Photo credit: WWE.com
Before I begin to try to explain this:
- Happy new year!
- Good news: I don’t want to make any concrete promises, but the first episode of With Leather’s pro wrestling podcast With Spandex should make its debut on the site next Monday, so check back for that. I’m going to talk to wrestlers and everything.
- P.S. please care. Leave us a comment if you watched the show and/or read this report. When you’ve done that (or possibly before), click that “like” button over the banner image and/or share it along. I’d really appreciate it, and if you do it enough times I can give you money and/or a preferential spot in the post-report love section I’ve set up this week.
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- The wonderful gifs contained within are, as always, courtesy of Jerusalem at Punchsport Pagoda.
- When you’re done reading my confused, easily-battered point of view, jump over to UGO and read The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Raw or John Canton’s Raw Deal. Stay there for the Smackdown report that is absolutely nothing like this one!
Enjoy the Best And Worst Of WWE Raw Is Jericho On LSD for January 2, 2012.
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Good call putting the Jericho analysis upfront.
Yeah, I couldn’t sit on it. I’m still not sure I got it right.
With Leather and With Spandex, huh? This place is becoming a mustache farm.
The first one got Chris Berman laid. The second will got… well, nobody laid, but at least I get to talk to wrestlers.
Additional Best: That jacket went perfectly with not only the shirt Jericho was wearing during his original RAW debut, but also with the sparkly vest he wore when he “re-debuted” as the “SAVE US Y2J” guy in 2007.
[thekenno.tumblr.com]
Best Comment Streak at one look out Honky Tonky Upstate Underdog
With Spandex could also be the name of a figure skating blog.
RAW IS JERICHO!
My roommate, who barely pretends to like wrestling and doesn’t know what is happening 3/4ths of the time walked in during the Jericho thing, said “cocaine is a hell of a drug,” smoked some pot, and went to bed. It was hilarious. As was the Jericho thing.
So, Jericho is Kharma’s baby?
Wow. Just wow. Call Jericho “The Shepherd” because that was about ten minutes of sheep wrangling par excellence. There is nothing he could have said that would have made that bit any better.
“Real question: What exactly was Kane planning to do to Ryder down there, anyway? Rape is the easy joke”
Yeah, I made that joke, because easy is my middle name
/oh great, another rape joke
I especially enjoyed the 5 interpretations of Jericho this week. I’d love to see more “here are 5 completely random ways to look at what just happened”. It could lead to some interesting discussion about how no one is worried that a deranged, violent psychopath is stalking his colleagues with the intent to destroy them (Kane or R-Truth?)
Also, please make the podcast easily downloadable for us mobile fans with long awful underground trainrides.
I think you’re on to something, Stroud. Ultra Mantis Zack would be rather interesting.
As long as he is some version of heel Jericho I will be thrilled. On another note. Your musings about how your fashion sense is inspired by him cut to the core of me. I often read the Best and Worst and say out loud, “It is like I am reading my own thoughts.”
Sometimes when I’m watching first-season RAW, I think about how Shawn Michaels is wrestling a spaceman for the Intercontinental Title while a clown runs around the audience and Bobby Heenan is dressed in drag because Sean Mooney won’t let him in the building, and I go, “Man, wrestling was pretty weird back then.”
Then I read this, note that we’re literally and unironically talking about a “theological rape hole,” and remember that wrestling is always pretty weird.
Full disclosure, I’ve never liked Kane (sorry, Destiny), but he’s really terrible now. If the WWE is going to really make a serious push for the “Reality Era,” where the wrestlers are kind of in on the joke, then he just can’t exist as a character. As Brandon said, it’s far too easy for Punk to mention Kane’s pyros on the ring post to totally expose him.
AJ should come out to the DiC Sailor Moon theme.
*pause.*
AJ should not come out to the DiC Sailor Moon theme.
She should come out dressed as Sailor Moon though.
YES
Jericho trolled me hard. I am not gonna lie i was angry at that whole segment for a good 45 minutes. I even got called a mark on twitter. I wanted Jericho to drop bombs on fools immediately And then with a little help I realized this what Jericho wanted. He is doing his best to slow play this angle in the “let’s wrap this up in about 10 minutes” era of wrestling we have now. When I had time to digest what happened I almost wanted to start standing and applauding in my living room
Best wordless segment in WWE history?
