0 for Alabama. The last time that happened Tom Robinson went to jail for bustin’ up a chiffarobe.
So we made the right choice tonight is what you’re saying?
Yes. Yes we did.
WUB WUB E Network
I was hoping Kane would have descended from the duct work, upside down, behind Ryder. Oh well.
You guys I just took my dog out to pee and Kane was hiding behind the house.
It was me. I was eating your toothpaste.
Be a Star rolling right into the Bellas? Stay on message WWE!
MAAAAAKKKKEEEE OOUUUTTTT….
Miz is trying to get Ricardo to call R-Truth the n-word. I just know it.
I was thinking Evel Knievel in Kentucky Fried Movie:
[www.youtube.com]
+1
I know you’d love the Brodus Clay thing Brandon. Also they seem to be going on your idea to have Miz get beaten up every night by Truth.
I saw a house show in DC two weeks ago and it started out with R Truth beating up the Miz after surprising him from underneath the ring. That was seriously the only dialogue or plot they advanced that night. It was great.
Who’s the better rape stalker? Kane or R-Truth?
Um, Randy Savage?
Edge already gets into the Hall of Fame? What was his career OBP and VORP?
It’s not just about numbers, his appearances in Highlander: Endgame and Slim Jim commercials put him into Legend status.
That and all those episodes of Sanctuary on SyFy or whatever the hell that show is.
HORSEMEN.
Arn Anderson FTW.
So, Mongo McMichaels is going to the WWE HOF?
Ricardo speaks English better than Alberto.
Mongo better be included, damn it!
Wow, that was a really nice video package. Horsemen certainly deserve to be in the HOF.
The Four Horseman has the best entrance music in all of wrestling. I say had because, you know, Planet Funk.
A lot of people say Billy Preston was the Fifth Horseman.
fantastic.
Flair is in TWICE. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
ric flair dude you already said his name
RR is trying SO HARD not to say anything racist.
Does He Who Shall Not Be Named get in as part of The Horsemen?
I know he killed Miss Elizabeth but you’ve got to let it go, man.
that was Luger, KillPrint.
No, but the flying headbutt will
whooooooooooooooosh
“R Truth, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish to the eyes of others.”
Don’t listen to Little Jimmy… I bet he’s racist
Face Crazy R-Truth is about 1/10th of the man as Heel Crazy R-Truth was.
SO RAYCESS
Watching R Truth and Ricardo try to out-racist each other really makes me sad. Obama promised change :(
Brodus Clay loves him some Toe Jam & Earl.
In the next 9 weeks expect him to look for pieces of his broken funk spaceship. while avoiding baby cupids.
also +1.
Stereotype overdose!
Be a star, good R-Truth….
Good, now mow my lawn while I eat this watermelon.
Oh shit, REMIX!
You can tell this is funny because you hear Lawler chuckling.
I take it back. RR rules all after that.
I look forward to the With Leather WWE Racial Power Rankings. Funkatarians should rank at #1.
Holy shit, Ricardo Rodriguez “La Cucaracha” remix. BESTENIST BEST THAT EVER BESTED THE BEST
This.
Ricardo deserves to nail a Bella Twin after tonight.
I like to think he hooked up with both after that fall he took at TLC.
HORNSWAGGLE STOLE HIS ABILITY TO SPEAK LIKE IN SPACE JAM
Whats worse? This Raw or the BCS National Title game
the football game is somewhere between “prostate cancer” and “people who use the #Blessed hashtag”
This Raw is good, the BCS title game is actually unwatchable garbage, four field goals and nothing has happend at all
Yeah am I crazy or has tonight’s show been, like, EXTRA racist?
When in Texas…
Only thing it’s missing is Big Show hitting someone because they’re brown.
Hurray for the Bellas being on TV and not sounding like porn actresses. . . Rodrigo speaks pretty good English.
I can’t believe the 4 horsemen hadn’t been inducted in the Hall of fame up until this point.
Spoiler alert – here’s the ending of the Ryder/Eve story tonight:
[www.youtube.com]
ARCHER ARCHER ARCHER ARCHER!!
Troll So Hard University.
JERITROLLLLLLLLLLL
Best: He’s still rocking the jacket.
Jericho time. Get your bets in gentlemen.
Please run around smiling while screaming YEAHHH BABY!!!! then leave again.
Please run around smiling while screaming YEAHHH BABY!!!! then leave again.
Please run around smiling while screaming YEAHHH BABY!!!! then leave again.
YEAHHHHH BABy
His titantron is of him smiling.
After the Night Of The Funkasaurus I am unsure if we deserve Jericho to do anything cool tonight. Just being there with his LED jacket is enough.
If the fans chant Andy Kufman…
Is this live? Or a Raw Rebound from last week?
