Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and receiver Miles Austin spoke with students at Cedar Hills High School in Texas yesterday about the dangers of drugs. One of the students asked the most important question anyone could ever ask about drugs: “Do you have any kids?” Now, to be fair, I assume that the context of that question involved Romo admitting that heavy drug use could cause a man to dump Carrie Underwood for Jessica Simpson. Either way, Romo’s answer shocked the assembly – nay, the universe!

“I got one on the way. My wife’s pregnant.”

That’s right, Admiral Fumbles managed to thread the needle with a laser beam pass to Candice Crawford’s womb. Crawford, of course, is the former Miss Missouri whom Romo wed five months ago. She’s the sister of actor Chace Crawford, whose eyebrows can haunt a man’s dreams for eternity.

But the timing of Romo’s announcement is rather peculiar for nosey media types, since there have been heavy rumors about Simpson being pregnant for 5 years the past few months. Simpson is engaged to former San Francisco 49ers and New Orleans Saints tight end Eric Johnson, but she certainly doesn’t look pregnant to me…

Nope, she looks the same as the last time I cared about her. I’ve included the video of Romo’s announcement on the next page, so you can pretend that you’re a part of that high school assembly instead of simply buying high schoolers beer.