Over the weekend, my Uproxxian colleague Danger Guerrero sent me a link to an old MTV Rock N Jock Softball clip, and it basically turned my afternoon into a complete waste. I didn’t get pushed into the YouTube wormhole as much as I willingly belly-flopped into the extensive search results for all things Rock N Jock, and I spent a good 4 or 5 hours reliving one of the most important pop cultural influences of my teenage years. After all, which child of the 90s didn’t desperately want to take a 10-point shot or a swing at the gold ball?
According to MTV’s website, the Rock N Jock franchise is alive and well, but that’s a bit misleading. Currently airing on MTV 2 on Saturday mornings, the latest version of Rock N Jock is a series hosted by Todd Richards and “Dirty” as they travel to various extreme sports events to talk to athletes like Shaun White and Ryan Sheckler, which basically sounds like every show that airs on Fuel TV. Clearly, it’s a far cry from the days of the Bricklayers and Violators battling for terrible fashion supremacy.
I’m certainly not the first blogger to get a wild hair and demand that MTV bring back the iconic softball, basketball, football and even bowling contests between actors, musicians and athletes, but as someone who once begged his mom to buy him a Homeboys baseball jersey for Christmas (thank you so much for not listening, mom) I think we’re due for some rematches. If Beavis and Butthead can make a comeback, then Rock N Jock certainly can, too.
Danger sent me this clip because of our mutual love of all things Keanu Reeves, but if you're not thrown into a nostalgia spell with David Faustino's poof mullet/hat combo, then you were probably more of a "Fashionably Loud" fan.
SO. MUCH. AMAZEBALLS!!! I hope Mark Wahlberg eventually wins a Best Actor Oscar so this video will reach the ultimate legendary status.
I hate this video for not having good volume, but it's still worth it to watch and imagine a new version with Evan Longoria and David Freese goofing around while Kate Upton and Vanessa Hudgens mud wrestle in center field. Wait, did I just guarantee myself a producer's credit?
I don't know how many female readers we have, but I hope they look at this clip and feel terrible about loving these guys so much.
You can actually watch the entire 1997 Rock N Jock Basketball game on YouTube by following the related clips as I did. Twice. I think the biggest takeaway is that Marlon Wayans has been gainfully employed for more than 14 years.
This picture speaks 1,000,000 words.
Aaliyah with Jennifer Love Hewitt, who is holding a Slim Jim. "I'll take three things I loved in the 90s for $1,000, Alex."
Roger Clemens, Joey Lawrence Cameron Daddo, Kenny Lofton, Pam Anderson and Albert Belle.
You're telling me Diddy and Bow Wow wouldn't sign on for a new Rock N Jock event this year?
Donna D'Errico, who still looks like this, never got the credit she deserved behind Pam Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth on "Baywatch".
David Duchovny was like the Rock N Jock superstar.
I'm willing to bet that alleged sex addiction might have been cultivated by these appearances.
Melissa Etheridge playing softball. MTV made the best jokes back then.
Before Eminem told us who was No. 1, there was Flea.
"Hey look, Thomas Gibson has a flamingo," shouted nobody. But if Gibson can get a spot on the field, that must be good news for the guy who plays Schmidt on "New Girl".
In 1997, this picture could have gotten both women and men pregnant.
Not pictured: Their agents telling them to open savings accounts.
I've looked at this picture 1,000 times, trying to remember everyone in it and I just can't get past Dan Cortese's pants.
I'd love to travel back to when this picture was taken and ask people which of these two celebrities would still be acting in movies in 2011.
No comment necessary.
Dan Marino, Tara Reid, Nelly, Bubba Sparxxx and Lavar Arrington. This photo should be in the Smithsonian.
Oddly, Queen Latifah was the best power forward Chris Mullin ever played with.
90s fashion doesn't get the credit it deserves.
I wouldn't be surprised if Michael Rappaport just used the N-word.
Sure, it's not as intelligent as the Puppy Bowl, but it's still an entertaining idea.
When I was a teenager, I had a huge crush on Tabitha Soren. I have no idea why.
Tommy Lee holding two things he measures his penis with.
But seriously, Tommy and Heather Locklear really were America's original sweethearts.
Oh man...
Oh man oh man oh man...
On the other hand, some guys might be shining examples of why foolish sporting events might not be the best idea.
(Styled by Baseball Card Bust)
Seriously, look at this picture and then close your eyes and imagine Kate Upton and Vanessa Hudgens. We have the power to make this happen, MTV!
Molly Sims made a million teenage boys sign up for flag football that day.
Except no reality TV people this time, MTV. Sorry, but I must insist on a Kardashian-free event.
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This is the true legacy of Prince Fielder to me. Also, Diesel.
This. I remember Cecil sitting in a lawn chair smoking a cigar in the outfield and letting his son hit for him. Damn they need these events to come back.
I would like Rock N Jock to make a comeback, but I fuckin’ NEED Remote Control to make a comeback. Same goes for Idiot Savants! I need to be a contestant and make some money off my useless knowledge and anti-social behavior!
Oh man, I’d kill for Remote Control to come back. I’m pretty sure Colin Quinn would, too.
The fuck you mean “THANKFULLY” she didn’t buy you a Homeboys jersey? YOU WOULD STILL CHERISH THAT THING DON’T YOU LIE
I SO FUCKING WOULD!
Watching these clips, I wanted to go to Chess King and buy a pair of Skidz.
Haha @ Jeter beaten by A-rod at rock paper scissors
I guarantee Duchovny more than once referred to himself as “The Bitchlayer.”
I will also accept a current-gen Mutant League game in lieu of a Rock N Jock comeback.
God, I loved those ridiculous extra hoops and Hot Spots. So many of those sidewalk-chalked onto the playground. “Shoot it from here, it’s ONE HUNDRED POINTS.”
Picture 27 is Martha Quinn.
What he said.
As soon as I heard DJ Bobbito on the NSYNC one I had to stop. Just too much.
Predictions for who would be on Rock N’ Jock if it happened today: Snooki, Situation, Ochocinco, at least 2 Kardashians, Favre, Michael Strahan, Bieber, and Ke$ha. Do you still want it to come back?
That being said, I LOVED Rock N’ Jock. I’ll never understand why I thought Dan Cortese was cool, though.
Okay, so maybe I wrote that after reading slide 35. But you get the idea…
*BEFORE reading slide 35. Dammit.
You couldn’t include one picture of Kate Upton playing ball last summer? You’ve changed.
Oh Bobby Bonilla, the Mets are still paying your worthless ass millions of dollars until 2025.
There’s a JTT sighting in the video on slide 6. There are also other celebrities outplaying Marbury as well.