Just leave now Jericho. Would be awesome.
Is this just footage from last week?
I just remembered this thread was here because of the Jericho poll. I can’t wait to go back and read Brodus comments later
So, Jericho is just going to troll us for 20 minutes again.
“Break the Walls Down” – now available exclusively on iTunes. Or on copies of WWF The Music Volume Whatever in the dollar bin of your local used record store.
Please dont be 12 minutes of this Please dont be 12 minutes of this
Jericho has the touch.
it’s beautiful.
This is almost as good as coming out to an “Evenflow” ripoff.
Jericho gets on the mic: “U mad?” Then leaves.
His titantron video is literally ONLY clips from last week!
Urgh, don’t encourage this jackassery, paying fans!
I love this so much. Probably because I’ve been conditioned by live hip hop shows to accept this sort of thing.
dude how awesome would it be if he did a backflip or something
He better at least yell C’MON BABY!
Jerichoo is golden.
They are just going to wait and see how many live crowds they can do this to until they get a different reaction.
Oh shit.
My theory is Jericho is having mini-strokes every time he gets a “Y2J” chant, and is trying desperately to relearn language on the spot.
Fake crying FTW.
HE’S CRYING. Troll so hard.
Chris Jericho: The man of 1,004 emotions. Next week, emotion #3: Shy Jericho.
I figured it out: This performance art, and Jericho is trying to get a grant from the NEA.
Does this get a best?
Oh snap. A new emoition : Nancy JERI-ggan.
Oh no, Chris is pregnant!
Hornswoggle stole the ability to speak from Jericho. That little bastard.
SPACE JAM
No, Hornswaggle was granted the ability to speak by Santa Claus/Mick Foley. It was his Christmas wish!
Plus, Chris can still say “COME ON” and “YEAHHHH” and “BAYBAY” so that can’t be it.
@Lester, do you really think WWE writers are that mindful?
CHRIS JERICHO: TROLL GENIUS
do you guys think vince is holding his family hostage and forcing him to do this and whats why hes crying?????
DAMMIT!
I am so LOL’ing right now.
So who had Y2J fake cries and leaves in the pool?
I wish he would just fart in the microphone and toss it towards the audience.
I called it.
Whatcha ya gonna do?
JeriTroll
You’re coming down
Feel me now, JeriTroll
Can’t stop, uh, (Feel me now)
Break the walls down, Can’t stop, JeriTroll
Chris Jericho, the AyaTROLLah of Rock n’ Rolla.
Next Week’s plan for Y”J: Entrance. Strip. Curl up naked in fetal position. Sob slowly. Leave.
Y2J. Clearly, I can’t write.
welp, it’s gonna be hard to come up with poll options for next week
you can put whatever options you want in the poll or just have nothing but blank choices because you know well love it unconditionally
Never -
EH – EH – EHVER -
SAY THINGS AGAIN
So this new Jericho character is manic-depressive based on crowd reaction.
Daniel Bryan just scams “yeah”! And Jericho can only fake cry or fake smile…..ugh
I can guarantee that Jericho’s displayed more emotions in a combined 17 minutes of 2 RAWs than Dave Batista does in all of The Scorpion King: Straight To DVD
Next week he’s going to perch on the turnbuckle and cluck like a chicken for 10 minutes.
It just occurred to me that Stone Cold Steve Austin would be perfect to play the Judge in a film adaptation of Blood Meridian.
RAPEY TIME.
Apparently Kane is a bisexual rapist
EVE VS. KANE! My dream match!
*checks the clock* Damn, we aren’t getting any action out of Cena and Ziggler, are we?
Kane saving us from an Eve match is the most I’ve liked him since he came back.
dont people usually get fired for trying to kill co-workers
The cheers Stone Cold got after winning the 1998 Royal Rumble are Jericho-esque
MOAR ACTING! by Eve.
Aaaaaand scene.
Kane was Michael Cole all along.
So we go from 90 second Diva matches to Kane just stopping one before it starts.
I feel like I’ve fallen asleep and this RAW is just a crazy assed dream. Time to go wake up the windfish.
Worst slasher movie ever
That’s what you get for driving a Kia preferred by hamsters with fupas.
Well, we had racism. Time for some good ol’ fashioned misogyny.
Zack, you gotta jack the stupid car first if you wanna change the tire…
I want to stick with Zack Ryder struggling with lugnuts for a half hour. Who cares about Cena and Ziggler?
I Know What You Did Last RAW
He’s going to change the tire?
What the damn hell is going on in the WWE writers’ room?
best of all time: ryder stopping to try to change the tire
Next week bargaining….then deep depression/death….then rebirth at Rumble
Dude Ryder just call a cab. It is your first date, and also someone is trying to killrape you. CALL A CAB.