(To be fair, the only others that leap to mind are Eddie beating down Rey’s mask and the Taker/HHH faceoff from last year.)
My favorite wordless segment ever was when Eddie Guerrero was trying to explain himself to Chris Benoit and went through this huge range of emotions without Benoit ever saying a word.
That thing where Owen Hart enziguri’d Michaels in the head and he collapsed and Owen went “Yeah!” and then everyone just said nothing and stared at Shawn for like ten minutes.
It led to nothing good, but seemed awesome at the time.
who ever did this move im describiing last night (dolph? i forget): wrestlers stand belly to back. attacking wrestler suplex like throws wrestler b over their head backward, almost like sin cara spanish fly or whatever reversed but on the ground. it was sweet
That was Ziggler. If you watch the video of the match I posted, I think it’s the first thing that happens.
I seem to recall the Hart Foundation doing something similar as a tag move a couple of times. Bret would stand on the second rope facing the crowd and Niedhart would use that inverted powerslam onto a downed opponent.
whatamanuver
As usual, great stuff Brandon. The only point I have to make is the Sheamus/Miz match. It was never officially started (no opening bell) so there was no need for a pinfall in the ring.
Jericho’s bit was great, after it happened. While it drug on, I was getting ticked off. But I realized what he just did and I was all like “awwww…you got me dawg…shucky ducky quack quack”.
Agreed on pretty much all fronts. Jericho is awesome. Kane is shit. Sorry Destiny.
I really don’t know what to say about this week but I wanted to leave a comment anyway, so uh, I guess I’m just still part of the “Mark Henry takes out Kane, Kane comes back and directs all his hate at John Cena for hating on hate and then tries to drag Zach Ryder into Kane’s in-ring Glory Hole from Hell…..why?” crowd. Nothing about last night’s show made any sense except for the actual wrestling matches. Also Divas wrestling is unforgivably bad.
Hey, my comment made B&W. What do I win?
I’m pissed! They promised us a Lawler match! In Memphis!
I’m always thrilled to notice when I ever say certain things–either to myself, my wife or on Twitter–and they show up in the column. I’m pretty sure my Twitter feed has both the John Cena point re: saying the same damn thing, and the Jericho point (how funny would it be if they just never mentioned it again), and it’s awesome to see these points show up. After Punk/Ziggler and the weirdly awful/awesome Jericho re-debut, I just turned on the Fiesta Bowl, having a feeling that the 6 man would somehow suck. Glad to know I was right.
Nevertheless, awesome as always, and hey, look how long you’ve gotten to cover Daniel Bryan as World Champion. With any luck, he lasts through Show on Friday and maybe even to the Rumble!
“but seriously, when he broke out “Cody Rhodes comes from Dusty Rhodes and Daniel Bryan has a dog named Asparagus” I was like YOU SHUT YOUR F**KING PIECE OF SH*T MOUTH ABOUT ASPARAGUS.” <– Brandon, that was amazing! I almost died when I read that! Well done sir.
Just going to town, beating the hell out of a guy – that Sheamus gif is the most.
Your reaction to Jericho, encapsulated: you love that it happened, but hate that it happened to you.
Also of note in the EARTHQUAKE FAN pic: Christian Slater in the bottom lefthand corner.
I liked this week’s Raw.
I thought what we were seeing was the return of WCW Generic Face Basketball Highlights Jericho, only as a heel. I still hope this is what we’re getting.
I’ve spent several years working as a sports cameraman and it is stupid how much I mark out for wrestlers taking cameras. The only thing better is a cameraman taking a bump.
It’s too bad the light’s Jericho’s right sleeve went out. I was just about to dash of to Hot Topic.
I don’t feel like writing a bunch of minute observations on what liked about last night’s show.
I’ll just give B-Stro another, “ATTABOY”.
Stands smiling for 20 minutes.
*whips out picture of Asparagus The Wonder Dog*
That is all. Really, that is all that is needed here.
