Best: Mr. Excitement Is The Best In The World
Five great things about John Laurinaitis in last night’s opening segment:
1. John Laurinaitis doing CM Punk’s entrance perfectly, including shouting “IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!” so somebody who posts on a wrestling message board but doesn’t really pay attention can remember that from comic books and post “lol did he say it’s clobberin’ time? like the thing?” and having people respond with I THINK SO even though it happens on every episode.
2. WWE book-ending their time away from Chicago with the most and least serious uses of “Cult of Personality” ever.
3. Laurinaitis having to adjust his “Best In The World” shirt after miming Punk’s entrance because he’s wearing it over his suit like he’s f**king Goldust trying to sneak up on Booker T at a 7-11.
4. Laurinaitis avoiding all heel posturing and launching directly into his “my name is John Laurinaitis” thing without hesitation, lending credence to his suggestion that he’s making an homage and not trying to be insulting. In fact, this gets a double best because of the time Punk did the very same thing to Jeff Hardy, only Punk’s was laced with vitriol and followed immediately by a speech about how everybody who like Jeff Hardy sucks.
5. …and that’s one of the very best things about Johnny Ace. He is an absolutely revolutionary character for wrestling television in 2011 because he’s a heel clearly doing heel things for heel purposes but not trying to make it obvious. It’s amazing that a little character tuning like that could seem revolutionary, but after a solid 15 years (at least … we could probably push it to 20) of every wrestling bad guy screaming YOU PEOPLE or EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU or IT WAS ME AUSTIN IT WAS ME ALL ALONG it’s nice to have a guy who’s an asshole but doesn’t revel in you knowing it. It’s on the surface enough for a WWE crowd to pick up on it and it’s forthright enough for CM Punk to get pissed about it, but it’s also hidden enough for a guy like me to type “CM Punk is being a jerk, he should respect his boss, John Laurinaitis is doing what he thinks is best for the WWE Universe” and have it be total heel homering but still A COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE STATEMENT. It’s like when the Horsemen nailed limos full of women and bitched out Ricky Morton for only appealing to girls in training bras — they’re being total pieces of shit about it,but they’re right.
I love being able to see Laurinaitis play a character like this, because it justifies years of wondering how a wrestler that bad could have a wrestling job this good.
Best: All Japan Tapes
I’m not jaded enough to hear “All Japan” on WWE television and not mark out a little for it, but if Punk isn’t careful those references are going to backfire on him. Laurinaitis has started to turn some of Punk’s internet faithful into Ace-holes (© TNA Wrestling), and if Punk really wants real talk back for his insults he’s going to run out of room to smirk. Examples include:
My friend Urs:
If Johnny L ever needs a training video for a match with Punk, I hope WWE shells out the dough for some 90s AJPW clips. “Hey Punk, I know you like to namedrop stuff from Japan, here’s a little video package of me pinning a bunch of people you may have heard of.” Do it on the day Misawa died for extra points.
My friend Brian:
“Of the two of us, only one was a playable character in Virtual Pro Wrestling 2. Who was that, again?”
My friend Bill Simmons a different guy who writes for Grantland:
Best, Maybe: Is It Still Beginning
Next week we find out if the cryptic IT BEGINS videos are for the return of Chris Jericho, The Undertaker, sea monster Batista, Kharma, Kevin Thorn, Mordecai, Phantasio, Seven, Festus Kane or any number of other supernatural or Blair Witch-related pro wrestling entities. Wrestling has taught me that the Millennium Countdown sometimes ends with a big JERICHO on the TitanTron, but that the mysterious laughing sometimes ends with Chucky challenging Rick Steiner to see his new movie Bride Of Chucky. It could be good or bad, but at least it will finally be something.
Unless John Laurinaitis decides to hold off on The Beginning so the little kid in the blazer can be “even more angry”.
And yes, typing “kid in the blazer” made me wish it was Owen Hart returning from a worked death, too. That’d be worth it to see Bret do an I’M OLDDDD Jennifer from Back To The Future II paradox faint.
Best AND Worst: What Is This, WCW?
I don’t have a lot to say about Booker T vs. Cody Rhodes, so I’m going to divide it into sub-categories.
Best: Almost all of it. Booker T hasn’t lost a lot and Cody is great, and it made me happy to tune into Raw and see a wrestling match happening without a lot of badgering. They have a very basic personal issue, and sorta-long matches on TV like this are the perfect place to play them out. I liked that it had a clean finish. I liked Jerry Lawler having a stroke mid-sentence trying to explain how wrestling isn’t a team sport, like baseball, where you have nine guys and nickels have bumblebees on them and you say “gimme five bees for a quarter”.
