Best: Balancing Out John Cena
Cena and Ryder vs. Awesome Truth was a fine tag match, but like a lot of what happened on the show could be more effectively boiled down to a 2 1/2 minute clip on WWE Fan Nation and not really lose anything from it. There were cute moments — Miz’s “you can’t see me” in the ropes with a cut over to Cena looking upset and back to Miz looking like an asshole, the contagious smile on Ryder’s face during the 10-Knuckle Shuffle — but the best part was how teaming a guy everyone wants to see (Ryder) with a guy everyone wants to see but gets pissed off about (Cena) ends up being brilliant. The LET’S GO CENA CENA SUCKS dueling chant that forgets other wrestlers exist was lessened a bit into WE WANT RYDER, so when Cena was in it seemed like he was serving a purpose instead of just mindlessly being attacked before winning without effort.
Ryder’s offense plays well with Cena’s, too. Last night was the night for two moves: running people shoulder-first through the ropes into the ringpost and the flapjack (I’m guessing because you can do either with anybody in WWE 12), but Ryder’s jumpy-kicky stuff plays well in tags. Maybe that’s why he was paired with Hawkins for so long. Anyway, I liked seeing Cena on the apron waiting for the hot tag, bobbing around and practically turning to the crowd with dimples like THIS IS IT, HERE IT COMES because he’s about to get the hot tag and knows he’s gonna get to do his moves. The ending was a major anticlimax, but I’ll get to that in a second.
Worst: You’re Nerfing ‘Radio’, Guys
Oh man, how much do I hate voice clips before entrance themes? They very, very infrequently work (I like the AWESAHHHHHHHH before Miz’s theme, but that’s about it) with the two indisputable worst ever being
1. Steve Richards’ I’LL SHOW YOU, YOU’LL SEE
2. Bob Holly’s HOW D’YA LIKE ME NOW
…mostly because those weren’t famous Stevie Richards or Bob Holly sayings, but still. Zack Ryder’s theme as that “Ooooooooooooooh, Ray-dee-ohhhhh” thing at the beginning to get the pop, you don’t have to add WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT before it. If you do you’re just killing the song. Have him say WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT and then it kicks into rock music, or have Oooh Radio and roll with it. Better yet, just give him the goddamn “Take Care, Spike Your Hair” song from the end of True Long Island Story and put the flashing word TWITTER on the TitanTron. I don’t know.
P.S. the best line in that song is “I’m gonna drink some BEER tonight YEAH!” That is some Theme From Ass-Man-quality writing.
Worst: But No, Seriously, This Pays Us In Full, Right
Cena + tag partner of his choice had and lost their match to The Miz and R-Truth. That’s the end! Next week we get The Rock’d for 3-hours, so it’s just gonna be him shilling Ground Infantry Joe 2 and cracking wise with Mae Young, right, we’re not going through with the Most Charismatic Tag Team Of All Time Never Before Never Again We Bring It And Don’t Ever Give Up, right? We’re just going to do Survivor Series matches at Survivor Series and Rock will wrestle Cena at Wrestlemania without spitting on his hand and wiping it all over everybody, right?
Worst: Cena Not Giving A Sh*t
And we end one of the most personally-confusing Raws ever with John Cena losing because R-Truth held his foot, then immediately rolling over and not caring. The worst part is the complete no-selling of emotion (the most complex thing I got from him was “oh man, that sucked, how funny is it that those guys beat me, heh”) but the second worst part is John Cena’s anatomy, because apparently someone holding your ankle keeps you from being able to move your arms or shoulders. Watch when Miz covers him… Cena’s entire upper body is uncovered, and he just kinda moves his arms around like he’s helpless. It’s hilarious. Terrible and sad, but hilarious.
Just like the match, this week’s Best and Worst reaches its anti-climax. That’s just sorta how the show ended. Zack Ryder disappeared into the ether and Cena said AW SHUCKS and continued not giving a single f**k about Miz and Truth. The end.
No, seriously, the end.
Post-report notes, because I can’t believe that’s the end:
- Next week’s show is actually three hours dedicated to the Rock, so I’m going to TRY to write about it, but forgive me if I say f**k it and go play Batman.
- For an alternate view of last night’s show, please visit our new friends at UGO and Aubrey Sitterson’s report WWE Raw Nov. 7, 2011 – The Good, The Bad And The Ugly.
- And when you’re done there, be sure to read John Canton’s Raw Deal so he knows I love him and doesn’t pull a “whoops, did I say Wrestlemania, I meant TNA Victory Road” on me.