Kane is driving the cab!!!!!
Ryder got to pick the shitty car from the rental car lot.
Ryder didn’t even hear Kane’s music. Once he heard a Divas match announced he just counted to 65 and figured it was time to beat traffic.
Zack Ryder is auditioning for Final Destination 12.
It’s too bad WWE already wasted their car-blowing up equipment that time when Vince died.
/ah memories
I just realized this: If you cut off Eve’s head, she’ll look like Snoopy.
I can’t imagine Kane taking the time to pop the tires.
I never saw See No Evil. I am assuming that tonight’s RAW was the entire plot.
Zack Ryder, in a rush to change the tire, flips over the hub cap, and for one brief moment, saw all the bolts silhouetted against the lights of the traffic, and blurted out, “OOOOOOOOOOOH FUUUUUUUUUUUDGE”.
Thus ending the PG era.
Comment of the night.
only he didn’t say fudge. He said the F – - – word!
I’ve seen this episode of Scooby Doo before. Kane is going to appear in the back seat, Eve will run out, and then an elaborate hallway chase sequence will involve Zack and Eve running in and out multiple doors, with Kane hot on their heels (don’t forget the temporarily flip flop where Eve and Zack chase Kane for a second) before Kane stops them and growls. Zack and Eve then run out of their clothes in a puff a smoke.
aaaand scene
And then they pull off his mask and it was Perry Saturn all along.
This!
How awesome would a Scooby Doo hallway chase be on a night like tonight?!
And he would’ve gotten away with it if not for those meddling Flock kids
I have a feeling Ryder has never changed a tire in his life. I hate it when you can tell this is fake.
A young guy not knowing how to change a tire might be the most believable thing of the whole night.
Does anyone give a shit what happens to Eve and Zack? Stop cutting away to them, please
I missed Ziggler’s music for that??
Not missing too much since they brutalized it and removed perfection.
100% agree. Perfection needs to come back in a hurry.
Zack Ryder would rather not be murdered. A pretty reasonable attitude to have, really.
Hey. Is it just me, or shouldn’t Eve just get out of the car and find another way to run from Kane?
THAT’S HOW YOU GET DRAGGED TO HELL NEVER SPLIT UP
I’m not even kidding, this is my favorite Zach Ryder RAW.
Hey John your BFF and his GF are about to be raped in the parking lot two minutes away, the match can maybe wait?
Did Cena just do a spoof of the “Playoffs?!?!” sound bite with “Showoff!?!?”?
I see that Ryder went to the Wal-Mart school of car repair.
Ziggler is rocking some Flash Gordon trunks.
Dolph Ziggler’s headstand chokeout FTW.
If I were Zach Ryder, I’d be more afraid of Rikishi hitting me with a car while changing the tire. That’s how Bill Cosby’s son died.
Not sure how I feel about Dolph stealing D-Lo’s arms-out pose. If he’s gonna do it I’d at least appreciate if he went all in and snapped his head around like a fucking BOSS.
Chest protector for Ziggler in 2013.
YES SO MUCH YES.
ryder kind of deserves it for taking 400 years to change that tire. why didnt he just do anything else in the world
I know were against the distraction costing matches thing but to be fair kane kidnapping raping two co workers is probably something you should be distracted by
Wow, the director of this totally real show is quite a dick to put this on the Tron.
Oh man, Kane IS evil…
He waited until Zack was alllllmost finish with the tire before attacking.
Truly the devil’s favourite demon…
that’s what happens when you drive a cube. stupid hamsters.
Kane rulz. Also I spelled Kane in words for friends the other day, teehee.
that was you??
I think Brandon’s should buy you a sign for your bathroom that says ‘Boiler Room’, and you can scream ‘YOOOUUUU” gutterally while you poop.
Oh no. Zack fell 2 feet and bounced on a rubber mat. Somebody call his dad.
Oh come on! You never jumped on on pallets before! They’re so springy.
I always wondered what WCW would look like in 2012.
Smell my glove, Cena. SMELL IT!!!!!
Well, you should have seen the segment they WANTED to do! It wasn’t a glove, believe me.
+1 Lester for the Spinal Tap reference.
Zack Ryder will rise on the third day.
So Kane’s new finisher is the “Gotcher Nose”?
We have to assume Eve killed Kane with one of those poles after RAW went off air, right?
We don’t even get to see if Ziggler got back in the ring??
We gotta know, who got to the pay windah in that match!
KANE YOU HAVE FUCKING FIRE POWERS AND THE FREE MARKET ECONOMY OR WHATEVER WEIRD STUFF YOU BELIEVE IN SO QUIT GLOVEMOUTHING DUDES!
THESTINGER appreciates this comment.
Six hours from now, Eve will finally work up the courage to leave the car.
