Worst: So Are We Tired Of This Asshole Yet Or What
My problems with The Rock have been written about at length in not only this column, but in lengthy g-chat conversations with The John Report’s John Canton and throughout the entirety of the wrestling Internet, all the way back to when I was an online four-year old making Jeff Hardy banners for myself at Wrestling Uncensored. I know you like him, and I know that his ALL REAL NON-GAY MEN PRESS THEIR SHOES TO BUTTS AND WORSHIP OUR ASS-WHIPPING LORD rings true when a John Cena t-shirt reading “John Cena” infuriates you, but I think I speak for at least myself and everyone live at Raw when I say holy sh*t, why did it take you six f**king minutes to say “I’ll be John Cena’s tag team partner so he can see how good I am up close”?
And it’s not that he took six minutes. Cactus Jack took six minutes to say “Tommy Dreamer is stupid for not selling out”, but he made a point and peppered it with colorful dialogue. The Rock said literally nothing except that he 1) didn’t want to be John Cena’s partner, but 2) he hates Truth and Miz, so 3) he guesses he’ll do it. He just filled in the gaps with meandering sh*t like LET THE ROCK TELL YOU THIS! or AND THE ROCK SAYS THIS! If you disagree with me, listen to that crowd’s diminishing returns. At first they’re like WOO OKAY YEAH VIDEO OF THE ROCK, but by the four minute mark or whatever when they cut to the crowd for awed expressions it’s just people waving at the camera and not paying attention.
I don’t even know what to say about this guy anymore. Are you seriously still enjoying the content he provides? I love the hell out of Stone Cold Steve Austin, but I was brave enough to admit that the Redneck Triathlon made me stupider for watching it and the sheriff ATV only happened in a dark, alternative universe. You can’t be liking this. I don’t believe The Rock wakes up in the morning and rushes outside in his pajamas to start stomping his mailman in the asshole (then continues this trend non-stop until his body gives out from exhaustion and possibly hunger and he collapses into sleep), and if I learned anything from Hogan vs. Flair or WWF vs. WCW it’s that any dream match cool enough for an unlicensed, blurry-photos MS Paint Pro Wrestling Illustrated cover story has no resolution greater than sadness and lingering disappointment.
You had to come back because you hate the Miz and R-Truth? Didn’t you talk to the Miz like, once? You helped him win his match at Wrestlemania. Have you ever even met R-Truth?
Best: A Minute Or So Of Henry Vs. Punk
I can’t say Mark Henry vs. CM Punk was a “good match” or anything, because it lasted about a minute and a half and ended when Alberto Del Rio somehow thought a clothesline and an elbow drop had put Mizark in the red (he was in the yellow at best), but I liked what they were doing while it lasted. As his matches with John Cena or Samoa Joe back in the long-long ago taught us, CM Punk is at his best when he’s taking on a guy who is just a little bigger, stronger and better than him. If you put him up against somebody WAY bigger than him he falters (see any of his matches against Kane or The Big Show … although those might not be his fault), but if you keep it in that “lower half of six foot guy who can throw him around” territory he’s golden.
I really liked Punk flying off the ropes to land on Henry’s back and throw elbows. I like how Henry can realistically take punishment without it seeming forced. Remember when anybody would hit Bill Goldberg, and he’d take a step back and raise his arms and shake his head around and bug out his eyes? Have you ever noticed how when somebody tiny punches the Big Show he starts shoegazing? Those are unrealistic depictions of pain absorption. Mark Henry just kinda gets hurt, then toughs his way through it and does something strong. That’s good (and probably a by-product of years of him being MVP’s loser friend who just can’t seem to beat Ted freaking DiBiase) and helps give me that nervous “Randy Orton’s about to win this match, isn’t he” stomach without it making me throw the hell up.
