Dwight Howard wants everyone to love him. Hell, most athletes want everyone to love them, but life doesn’t work that way. In Dwight’s case, he can run around Orlando, planking like crazy and singing karaoke with random people because an ESPN camera is following him, and in his warped millionaire mind, he thinks that will numb the sting that comes with him demanding a trade from the Orlando Magic.
Last night didn’t do much to alter the perception that he’s already gone, either. The Magic were completely trounced by the Miami Heat in a preseason game that ended with a 118-85 score that is an illusion compared to what really happened on the court. If this were a regular season game, the Heat would have won by 100. It was that nasty. And it also showed us what kind of man Howard is with his 5 whopping points.
But it’s not his fault, guys. It was a team effort at sucking.
“They look like a seasoned team,” Howard said. “We were off for seven months. And guys are trying to get back in to it. There’s no need for us, anybody, Magic fans, whatever, to stress about the first game. There’s a lot more games to be played.”
(Via CBS Sports)
Added Howard: “Just in a different jersey.”
I’m bringing this up for two reasons: 1) The Miami Heat are going to win the NBA championship this season because, as I pointed out when the lockout ended, Dwyane Wade and LeBron James are diabolical geniuses who conditioned and trained with the league’s biggest stars the entire time, while guys like Howard just planked; and B) I don’t think that Howard is getting the credit he deserves for being such a dick.
Howard has every right to want to play somewhere else, but he’s played every card wrong. He told Magic fans that he wants to stay and build a championship legacy. Then he said he wants out because the team hasn’t given him the right tools to win with, which Greg Doyel, who I normally loathe, absolutely picks apart in his column today.
Howard is everything that is wrong with the NBA. He’s talented but he’s lazy and spoiled because he is surrounded by enablers who give him the Good Will Hunting – “It’s not your fault!” It’s not all his fault, but instead of the standard 100% of the fault that I give to the inexplicably employed Magic GM otis Smith, I’m giving Howard 50% now.
Like I’ve said for a few months now, the only difference between Howard and LeBron James is that James doesn’t rhyme with coward.
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A few short months from now after Howard has mailed in the end of the season and left, people will tell you to stop whining and get over it because Dwight Howard is just exercising his rights as a free agent, and he didn’t do anything wrong. Oh, and quit being a hater and all of that as well.
Don’t worry, it will be as awesome for you to hear it as it was when we heard it.
Love,
Cleveland
Dear Cleveland,
Tell Michael Symon he laughs like a retard.
Yours truly,
Seth Rogen
I feel your pain in this (Cavs fan), but at least when he is traded away you’ll likely get a decent player / pick or two. He could just finish out his contract and go on national t.v. and tell you to go fuck yourself because he’s taking his talents elsewhere.
When you’ve got Cavs fans sympathizing with you, it’s time to make it a double.
I’ll say it now and I’ll say it again when it happens, I regret being arrogant enough to think that Orlando was any better than Cleveland. At least I already lost Pujols and am ready for Dwight.
AT LEAST DWIGHT HOWARD IS STILL TRYING ….. to leave town.
If it makes you feel any better (and it should), Pujols got 2 rings for St Louis before he left. It would have been nice if Manny, or Thome, or Lebron would have extended the same courtesy before telling us to go fuck ourselves.
Hey, I resent this article. As a Nets fan, I feel like your misery is my excitement. The Nets have monumentally sucked in recent times so I am looking forward to your hero leaving Orlando and hitting us up in NJ. What’s that? Brooklyn? FFFfuuuuccccckkkkk
Hi. Merry Christmas everyone!
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++++++Life is short. Enjoy yourself.
I’d get the fuck out of dodge too if I had already spent half my career with Otis as my GM. Dwight’s all-time best 2nd banana was Turkoglu, who stopped being good before dwight turned 23, and is also HEDO FUCKING TURKOGLU, who has never played defense and has never quite been good enough to justify how much he needs the ball to be effective. I like Nelson, but he’s like 5’10 and cant guard anyone. Lewis sucked out loud his whole tenure in Orlando. Vince Carter sucks more dick than LeBron’s mom.
And now he’s stuck with the above pile of shit, only now they’re even older, on a team with zero frontcourt depth playing a season that will require him to play 40+ minutes every other night. They can’t beat the Heat. They can’t beat the Bulls. They can’t beat any of the top 6 teams in the West. And there are no prospects for that changing.
I realize that this sucks ass for Orlando fans, but would YOU stick around and trust Otis Smith to put talent around you for the rest of your career? After the past 6 years? I hope Dwight doesn’t go all egotistical douche on you guys like Lebron did to Cleveland, but in his shoes I’d lay tracks too.