Worst: I’m not 100% on why retired announcer Booker T needed to get a clean win over the Intercontinental Champion (on the same night when a guy who just lost the United States Championship beat the WWE Champion to get a shot at the WWE Championship, blergh), but I guess in the WWE Universe championship belts zap your strength and you’re just stronger without them.
But yeah, a good, long match that ends with an old guy beating a young guy and dancing on his grave reminded me way too much of WCW.
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Finally! I know this sounds pathetic but I don’t have to work until after new years and I’ve been bored, refreshing this page every hour or so hoping to read your best and worst today. I’m so delighted it’s finally here!
I do apologize for the slight delay. I had to drive my parents to the airport this morning so I lost an hour or so of writing time. I hope you guys like the column. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR
Get your shit together and call them a cab. I can’t be waiting to read this in the LATE AFTERNOON.
A.) Agree with djb123, I was verily upset when I couldn’t read B&W first thing when I woke up at 3 PM today (college winter break is the best), but I’m pumped now. B.) I went out to a bar last night for trivia and missed RAW, but remembered to find it on YouTube when I got home so I could read this column today. C.) Who are the people that upload all of RAW to YouTube in high quality a little over an hour after it goes off the air? Seriously, they’re doing God’s work.
We used to call them bums, as in “look at this bum.” I still call them bums, same way with a lot of baseball players.
Kane is a bum in a superstar’s clothing. Especially now with the stupid mask stuff. My guess is he won’t be winning the tag belts with Big Show at Wrestlemania and then lose them the next night in 2012.
Another solid B&W. The sad poopies face may be my favourite thing. They need a Nash/Cena get together poopies match. I’d pay.
Also, next week….Brodus Clay maybe? And It Begins? COULD IT BE?!?!?!?!?
First Kane comes and and HAETS. Then Undertakes come in whilst looking within. Then Brodus Clay comes in and gets double chokeslammed.
All this is building up to Undertaker vs Heath Slater at Wrestlemania XXVIII, I’m just not sure how yet.
If Taker and Heath Slater face at WM28 I really don’t know how I will handle the stress that Taker could clearly lose.
Laurinaitis: What do we do now?
Otunga: I don’t know.
Laurinaitis: Let’s go.
Otunga: We can’t.
Laurinaitis: Why not?
Otunga: We’re waiting for Brodus Clay.
Laurinaitis: (despairingly). Ah!
I’m almost 100% sure they “Goldberged” that Let’s go Cena/Cena Sucks chant last night, because nobody was doing anything during that Kane segment.
I can agree with that. I heard an appreciable Cena Sucks chant, but when the camera cut to the crowd, NO ONE was chanting.
Kane is groin-grabbingly terrible.
We called them nobodies.
We called them Mulkeys.
All of them? I just called Bill and Randy that.
Hamandeggers.
Good column. I’m amazed at that tidbit you dropped about Ziggler not getting a lot of respect on the indie scene. I don’t think there’s anyone I’d rather watch wrestle right now. I’m actually harder on him for his promos lately but that’s just because his ring work is outstanding. He makes the guys he is wrestling look great in ways no one else does and it’s not so over the top as to be annoying. If you could elaborate on their reasoning I’d be interested.
I’m finding out now that people thought the ending with Kane sucked? I LOVED it. I guess I suck and I’m not a good internet fan but his whole promo reminded me of why I used to love wrestling and still love Chikara. (No, it’s not wrestling. It’s… something else.) The broadly drawn comic-esque characters giving thrilling speeches like they’re the god damned hob-goblin. It’s awesome and I loved it.
I enjoyed the promo. It’s better than any promos Cena would cut, it was a tad different, and it served a purpose, which almost seems rare nowadays in wrestling.
I loved the Otunga bit.
We didn’t call them anything because I watched wrestling by myself (friendless) growing up until it hit big in the late 90s.
I’d write more but, I have a Sky that needs rimming.
I called them crash dummies.
You know what, I’m glad there are characters like Kane doing something different than the typical “I’m gonna kick yer butt” style of wrestling dialogue. It’s something we don’t see from something that stays largely the same and predictable (e.x. interruptions during matches). Although, if you are predisposed to dislike Kane, then I’m sure that segment didn’t do much to sway your opinion.