Worst: To Face The WWE Champion, You Must Beat The World Champion
Here’s a quick hierarchy of title belt importance in WWE, TO WWE, as far as I can tell:
1. WWE Championship
2. arbitrary goals caused by things being “personal”
3. everything else that has ever happened
4. World Heavyweight Championship
5. Zack Ryder’s Internet belt he bought from somebody on the Internet
6. resolution to non-personal interoffice issues
7. Intercontinental Championship, when they remember it
8. Diva’s Championship and accompanying “battle royal -> PPV” sticky note
9. anything we forgot in #3
10. United States Championship five years from now when we’ve finally got the Benoit stink off of it
11. those belts from Spencer Gifts with skulls on them, but the skulls are wearing bows so you know it’s a belt for girls
12. the old version of the tag titles
13. the current version of the tag titles
and sure, there’s a pretty big gap between 1 and 4, but there’s no reason why you should have to beat a World Champion to get a shot at a guy holding a different belt. Why wouldn’t Punk just challenge Mark Henry for the World Heavyweight Championship? Why not do this exact same match with Punk vs. Brodus Clay, or at least someone who doesn’t get inadvertently made to look pointless by being a prop in the more important show’s stage production?
Best/Worst: Fight Back, Ricardo
I like Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez a lot, but even I’m tired of seeing Ricardo take finishing moves. I don’t want to see it anymore. It’s reaching Ziggler vs. Kingston levels of repetition. Please just have Ricardo get stretchered out for six months by a Ruff Ryder or whatever or have him throw on the Chimaera hood and start busting out corkscrew moonsaults on dudes like he’s the Maximum Champ of Battleground Pro.
(yes, that’s a real thing)
(okay, because you asked, here’s a hierarchy of independent pro wrestling title belts:
1. Absolute Champion of Absolute Intense Wrestling
2. Maximum Champion of Battleground Pro Wrestling
3. Intense Champion of Absolute Intense Wrestling)
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As soon as I saw AJ in the Kitana outfit, I thought to myself “Best”.
haven’t read the column yet, but I’m really hoping that image of the Rock comes from the Universe where Jeff rolled a 1 and Troy had to get the pizza
hello yes I am commenting because this is the second best part of my tuesday. Thank you Brandon, for providing a much needed service in making wrestling reviews more fun.
also, I am disappointed that AJ did not perform a square punch. Good fan lift though.
I broke my mouse doing the right-click-save-as on Swagger-Kermit gif.
No best for Ms. Piggy mocking Kelly Kelly’s pirate/cowboy outfit?
I think it says something damning about the WWE right now that as a mutual fan of wrestling and the Muppets, I did not figure last night’s RAW would be worth sitting through for either.
Who had to be knocked out of the fave five to fit in AJ?
@GiantSizeBrandon – my boy SIN CARA NEGRO RIGHT THERE (honestly, Daniel Bryan, who has just been making me sad since July)
I was really nervous about the Muppets aspect and I have to say that there were some pretty bad moments (Statler & Waldorf mailing it in, Fozzy Bear in general), there were some great ones too. Pretty sure I died laughing when Swagger said “Frog legs, Wokka Wokka.”
Speaking of which, has an incredibly pedantic Spanish speaker pointed out that his name should be Sin Cara Negra? Because I speak Spanish and am hella pedantic. Just sayin’
I look for Mason Ryan to take his rightful spot in Air Boom, like some WCW type garbage. Also I cringed at some of the Muppet stuff, but it was more entertaining than anything Rock, Cena, Triple H or Nash related.
Best for the PBoink top 50. Killer.
I wish they’d brought in a few more obscure muppets. it’s all well and good to see Kermit and friends, but man, where’s Dr. Teeth?
I’m leaving a comment because I was asked to do so.
I actually liked the Bella twins costumes, mainly because of the mustaches
Evan Bourne’s real name is Matthew Korklan? That’s hilarious. Also Alicia Fox has an extensive nautical background that they are very slowly revealing. Trust me.
Haven’t seen the show yet but I’m actually looking forward to it for Muppets and AJ. More comments when I know what I’m talking about but..