Oh, and kudos on the Jericho write-up, Brandon. Jericho established himself as my favorite wrestler of all time when he introduced all the non-english speaking Mexicans in WCW, citing that one was his gardener, worked at taco bell, etc.
As I watched troll-gate unfold, like many, I was conflicted. After the goosebumps went down, I immediately thought #4 on your conspiracy chart. But as the segment progressed, it shifted to the re-re-re-re debut thing, or #3. As hilarious as that would be, it’d become overkill. Also, the WWE is already kind of doing that with Brodus Clay. I hope next week, we’ll get back on track and it shifts to #1. But where does the girl fit into all of this.
Where the hell does one buy that sweet, sweet Jericho jacket?
How long until Kane speaks from off camera/parts unknown, does some Isaac Yankem magic to put Cena’s name on the titantron, plays anagrams to switch the ‘a’ and the ‘e’ to spell ‘Cane’, to show Cena that they’re the same? I ask this because with the lame trajectory this storyline is taking, that’s really the only place it can go.
Can’t say much about Jericho except “WTF?”. Is his new gimmick going to be a professional troll? I think I’ve seen enough of suit-wearing, big-word using Jericho. He said himself that particular act is tired, especially since the Miz started doing it immediately after Jericho left.
Regarding that Divas match, my standards may be low but it didn’t seem much worse than your average WWE Divas match to me. At least Eve’s moonsault appeared to make contact. Also, the more often the Bella Twins are on my TV in those outfits, the better.
2 points.
point the first: God, I loved the Man of 1,004 holds.
Second point. Last night I watched the Dusty Rhodes doc on Netflix, and now I can’t unsee your point from last week about Cody looking exactly like his mom. So thanks, Stroud.
As terrible as it was? Ryder and Cena SOLD the heck out of that last act. They actually seemed worried that Zack Ryder was going to get suck under the ring and they desperately fought to escape this fate. This horrible, cheezy-ass fate where they’d just have to crouch next to the guy with the fire extinguisher instead of whatever doom lays under the ring. Somewhere, seven year old kids are losing their minds over the BIg Red Machine and I’m ok with that.
Thinking to myself how hilarious it would have been if Ryder had a whistle and had kept blowing it while being dragged to hell. BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH!
But yeah, a really dynamic RAW, with lots of great segments vs some real dogshit. the worst, despite how werid the last segment was, was the divas match, where I’m pretty sure I said “This is terrible!” 5 times out loud. I just kept wondering why they hate the Chickbusters and Divas of Doom if they are just gonna serve up those kind of matches instead of good stuff. I hate to be like, Oh Kelly Kelly and Eve aren’t REAL WRESTLERS, but they have talented performers they keep misusing. All I want is to see Beth Phoenix kick someone’s ass and they never deliver!
Jericho was pitch perfect in hindsight though. I know alot of people were like “I tuned in for this????” and now say that the skit was terrible, but I think everyone will come around. Burning through all that goodwill to heel status in 10 minutes without saying anything is masterful. Everything in here echoes my thoughts exactly though, so great work!
Continuing the comparison between Rock and Jericho:
If you timed their returns, I bet Jericho took like 45 seconds more in his intentionally long and drawn out segment of silence than The Rock took to enter the ring and say his “Finally, The Rock has come back to…” spiel.
The guys in the back thought Brie’s small package was terrible too. They cut it out of the replay, LOL! The Bellas were standing there thinking, “where’s the footage of that sweet small package?”
They instead showed the Bellas awkwardly standing on the stage with hardcore camel toe.
I like it from the stand point that Jericho likely did the whole, “come out and soak in the cheers and then leave once they got tired of him not saying anything” in order to get the welcome back cheers out of the way. Welcome back cheers lead to HHH, powered by U2. (Good god, the ego)
That said, he should just come out, absorb all of the cheers again next week, say one thing and then leave.
By the third week, everyone will be frothing at the mouth wanting him dead.
As for the rest of the show:
+1 for the chickbusters pic: AJ in that pic looks far more attractive wearing normal women’s clothing than the divas that who wear stuff you’d see at a strip club. One day, the WWE will get this through their head.