That being said, the Cena vs the WWE Universe thing seems to have run it’s course a looong time ago. We get it, some fans don’t like Cena and this makes him sad or confused or whatever (even though ALLLLL wrestlers have their fans and haters, even the damn Rock and Austin). No wrestler could have made that last segment great, only because other wrestlers have been talking about crowds hating him since last year.
We called them wimpy guys.
Oh man, that’s what the dads on my street called them. That blows my mind that it was widespread.
I long for the days when Kane had to use that goddamn voice box to give his one word answers.
I really hope Undertaker returns next week and Brodus Clay shows up and chokeslams him STRAIGHT T HELL!
And is it just me or are Lawler and Cole taking their broadcast cues from Monday Night Football? It’s like listening to Jaws and Gruden argue about “this guy right here” for 2 hours.
If you use the idea that in sometimes the Titans play the Cardinals and every match doesn’t have to be a death fued, then sometimes the Jets beat the Colts for the chance to beat them for the AFC title. I never understood the hate against beating someone for a chance at the title.
This is tough for me to say, but like Destiny I’ve always loved Kane. It looks like I was 14 when he debuted, and that sounds like the right timeframe because I always loved Mick Foley as well, and Mankind showed up about there. I even love that lame clothesline off the turnbuckle that Kane does, where he doesn’t make contact until his feet have already hit the ground.
But damn that promo sucked. You know how you can disrupt the WHAT chants by altering your cadence, so that you don’t pause where the crowd expects you to pause, and after 3 or 4 half-hearted whats, they give up? I feel like he went into the promo expecting that, even though it never Kane. And I don’t need every promo to be yelling, but that was delivered with the tone of, I don’t know, a substitute teacher or something. And the mask looks like he’s wearing fruit by the foot on his face. Just disappointing all around.
Glad to have you back Brandon, I actually enjoyed Kane’s promo. I didn’t love it, but I like how he cuts promos when he’s allowed to talk. Also, I enjoy his vocabulary because you don’t really expect the dude in a giant mask to have one. I’ll take Kane cutting a promo about Cena blowing over Abyss anything every day of the year.
I will say I was actually shocked, when the gauntlet match was booked I assumed we were going to watch Punk crush rising midcard and a ME player in about 15 minuets because really how fucking paint by the numbers was “Punk vs non wrestler”. It’s that thing they like to do as shown with King/Cole going on for 46457342 years. So when Ziggler got the pinfall I was surprised and just happy and any chance to see that wild after match hair flowing through the hair as he sprints around with the title is just great.
“use his giant body to shove Swoggle’s little Perry the Platypus-shaped ass to his death”
If this doesn’t lead to someone saying “Hey – where’s Hornswaggle?” I will be very disappointed.
Article was ok. I personally love Kane for the same reason that you girlfriend likes Kane. I remember his debut like it was yesterday (watching the scrambled Bad Blood PPV when I was 10) and have a soft spot in my heart for the Big Red Monster. While the Alberto Del Rio segment didn’t completely make me want to vomit this week, I was really hoping his injury would keep him off of tv for a while. Also, if you want more comments on the column, you might not want to arbitrarily throw out lines like “in spite of the racist commenters who won’t agree” (when referring to ADR). The wording makes it seem like everyone who doesn’t like or speaks out against ADR is racist. Here’s an idea: I hate Alberto Del Rio because he is a boring character, his wrestling style is boring, and his promos are awful. It has nothing to with him being Mexican.
I think Brandon was just pointing out that a vast majority of the people who don’t like him make racist comments, I took it more as him directing the comment at a certain group rather then everyone.
If I tell you that I understand your opinion on Alberto Del Rio and respect it but feel as though we must agree to disagree, would that be enough to keep you from mentioning him in increasingly negative ways in every single comment ever?
A lot of people dislike wrestlers because of their race or nationality, that’s where the terrible Jinder Mahal stuff comes from. It’s an accurate statement.
Actually, this week I increased the positivity in my Del Rio comment. I enjoyed watching him give the Bella Twins the PG-era equivalent of a Clarence Boddicker “Leave bitches.”
And hey, at least I care enough to comment every week (even if its at the expense of Del Rio).
I hope I learn to throw firewalls one day.
me too, he points and that shit just springs up
Spot on agree with Brandon on the Kane segment. Sure, someone was probably all “and the LAST THING YOU HEAR will be an awesome close!” but seriously – why not end on the Punk gauntlet?