“It’s like meeting John Cena and finding out he never gives up IN REAL LIFE. AJ, beautiful young pretty AJ with her size 0.3 waist and optimistically five-figure pro wrestling salary knows who this Mortal Kombat character is and could reference her like I might. I’ve never been so happy. Congratulations, AJ, your little fan waggle moved you into my FAVE FIVE.”
This is awesome, very, very true and really funny to me…possibly because for all the (valid) criticisms, I love the hell out of Cena and finding out he was just like that for real would be amazing.
@coked_up_jesus – They should totally do that and start calling them “Ground Boom”.
@kuribosshoe – At the DiBiase Posse Party.
These days i just watch raw to see what you`re writing about. I would not consider this a good thing in regards to raw.
But the Muppets made me happy, so there´s that, i guess.
I thought this was a wonderful RAW and, aside from the BOOKING (which made no sense but never does) and the Del Rio/Big Show match which could have been decent (they’ve had OK matches before) it was everything I wanted.
I really feel that Rio/Show took the momentum out of the show, though. Things just seemed to slow down to a crawl once that match started.
I’ve rewatched the Sheamus/Beaker segment like 15 times now, and it’s still funny.
Was I the only one who hoped that while Beaker was being bullied by Christian, Christian would turn into Sheamus but then get “ahem’d” a second time and turned into “Pick on someone your own size” by Big Bird looking menacingly at him?
Brandon, and I mean this as a compliment, you are the anti-Bill Simmons of pro wrestling bloggers.
Totally missed that fan move on the broadcast, Brandon. Can’t believe you picked that up. But yeah, I was asking the same thing about the titles. Why isn’t ANYBODY challenging for these belts? Orton should have cropdusted Cody for the IC belt and took Dolph’s US plate while he was at it? And now Air Boom is dropping to phantom IC champ and the bareknuckle brawler tonight? Dude, come on. Have a tag title scramble and say Kofi’s VISA got lost, and by the time Awesome Truth win, they will have added more kindling to the Survivor Series main event fire.
Bonus points if they would have had Cena/Rock win the belts, and Rock scoff at the notion of their worthlessness, leaving Cena to carry both belts a la TNA Blueprint Matt Morgan.
It looks for all the world like Miz is challenging Cena to a brodown as he tunes up for the Finale. I kinda wish they would have just done that.
Given they have “officially” put D Bryan vs WHC on the .com subsite for WM alongside Cena vs Rock (yawn) he will be back to being awesome.
Is it just me, or is it really quite wrong that the best bits of a Raw ep came from Muppets and the Smackdown talent pool? Glossing over the whole Big Show beats ADR match, but i consider that a Raw fail as at least Smackdown didnt have their champ putting someone over.
You promised me 50 Greatest Muppets, B–so how come I’m only seeing 50-26? Where’s the other half?
Wrestling needs more Muppets (possibly a little cowbell, too).
Sheamus + Beaker = comedy gold. (I really want to see that family reunion now.)
I was hoping that they’d have Sam the Eagle show up as the Anonymous Raw GM and be all “IT WAS ME JOHN, IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!”
I haven’t been commenting since I started posting stuff at the wrestling blog and cagesides, but I still love what you do every Tues. This was one of the most fun Raws they’ve had in a long time, and that’s what it needs to be about. Loved reliving the bests while reading this.
Super review as always sir.
I’ve been trying to avoid WWE’s right wing propaganda machine of late but was lured back by the promise of Muppets. Things have become even more topsy turvey while I’ve been away. Every one of the champions is now being used to make the other guy look good?
Everybody has already made up their mind about Cena. Listen to the crowd. You don’t need to put him in the main event every week. Perceptions of Del Rio are still malleable, but WWE are marginalising his contribution, having him beaten clean by Big Show, then bullied by some racist dude who used to be pretty cool.
I wanted to see Sweetums put somebody through a table.
@Jade – Sorry, forgot we split it up. Here’s part two: [www.progressiveboink.com]
My favorite part: when Kermit went cross-eyed after the Kelly Kelly smooch. That’s some quality puppetting right there.