” but they did manage to rip this cute, unrealistically-concerned lady”
They’ve been doing that a lot lately. There’s been a few shots of cute, above-the-age-of-consent women on Raw lately. The fact that the camera crew finds them is starting to make me think they are props.
“. . .Twin Magic tag team victories they do every few months to justify paying the twins who look great in publicity photos.”
Seriously, how are these two still heels? They should be faces and they should be amazing. They also get a best for their outfit and that hilariously terrible small package. I think they just out Jacky Gayda’d Jacky Gayda on that finishing move.
“Best: John Cena Has Never Looked More Like A Ghostbusters Dog”
He does!
If Jericho doesn’t come out wearing a “U MAD, BRO?” shirt next week, he should stay home. I’ll admit to marking out pretty hard at the intro, but almost immediately something seemed wrong and I was expecting him to snap back into “Chigurh” mode, which would’ve only been enhanced by the Y2Jacket.
But now I’m waiting to see WTF happens, which is why I watch this stuff to begin with, and why Jericho is – (everyone, please) “The Best In The World At What He Does”, even when we don’t know what the hell he’s doing.
That said, I was hoping against hope that Brodus was waiting for Jericho at the top of the ramp.
BTW – @Brandon – The Sheamus/Miz match never started, which would explain Sheamus’ exiting stage right after the Brogue Kick.
Excellent work as always. Outstanding Watchmen analogy.
I’m old so I remember this. What Jericho did last night was an exact duplication of his old entrances from when he was a brand new babyface in WCW.
It was really, really obvious that was what he was doing or, at least, that’s what he was channeling. Not that his next heel promo is going to hearken back to his days flopping around on WCW Saturday Night but it may be an important detail to consider.
Good work. Sorry I don’t have more to add about it but just a solid review.
Just as a reminder of how awesome WCW Jericho was:
[www.youtube.com]
And the best thing that WWE could come up with for Malenko was “International Man of Mystery.” SMH.
“Rape is the easy joke (I’m not even making a joke really, Kane is a rapist in canon)”
My god I LOL’d.
I, for one, welcome our new electronically bedazzled overlord
“A cool dad in a sparkle jacket” is the perfect way to describe my friend’s dad who turned out to be gay and now runs a theater company.
no shout out for pointing out Otunga’s matching thermos in the smackdown chat a couple weeks ago? Now I know how Colt Cabana feels :(
That cute girl concerned about Jericho looks like Alternate Universe Shelly Martinez.
Liked the Punk vs. Ziggler title match, but one thing I hated, absolutely HATED, was when Punk was being counted out, and Vickie is yelling at the ref to count faster, and Ziggler acting like he won the belt. Just the simple missteps of logic that take me away from the show.
Ziggler with the belt bugged me too, but he did the same thing after winning the gauntlet match, so yay for consistency?
That’s no misstep, they’re getting you used to seeing him with the belt. It’s a wrestling tale as old as time.
Between Ziggler and Bryan last night, I think inappropriately over the top celebrations are the new thing for heels. I’m assuming Bryan’s turning heel soon.
I really hope Jericho has magic earthquake powers the same way Sin Cara has blue light magic powers.
Also, armbar
I have no idea what’s going on with Jericho but for the first time since Punk/Cena at Money In The Bank I have literally no idea what’s going to happen next, so they have my interest. I really hope the third idea you put forward (different versions of Jericho each week) happens, but I’m intrigued. I didn’t miss Jericho that much, to be honest, but I am glad he’s back. Oh and yeah, that jacket is great.
I know your feelings on Undertaker, Brandon, but I was a WWF kid growing up so was inexplicably disappointed that it wasn’t him and Michelle, even if sans McCool that would have been the most predictable of all choices.
I didn’t see anything else from the show yet, so I just want to say that this is another awesome and hilarious article. My favourite part, with the exception of Kane jokes which are always good, was the Small Package of Molag Bal. Best of all the Skyrim references.
WWE.com has an exclusive video up right now with some random dweeb asking Jericho random questions while Jericho is walking… and Jericho just smiles and says nothing the entire time. When asked “Are you gonna be in the Royal Rumble?” he stops, smiles wider, turns his jacket’s LEDs on and walks past the guy. It’s actually quite hilarious in an absurd way.
