Worst: I Guess The Social Experiment Failed
The big story of the show was the friendship of John Cena and Zack Ryder being tested, first in a match, then in a tense backstage segment where Cena is forced out of the TLC main event to give Ryder another chance, then a second match. John Laurinaitis called it a “social experiement”. Was the social experiment to see if a guy who has been getting chants would even out the “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks” thing? Because 1) you proved that it helps when you put them on the same team on Raw a few weeks ago, and 2) CM Punk proved that a guy getting actual fan support and chants and not Ironic Internet Support could trounce and destroy any semblance of Cena chanting at Money In The Bank.
The weirdest part of this for me is how shocked Cena and Ryder were at having to face each other. This is a great example of why WWE hiring soap opera guys to write their shows instead of people who watch and understand wrestling creates stupidity — these guys both decided “pro wrestler” is what they wanted to do for a living, and correct me if I’m wrong, but in any actual sport (which we’re supposed to believe this is, at least in some regard) you don’t exclusively play your rivals, right? You play teams you hate, teams you don’t care about, and teams you might be friendly with. In MMA guys are always beating the hell out of each other and hugging and making out because they’re Warrior Bros. Shouldn’t Cena be HAPPY to be wrestling a guy like Ryder, who he likes and trusts? He could have an actual wrestling match without outside interference and Nexus Bang Bus attacks or whatever. And shouldn’t Ryder be happy to have a high profile match against a guy like Cena, who he likes and trusts, because it’d give him a chance to show what he’s worth without having to worry about Vickie Guerrero or Cena putting his feet on the ropes or grabbing trunks? Cena and Ryder reacted stupidly to a basic human interaction, and that sucks.
Worst: You Guys Have Got To Start Getting Up Faster After The Bro Kick
The match itself was fine, but its worst moment (and the worst moment in any Zack Ryder match lately) is the boot scrape in the corner. I can’t really call it a “boot scrape” because he just kicks the guy in the head, but whatever. He does the funny fist clench and gets the crowd chanting WOO WOO WOO, and that’s great … he runs and boots the sh*t out of a guy in a head, and that is also usually great. That’s when he needs the guy to get up and take the Rough Rider, so he backs up and does his Long Island hand taunt and hops around. This should take like, five seconds. Instead, Cena takes F**KING FOREVER to get up, and Ryder has to stand there hopping back and forth doing the same hand gesture and making the same goofy face with “come on, bro, get up” shame behind it as the crowd dies. It’s sad, especially when it builds to the Jumping Dick To The Face.
When a guy on the ground hears Shawn Michaels stomping, his job should be to get up and receive Sweet Chin Music. Reverse it, dodge it, whatever. If Ryder is going to use the Bro Kick to set up the Rough Rider, he needs to organize a workshop or something backstage and fill in everyone on how it works. Speak up, Zack, don’t just hop in place and hope for the best.
Worst: C’MON GIVE ZACK RYDER A CHANCE, JUST ONE CHANCE
The melodrama of Cena giving up his shot to give Ryder another one would be fine if it wasn’t for two huge issues:
1. Zack Ryder ALREADY GOT A UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH, a one-on-one against Dolph Ziggler at Vengeance. In that match he had a huge advantage, wrestling Dolph immediately after Ziggler’s 14-minute attempt to win the tag titles. IMMEDIATELY after that. He had Air Boom in his corner to make sure Swagger and Vickie didn’t interfere. Fresh, he lost that match in six minutes. He got a shot. This is not a Rudy situation. Rudy didn’t already get the sympathy play in a game six weeks earlier and screw it up.
2. Cena’s motivations make no sense. If he knew he’d already won the WWE Championship ten times or whatever and wanted Ryder to have a shot at Ziggler at TLC, why didn’t he just let Ryder win the match? Go in and punch the referee or something and get it over with. And if it was a matter of respect and ethics and he wanted Ryder to earn the shot on his own, why did he come back out and beat up Mark Henry so Ryder could win? If Ryder was mad enough to confront Cena after the first match and be all C’MON BRO WHY’D YOU DO THAT TO ME THIS WAS MY ONE SHOT, why wasn’t he mad enough to say WHAT THE HELL BRO NOW YOU THINK I CAN’T WIN MY OWN MATCHES after the second?
This whole thing reeks of the “Standing Outside The Fire” video. Ryder is Handicapped Brandon in his personalized jersey and Cena’s backstage yelling MARK MY WORD THE KID’S GONNA GET HURT.
Worst: John Cena Criticals Mark Henry
What’s worse, John Cena defeating WWE’s most protected unstoppable monster with one (1) move or Zack Ryder earning a shot at the United States Championship by PINNING THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION? Keep that in mind as you’re reading … Sheamus defeated US Champion Dolph Ziggler to keep him from getting a shot at the WWE Championship. Zack Ryder defeated the World Heavyweight Champion to get a shot at the US Champion. Ryder isn’t Heavyweight Champion and Sheamus isn’t US Champ. This is how cause and effect works.
Because This Page Could Really Use A Best: Swaggler
I think Jack Swagger may have found his niche as “the stupid friend”. Ziggler and Swagger are funny together, although most of it might be how happy I am to see secondary characters talking.
And Up Next: KEVIN NASH MAESK POOPIES IN THE RING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 8 YEARS YOU GUYS >=(
HE HASN’T MAED SINCE 2003 THIS IS GONNA BE BIG