Best: FINKKKK
What kind of heartless bastard would I be if I didn’t give Howard Finkel a big, stinking Best for showing up as CM Punk’s personal ring announcer? It was the best part of Punk’s ice cream bars nostalgia trip, and seeing as how ring announcing involves nothing but your voice, I’ll go ahead and state the obvious: Howard Finkel should still be the every day WWE ring announcer, and Justin Roberts should take his love of entertaining the fans and his JEEEEEEEEEERN CENA and go screw. When you talk about Jim Ross you have to qualify it with “one of” the best announcers of all time, but for ring announcers? Nobody’s even in Fink’s ballpark. I like Gary Michael Cappetta more than most, but come on.
Worst: Colt Cabana Chants Not Accomplishing Anything
It’s the deadest horse to beat, but Colt Cabana not being employed by WWE is continually weird and dumb. I mean, I enjoy the fact that I got my picture taken with Matt Classic at last year’s King Of Trios and I like seeing Colt show up randomly in Austin to wrestle Bolt Brady or whoever, but he’s the most unrealistically pleasant and seasoned guy to not be doing this on television. So Scotty Goldman didn’t work. Punk + Cabana ALWAYS works, and with Punk a now five-time world champion and a fixture in WWE pop culture it makes zero-to-even-less sense for Colt to not be his onscreen second. You don’t even have to invest a lot in him. Don’t make Colt the WWE Champion or anything, but tag him with Punk, let him be a Jobber To The Stars, let him get beaten up with a Punk feud needs some gravity. Give him Eve’s money and put Eve out to trophy wife pasture.
Best: 95% Of Punk Vs. Del Rio
You know what? I’ve hated almost every second of this feud. I think what they’ve done to Alberto Del Rio is unfortunate, and I think the praise heaped on Punk for his character and performances since August (or, debatably, July) have been undeserved. However, here are two truths I’m willing to admit:
1. Taking the belt off of Del Rio here and giving it to Punk was the right call. It was. If they weren’t serious about making Del Rio a legitimate WWE Champion of worth, why waste time on it? I think he deserves it, but obviously the fans aren’t buying it, at least not the way you’re selling it, and they want Punk on top. Punk gets a “fresh start” without Kevin Nash and Triple H hanging over his head, and we get to see if he’s telling the truth about the whole “making the WWE fun again” thing.
2. This match was as good as the feud’s build has been bad. It went a long way to reminding me why I like Punk so much in the first place. I like his personality, but yeah, I also like what he does in the ring. I like how natural it feels, how imperfect it can be. I like seeing a guy who isn’t an unnatural super hero monster performing at a high level in a big match situation. It allows me to identify with him and care about what happens to him more. He sweats, he looks like he’s hurt. That’s important. Sometimes when you’re a giant muscular dude it’s hard for me to believe that gentle kick to the stomach hurt you, but sh*t, Punk’s abdomen looks like mine. That kick might hurt.
The match took a little while to get going, but in a good way. Not counting some inconsistencies with the finish and some terrible post match stuff I’ll mention in a minute, it was right alongside those July and August main events we ate up so thoroughly. Punk’s true “pipe bomb” is his ability to back up speeches with great wrestling matches. I’m going to forgive him his trespasses and accept his “shut up and eat your mush” Twitter demands, at least for now. Here’s your chance to start over, everybody. Let’s try to keep it going this time.
Oh, and a personal memo to Punk: win more matches with the Anaconda Vice. Use Go To Sleep on guys who can take it without making you look like you’re straining on a Nautilus machine.
Best: The Lambeau Leap
It wasn’t Chicago, but it didn’t have to be. Punk running and jumping into the crowd to celebrate was a nice moment. And hey, if Michelle Beadle was in the front row I’d probably run at and jump on her, too.
Worst: CM Punk’s Magically Healing Arm
Aaaaaaaand I can’t get out of this page without bringing up how much I hate this. I’m sorry in advance for this nerdy paragraph.
CM Punk spend the entire match getting his left arm destroyed by Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio even targeted it when he tripped up Punk on the top rope. It was great limb work from both sides and Punk sold it like a champ for the entirety of the match … and then Punk won the match using a submission requiring arm strength. Del Rio tried to claw at his eyes instead of just hitting him in the bad arm. Punk won, raised the belt over his head with his bad arm, then ran around jumping in the crowd and celebrating. You can call it adrenaline for the Anaconda Vice, but at some point on the ramp it wouldn’t have killed him to lower his arm and at least pretend like any of what’d just happened hurt. Any of it.
If we condescend on folks like John Cena for doing this, we’ve got to at least acknowledge it when people we like do the same.
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I want 2005 ROH back. If the WWE stays in New York City forever I’d be perfectly happy.