Did anyone else say that the “It Begins” reveal was a new Earthquake, when the camera began shaking?
Actually, in hindsight, I wish the crowd had shuffled side to side, like in Star Trek: The Next Generation.
4. jokes and jokes and jokes
Spaghetti! Spaghetti! Spaghetti! Spaghetti!
By the way, is Cena still being heel-ish, or what is going on here?
I honestly thought that Cena celebrating after squashing poor Jack Swagger while Ryder was writing around in pain was meant to be a heel thing for like 15 seconds before I figured out what was going on.
I know Ohio’s had some earthquake problems this year because of deep-infused drilling. Didn’t know it had reached Memphis…
I like this. This is like Abhay Khosla writing WWE re-caps. Announcing needs an overhaul. Even Lawler sounds like he doesn’t believe himself most of the time.
I meant for that to reply to Dirty Dilfer. I must have switched it over here because holy crap, someone mentioned Abhay on a wrestling blog and I have no idea how to react to that.
You know, Abhay might benefit from doing pages like this instead of one long epic screed. I would read it either way, but you know, accessible.
I just had to finally sign up and comment. I’ve been reading this blog for a LONG time, not really sure how long exactly, but I have to say that I don’t even watch wrestling much anymore. You (and my father) are pretty much my only wrestling news sources. Thanks for doing this. Its fun to read.
Glad to be of service, friend. Thanks for commenting.
the brodus clay thing is one big troll lol
You finally got me.
Just signed up on the site to comment as the last 2 pages of this B&W slayed me.
I started to lose it on your recap of Sheamus ending The Miz with his +5 Ginger Arms of Clubbering but held it together; Jiffy Pop ass spawned another near-fit but I held on stoically; Worst: WOOF started a full on fit of chuckles and by the time I hit “Weird Fart of a Main-Event” I had well lost it all the way through “theological rape hole” (which I’m co-opting for a band name btw).
This column always makes me laugh and is one of the better parts of my week and now your smarky, conniving butt has gotten me commenting.
May Kane go Libertarian on your soul for this and well done as always.
Awesome, glad to have you. Thanks for finally taking the plunge.
I also liked how Cole & Lawler and everyone just ignored that Laurinatis was saying he would be the ref for Punk/Ziggler at the Rumble.
I thought it was actually a pretty good show up til Jericho through Main Event was all just TERRIBLE.
If you think Jericho is trolling now, wait until he brings back Ralphus next week only to murder him on-camera.
LMAO. Look at the exclusive interview from WWE.com as Jericho leaves the arena . He stops to sparkle. Magnificent :[www.youtube.com]
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!
I didn’t read anybody else’s post but Brandon I’m surprised you didn’t read into Jericho’s appearance what I did. I think it was you who was saying that fans go to shows now just to see the wrestler, not to see matches (and to a lesser extent promos?). I think Jericho’s angle will evolve into him dissing the fans for only wanting to see the wrestlers make an appearance at live shows anymore and he will turn heel. Whatever the case it is interesting.
That whole Jericho segment was just 20 minutes of “wait, what the hell is happening?”. I knew he would come back face, popular returning stars always initially do, so even though I like “You’re all just spineless sycophants” Jericho a billion times better than face Jericho, I was prepared for it. Then the segment just went on and on and on and the whole time I was waiting for him to do something, say something, ANYTHING! Then he left.
In other news, Kane’s “Smell my glove Cena. Smell it! SMELL IT! SMELL IT!!!” maneuver may be replacing the plastic water bottle to the head as my favorite devastating, nearly lethal act in the WWE.
Also, anyone else notice the special graphics used for setting the #1 Trending Topic? It’s like when Favre broke 500 TDs or something.
I wish SAS would let me back in. Every time I see a J-Ru gif I get all nostalgic. *saddest face*
I don’t know if this has been said yet, but the reason why the Miz-Sheamus “match” went the way that it did is because the bell NEVER rang. The commentators address this when Miz pulls off his attack. Once Sheamus gets up, the ref just never rings the bell to start the match. Voila.