Kane will hit a flying clothesline off the truck.
Just picturing this made my night about 5x better.
Highlight of 2012 thus far if it happens.
They should start next week’s Raw with her still in the car, having spent the week living off of the tic tacs in Zack’s glove compartment. She’d stink, but her breath would be amazing.
If they were orange Tic Tacs they wouldn’t last more than 2 hours.
Is the Attitude Era back? So confused.
A request for the write up: an animated gif of Cena running up the ramp like a pansy.
Zack Ryder is like John Cena’s escort mission.
Hahahah +1
This has to win best comment…it just has to
Hahaha Yes, this wins.
I’m still scratching my head at the title of the video on WWE.com “John Cena feels responsible for Zack Ryder’s jeopardy” when all Cena does is tell Ryder he is in the TOP FIVE!!!!!! of WWE superstars on Twitter now.
The Kia soul rocks forgone, and for two, Standing Outside the Fire’s Brandon did indeed get hurt just like his dad said he would…if only someone would have listened.
Kane doing the shuffle up to Zach and Cena before his ambushes woulda been perfect.
The Raw’s right before they begin the Wrestlemania build-up always seem to be ones that are just stalling until al the stars are ready to not phone in in as much.
Woo Woo Woo shoulda called A-A-A.
/obligatory
Jericho isn’t trolling us he just brought his character back from his time on Celebrity Duets…
Anyone think Russo is back? If we see a “something on a pole match” next week I’m out.
What about an Eve vs Kane Lingerie match where Zach and Cena are up on poles?
That idea just gave me ‘a pole’ But then Jericho looked at it, smiled, then cried and I want nothing more than to crawl in my rape hole and burn.
You don’t call anyone’s momma until they are a 5 time World Karate Champion.
Was I the only one that immediately thought of the Bob Sapp rap after seeing Brodus debut?
[youtu.be]
It seems that WWE wooden pallets are made of these:
[cdn.bleacherreport.net]
somebody’s callin mah mooommaa
somebody’s callin mah mooommaa
somebody’s callin mah mooommaa
somebody’s callin mah mooommaa
Take that, Cage the Elephant song.
This was the most WTF night of RAW I have ever seen. My mind… boggled.
They knew they couldn’t play the historic Royal Rumble Moment of Randy Orton and Chris Benoit eliminating Ernest Miller, LaMont, and LaMont’s Wig and had to unearth THE GREATEST SHORT-LIVED THEME SONG EVER.
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
Now he just has to update LaMont’s “open the flip phone and talk on it while dancing” with a “slide to unlock phone then talk on it while dancing.”
West coast started. I’m just here for the Funkasuaras.
I just re-watched Funkasauras. I’m still at a loss. Haven’t laughed that hard at wrestling in I have no idea.
New favorite part – the girls enter the ring on one side then run across to hold the ropes open for him. Brodus looks right at the hard camera with a huge shit-eating grin, puts his hand to his chest and says, “FOR ME????” Oh my god I love this.
That Raw was awesome, maybe the best Raw since the Declaration of Punk-dependance.
Best: the Planet Funk, Ricardo, Ryder changing a tire
Worst: not enough Brodus Clay, we didn’t see why it took Ryder 15 minutes to take off lugnuts
Personally I can’t wait for the Brodus Clay vs Flash Funk feud over the Funkettes Tracy and Nadine.
I’m so sad I missed this Raw live. It had everything:
Funk, Chekhov’s pallet, tire changes, Jerry “Kane” Sandusky, turban explanations, Eve trapped in a car, MORE FUNK, Mexicans singing (geez, finally!), and crying.
Thank you Mr. Laurinaitis and/or the forgotten Anonymous Raw GM. The WCW has a bright future in this sport.
I particularly enjoyed the fact that they explained Mahal’s turban but have yet to address the fact that he uses the camel clutch as a finisher when THERE ARE NO CAMELS IN INDIA!!
Honestly, guys – if we’re gonna go full “stereotypical/racist evil foreigner” on Jinder Mahal, then shouldn’t his finisher be waiting until you call for tech support and then speaking unintelligibly until your head explodes?
Brodus’s whole act, complete with the shit talking and callouts during the match, is GREAT.
“SUPLEX, BABY! . . . MY BAD!”
i was blown away it took this long in the thread for anyone to point out SUPLEX BABY.
FUNKASAURUS > TRUCKASAURUS > BRONTOSAURUS > THESAURUS
Additionally worst: Rosa only halfway through Rosetta Stone.
YES! I know spanish & THAT, my dear Rosa, was not SPANISH! Except for that “Vamonos” at the end…
Brodus Clay is my homeboy.
Brandon’s gonna have his hands full with this week’s B&W of RAW! I really hope someone called Brodus’ Momma last night…