I’d definitely tune in to read “The Best and Worst of The Muppet Show, Episodes 1 – 6″.
A huge best for having more than the usual divas show up and perform on raw. If we could get two divas matches on per Raw, or have the divas manage some wrestlers, we could actually build on something. So was Beth and Natalya supposed to be 19th century German prostitutes?
I’m a little confused with Barrett being a Polish resistance fighter. Why not use some kind of British resistance symbol?
Kermit and Miss Piggy were gold on Raw.
Good job Brandon
Somehow I knew Santino was a chubby chaser.
@B: Yay! *immediately bookmarks both pages* This made my day (but what–no Zoot? no Boober Fraggle? Boo-hiss. )
How much more amazing would Daniel Bryan breaking his losing streak and beginning his build toward Wrestlemania have been if before winning his first match in ages, he was given a pep talk in the form of an increasing number of Muppets singing him “Just One Person”?
[www.youtube.com]
It’s sad that I’d rather watch Superstars than Raw most weeks. But I’m glad you do these reports so I can at least keep an eye on CM Punk in case he gets awesome again.
This is first Raw ever where I said to myself “There’s too much wrestling, just get back to the celebrity guest host.”
Also, I think since Beeker is unintelligible and is related to Seamus he is clearly a gypsy tinker like Brad Pitt in Snatch.
And Air Boom need to be relieved of their titles. I say they do it to a team of Skip Sheffield and Brodus Clay because I would like to see that massacre.
Hahahaha. I fucking love you for referencing the Fuppets in the intro picture. Also for using my “midget with dignity” joke. Shane and I were talking about how Swagger should’ve mauled that chump in like .0005 seconds as the match was happening and I’m glad we’re not alone in thinking it.
How much more amazing would Daniel Bryan breaking his losing streak and beginning his build toward Wrestlemania have been if before winning his first match in ages, he was given a pep talk in the form of an increasing number of Muppets singing him “Just One Person”?
I liked the show, but I feel a bit letdown by it. I wanted The Muppet Show on Raw, but what I got was the Muppets doing WWE-style comedy. Kermit was good and Beaker was really good, but the Waldorf and Statler stuff was awful when it should have been a big old BEST. I mentioned on twitter (what, you didn’t read it?) that while I enjoyed the opening Muppet segment I couldn’t help but imagine how much better it’d have been if the WWE had just signed Colt Cabana. He was born to be on this Raw and instead we got Santino doing that Santino thing that nobody with a sense of humor likes. A great opportunity was merely good because Colt Cabana likes ice cream. Life is unfair like that.
Really though there wasn’t nearly enough Muppets on this Muppet Raw. This was a once in a lifetime Raw and it should have been treated as such. Screw your storylines.
Gotta say, I’ve not actually watched raw in 3 weeks and only read these columns and feel every bit, if not more, entertained than when I was just watching raw.
That Kermit getting bagged gif forever, please.
I’d give last night’s show a B. That Show/ADR match though…ugghhhhh.
Shouldn’t Kelly Kelly been sexy Batman given her and Eve are a dynamic duo?
WWE promoting BeAStar is just ludicrous at this point. (Punk “say Tio”-ing Del Rio)
Side note: I dressed as CM Punk for Halloween last night. My wiener dog was by default in The Mean Street posse because a sweater vest is the only outfit he owns.
As usual, the article was great. Thanks B-Stro!
I wish the rock would have stuck to his no to cena, come to boston before survivor series and got beaten up or provoked by awesome truth, and then said yes. would have been an intriguing build up, compared to this right now at least.
I don’t know much about the muppets, but what I saw of them on raw was very entertaining.
After reading all these articles since the punk shoot promo, I realized this has become a vital part of my tuesday midnights, and decided to finally start commenting. Feels good.
No pepe in you top 50 list :’( I loved that little freak.
Great read as usual brandon. This is what I look forward to on tuesdays
Also, you wrote for Wrestling Uncensored? Were you that guy who posted short movies starring his action figures that took forever to download in 1999? Pretty sure that was the first time I ever heard Propagandhi.