The use of a Look Around You still was what finally got me to get around to registering for the comments.
Yeah, i thought the end was very lame too, I kept looking at the black screen with the DISH logo thinking… “was this it?” I kept waiting for Truth and Miz to comeback out of nowhere and beat Rock’s ass on Cena’s orders… and nothing.
re: Sin Cara, I get the feeling he’ll be released during all this. He’ll be part of that weird WWE lore that reminds you Terry Gordy was The Executioner and Genichiro Tenryu won at WrestleMania.
I caught some of the 5 on 5 at a friend’s place and what I saw from Sin Cara was just flat-out bad. If someone had tried to convince me that he was a Lucha Libre legend in Mexico I would never be able to believe that. I am also really disappointed that Miz and Truth didn’t win despite the fact that it was never going to happen. What point did they serve? Cena kicked their asses by himself. Why did he need the Rock? Furthermore, what on earth does having Awesome Truth lose do for any of the wrestlers? Cena is doing his regular Cena thing and The Rock has protected his legacy, but it makes Miz and Truth look like they shouldn’t be taken seriously. The only good thing that could have come out of that tag match is having Awesome Truth win.
I imagine Sin Cara doing unecessary dives and flips in everyday life and never batting an eye. The minute he has to do it in a setting where it’s perfectly naturalto perform these moves, he goes and explodes his knee in 7 places.
I was bummed when Punk no sold the arm after the match, but then I decided I’d act like I was ok around Beadle too. Also, thank jeebus the Chickbusters didn’t fight at ringside.
Didn’t get to see much of any of it due to taking care of a hungry, needy 7 week old, but I got to see the end of the Punk/Del Rio match, before having to jump up and be “dad” again. I definitely saw your point about the arm work. Agree that Punk should be called on it, but if I recall, after a match at a “Tribute to the Troops” he had the official raise his other arm, because one had been worked on the entire match. So he’s kept it going before, just not last night.
But all that said, and I hate to beat the dead horse…now that Punk is the champion, can we PLEASE get a new belt? Pretty please? Bring back the original “Undisputed” title belt, bring back the eagle belt, hell, bring back the ROH Title belt that got stolen by Homicide at World Title Classic and was never mentioned again. Just get rid of that atrocity.
I’d also like to add how happy I was to see Cody Rhodes actually win cleanly in something. I’m new to this wrestling thing. I only got into it because Best and Worst is amazing to read and I basically only know three things about WWE. John Cena could be nuked and would manage to get up, jump a couple miles into the sky and do the Attitude Adjustment to the B-52 Stratofortress kind of like this [www.youtube.com] . Dolph Ziggler is amazing and could make getting hit by a Nerf dart look like getting hit by a .50 cal. Finally, Cody Rhodes is great and deserves to be elevated to the next level of stardom.
I agree that the MSG crowd feels it is part of the show, and that’s great and all. But you know, a little teensy bit of respect for the guys in the ring trying to entertain you wouldn’t be asking a hell of a lot either.
It sounded to me, like every Internet Wrestling Smark was in attendance trying to be a part of the show in their own right. Frankly, I don’t pay good money for a PPV to listen to the crowd. There’s a time and place. I think you called it “reacting the way the WWE wants them to”. Well, yeah, isn’t that what every performer of every kind wants?
If you got to Jimmy Buffet concert, do you think he’s wanting a certain, specific reaction from his fans? Absolutely he is. He wouldn’t want the crowd to start singing music by other artists. They paid money to see Buffet, they react the way Buffet has conditioned them to, and everyone has fun doing it.
There’s enhancing the show, and there’s competing with the show. “What” everytime R Truth speaks is enhancing it, because he plays off of it. Shouting for Zack Ryder while Morrison’s putting on a really decent match with Ziggler, that just reeks of ignorance to me. Should you simply accept things if you don’t like them? No, but there’s ways to do it. Try not buying their tickets, PPVs and merchandise. That changes things. Being an ass to performers, on the other hand, is just being an ass.
I don’t know why, but John Morrison’s clotheslines look weird, and it annoys me.
Holy cow, the Big Shows elbow drop was even more amazing than I imagined.
Oh, and yeah it seems like at this point the WWE is awesome at writing the beginning and end of stories, but the fucking middle is why we watch and they suck at the middle.
Goodness, Brandon, you gave me CHILLS on Worst: That’s It? or “Jesus Christ, Cena, Get Mad And F**k Him Up”
I agree. I agree 10,000%. I was SO DAMN ANGRY at John trying to make the point of Rising Above The Hate Because I Never Quit and not knocking The Rock on his ass… UGH.