Kane’s whole bit of “introspective madman” seemed like it should have come from Mankind;s debut year, or the Jackal. He’s not a philosopher.
I like how Zach Ryder is looking at Eve like he’s not 100% sure she’s really there.
Here’s my beef with the Kane thing. For all we hear about the writers scripting everything these guys say, either someone wrote that in the middle of a bad mushroom trip, or they gave him some freedom and he blew it. Have a point and get to it, even if you want to use big rhetorical flourishes.
Secondly, WWE has spent the better part of the last, I don’t know, forever catering to the youngest/dumbest members of their audience. That Kane promo was long and confusing, and while I kinda like them driving home the point that maybe Cena should be telling everyone to fuck off, a whole bunch of those people missed the point entirely, including most of the people in attendance.
“I could see his selling eventually becoming the Matt Striker On Commentary of wrestling pratfalls” – I don’t know, Ric Flair made a nice career out of it. Ziggler is great.
Finally, I hope Truth finds a way to jump Miz every week. But I really hope Kelly’s new role is catching Two Girls One Cup reaction videos backstage. Great read B, welcome back.
“The Hart Dynasty were a dangerously untapped thing that never got to grow outside of “we’re holding Bret Hart’s arms so he doesn’t stroke on the ramp and roll down to the ring”, and outside of Harry Smith refusing to stop pumping himself up with Nickelodeon Gak or whatever they had a bright future.”
Sigh. So true. What a waste.
Ryder and Eve make a good, trashy, HPV couple.
The Birds of War would definitely approve of this pairing.
Kane also should remember to shave – the grey stubble under his mask was a bit noticeable against his fake hair.
First time commenter here, just had that moment laughing out loud reading this at the dining room table, with my Mom giving me that look like you still watch wrestling? Thanks Brandon!
We called them “sucky guys.”
I was wearing a clove of garlic on my belt, which was the style at the time…
SHIT SHIT SHIT. I meant onion… stupid me.
There is no way that’s Scott Steiner. Where tha freaks at??
We called them “who the hell are they?”‘s.
Also, I think Brandon should have his own like… Wrestling Round Table live chat. Where he allows one other fan of his material, himself, his girlfriend Destiny and an actual other WWE fan from his friendship circle to join together in a LiveBlog and just chat about the week every Saturday for an hour. And let the fans of B&W just lazily read it while they browse the internet and write messages into the Panel every now and then that get posted if funny or genuinely insightful.
Sounds good to me! :D
Let the highest bidder donate for the chance to participate every week (with the understanding that they will be kicked from the call with no refund if they’re an asshole or an idiot).
with punk using the past to make fun of his enemies. Well I’m sure we’ll see and hear a lot about the spirit squad now that Dolph is the number 1 contender.
Brandon, do you think awesome-anti-face face Punk (if they ever make him stop smiling and pandering) would be more awesome than when Punk finally turns into the Cult of Personality heel that you think is the long con here?
Short question: Will Punk work better as a heel after being the best thing about WWE for 4 out of the past 6 months?
I feel like that’s what they should be doing already. Punk should’ve continued his heel character moving forward regardless of how many people are cheering him. When was the last time he mentioned being Straight Edge? Punk not rubbing his lifestyle in peoples’ faces is weird to me.
didn’t think you would miss that hilarious moment where Mark Henry butts in on ZigSwag’s conversation and yell ‘Excuse me’ and then just walk off. LOL I did.
For a second I thought he’d been accidentally murdred by MacGruber.
This. A hundred times this. “OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK!”
Thing I liked about the Cody-Booker match: Where Cody did the thing his brother does when he saw Booker bending over early and went to the ground and punched him. Felt like a nice touch.
Thing I disliked: Really? How does WWE expect to sell their champions when the only reason they’re champions to begin with is that the old people got bored of kicking everyone’s asses and decided to retire. Austin and Rock could still kill anyone on the roster for shits and giggles, and Booker can beat the Intercontinental Champion clean when no one’s cared about him wrestling for years. How is this good for anyone, other than old timer ego? How do they build Cody for a bigger push in a year or two when he can’t beat senior-circut Booker T?
Wait just a cotton-picking minute. You thought Jamie Noble sucked? I just, wow. I feel like I dont even know you anymore. There is no metric, basic or advanced, that says Jamie Noble sucked at professional wrestling. I mean…I just cant…..gah!