I was on my knees praying for Crazy Harry to blow up Johnny Ace’s limo at the end. God, GOD that stuff was so good, and more than anything it inspired me to put in Muppet Show DVDs rather than purchase Survivor Series.
Also, my continuing disappointment in my favorite wrestler continues, as Punk seriously retweets a comment about “WHY CANT YOU ALL JUST ENJOY THINGS”. (sorry I can’t immediately swallow the garbage I’ve been handed, Mr. Voice of the Voiceless)
Loved loved loved the fan lift, and the lack of Triple H. I’m happy for them to keep Kevin Nash on staff if all he’s gonna do is give Hunter a concussion every week.
The Rock and Cena are both as unlikable as they’ve ever been right now.
The Muppets worked well, partly because they generally matched them up with some of the most cartoonish, Muppet-like people on the roster: Santino, Vickie, Cody, Swagger, Dolph the Human Super Ball. I’d been terrified of a Triple H hurr-hurr-there’s-a-hand-up-your-butt-yeah-i-said-it moment.
My only Muppet related disappointment was that Statler and Waldorf didnt’ call a match.
Beaker and Sheamus was perfect. Please report Muppet Show episodes. That would be pretty awesome.
Oh oh oh and Super-Face Punk spouting racist bullshit is–well it’s bullshit is what it is.
Wait, why is the main event supposed to remind me of Sid/Taker from WM13?
yah i gotta agree with everything here, Beeker/Sheamus was awesome, as was Swagger’s Wokka wokka.
so you always dog on orton and cena for being able to get up fast and counter yet barret does it to bourne and it’s all of a sudden it’s amazing. Where’s the fair criticism?
Another good article, Brandon. Thanks.
At least Eve hasn’t beaten up Awesome Truth.
YET.
@David Deej Eischeid – I’m not sure what you’re talking about. To compare Cena to Barrett in this situation is weird, because Barrett and Rhodes were just kinda beating up Kingston, Bourne got tagged in and they did some stuff. Cena gets literally thrown through the stage, gets a different part of the stage dumped on him, gets run over by a truck and gets up perfectly fine. That’s a pretty broad difference there that doesn’t boil down to unfair criticism.
You are going to hate this: [www.411mania.com]
*looks up photos of Jack Swagger’s wife*
*hates Jack Swagger*
They dropped the ball on the two things I most wanted to see
1) You called it in the column, Scooter knocking on the door with “Five minutes to show Mr Punk”
2) A Ryder and Fozzie segment containing the phrase “Wocka Wocka Wocka, You Know It”
But the real reason I just registered in this thing is to say that the column was great this week. Also, this is the first week since June that I haven’t liked Punk. It just didn’t make sense.
You make me want to go back to watching Raw on a regular basis, sir. Your articles are always heartfelt and informative.
But I am done with listening to Michael Cole. DONE. He’s not even fun to hate anymore, he’s just ever present and will never change. So keep writing so I can retain my interest and sanity.
I will read the hell out of a Best/Worst Muppets review with the movie comes out. Just sayin’.
I wish Beaker was on Raw every week. I don’t know how they could make that work, but it would be the best thing ever.
Didn’t like CM Punk busting out “AMIGO” a bit too often, but, at least he didn’t tell ADR to “Go home” like Cena did? (I was there in Ottawa whenthat happened and, yes, I cringed).
Also I was hoping for a heel turn from one of the Muppets, but alas, it was not to be. Shoulda been Sam the Eagle poo-pooing upon spiking your hair,
I agree. All the momentum they had is lost. Kermit calling Vicki Swagger’s mother was priceless though.
Haven’t read through this yet but you see this sucker trying to steal your gimmick?
[www.ugo.com]
I saw “Best and Worst of Raw” and thought you were posting on two sites. This must not stand.
i dont know why but the muppets are perfect for raw, it wouldnt seem weird if they were on every week, id probably just assume that they had gone out and hired new colorful talent
@itrainmonkeys – Wow, we’re even on the same loosely-associated network of sites. That sucks.