Cena should’ve went heel 3 months ago…. but even if he goes heel now, it’s too late. We won’t take it seriously, and he’ll go back to saluting and smiling and Never Quitting Ever because he thinks that’s all we expect from him.
And sadly, it is.
I’m gonna sue your skinny-fat ass for status infringement, Brandon.
Also, sorry for all the tweets. I was semi-drunk and you are the only person I knew that was watching SS.
I don’t feel Rock gettting the win over AwesomeTruth or him RockBottoming Cena after the match impedes anything. When Cena comes out tonight the fat women and little kids are going to cheer for him as hard if not harder as much as before. Miz and Truth can chalk the loss into the “conspiracy” basket and move on to their next target. And I have even more reason to look foward to Wrestlemania.
Also, I pre-ordered WWE ’12 today (I know it comes out tomorrow, lets just say there was some trade in value tied up in Arkham City that was only freed as the last Riddler hostage was Saturday night.) to get The Rock Edition because I will not own something with fucking Randy Orton on the cover. Not because I have a Rock boner (which I don’t). I also would have ordered the Hornswaggle Edition with free shillelagh for your avatar DLC code over Randy Orton on my video game.
Moving forward, I hope Punk delivers as Champion…Also, at what point is Ziggler going to climb the next rung? Is he so good that they need him there for the other mid-card guys? Did he dig himself into an hole by being too great?
For the record, I HAVE gone into a Home Depot and said, “Ohh knobs!”, but I was dead way before that.
Brandon mentioned in a previous Best and Worst that Ziggler is so good that his talents are actually best used to make the other mid-cards look better. I think he’s absolutely right, but it’s a shame that he has to postpone his leap to the big time because of it.
I find it funny that a guy who can jump into the ring over the top rope can’t jump out of the ring over the top rope.
I want Cena to Bring It and still act like he’s a good guy. The Rock is basically a heel that gets cheered anyway so why not be a bad ass who gets booed, but only cares about the cheers. He’s the modern Rocky Maivia.
It’s been a long time since I have enjoyed being a part of a wrestling crowd as much as I did last night. The crowd wanted to not only see The Rock, but a good show as well, and the WWE delivered. A few bullet points…
-Getting the Ryder run-in very early got those chants to stop as they would’ve undoubtedly persisted the whole show.
-Dolph got a lot of love from the crowd.
-For the record, I had plenty of time to see Kelly Kelly, AJ and Katilyn, go to the bathroom and come back in time to see Beth pop Eve’s implants.
-Cody Rhodes rules. Personally I love the white tights to match the white belt.
-Dolph doing the Ryder fist pump and Cody mocking Orton’s pose were great. The crowd ate it up.
-Sexual Chocolate, Mae Young, D’Lo Brown.
-The CM Punk-del Rio match was great from a crowd perspective. I didn’t even notice the arm thing because the place was going absolutely nuts that he won.
-The Fink made so many people giggle. And I won’t lie I smiled when I heard “…annnnd NEEEEWW…”
-For those Randy Savage chants after the top rope elbow, we got a Mr. Perfect chant going after The Rock’s perfect plex.
-The Rock has it, and by “it” I mean he can capture a crowd like few can. Whether it’s nostalgia or charisma or whatever he has it and people love it. Myself included.
-That said I, along with many others in my section, were waiting for Cena to snap. I think they missed a huge opportunity to develop the story, but people wouldn’t have gone home as happy or soiled as they did.
The only way for a big face in the WWE to turn heel is by saying “You people”. There is nothing left.
Also, I got Final Battle 2009 and 2010 this weekend because of ROH’s BOGO sale. I think the in-ring selling from half the roster would make you have an aneurysm. Both wrestlers could get shot in the chest and they would still trade kicks. It’s brilliant.
I’ve got to agree with Brandon about The Rock. At the end of the match, he was straight up bullying John Cena. Shouldn’t John Cena “Be a Star” and stand up for himself. I didn’t think after the PPV “Wow, The Rock is still awesome”, I thought “This is unfair, and just cruel, to John Cena”.
ok so ill start from the begining as most people do. Ziggle match was awesome. was fun hearing Ziggler chants. Now if they would just change his name so he doesnt sound like a bad porn star. womans mach=who cares. there boring and unnecessary. Tag match was very fun to watch and I loved it when the Cody chants started. as Im sure he loved it to and was probably surprised by it. and I actually liked that Wades team one. Big show match was good except for the DQ. that was extremely lame. just means we HAVE to have another match of this. when we could be seeing Wade Barret go for the title. CM punk match was a really great match. And Punk winning was fitting. The Rock match happened just the way I thought it would. The Rock wrestles for 3 minutes. Tags Cena in. Cena does all the work. Rock tages back in for 2 more minutes of wrestling to get a bigger crown pop for no reason other than he is The Rock. All the while Cena getting shit even though he is the WWEs flagship wrestler. Now the crowd boo’s hiim for someone who is only gonna wrestle 3 times a year.