Everyone keeps pointing this out, but the larger point is that there shouldn’t be a situation where two guys come out for an announced, scheduled match, fight each other in the ring, and then completely ignored said scheduled match because of outside stuff. The bell didn’t ring, sure, but it should’ve.
I wish wrestling was more like Sailor Moon, too. Even if it only had transformation sequences and cornier villains.
Kane’s whole reason for trying to kill John Cena is because he doesn’t like his T shirt Slogan.
You can tell this is part of an angle with Jericho if you read WWE.com’s write up of Raw. That and the fact that he had backstage interview (seen above).
I’ve been reading the Best & Worst since the Punk promo. I’ve tweeted Brandon a couple times but never signed up to comment on the blog because that takes extra clicking and I’ve got a life to live, son. But I had to sign up today for one reason and one reason only…
I too once bought a shiny Jericho shirt from Gadzooks and gave myself the nickname “Y2A.”
Love the blog, can’t wait for the podcast.
Next week Jericho will perform a list of 1,004 different smiles.
Smile number four hundred and twelve: GRIN!
[enlighted.com]
You’re welcome? (Vegas Baby!)
HOLY SH
Yeah, that Raw was…. something.
But I will happily take Cartoon Kane going all Hatchet on the Broskis over the HHH/Nash geezer showdown.
Oh, and John Laurinitis awesome.
I got 1/10th of a Best! Hot damn that’s exciting!
I liked the hell out of what Jericho did. At first I was happy to see him, then I was enjoying seeing him have fun. But when he turned up the aisle I just started cackling at the TV going “You motherf——. That’s hilarious.” It seems like it’s really almost impossible to do anything new in wrestling anymore, but I have never seen that. And since I don’t think he’d come back unless he was going to get to tell the story he wanted, and since he’s done a great job when left to himself and a capable adversary before (the HBK feud), I have 100% confidence this is going to end well.
One more thing on the announcing. I had read last week that they were considering having Cole bring his schtick down a notch. It’s too late for that. You need a play-by-play guy, like Brandon said, to actually get excited over Bryan kicking the holy hell out of someone. Steve Austin wasn’t a badass because he kicked a guy in the corner a couple times. He was a badass because BAH GAWD AUSTIN’S STOMPIN’ A MUDHOLE IN HIM AND WALKIN’ IT DRY! A little friggin’ correctly placed enthusiasm goes a long way.
Yep. Brandon posted a NXT segment referring to Derrick Bateman’s hilarious puppydog face in which Josh Mathews called a Kaitlyn/Maxine match like, I don’t know, an actual MATCH and it was so refreshing to hear. Even when Vince was doing the commentary, he’d resort to shtick (whatamaneuver, etc.), but he’d still call the match as a match. Cole isn’t even doing that, and it just sucks the air out of the performances of the talent.
After watching Jericho’s return again, I now know we are in for a HELL of a “You all hated my guts before I left, I came back and my smiling face made you fellate me for 20 minutes. You are all hypocrites and parasites.” promo after he puts that sweet jacket back on it’s charger. I can’t wait. Personally, I want him to come on Raw next week, pick up the mic, say “ARMBAR” and leave.
Oh, and Brandon, thank you for helping me see the light on Johnny Ace. I am slowly falling for this man. He can be the Interim Raw GM forever. I hope five years from now, he still refers to himself as the “Interim” GM.
“Personally, I want him to come on Raw next week, pick up the mic, say “ARMBAR” and leave.”
The only problem with that would be that it’d probably get him an even bigger pop than the one he got this week.
Great column, yada yada (no really though, well done).
I love Laurinaitis’ character, and I think that wrestling always needs to have the lawful heel because it’s such a resonant character in our lives/culture as a whole. Think about it–from the cop who writes you that parking ticket at 9:01 when the alternate parking switches over at 9 (small potatoes) to the Supreme Court that allows a grandma to go to jail on shaky charges in order to preserve judicial order (big time; pretty sad, messed up case actually: [www.slate.com] ).
