Hank Williams Jr. "I'll Keep My ..." or, "Keep The Change"On Monday, we told you how Hank Williams Jr. was dealing with being fired from ESPN due to a violation of Godwin’s Law by writing a song that throws ESPN and ‘Fox & Friends’ under the bus, and if you took “he’s going to read bumper sticker slogans over one of his old song” in your office’s Hank Williams Jr. Pool, collect your winnings; the new version of “Keep The Change” has been released on HankJr.com, and it comes pretty close to being the “The Times They Are a-Changin’” of this generation.

In addition to using the phrase “Don’t Tread On Me” with zero irony or self-awareness, the song calls out ‘Fox & Friends’ for their “gotcha journalism” (because filming somebody saying something stupid is an underhanded tactic of the liberal media) and sorta indirectly suggests that the only way to keep your family safe is to own a bunch of guns and never watch ‘SportsCenter’. “Yeah, you can keep FOX and Friends and ESPN outta your homes, too” the song announces. “‘Cuz Bocephus and all his rowdy friends and his song is outta there!” I think at one point he stops saying words and just yells “derp” into the microphone, but that might be my brain shutting down.

And about those odds I presented at the end of Monday’s story, he checks off every single one of them before the end of the first verse:

I’ll keep my freedom
I’ll keep my guns
Try to keep my money
And my religion too

ESPN’s Jonathan Coachman should record a left-wing parody of “Who Shot Ya” as a response. I’m willing to write it for him and everything. “Niggas know/the lyrical molesting is taking place/f**kin’ with ESPN/it ain’t safe”.