THESTINGER approves of this write up.
The WWE has for so long taken one step forward for every two steps back that THESTINGER is thrilled that it is now taking two steps forward for each of those one steps back.
Dolph Ziggler looked great. It is obvious he is only a heel because he is with Vickie. Once he turns on Vickie he can immediately turn face. THESTINGER is thrilled about that.
THESTINGER thinks John Morrison was buried and never looked like he could ever win last night. THESTINGER is okay with that as THESTINGER knows that sparkly pants and good abs should not be enough to be popular. For all the talk JoMo gets for being a parkour (wtf is that? THESTINGER was coming down from the rafters with a baseball bat, fuck you JoMo) master THESTINGER is always more impressed when Cody Rhodes or Daniel Bryan hops around and does their things.
Hopping around like you’re Super Mario should be part of your arsenal if you’re a wrestler, it shouldn’t be your entire thing. THESTINGER thinks that JoMo being around means D Bry or T Reks or other people are around less.
THESTINGER liked Sin Cara at first. THESTINGER is a gringo who grew up in Latin America so THESTINGER always cheers for the lucadores. Still, Sin Cara’s time is up. Hunico is so much more impressive and is fun to watch. Hunico even tried to sell Sin Cara’s botch because he’s a professional. Let Hunico wear the mask or give him a real gimmick since you’re not going to be able to recreate Rey Mysterio and no one wants to watch an extra from The Shield wrestle.
THESTINGER is happy with how everything else happened with the Survivor Series match. They should just make Sheamus be a true neutral AD&D Druid and have him come out to balance the odds in favor of the underdog no matter who it is. Sheamus being some crazed berserker who just likes to fight is fun. Get rid of the Great White thing, it makes this cracker uncomfortable, but having him eliminated from being too angry is a good way for him to come out looking better.
THESTINGER wants to like Wade Barret but ultimately thinks his gimmicks amounts to him acting like an English schoolyard bully. They should just complete it and have him wear shorts, an English cap, and a white shirt with suspenders. I don’t “get” Wade and this is coming from THESTINGER who is a total mark for Cody, Dolph, Bryan, and others.
Cody did some awesome raptor angry-happy faces last night and those are the best. They are why I spend my hard earned Ameros on these shows.
THESTINGER feels bad for Mark Henry and The Big Show. They both have an important role to play (Big Show is a great big brother and Mark Henry has been a great monster heel who can put people over and give storyline excuses for firing Khali and Koslov) but they do nothing for me together. All THESTINGER can think is that the matches are never as bad as they could be so there’s that. It gives THESTINGER something to be thankful for this Thursday.
Just like Big Show and Mark Henry THESTINGER likes both ADR and Punk but gets nothing from seeing them together. Still, their match was better than expected and THESTINGER is glad about that.
THESTINGER is sad that the next few months will be Punk trying to recapture the magic from this summer. It won’t work and will likely just result in an extended feud with ADR or have Punk get rolled into the ultra boring HHH and Nash crap that no one wants.
THESTINGER was glad that HHH and Nash were not seen. Hopefully that will continue until the sun swallows the earth and its people into hellfire.
The main event could have been worse. It showed why most people, especially men, don’t like John Cena: THESTINGER knows that the homeboy has no self respect. The Rock treated you like a bitch, Cena, why are you just taking it? You are now A-Ry to The Rock’s The Miz, except that you’ll just be glad to be his bitch. It’s easy to like The Rock because he is who he says he is: you just want to be like him but fail so hard at doing so. It’s pathetic, stop it.
Also, WWE, THESTINGER thinks you should stop burying your top guy. THESTINGER doesn’t like him but he is your top guy. Either ship him off to make WWE Films forever and diminish his weekly role so he can rebuild some respect or build him up to be worthwhile. No, that doesn’t mean you should build him up the way he has been in the past but at least don’t make him The Rock’s bitchboy.
THESTINGER bought this PPV and has no regrets. It was largely entertaining and interesting. THESTINGER wishes the WWE could find something else for Rock / Cena / Orton to do as it would immediately move everyone else up a rung on the ladder.
Still, two steps forward and one step back is really good for the WWE. Goodjob, Vince! I may someday come wrestle for you if you keep it up.
I don’t have anything clever to say today. But this column is still awesome.
The Howard Finkel portion was probably the best bit of nostalgia of the night. Why sit through the Rock/Cena when you know what’s going to happen. Given you knew the probable outcome of Punk/Del Rio, but you knew it was going to be a better match at least.