To re-iterate the point Brandon’s made so well before, the lawful heel rankles us so much because they have the shield of validity to protect them, even if there’s a vindictive agenda at play. Johnny Ace is exactly the foil that Punk’s character needs, because what better way to play off of the ultimate “rulebreaker” then to slap him down with the righteous power of the law? It represents a legitimate power struggle in a morally grey universe–do you want to preserve a “lawful” system that always seems to benefit the bad guys, or do you root for Punk’s cult of personality, where it’s not so much about upending the existing order as much as it’s about getting things his way?
tl;dr I like Johnny Ace. Lot of rambling to get here (it’s too late and I’m way too tired) but I hope they don’t screw it up.
My theory is that as weird and twitchy as WWE can be with their overall direction it’s taken this long to get all the ducks lined up as a result of the Summer of Punk phenomenon. The title holders, the way they’re finishing matches with small packages, traditional dynamics like cheap heel wins. I’ll even go so far as to point out Wade Barrett getting to expose and dodge contrived moves. He continually thwarted Orton’s rope ddt thing and some of his more obvious set-ups throughout their ongoing deal. Blowing Santino’s split is just the coronation.
Last, I’m again pointing to their recent painting of Ryder as Cena’s “little brother” as a through line for how Kane is going about getting Cena to bite on the “You will hate!” bait. Next, Kane will rip off Cena’s dog tags ala Andre / Hogan’s cross and it’s all gravy. Keep Cena out of the title picture forever (at least until Mania) and let him play melodrama superhero as Hogan did in between his title runs.
Come on baby YEAAAAAAAAAAAA
Excellent write-up, as always, Brandon.
I’m interested to see where they go with Jericho, cause that promo was… well, it was different. I’ll give them that.
IM (not-so) HO, the main event Monday night should be considered definitive proof #I’ve-lost-count-already that this whole “Reality Era”/”Worked Shoot”/”Breaking the 4th Wall for a Cheap Pop” thing is a double-edged sword. If Cena’s hip enough to what’s going on to be able to submarine ADR’s character by pointing out that those aren’t really his cars, then why the hell is he diving across the ring like The Incredibly Awkward Spiderman trying to save Mary Jane from the Green Goblin? If Ryder gets dragged down under the ring, the worst that’s going to happen is an incredibly awkward ass-kicking, not anything supernatural. Kane’s not the demonic brother (half-brother? step-brother? I forget…) of the Undertaker with supernatural powers, he’s just a big goof in a mask and a recycled Harlem Heat outfit who used to be a wrestling dentist. You know how I know this? BECAUSE JOHN CENA TOLD ME TWO WEEKS AGO.
There are guys whose characters lend themselves to “Inside Baseball” references like Punk, and there are guys whose characters don’t, like Cena. And as long as Cena’s going to keep breaking “kayfabe” to score cheap pops from the older fans, the more he’s going to subtly undermine his own programs.
For some reason, I really liked the part with Miz and Johnny Ace in the back showing the footage of Miz attacking Truth and Miz either having amnesia about it or not being aware of why doing a Skull Crushing Finale to someone would make them mad at him.
So is Laurinaitis just a heel toward Punk, because he totally went good guy route with Miz. Does his character just hate certain wrestlers, regardless of alignment? That would be real-world logical and pretty remarkable, but I doubt that’s the case.
It’s just as Brandon says. JL is just trying to do the best job he can as VP of Talent Relations and Interim Raw GM, and uphold the rules/”the board’s” wishes. Punk’s the rebellious teenager who thinks he doesn’t need to be protected. Also, the first time Punk saw Ace coming to enforce the board’s wishes, it was to make sure Cena kept the title. So not only is he the parent figure, but he stands in Punk’s way of complete domination. And since Punk won the crowd over by being really fun on the mic, everything against Punk gets booed.
THESTINGER comes here to read the comments of people as much as THESTINGER comes for Brandon’s funny writeups.
But, seriously, you all point to two issues that really bother me: First, I hate it when wrestlers attack the gimmick of someone else. It doesn’t help Cena when he attacks ADR, all it does is hurt ADR and I hate it when a match or a segment hurts someone. Plus, no one would ever come up to the Undertaker and say “Fuck you, pal, I know that fucking urn doesn’t give you any power you ginger goth.” Hell, I’m starting to watch Chikara more in part because I don’t think Archibald Peck will ever yell at Green Ant and point out that he is not, in fact, an insect let alone an ant.
