marucci-blackWhat you’re watching, should you be able to get through all 35 seconds without blacking out and waking up in the perfume section of a Dillard’s, is MLB (or approximately MLB) stars Albert Pujols, David Ortiz, Jose Bautista, Bryce Harper, career .205 hitter Ryan Vogelsong and a lady who I’m gonna guess is Mrs. Marucci introducing “Marucci Black”. They do so by taking turns saying “introducing”, then taking turns saying “Marucci Black”. The bat says “Marucci” up the side so hopefully that’s what they’re talking about. Apparently I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.

My favorite part, besides the random Overstock.com-looking woman, is how they’ve got a commercial starring Pujols, Ortiz and Bautista but the 19-year old with no Major League experience is the only one actually swinging the bat. All David Ortiz had to do was show up and say “introducing”. He didn’t even have to take off his glasses. Further investigation of the product reveals a weirdly racist ad campaign called “Beware of the Black” where the blonde from this commercial takes a porno camera crew out to abandoned houses and hotel rooms where she gets stalked by the phallic Marucci.

Thank goodness they’ve been introduced, now she’ll be able to identify him in a line-up.

[h/t to Mr. Irrelevant]