“Worst, But Also Best: Daniel Bryan Chants Not Accomplishing Anything
They chanted DANIEL BRY-AN and clapped, but he never showed up, not to save Big Show from a Hall Of Pain induction, not to cash in his Money in the Bank on an injured Mark Henry. I’m happy they didn’t have him cash in because I’m emotionally invested in seeing the biggest moment of his career at next year’s Wrestlemania, but I wish they’d have acknowledged his decision on commentary as Henry was down and his name was chanted instead of waiting until next week to have A.J. or whoever be all “I thought you were gonna cash in” and him going “oh, no” before some Alberto Del Rio type interrupts him.”
They 100% totally did mention that Daniel Bryan wasn’t there because he was still recovering from his injuries sustained on ‘Friday’ (yes, I know, really it was Tuesday). So, it 100% makes sense for him to not be there despite how badly I wanted him to show up and give Henry a flying knee.
Mr TheNewNoiseThriller, THESTINGER agrees. Had Daniel Bryan showed up after the match when Mark Henry was being mean it would have put him so over and would have helped to cement a stable on Smackdown.
Nice write up Brandon. But you forgot to mention how cool you think things are in Austin and Japan….
Oh wait, nevermind.
@Jo3yHuds – oh come on, my references here were totally contextual and I kept the indy namedropping to a purposeful minimum
Another great job brotha
Great write up, Brandon!
I watched the show last night, thinking I’d just watch the 5 on 5 match because your column made me pay attention to Ziggler and Rhodes and I’m a serious mark for them now. I loved Cody’s little slide back to the crew, and I loved the whole Evil Team dynamic. I hope they keep it up.
I wound up watching the rest of the show and enjoyed the Henry/Show match (my girlfriend was mystified about “That giant fat man” trying to mount the top turnbuckle), and was really, really hoping for either Daniel Bryan or the Undertaker to show up. Alas, no.
I enjoyed Punk/ADR, and kept trying to convince myself that Punk was still selling his arm, but, he dropped the ball on that. If you haven’t yet, check out the WWE “exclusive” interview with ADR after the match. He just has the absolute best “disgusted, heartbroken” heel face ever.
I wanted Awesome truth to win, and I also wanted Cena to smack the shit out of the rock. I like Cena, I like his schtick, I like his personality, and I just wanted him to maul Rocky like a damn wolverine.
Another excellent write up, but I do take issue with the Henry/Show match in that virtually any other ending would have been acceptable. But “I’m just going to punch him in the nuts and leave” isn’t the Mark Henry they’ve been selling us. It’s not Mark Henry – Human Terminator, it’s Mark Henry – Chicken Shit. I don’t buy it and I don’t like it. Also, I knew how it was going to end because I live in the Charlotte metro area and they were showing promos for a Henry/Orton Hell in a Cell Smackdown match for the title on TV for like three weeks before Survivor Series.
Pretty much spot on about The Rock as nostalgia. I can’t honestly say I know what “good” technical wrestling looks like, but I do know that nothing Rock did made me say “oooh” or “oh man that had to hurt” and yet I enjoyed him being out there doing his Rock thing and Rocking people because apparently I smelled what Rock was cooking. Or something. Did not like Cena limping out like a little bitch. Mr. Unstoppable who got his teeth smashed in by Miz and Truth for a solid twenty minutes then managed to be up and at it for the very end gets one Rock Bottom and goes crying back to the locker room? Ugh.
If it tells you how much the crowd wanted Ryder, they booed Morrison out of the building.
That said, I wanted Dolph to hit La Mistica just a hidden fuck you to Sin Cara. Still, tilt-a-whirl headscissors to the sleeper was hilarious because Morrison should be the one doing it that way. I digress.
I dunno if Cara legit hurt himself, but if he isn’t being released, then maybe they’ll shunt him down to FCW to work out the kinks of his style a bit. Maybe tone down the complexity of his spots and give him some stuff he can hit without fucking himself and his opponent up.
Wade Barret is awesome, ’nuff said.
Good write-up. I can only hope Cena’s lame lack of reaction to almost anything The Rock does is building to an angry face and some kind of brawl. I’m betting no more than 2 Raws before Wrestlemania.
Man, remember when Cody Rhodes and Bob Holly were a tag team? I never for a second thought Cody would end up as a guy I actually enjoy watching.
I was also at the show and at Mick Foley’s show last night–and I agree with the excerpt—even though what Mick Foley did was a loose sort of storytelling not actually comedy, it was more pure FUN than Survivor Series because it was Mick Foley kind of going aw shucks guys thanks for coming to my show, and I could sit quietly in that small room and enjoy it and not feel the need to worship Dwayne Johnson who–my god did he really sing New York, New York? Did the crowd really sing along despite not knowing the words?–couldn’t even be bothered to cut a promo live in the ring when he’s in the same actual building! I guess he had to be backstage near a phone in case he suddenly received a call from the director of Fast 6.