Second, 85 is absolutely right: commentary should be there to sell the wrestlers and their moves. Had Punk’s flying elbow drop onto Triple H from the ring to the announcer’s table happened 15 years ago the commentary would have been excellent. It looked like Punk just fucking killed that old guy! It was a great spot but I don’t think it’s going to be remembered as well as it should be because of the lack of effective commentary.
Comment 112 again FTW. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.
But srsly, what if Cena would have just stood there and let Zack go under, then took a camera, raised the apron, and let out a “Are you serious bro?” to two grown men under the ring? He compromises Alberto’s cover, but plays along with this?
The more I think about the Jericho segment, the more I appreciate it.
One of the things nobody’s commented on yet was your remark about the commentary, and specifically the Dusty Rhodes/Gordon Solie wigger thing. Funny and sadly, almost tragically true. I’m not sure what the point of the Michael Cole character actually is. If there’s a reason for having a commentary team that actively detracts from the product, week in and week out, I’ve yet to figure out what it is.
On a side note, I’m still really enjoying Kane. Part of it is that I just love shitty wrestling angles when dudes randomly have magical powers and hell is under the ring and what-not. The other part is that I think I’m still a little sick about the whole CM Punk situation and this is like the antithesis of what that was supposed to be and I’m enjoying it out of spite.
I would love to see Jericho and Cena interact. Every time Jericho acts like a hyper-face, the crowd boos. Every time Jericho heels it up, the crowd cheers. This is how he turns Cena to the dark side.
Oh, and my 10 year old son is not having a hard time at all cheering for Sheamus or Punk, who have recently turned. I think it he could get behind a face Jericho. This is not an outcome I am hoping for, but if I realize it, someone on the writing staff probably does, too.
Brandon, you just referenced Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon. For the love of all things holy, for the love of Fake Chibi-usa Luna, you have one 2012.
If ever a man should be bequeathed an LED jacket, this is the reason.
Superb write-up as always, B. It’s great to see someone who can analyse wrestling in depth while dropping obscure references and hilarious jokes without ever making it boring or one-note.
Seriously great work which deserves the superfluous comment I am now dropping as well as the Jericho chainmail light-shirt of Wonderment.
Also, I agree with the person who said that the canon rapist joke slayed me. Come for the analysis, stay for the Kane savaging.
I’m a fan of history and movies so when they made Valkerie I was very interested to see it, until I heard it started Tom Cruise. How can you have Tom Cruise in a historical movie? I hemmed and hawed about spending my money on a Tom Cruise movie. While talking to my mother she mentioned she and my father when to see Valkerie and I asked how it was and she gave me a great piece of information. You have to just say to yourself, it’s Tom Cruise, he is going to play Tom Cruise as a Nazi. He’s never going to be that character, he’s just going to be Tom Cruise in a Nazi uniform. I took that advice and I sat down closed my eyes and said “just let Tom Cruise play Tom Cruise and enjoy the movie.” I enjoyed the movie from that moment on.
I started to use the same advice with John Cena, he is the industry’s Tom Cruise, just let Cena be Cena and then you will enjoy the show more. You know he’s going to do the same thing every week but hey it’s Cena. Anyone under the age of 13 will love it and that makes the WWE happy.
I’m not a so called internet wrestling fan, I have never been to a local wrestling show. I had never heard of Chikara or whatever the IWC loves to watch. I just grew up watching NWA loving the Rock N Roll Express, Road Warriors and Dusty Rhodes and hating The Midnight Express and the 4 Horsemen. I just want a good show and some times I just have to let Cena be Cena and enjo the show.
“Best: Brie Bella’s Small Package Of Molag Bal”
Nice Oblivion reference. I just picked that mace up from a quest a few gameplay hour ago. :P
“Oh man, how bad do I want the WWE Universe to operate like Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon.”
Oh, man…is there a geek reference you can’t fit into your commentary? I’m in awe of your nerd level!