“Ham sandwich, Waka Waka” that was awesome! I really liked watching the All American American try to get through the rest of his schpeal with a straight face. For the most part, the Muppets fell flat with the Raw audience. But I really thought Christian did a great job interacting with them. Great article, as always.
Seriously, WWE, stop pussing out and pull the trigger when you aim the gun. With all this repetitive crap you’ve been doing with the belts, you’re acting like a little bitch right now. #ODog
On another note, I would be totally OK with them bringing in AJ Styles to be their new ace. He’s pretty much done EVERYTHING in TNA, it’s the only logical step he has left.
HAM SANDWICH WOKKA WOKKA is possibly the greatest thing that’s been said on Raw in the last ever
Swagger/Kermit was my favorite Muppet moment because as much as I like Beaker him helping Santino win a match is an instant do not want moment.
I mentioned on twitter but I think the Diva ending was botched. Alicia looks like she slipped when she shouldn’t have and then just awkwardly stood around until the end.
Compared to previous weeks though, this RAW was outstanding.
Sorry I can’t comment more than to say I loved this because you got to show your love for things. I wish there was a really solid match to really help this episode out.
One quick note: I demanded that on every team I play on that we never accept the free walk. All of our girls get to go swing.
im so upset that maryse got released. we hate eve at my house. i loved aksana as morticia, and we joked rosa mendes dressed as tamina.
I totally missed AJ’s Kitana reference so thanks for drawing attention to that. On another DIva note, I’m kind of surprised you didn’t mention Maryse’s release.
twitter.com/wweajlee she posted some halloween pics
Oh god when they started stretching Gonzo and threatening redemption for Muppet Interference I immediately started yelling JOB OUT SWAGGER TO SWEETUMS. Don’t tell me they couldn’t have just put, like, Kane in the costume for one night.
Also Best for Tiny Fuppets picture, possibly the best use of The Rock ever.
I assume Kelly Kelly’s was given the cutlass because she is now trained to walk to the ring holding her arm in the air.
Sometimes, there really isn’t much to say other than “Having John Cena cleanly beat The Miz after interference from R-Truth is really fucking stupid”.
I hope the supposed cena heel turn starts at survivor series where the awesome truth and cena all jump the rock this probably won’t happen but it would be cool.
There’s a part of me that hopes like crazy that they know the HHH-Nash thing is hot garbage, and that’s why we didn’t have to watch the recap for the 877th time until 10:45. I really want to believe that.
Also, while I was starting to wear out on Zack Ryder just a little, because it did seem like they were beginning to mess with what made him good, I thought he did a fantastic job last night. Obviously, a huge part of that is Dolph, who has consistently been the best guy on the show for weeks now. But give Ryder this: people give a shit about him, and sadly, that is in short supply anymore. Has anyone ever received two positive sides of a dueling cheer before he did on Monday? And come on, B, the Rough Ryder is maybe 4% more unrealistic that every other finisher ever. At least he lands on the guy in theory. The damn Attitude Adjustment has all the impact of a vertical suplex, the RKO can come from anywhere (provided the recipient has flung himself toward Orton with no intent of performing an offensive move), and the 619 is the 619. Anyway, it occurred to me both watching last night and reading this column that somehow, despite their track records, Zack Ryder is taken more seriously that Jack Swagger. Swagger has been rolled up by everyone on the roster, while the last two years of Ryder’s career have been a tree falling in the woods. But for whatever reason, people are really behind him now, so they might as well ride it until the blow it.
I was very happy to see Punk in the Jack Burton BTiLC t-shirt, but AJ as Kitana was even better. I must’ve looked away, because I missed her doing the fan move during the battle royal; thank you for pointing that out (and providing a GIF of the actual moment). I still think a pic of AJ would have improved the article, but what do I know.