The Rock didn’t do anything and the crowd adored him like a Greek God, although it helps that as you say, he has the physical presence of one.
I will say that Zack Ryder was, for some reason, MORE over than The Rock. The pop when he came out was just as loud as the pop when Rock came out. It shouldn’t have been, but it was. I don’t understand it. The crowd just kept chanting like they were the Staples “That was Easy” button being hammered by an idiot child. I’m not even sure they WANTED Ryder (as evidenced by the fact that he was in attendance at Mick Foley’s show later, in a small room with 200 hardcore fans, and though he got some polite nods as he filed out with the rest of us after the show, he didn’t get Beatles-esque mobbed like the rabid chanting would suggest. I was just thinking you all wanted him SOOO much. You tickle-me-elmo-in-1999 wanted him. There he is. Have him. Get him. Chant again. Do something! No? No, you’re all just gonna go home quietly?
I forgot that SS was this week and missed it due to football, but reading your column makes up for it. At this point I think that I would rather just read the recaps than actually watch the show, they’re quicker and infinitely more entertaining. Thank you for this Brandon, as always.
Is THESTINGER a joke that I don’t get?
Honestly, it makes me really happy that people still like D’Lo Brown. I loved everything about that dude, from his music to the head wiggle to his impressive large array of signature moves, and it’s awesome that people would chant his name.
As for The Rock, I think last night was the most I’ve liked him since the first promo when he showed up back in February. He looked sharp in the ring, which is cool, and he just carries himself like he’s the most important thing in the world. All of that is good. But it’s almost like he’s the real life version of what he used pretended he was 12 or 13 years ago. He used to wear ridiculous clothes that he claimed cost $1000 and act like a pro wrestler who thought he was better than everyone and was also the most famous guy in the world. Now, he’s pretty much that guy for real, and for some reason I can’t quite place, that is way less fun.
You’re on the money about Cena just taking it from Rock, too. And they could fix it by hardly even tweaking their formula. Bring Rock back one more time between now and the Rumble, have Cena do something brutal to him, and then have Cena obliterate some other guys, heel and face, out of frustration until Rock shows up again. It’s what he’s going to do anyway, might as well have it serve a purpose.
I plan to watch the show sometime this week, still really enjoyed the write up. Everything you wrote makes sense, but WWE has lost the old me. I used to get emotionally invested in wrestlers and how they did like they were my favorite sports team, and since the death of Guerrero and the Benoit thing, the only guy who even came close to that was CM Punk. And here he wins the WWE title and I’m saying to myself “oh, cool” because the WWE title doesn’t mean jackshit anymore. he won it in July, lost it and then lost to HHH and got powerbombed by Kevin Nash.
The bright side in all that is I started really following PWG and ROH for the first time ever, and they are always having excellent wrestling matches.
WWE should really hire Portia Perez, Del Rey and Toxxxin from TNA. Mostly cause I think Toxxxin is attractive in a unique way.
Of The Rock has “still got it”; when the only thing you had was three moves (one he can’t even do right) and a bunch of catchphrases, of course it’s easy to still have it.
I was honestly hoping that Ziggler would lose because Morrison looked good, you can bring Zack Ryder into the US champ stage and Ziggler doesn’t have to fight him. Plus without a belt Ziggler can move up the ladder to the wwe belt instead of being stuck wrestling mid level wrestlers eyeing the US belt. I think Ziggler could well fuesding with Punk.
Also @85 and you, Brandon, brought up about Cena getting angry and freaking out on people I think would work. They kind of did it with HBK going crazy about fighting Undertaker again and it didn’t make HBK less to the public eye. It could be an interesting storyline, because now without the Rock where is Cena supposed to go. He doesn’t have much else except the wwe putting him back for in the wwe title contention and we’ve all seen that a little much lately.
God, I love Cody Rhodes. His bizarre supervillain ticks still showing up in his entrance and facial expressions is every potential kind of best.
The thing with all of this nostalgia is: how long is it supposed to last? I had The Rock nostalgia like crazy around Wrestlemania time, but by the time the main event of the show came around I was tired of it. Now here we are 8 months later and The Rock is in the main event doing the same thing only this time he is in a match. I’m over it. Do something new. Yes, Cena should get pissed off and show that he actually cares, but The Rock needs to do the same thing. This isn’t The Rock teaming up with Mick Foley, it’s THE ROCK and JOHN CENA. The (2nd) best of then vs. the best (?) of now. Fucking act like it.
