khloe-kardashian-is-not-a-kardashian

You don’t have to be an accredited laboratory technician to look at Khloe Kardashian and say, “hey, that eight-foot tall white monster lady doesn’t look anything like her four-foot tall Armenian princess sisters”, but thanks to some combination of X needing money and Y needing to stay in the tabloids, it’s official: According to a report from Radar Online by way of Star magazine, Khloe Kardashian is not a Kardashian, and patriarch Robert took a “well, duh” approach in explaining where she came from.

“Khloe is not his kid — he told me that after we got married,” Jan Ashley, 63, the woman who married Robert after Kris Jenner, revealed to Star.

“He just kind of looked at me and said [it] like it was a matter of fact. He said, ‘Well, you know that Khloe’s not really a Kardashian, don’t you?’ And I said…’OK,’ and that was it.”

As godawful and deserving of a casting into pits as the Kardashians are, you’ve got to feel sorry for a woman when the news story of the day is, “yeah, she isn’t real, but we didn’t want to be embarrassed so whatever”. It gets worse for her, too … she isn’t adopted or a daughter from a previous marriage who got shuffled into the group like so much Jan Brady. Khloe is a Kris Jenner lovechild.

Ellen Kardashian, 63, married Robert in 2003 just two months before his death, after dating for nearly six years — and she has also come forward after eight years of silence to “tell the truth” about the Kardashian family.

“Robert did question the fact that Khloe was his,” Ellen said. “Any normal man would if they knew their wife had cheated on him … [but] he never would have considered a DNA test,” Ellen concluded. “He loved her very much.”

“But I don’t give a sh*t about them,” she added. “So here’s all their garbage.”

Khloe has already taken to Twitter to defend herself, because what’s she supposed to do, wait for Lamar Odom to do it?:

khloe-kardashian-odom-disgusting

Robert Kardashian’s reaction to the news is on the next page.