Best: Sgt. Cody Rhodes And His Howling Ambushes
Cody Rhodes jumped Booker T again as Booker made his way to the ring. That was awesome, because Cody Rhodes is awesome, and smart, and knows that anything you do to a fella before the bell rings is nice and legal. He also hates Booker T and wishes to cause him pain, match or no match, because that is what bad guys do. PAY ATTENTION, OTHER BAD GUYS.
Worst: I Just Watched A Four-Minute Video Package About This Feud And I Still Don’t Have The Slightest Clue Why The F*ck These Guys Are Fighting
As the great Triple H/CM Punk feud of 2011 turned into the great Triple H/Kevin Nash feud of 2011, I wasn’t ever really able to determine who had what motivations, or why certain things were happening. Now it’s TLC and they’re showing me a video of sledgehammers and ambulances and jackknife-powered bombs and I honestly don’t know what the f*ck. The saving grace of this video package was Kevin Nash yelling “I’M YOUR FRIENDDDDDD” and of course, MAEK POOPIES >:-<<<<<<
Best: I Am Gonna Watch Triple H Fight Kevin Nash In A Ladder Match In The Year 2011 And It Is Gonna Be Awesome
I know it’s hardly the coolest thing for me to say, but I was really excited about and looking forward to this match. I love love love that Triple H’s farewell tour bucket list included “Fight Big Sexy in a ladder match on PPV.” This is something that probably shouldn’t be happening ever, but it’s happening now, and we’re living in the future and get to bear witness to the whole sordid affair. Triple H is bloated and leathery and his hair is thinning. Kevin Nash had his knees replaced with rubber band balls about five years ago so every time he moves it’s like “whups whups how do m’dang knees work again whoops gawrsh.” The whole match was like watching Glenn Danzig fight Kenny Rogers, and it was absolutely amazing. The two dudes decided to go the route of “make everything we do look like it has the effect of ten atom bombs” and in my opinion the whole match worked. It even featured the hardest Triple H has ever hit anyone with that stupid sledgehammer, when he swung it into Nash’s face to knock him off the ladder and through a table. I even loved the horribly botched Pedigree that Cole tried to play off as Nash’s knee giving out after being struck in it too many times by a ladder.
Also, Triple H did a crotch chop and nearly walloped himself in his own peener with a sledgehammer when he did it, and that was amazing, too.
Worst: That’s A Terrible Interview Question
They showed a replay of Miz taunting CM Punk, which led to the immortal question by interviewer Matt Striker: “Miz seemed pretty serious when he said ‘Pipe bomb engaged.’ Your thoughts?” That’s not even an interview question. Why even bother having Matt Striker there if that’s what he’s going to ask? “Hey, that Go 2 Sleep looked like it really put that guy to sleep. Care to comment?”
Best: “I Have Yet To Receive Said Slammy”
It’s nice that even watered-down, pandering CM Punk can make me chuckle. Wondering where John Laurinitis put his purloined Slammy is awesome, and almost makes up for a PPV woefully short on Johnny Ace.
Best: Sheamus Being Beefy And Just Busting Dudes In The Chops
As much as I hate this “Great White” thing, Sheamus remains terrific. He’s a big, beefy, impressive-looking dude who is good at what he does. He socks guys in the face as hard as possible but never ends up Chris Mastersing the Stevie Richardses of the WWE. Sheamus is great to have around and I like seeing him wrestle. I hope he is able to move on to bigger and better programs in the near future. This match also involved a heavy amount of CLUBBERING, which I heartily endorse.