I don’t think James Gibson the guy who wrestled professionally sucked at wrestling, but I hated Jamie Noble the character/wrestler. My only good memories of him are him frenching Nidia and losing the ROH Championship to Bryan Danielson.
Plus, Noble is unforgivable for being part of the Jung Dragons/3 Count feud.
1. two golden girls references and a phineas & ferb reference, you’re on fire today, stroud
2. The corner catapult is easily one of the stupidest moves in wrestling. You’re propelling them by the part of their body that naturally bends backwards. All you have to do to thwart it is bend your knees and fall down onto the guy’s upper body for a rana-like pin. That being said, if you’re gonna do the move, do it right and Ziggler did. Man alive.
3. They shouldn’t ever recognize that he’s from Cleveland so long as he’s a heel because Cleveland is the absolute easiest sports city to make fun of and that’s like fucking catnip to lazy-ass WWE writers. Do you really want Ziggler telling ALL YOU PEOPLE about The Shot, The Drive, The Fumble, Jose Mesa in the ’97 WS, Lebron James, and 10-Cent Beer Night?
… I, I sorta do, honestly.
Also, it’s surprisingly easy to compare Hornswoggle’s body to something other than a child’s.
YOU KNOW THE WURZ PART ABOUT CRIMMUS is the new HOLEONAMINNUHPLAYAH
I am also disappointed about Kane’s cartoon flame pants. Also, I wish he talked better. Oh well, he’s still awesome in my 12 year-old mind!
Agreed, they need to change the design of his pants asap.
additional best: skip sheffield was in the dark match.
^ This.
Ricardo’s bowtie absolutely slayed me. Also, I choose to believe that Johnny Ace does everything he does on purpose. That would probably make him the best thing in the company right now.
Also, I’m pretty sure that was James Hetfield in Kane’s costummmmmme-AH.
Looks like Vince is setting up his all-time favorite angle with Eve Torres: INCEST!!!
wait, what
loved how Ace said he was the Executive Vice President of Raw
I don’t know why, but I badly wanted the Rikishi defense from Kane last night. “I did it for The Rock.” would have made Kane, Wrestlemania and everything else a little bit more interesting. Instead we got that which made an entire audience forget that they thought Cena sucked.
WWE does a lot of strange things I don’t understand, but putting that piece of shit segment as the main event has to rank as one of the more confusing of all time. How about Punk taking his belt back in front of his hometown crowd?
This can only logically end with Cena turning heel or turning heel halfway like Bret Hart in 1997. So, I fully expect Cena to Rise Above Hate and beat Kane at the Royal Rumble for no reason.
We called them rag dolls.
As for the Kane thing, I kinda liked it, and my favorite thing about Kane is the time he set the camera man on fire and ‘this is a stunt’ flashed on the bottom of the screen as he stumbled around screaming. I dunno, Brandon, one minute you’re bemoaning Passive Aggressive Cena, the next you’re shitting on an angle that hints at character development. I get that the monologue was crap, but then how many good monologues (written or off the cuff) have YOU heard in WWE in the last decade? It ain’t double figures, so I’ll take what I can get. I don’t care about Kane or Cena, but I’m vaguely intrigued to see where they’re going with this, and since that’s the most powerful reaction John Cena will ever elicit from me, it’s more a best than a worst.
I kind of feel like you bust out “wrestling is homey and lame, and this is awesome,” when it suits you, then shit on it when it doesn’t.
EMBRACE THE HATE, BRANDON.
CM Punk had about 40 great monologues between the Straight Edge Society and sitting criss-cross applesauce on Raw. I didn’t see that segment as hinting at character development, I saw it as going in a completely different direction with two people out of nowhere and not really accomplishing anything in the process. It was an extension of Cena’s boring Heh Somebody Hates Me thing in 10 minute very slow Kane form.
Ha, Kane setting the crew member on fire back in the day was fantastic. I remember watching that, and Immediately before that happens thinking to myself, “Huh, that guy is the only one wearing long sleeves.” Good to see after all these years he hasn’t lost his heater.
(Everyone got the heater thing right?)
Hokey. Hokey and lame.
Punks “Its Clobberin Time” is from the NYHC band Sick of it All…but that was taken from grimm so no one is wrong
Good news from the Indinapolis NXT/Superstars/Smackdown taping: Daniel Bryan has a backstage segment with AJ. Then a bunch of other crap happened that wasn’t as important. You’ll see Friday I guess.
