"But he told me they were magic beans..."

David Stern was on ESPN to discuss the latest on his league’s embarrassing lockout earlier this week, and while I don’t remember what he said verbatim, I can basically paraphrase it: “The owners have been so fair and generous in demanding that the players come down from the 57% of basketball related income in the last CBA to a 50-50 split now. The players are just being greedy and unreasonable.” Then he winked at the camera and said, “Thanks, ESPN” and he floated back to his home realm of Satania.

You see, Stern has been the king of fair and generous during the 134 days that this lockout has now lasted and it appears that he is making his final “generous offer” – if the players accept the 50-50 offer that the owners made very minor changes to yesterday, they can have a 72-game season.

“There comes a time when you have to be through negotiating, and we are,” Stern said. “We have made our revised proposal,” Stern said, “and we’re not planning to make another one.”

(Via CBS*)

Because he’s also a total hard ass, you see. Word is that the players will make a decision by Monday, but if they reject this deal then the owners will stand firm at 47% for the players and we won’t see any NBA action this season because the union will decertify and then all hell will break loose. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, because players union executive director Billy Hunter is the hard ass of all hard asses. Tell ‘em how it’s done, BH!

“The idea … is to sit down with them and say, ‘You sent us out to get something, here’s what we’re coming back with,’” said Billy Hunter, executive director of the National Basketball Players Association. “‘Now let’s sit down and decide what our next option is, what are we going to do.’”

Every time this man speaks, I think it is a miracle that he hasn’t accepted 25% and a case of Crystal Pepsi.

*Hey CBS, you do know that it’s been almost one week since LSU and Alabama played, right? Just checking.