If this is the end of Sin Cara in WWE then I cannot wait for the giant BEST that will be Mistico at King of Trios.
Is Cena not hitting The Rock really so bad? It’s nice for him to actually stay consistent about this character they think he portrays once in awhile. With the character mind you, not his previous dropping a billion chairs on people actions. Cena got the same treatment at Mania, right? He can wait. That’s Cena’s thing. He’ll never give up all over everybody for the next few months until he has the moment he wants to have.
The Rock is the real heel in this feud, clearly, but I don’t know a logical way to get the crowd to turn on him. Him being a heel people hated would provide better logic to his inevitable disappearance after Mania.
I agree strongly with you that Cena should have attacked The Rock at the end. It would be so much fun to see. Great recap as usual.
Actual headline on WWE.com: “Rock Outshines The Miz, Truth AND Cena!” Is this what you’re talking about in the last page? SMDH
Great column. I agree with pretty much everything. Except for the CM Punk arm thing. I understand it’s one of your “pet peeves” or whatever but don’t be such a nerd, Daniel Bryan.
But, yeah, other than that very small thing, great job as always.
I enjoyed Survivor Series, probably would have liked it a lot more if I hadn’t been watching all kinds of crazy MMA Friday and Saturday (Speaking of, maybe “Rowdy” Ronda Rousey, the only decent vegan in MMA, could teach Punk about dealing with an injured arm, like she did to Julia Budd – [www.youtube.com] then again, Budd didn’t seem very concerned about her dislocated elbow)
You’re right on the math issue, Brandon/Mike. We all know that Triple H always has the Scott Steiner Theorem 141 2/3% chance of victory in every match he has.
Dolph Ziggler is the non-shitty version of Poochy. There needs to be picture-in-picture at all times just keeping up with Dolph. I want to see how damn good he is at eating a baked potato. It would be more entertaining than anything Mason Ryan has ever done or will ever do.
The Lumberjill match was awful because there was no point to the stipulation (Not like Beth has been skedaddling away from competition) and, as you pointed out, Brandon, they didn’t even utilize the dumb stipulation on multiple occasions.
Cody Rhodes also needs to be followed constantly since he’s amazing, too.
I wish Big Show would have just screamed “Too scared!” and climbed down from the top buckle after twenty seconds of nervous perching. I enjoyed the DQ finish because I predicted it right before it happened. It would have been better if Henry had Show ostensibly beat (Like, say, hitting two or three World’s Strengthliest Slams, then a few splashes), and then just kicked him in the junk to prove he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t consider Show worthy of pinning him.
Did Striker offer up a “coo” to Truth’s question of what the pigeons said? It’s what I’m imagining he said, anyway.
Once again, I’ll beg you to check out/review/recap NWA Mountain State Wrestling, as it is charming beyond belief.
The ending of the show was awful. The final match accomplished nothing. They made me completely forget about Miz and Truth getting hauled away in cuffs (which was awesome). Now they are clearly guys that have no business in the ring with the Rock (or Cena since he routinely beats them by himself). Cena looked like a giant pussy and he’s the second biggest name in the company. The Rock came off like a dick, and I love the guy. They are also dangerously close to making him look invincible, which makes any match he is in pointless. What a dick punch.
The rest of the show was great. I’d like to watch Dolph Ziggler wrestle everyone in the company for an entire RAW episode one week.
I watched it in a sports bar. Got my cover plus food’s worth and then some, I’d say. The crowd did go nuts for Big Show’s top rope elbow (and was pretty annoyed when it got two). Punk’s win also got a huge reaction. As we were filing out, one guy did say “It wasn’t that good, was it?” I’m really not sure if that was for the show in general or just the Rock.
awesome review Brandon.
Who the fuck makes a Pac-Man cartoon reference in 2011?
CM Punk landed on my lap after he won the title at MSG? Life Complete. Great review Brandon, as always. I had a “Nobody cares that this is trending on twitter” sign that Punk ruined that we were gonna hold up during The Rock match! Freakin Punk ruining our signs by Lambeau Leaping onto us!!!
If you want a perfect example as to why the WWE constantly mentioning Twitter is an awful idea (riffing on some thoughts you’ve had in the past, Brandon): the Sin Cara botch. Sin Cara is trending, because everyone is commenting about how awful he was on Sunday night.
I’m really glad I didn’t pay money for this (or see it by other means). Minute exceptions that I probably wouldn’t have noticed aside, it sounds like exactly the kind of PPV that leaves me feeling ripped off. Miz and R-Truth’s whole buildup, such as it was, ended with them being sacrificed on the altar of the Rock’s greatness. Wow… that is so unpredictable, what edgy writing that is. Bah.