I’ve worked NCAA events at the at Conseco and a few thing where hilarious if you know the layout of the place like I do. The backstage brawl with Barret and Orton was pretaped in a way that made me feel stupid for paying for it since it wasn’t any more live than it will be Friday. Also the show ends with Randy Orton being MURDERED. So that’s good.
Also they kept showing us aerial shots of downtown without any of the snow or Christmas decorations that you can’t miss if you tried. Nobody in my section thought that was funny. I lost it laughing.
Golddust showed up and was in the ring with Cody and Booker. We are one step closer to the American Dream Match with Dusty as guest referee.
Tamina hit Natalya with a superkick that looked amazing. I don’t know how you do a heel turn superkick on a heel, especially when you’re Tamina but damn.
Post taping there was a triple-threat match with Show, Bryan, and Barrett who was just in a street fight with Orton, oh and Booker T was special guest ref. Not of it made a lick of sense and it was basically a rush to see who could pin Barrett first. Bryan won and Booker T made him do a Spinneroonie for his trouble. Big show was signing autographs immediately after the bell rang.
This was my first WWE show as an adult and it’s super weird to deal with a taped show. Some of it won’t air so it’s non-cannon and yet it to me it was right there. It made wrestling feel incredibly fake.
Highlight of the night was the 8-year-old sitting next to me who was FREAKING OUT for Yoshi Tatsu. If Tatsu appeared in a video package for 10 frames he would scream YOSHI! Reminds me of when I was a kid and thought that 3 Count vs Jung Dragons was the best thing going in wrestling.
Damn, sleepy me from last night. You typed too much and too poorly.
I agree with ninety percent of what you say here, Brandon, but you are way off base with Kane. Kane coming out last week and trying to murder Cena because he (Kane) is an advocate of hate is awesome. Kane is a scary monster for kids. At the end of the day we’re watching a product designed for kids. No matter how much we try and deny it, that is what it is.
I don’t disagree with you on the segment’s intent, it just took him forever to get it out, and that’s not what you need to do when you’re trying to improve Cena taking forever to say things.
Kane magically made a wall of flames appear to shut Cena up.
If that was the only thing that happened out of that overwrought speech it would have been just fine. That’s honestly all I want him to do! Kane should be this big Frankenstein Monster, crushing people, chased out by heroes, the works. He should never, ever speak. Monster wrestlers are fantastic as boss fights for bigger heroes and to send Jobbers (the term was good enough for Al Snow, it’s good enough for me!) to the proverbial woodchipper. This mask/monologuing thing was done better by Cody Rhodes! Kane doesn’t need that, he just needs to be big and on fire.
*sigh*
I think the only thing i want to say about this whole show is im glad someone else besides me was wondering why Kane was talking like Dexter. I was seriously waiting for him to drop a “Dark Passanger” comment.
The idea that guys working in the indie world are dogging on Ziggler makes me incredibly sad. I think you’re spot on with the assessment of what he brings. He’s wrestling in arenas. His selling and style has to translate that. A couple columns ago you mentioned the transition indie wrestlers need to make when going to wwe regarding ring size, etc. You don’t get to work a 30 minute mat clinic for 175 devoted people any more. You’ve got to get it across to a huge audience and you’ve got to (for better or worse) do it quickly. Don’t go away from their strengths that they’ve perfected over the years but recognize you’re working a different room.
He elevated himself with that headstand. He makes other guys look amazing. After he got out of the ring with the belt did you notice how he ran right in front of the camera? The dude gets it.
To borrow further from your Star Wars title – Attachment leads to Jealousy. Methinks some indie guys might be feeling a little green.
“He can’t wrestle” “He doesn’t look tough” Get over yourself, already. It’s theater. If I went to see Julius Caesar and 23 stab wounds later he gets up and starts going into the “you can’t C me” rally moves while screaming “Et tu, Brutus?!?!” that’s when I’m going to get pissed and feel like I’ve been ripped off. Who can execute the theater of pro wrestling and tell me a story? DZ can.
Never mind the fact that the dude has legitimate amateur credentials and won almost 80% of his matches in college.
Two videos from Dolph Ziggler Day at Kent State
[www.youtube.com]
[www.youtube.com]
As a Northeast Ohio native myself I hope he continues to do well not just because I think he’s GREAT at this and I do but because getting our people over the self-loathing is a mission of mine.
Aaaaand 15 minutes later I’m done with a comment on wrestling. Seriously, thanks, Brandon love the column and the live blog.
Ham n eggers
I agree with Brandon 100% about John Laurinitis. Every week, he’s becoming more of a reason why I enjoy the show.
