Before we start, a bit of advice: don’t google “star kris is gay” looking for a photo of this magazine cover without your SafeSearch on. It’s not accurate.
So it turns out Kris Humphries is gay, or at least that’s the word from the woman who just married him for real because they loved each other. Of course his rep is issuing statements about how the accusations are “completely false and ridiculous,” adding, “He is not gay”, not ever stopping to just say “what, are you serious? It’s 2011, stop being stupid”. YOUR GAY in all caps with the improper possessive adjective shouldn’t still be a thing, especially from adults with television shows, and the only reason I’m sharing this cover is because of the awesome, almost Middle Earth-style universe it creates with its sub-headlines.
He wouldn’t touch her after the honeymoon
WHAT KHLOE SAW
Now: Kris vows to DESTROY the Karashians!
They could’ve written SPIDER-MAN: NO MORE across the top and it would’ve been just as reputable. “What Khloe saw” is pretty funny because the TMZ super capitalization for emphasis and because you can make lots of great “she could see over everybody” jokes, but the Jack Kirby finishing line is the best. I love the idea that Kris Humphries is a gay mad scientist who managed to trick his way into the family, but now that his evil dark gay secret has been revealed he’s quitting sports and championing a bunch of maniacal robots to destroy Kardashian Headquarters. He could wear a rainbow cape. Star Magazine is a better comic than at least 48 of the DC 52.
And I don’t know what the hell is up with Guy Fieri and BOOBS, BABES AND MURDER down in the corner, but I hope they weren’t gay babes, and I hope it wasn’t gay murder.
[h/t Sportress of Blogitude]
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The Guy Fieri article: Guaranteed that they weren’t gay, unless someone told him about it ahead of time because, you know, “those people freak him out”. Him. A guy with bleached blonde hair, more jewelry than Liberace (dated reference to opulent gay performer) and tours regularly into the food service industry. And everyone knows that the gays don’t cook.
On the bright said, Sandra Bullock is getting a mid-life makeover.
Way to keep it classy Star
Calling someone gay in 2011 is totally heterosexual and responsible journalism.
I smell lawsuit!
if’n it ain’t Fieri gettin’ killed, I ain’t readin’
I picture Kris in a rainbow cape with a “No Fat Chicks” t-shirt/beater.
Oh shit, did i catch his gays?
you’re* who ever wrote this spelled you’re wrong. lol
Im getting tired of hearing about this woman eveywhere, she is such a drama queen. First sex tape with Ray J. Then she married and divorce Kris Humphries, and now there are rumors of a new sex tape. I was trying to find it on Google, but only this site came out CelebrityLeaks.net/KimKardashian , is that isnt her, she must have a twin sister lol
They duct tape her fat rolls out of the way and only photo her from certain angles.
This chick is a half dozen more Quarter Pounders away from lab band surgery.
I know what happened. She backed that thing up into his mug and his Johnson cried out for mercy. She a drama mongering corn fed Heiffer covered in makeup and girdles.
Good luck to that porky attention whoreing bacon back bitch.
Correction: Lap band surgery. And it wouldn’t work on her. Her body would digest it.
I’m so happy for Jen!
SHUT THE FUCK UP! lol Captain save a Fag
what do the kardashian klan not like people that they used it to hurt Kris. All the things she could say she says the gay word. That word was so offensive to her pal Jonathan that he was going to sue for being called that…is Kourtney gay…she loves kissing women when she’s drunk..almost had a relationship with someone who is gay….who is really gay here?..everytime they open their mouths they bury themselves deeper…people with class would just keep quiet and live life…trash calls people gay….
do they not like gay people…sorry
i rather have sex wif kim and than dump me
thats wat i would do if i was kris have sex wif her and video tape it and show it to the whole world that hes not gay or never was gay