The Rock is so over that he could literally murder someone in the crowd at ringside and get a huge pop for it. Would it have killed anyone for Miz and R-Truth to have won, even if they won by pinning Cena, or forcing the much-despised DQ? Would anyone love the Rock less? Would anyone hate Cena more?
A few thoughts too late to be relevant:
1) This show needed to be good to keep me watching. It was very good. I guess I’m around for another month.
2) I an really sick of Zack Ryder. I keep hearing about all this charisma, but he has not done anything but interrupt people, say his catchphrases, and solid without much potential for greatness in the ring. WWE needs to make me care. YouTube should not be mandatory viewing for me to care about a Superstar.
3) I like JoMo, and I haven’t seen Raw yet, but if I see him come out for a match against Mark Henry, I know he is getting Kozloved.
4) Getting Kozloved is less intimidating the smaller Henry’s opponents get.
5) I don’t automatically hate either result, but I hope WWE has no plans in the near future for Del Rio, Miz or Truth to be taken seriously as threats to anyone.
6) Speaking of seriously… Seriously, how much better is WWE without HHH?
Brandon, totally nailed the best moment of the entire night. BD kick followed by Cross Rhodes on Mason Ryan was tremendous. Of course Ryan had to do the douche move of ‘kick out just after the three count’ like Hogan would do when he ever-so-seldomly lost clean. I hate that BS. Do your job like a REAL MAN (TM).
Great write-up, but I don’t think broken-down, wife-beating, bionic redneck Steve Austin is “better” than the Rock, nor should you be holding him up as your ultimate standard as what you want semi-retired wrestlers to come back and do. Austin’s been retired FOREVER, and all he ever does when he comes back is Stunner a bunch of people and drink beer. At least in the past, when the Rock returned, he did his best to get people over (see: The Hurricane). Granted, he hasn’t done a lot of that this time around, but overall, since retiring, I think Rock’s done more for the roster than Austin.
- Hell yes. Organic chemistry rules.
- “…’I like parkour’ being his only character development grounded him” Ha.
- Bullies are helpful. That’s why my dad named me Sue.
- Hooray for Lil’ Naitch!
- Are you taking semi-random swipes at Kane because he sucks or it sucks that Destiny likes him? Either answer is acceptable.
- No one likes the Nasty Boys.
Fun read as always. Agreed on the points and criticism of CM Punk.
The Visionaries AND The Vipers approve of this Best and Worst of Survivor Series. My complaint with Survivor Series is that the Captains of teams don’t name their team something awesome.
Really, how hard is it to call Team Orton the League of Nations, or something stupid like that? Or Team Barrett the Axis of Pain?
At least if Cena had Adjusted the Shit out of Rock’s Attitude, those boos he regularly gets would have some weight to them. And he could take a little more of a heely stance going into the WM bout, using some of that self-righteous “I’m always here, DAMMIT” material (or “whining” in Mr. Aitches parlance) to draw a bright, clear line between himself and Mr. Johnson. He could still be Mr. Never Quit, Mr. Rise Above, Mr. Unbeatable Bright Colors With Tide in every other context.
Austin Aries disapproves of those who might (allegedly) stream PPVs illegally.
Things I appreciated that you said:
- Irreversible reference
- Casual Japanese wrestling references
- Your love of Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, The Chickbusters, Wade Barrett and CM Punk
- Your apt-as-hell comparison of Matt Striker to cartoon Pac-Man
- “He’s not applying an actual Sharpshooter; he’s applying the concept of the Sharpshooter”
- The format of this column, and how it is written.
- This column.
- You.
@CM Funk is right, there is no possible way in Heaven or in Hell that the Rock can be a heel. It’s weird to think about, but perhaps the finish was supposed to go off differently, but crowd reaction, nostalgia glasses and THE POWER OF THE ROCK might have made us view it in a different way.
“Also, one of these days I want Punk to do his nerdy REGULAR, OR UNLEADED and try to punch Otunga only for Dave to WRECK him, screaming F**K YOU I’M BLACK AND STRONGER THAN YOU.”
Audible laugh. Love it.
I haven’t watched wrestling in a long time. I don’t even have cable (by poverty, not by choice). But I’ll tell ya what, your writing keeps me reading these things every week. The Jake Roberts story and your closing paragraph were perfect. Absolutely perfect. I wish I had more to say on actual wrestling, but just know that you’re really, really good at this whole writing thing.
Brandon FROM THE FUTURE has sent me to read Past Brandon’s Best and Worst of the Survivor Series. I will now do just that.
You know what’s weird? We used to not have open threads.
Same here. Wow. Only 300-ish comments. No D-Bry. JACK SWAGGER IN A MATCH AND NOT ON MARS! TheStinger commenting. It’s like another world, man…