He has “taken several management classes”.
Is it wrong that I love David Otunga’s entrance theme? It sounds like some reject from a Chris Brown album and that just seems perfect for his character. And I might be wrong, but I think he’s doing that Shawn Michaels “I talk/sing in my own theme” thing.
We called then no names.
Lol, SEVERAL management classes, probably from “Full Accredited Online University.”
Ham ‘n eggers. Because that’s what The Brain called them so that makes it Law. Sometimes we’d throw around “nickel n dimers” for DiBiasie or a “pencil necked geek” for Blassie if we were feeling really nostalgic.
Can’t say enough good things about Dolph, IMO. The man should always be a Heel. And I hope they don’t change his name so I can continue to call him Ziggles and annoy the piss out of my boyfriend.
No idea why, but Otunga’s “in layman’s terms you sucker punched me in the face!” cracked me up. How does that man find cardigans to fit his shoulders?
I cannot believe that they ended RAW from CHICAGO with that crap segment. What a way to waste a fired up crowd. “Cena’s Surprised Face” will be my new “Watch out guys, we’re dealing with a badass up over here” meme background. Because I am on Tumblr just to make shitty macros that only make me laugh.
I called him the Brooklyn Brawler.
Also, the best part of that NXT clip? Josh Mathews going all Gordon Solie and giving a women’s match some actual credibility. Why is Cole still on play by play again?
Two things:
1. I believe that Cm Punk’s “It’s Clobberin Time” is also a reference to NYC Hardcore band Sick of it All.
[www.youtube.com]
2. Kane’s whole reason for coming back/wearing a mask is because he doesn’t like John Cena’s new T-shirt, and that in a nutshell is the reason why wrestling can never be cool again.
That Divas match on NXT wasn’t half-bad, even though it ended in a “distraction, lol rollup” finish. Also, holy shit can Ziggler sell. That catapult was AWESOME. Every week he sells like death.
Since I started reading this column, I’ve stopped watching Raw and feel like I can just catch up with the B&W and by watching a couple of clips here and there. Kudos, Brandon. I’m not watching that Kane promo, though. I sat through the awful promos with the corny background music a while back.
Oh, and I think the incest comment was referring to Eve and Zack Ryder both being orange and presumably related, or something.
@Brandon
Dolph beats Punk w/o belt
Booker beats Cody w/ belt
The strap makes you complacent. Like the Mavericks. Or Apollo Creed.
AND WHAT HAPPENED TO ALICIA FOX ZOMG I THOUGHT THEY WERE PUSHING HER!!?
I’m going to punch every last Mav in the face >=| not pleased with them so far.
I don’t know what I like more about Ziggler: his selling or his increasingly-Super-Saiyan hair.
Next time instead of headstands and situps he’s just going to stand there and scream for 5 minutes before knocking the opponent out with one punch while Cole shouts “THE AMOUNT OF TWEETS FOR THAT PUNCH IS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!”
Just wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed your writing this past year. It really kind of helped to get me back into wrestling. Looking forward to the new year, in which I promise to comment way more often, haha.
I appreciate that. Thank you.
Honestly hoped Kane would have dropped a Ron Paul reference in there, all that talk about freedom through hate. I can see what they’re trying to do with Kane trying to turn Cena to the dark side with hate. Plus I love Kane so I’ll go with it for now, but the only reason to bring back Kane (besides getting rubes like me to buy merchandise) is to have him crush Cena and get him to question himself right going against the Rock right?
Johnny Ace was on fire last night though, legit laughs the entrie night, straight up trolling Punk. May not be the greatest actor but he gets it done. And I’ll watch Dolph wrestle anyone, just a great talent. Plus, would it kill them to get Otunga a cheap win by blowing some coffee, like some green mist, into Big Show’s face?
Even if I disagree with you Brandon (sometimes often but always respectfully), love reading and I too will try to comment more often.
Out of curiosity, on what do you usually disagree? You aren’t one of those John Morrison guys, are you
Thanks for responding! Firstly, not a Morrison fan because apparently time doesn’t slow down in person when he walks into the arena (disappointing!) nor am I a HHH mark (your nightmare I guess?).