It’s disappointing when the best parts of a wrestling show are the non-wrestling bits, but so it goes in the post-Attitude era. The Muppet segments were fun, except for Statler and Waldorf, who were surprisingly terrible.
I thought you’d forgotten the Tag Title on your list of the order of title importance in the WWE, but then I realized that your list was, in fact, completely accurate.
I’m convinced that they got the Sheamus looks like Beaker joke from that Diss edge did on him last year: [www.youtube.com]
alright Brandon, i signed to comment just because i really do enjoy your articles.
I’m here to comment. The show started crappy with the ROCK and ended crappy with Super Cena, but (almost) everything in the middle was delicious goodness.
I’m slightly bummed the Sweedish Chef didn’t make an appearance. He could have talked to Hornswaggle, it would be the perfect use for him.
I’m also bummed that Evan Bourne got wellness’d. I wonder why they didn’t make that tag match a title bout? Oh well.
Another good write up. Also, I wasn’t a Mortal Kombat fan, never owned one of those games, but still AJ, you can lift me with your fans any day.
Great recap. Wish I had watched it since I too loved The Muppets when I was a kid. I think I was 5 when the The Muppet Show debuted.
/owned a Muppet Show lunch box
I made the mistake of reading a liveblog from cageside that was the complete opposite of this review- it was all about boosting the Rock, frequently calling him “the best to ever do it,” and shitting on the Muppets. So yeah, never going to do that again.
Beaker, as he has been throughout the modern run of the Muppets, was A STAR!
Dwayne Johnson doesn’t belong in WWE. Professional Wrestling is sad and pathetic. It’s for uneducated athletes who weren’t good enough to make it in professional sports. Triple H makes a lot more money being Triple H than he would being Paul the Personal Trainer. I get that, but Dwayne made it out.
This is like George Clooney coming back to serial television or Demi Moore posing for Oui again. It’s just sad.
@Kungjitsu – The comments section of a pro wrestling show report is a great place to make this point, prob’ly!
I love this column and have registered solely to declare said love.
I wasn’t sure how the Muppets would be on Raw, but I loved every segment they were in. The Punk stuff was bleh. But I did kinda like the Del Rio/Big Show match, even though it was really, REALLY slow (but not that finish, hell no).
And I think I’ma try asking AJ to marry me if I see her down here during Wrestlemania.
Hey man— I just wanted to say I read this column regularly, and the first thing I thought of when AJ came out as Katana was how you, sir, a man on the internet who I have never met, is absolutely going to freak the f*ck out. She really is every man’s fantasy, isn’t she?
Anyway, always enjoy your columns, and this one is no exception. Keep up the good work!
@Kungjitsu – Sucks for you pal, cuz Dwayne The Rock Johnson said he was NEVER leaving! Also, he was the 50th most interesting person/Muppet on the show last nIght, so that. Also also, George Clooney is banging a girl who became famous for having long legs and being powerbombed through tables by damn Dudleys. My point is you have no point.
@Buzz – Every good man’s, yes.
Your fantastic column is the only thing keeping me watching wrasslin’ post-Money-In-The-Bank-letdown-era WWE. Previously I only had PWTorch!
Rock should not have been so quick to say yes. Muppets FTW. Great recap as always!
WWE No Mercy Championship Mode storylines make more sense than what they’re putting on TV these days…
Needs more Dragonball Z references. Also, still very disappointed that Jack Swagger doesn’t have a catchphrase that accentuates his lisp. Lispy catchphrase = character development. Get on that, WWE.
The top 50 Muppets post was excellent. Muppets make everything better. The Beaker/Sheamus clip is probably my favorite thing ever. Especially because there needs to be more Sheamus.
I love how you infer that Destiny passive aggressively watches this show with you, all the while secretly giving you the vote of no confidence and to “turn it to Dancing, already!” glares.
Unless she legitimately likes wrestling, which I do believe, sir, makes you a liar.
I just love the fact that Alicia Fox planned this whole thing out in August. SHE’S PART OF THA CONSPIRACY!
