Traditional pictures of Adam and Eve have too many boobies and wee wees.
As we discussed last week when news of Chyna being hammered surprised no one, the AVN Awards took place two weeks ago in Las Vegas at the Hard Rock Hotel. Well it turns out that the sins of the adult film industry had some company that weekend, as Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was also staying at the Hard Rock. Coincidence? OR SATAN???
Actually, it was a coincidence, because he was there for a Nike photo shoot. But the Tebow news does not stop there. In the Feb. 6 edition of The National Enquirer, a “report” claims that Tebow was the target of none other than Kim Kardashian as her next athlete boyfriend. Citing her need to repair her image after she gave a colossal middle finger to poor people and marriage, the Kardashian machine apparently believes that Tebow would be her best bet.
Thank God he’s not a moron.
“Kim needs to rehab her image to get her career revved up again,” explained another source. “Dating someone like Tim Tebow would certainly do the trick.”
But even her family is telling her not to hold her breath.
“Tim’s been made aware of Kim’s crush, and although flattered, he’s not interested,” said a source.
“He’s an avowed virgin who’s saving himself for marriage and is looking for a woman with similar values, not someone with two failed marriages AND a sex tape in her past!”
(Via Celebitchy)
Let’s go ahead and add that she’s also apparently had her way with rapper Bow Wow, which isn’t surprising in the least, and is actually an upgrade from Ray J.
I never thought that Tebow news and Kardashian crap would converge, but damn am I happy that it has. This is the perfect storm, because even while Tebow could have his choice of any girl on the planet – including Lindsey Vonn, Erin Andrews, Bethany Hamilton and probably even Kate Upton or Mila Kunis if he really wants to be a dick – the Kardashians aren’t smart enough to just move on and accept reality by having her date someone like Antonio Cromartie.
Instead, we can count on Kardashian to pretend like she’s suddenly a woman of wholesome values by Tweeting ridiculously transparent statements like this…
If ever we needed Scientology to recruit someone, the time is now.
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Jesus, look at all the fuckin’ nimrods re-tweeting her. More than 100 people REALLY felt the need to pass along the info that she wants to start a bible study group that will ultimately disband 20 minutes into the first meeting?
I can understand that one, because those morons think they might be able to join or maybe it inspired them to pretend they can read. But what the hell is the point in retweeting that she’s going to church?
I’m still not hip to the point of retweeting anything, but I’m if there were a tweet to retweet, it would not be this twat’s tweet.
To be fair, the example retweeter is someone whose twitter handle is Yuli_DemLovato [sic] which a) confirms that anyone retweeting the oxygen waster’s tweets is an asshole and b) that their first choice “Yuli_DemiLovato” was taken and that someone beat them to that mental username.
Even Mary Magdelene thinks Kim Kardashian’s a whore.