Umm, moreso just regarding Kane being not awesome, but it’s a generational thing. Other times I disagree at first but then a slow burn kicks in where I realize you’re right (like face CM Punk being sometimes annoying on the mic, versus when CM Punk actually felt dangerous and had the WWE by the balls which was amazing). I also think ADR needs a tad bit of work on being a great villain. He does all the small things so well, I just can’t quite put my finger on what he needs (other than to have Cena and Punk not insult him). I love the guy too, but probably not at your level. Even then, it’s my frustration at having the villains of the WWE being castrated by Cena/Punk for no reason.
Really, I probably oversold the disagreeing thing based on your Kane comments and I was like NUH UH KANE IS COOL CUZ HE WAS ON MY FIRST WRESTLING TSHIRT. My apologies, keep up the great work!
Dear Brandon,
I apparently have talked about you and this column enough that my husband has told me I just HAVE to comment. I am trying to convince him that we have to make a poster for the RAW show here in February with your name on it – we already have matching Del Rio tshirts. Thanks for helping educate me about wrestling, along with lots of funny references, to make watching WWE twice a week bearable. My husband really appreciates you too, since I now know a little of what I’m talking about. So thanks for 2011 – looking forward to more next year.
Awww, this comment is the best ever! Hope to see your sign in February. :)
To echo Destiny, thank you. And hey, if you do make signs, take pics and I’ll give you a spot in the column whether they get on TV or not.
Also wanted to add a bit of a sappy story: when I’m not reading B&W, I’m a pastor. And I’m about 95% sure that this 10 year old has been coming to church with his mom lately not because of my awesome preaching but because I talk WWE with him afterwards (which I can do because I read your stuff). We’re giving him tickets on Sunday to the RAW show in February, and I’m so excited to see his reaction. So, in case you needed more validation, B&W basically makes me a better pastor. (and yes, that might be the least expected comment ever…so maybe I should add a token “John Cena is gay!”)
Great column, Brandon!
I don’t remember what I called jobbers when I was a kid. There’s a good chance I ended up hoping they would win as I was a perennial fan of loser sports teams anyway.
Del Rio was amazing on Monday. He looked so sad and frumpy. He looked like a rich kid who didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas and it was perfect.
My favorite part of the episode was Eve’s pushing back Zack Ryder after he hugged her. She did it in the most subtle way that it totally looked like a real reaction.
I’m glad everyone here is sharing in Brandon’s love for Ziggler. He’s quickly becoming my favorite WWE wrestler. He’s just amazing. As much as I like Cody Rhodes, and I like him a lot, his match against Ryder the other day wasn’t as good as Ziggler would do: Ziggler just makes everyone look so much better whereas someone like Cody needs someone good to wrestle with.
Punk as a face is bothering me. He’s straight edge. He knows he’s better than everyone that shows up. He’s surly. He’s not a face or a good guy, so seeing him pushed as one really weirds me out.
Great column, Brandon! If it wasn’t for you I don’t think I could have kept up with Raw, it’s too spastic in quality.
holy shit you posted in first person (I love you, THESTINGER)
So if Kane is going to “Embrace the Hate,” how soon before he’s doing those anti-bullying assemblies for middle schoolers like the Bellas (who were mean girls) and Sheamus (who just wanted to foight)?
Bah, stalled at 105. Where are the spammers and people with foolish opinions?
So glad your back Brandon. Good column as usual.
“he didn’t pull a bunch of I’M ASHAMED TO SAY I’M FROM CHICAGO shit like most guys”
Yes he did. I specifically remember him doing that exact thing in a 2010 pay-per-view when he was still Straight Edge (think it was Night of Champions). He came out and said he loved Chicago but he was ashamed of YOU PEOPLE, alcoholics, drug addicts, etc.
Long time lurker, first time commenter (though I’ve tweeted you a few times, B).
Anyway, I’m convinced there’s a major creative struggle going on in the WWE writer’s room and booking office. Anyone else notice the trend of genuinely great, show ending matches happening right at the BEGINNING of the second hour? I’m specifically thinking of Del Rio-Punk a few weeks ago but there have been many others.
It’s obviously the new school guys versus the remaining dregs of the Bitchitude era (which for me is roughly the previous 7 years, although there were some great exceptions in there). What’s really interesting is who is who? Is Vince saying to close out the card with Kane and Cena, or is Triple Ay-chah calling the shots? Is Shane-O Mac marking out for Daniel Bryan?
I would love to be in Stamford sometime and see how the hell this thing is run.
*signs your Wall of Pain because comment*
Is it me or are we starting to see fewer Worsts? And the Worsts are almost always universal.
Also here here to the return of the Bastian Booger 1/2/12. IT BEGINS.