Beaker/Sheamus tag team = “Ginger Boom”? “Eire Ginger”?
Also, too: Would it absolutely KILL the Rock to spend a little of the time he’s got in between “Live Via Satellite” appearances coming up with some new material? I know his entire career is based on beating the same two or three catchphrases into the ground, but still with the “Fruity Pebbles” jokes? Cena’s been wearing camo and black for at least two weeks now, Eyebrow Boy.
@Brandon – yea it sucks that they are using the same name for a similar article but honestly it’s your writing that keeps me coming back. I mostly agree with your points and a lot of the time you make me think about something with a different perspective. Just keep this good work up and you’ll be the #1 “Best and Worst of Raw” on the net.
You could save a lot of time every week by just writing “Needs to be more like Japanese wrestling and Chikara..”
Any ideas for a traditional survivor series match if there is going to be one?
Based on this show, the booking and the writing seem to be on two different levels, because the writing was great when it had nothing to do with the booking. When the nonsensical booking gets booked and then the writing has to fill in the gaps, that’s where the show turn into Lost.
i haven’t gotten past page 2. i’ve been watching Foley promos for the past hour.
You can bully me into leaving a comment, but it doesn’t mean I like it.
Maybe develop a Dugout with Pronk and Jerry Lawler coming together to help Jim Thome finally master his shoelaces. Ring boots require pretty good butterfly technique.
I’d volunteer to help with raw reports, but all I know is Stampede Wrestling, NW All Star Wrestling, and some Portland Wrestling from the early 80s, when Billy Jack Haynes ran the show. No one’s going to get Al Tomko references.
My own fault for never commenting before, but Cena’s switch to the camo shorts means I can no longer use the bevy of awful nicknames I came up for him, like “Jorts Jefferson” and “Jorts Washington”.
If Sheamus and Beaker are related, that should mean Animal and Delirious are related, too, right?
@SGMirsk I was wondering this also. I thought SS was supposed to be a 5-6 man tag tourney, no? Did they abandon this concept? If so, why do they continue to call it Survivor Series?
I am just gonna say I never liked the Big Show.
When I saw AJ pull out the fans I almost lost my shit. I can only imagine what some of the people sitting int he front row thought.
I was wary of the Muppets thing,as I was never a fan, but the Sheamus bit had me laughing.
While Punk continues to be all over the place (sadface, as my CM Punk Halloween Costume was awesome), the Legion of Heels is what keeps me coming back. Rhodes, Ziggler, Barrett, Swagger, and Christian (along with ADR from time to time), should just band together officially as a stable. They have all the damn belts, after all!
They should call themselves “the union” or something, so that Vince can takes his Jabs at the Left, and dominate. Having dominant bad guys makes for good drama, as it gives clear character wants (stop the bad guy, get the belt), and leads to simple, easy story telling and booking.
It’s too bad there’s not like, I don’t know, an annual event based around group combat.
Okay so I’m chiming in really late here because I didn’t have power for a week and just now got it back. I didn’t actually watch Raw, again the no power thing, but I love reading the column and checking out the clips. Ziggler is the man, he needs to be World Champ sometime soon and like FOR REALZ champ, not WE’LL JUST HAND YOU THE BELT FOR 5 MINUTES THEN TAKE IT AWAY champ. The guy can sell ice to an Eskimo. I’m totally with you on this, it takes a master to make Ryder’s Flying Dick Attack look as devastating as a Running Awesome Bomb.
i’ll cover the 3 hour RAW GETS ROCKED if need be. @khal
I got lost around “and it always reminds us of Wrestlemania and the worst non-Hogan main event in that show’s history” because I automatically thought of Lesnar/Goldberg and couldn’t derail myself long enough to figure out what else could be considered for this spot.
But you might be onto something with Swagger’s onscreen persona. And I DEFINITELY agree on the “deriding race/nationality just for being foreign is bullshit” item. And “you’ve forgotten what stories ARE” problems. And Beaker/Sheamus made the whole night for me.
Basically, you’re still awesome. Teh end.