Worst: We Know Who That Is, Tazz
“THAS MY BIG HOMIE!” In case you needed confirmation that we’re living in a time warp, this show’s CM Punk match ended with a Kevin Nash run-in. Maybe we’re doing a Groundhog Day thing where it’s suddenly Summerslam again, and we’ve got to figure out how to do the next three pay-per-views correctly or it restarts. If Kevin Nash gets fired in December and does a run-in at the Royal Rumble I’m gonna say f**k it to these reports and learn French poetry.
What do I even write about this now? Is there anyone else out there pulling the “wait and see” routine? We waited, we saw, and now we’re doing it again. Shawn Michaels will probably show up, X-Pac will probably show up, El Generico will probably not show up and we’ll be doing an nWo vs. D-X thing in 2011 while Dolph Ziggler wrestles himself and CM Punk cuts “you know what my problem is? I LOVE YOU Triple H” promos.
I can give a Best to a f**king Eve Torres theme remix but I can’t see the bright side of Kevin Nash. Sorry, everyone.
Best: Little Jimmy’s Finale
One of my favorite wrestling moments of Vengeance was how R-Truth and The Miz finished off CM Punk — with a combination of their finishing moves called “Little Jimmy’s Finale”. Logistically it doesn’t make a lot of sense … the impact of Miz’s Skullcrushing Finale should be lessened by the fact that he’s doing it across R-Truth’s arm, and Truth’s body being in the way keeps hardly any part of Punk from hitting the mat. And from Truth’s point of view, the success of his finish is all in the gravity, but with Miz holding the guy in a full nelson he’s gotta just kinda jump and hope Miz comes down with him, so he’s not really contributing anything.
But no, it is TWO FINISHERS AT ONCE and in WWE Universe speak that is tantamount to pulling out a gun and shooting Punk in the forehead. Good stuff, and at least they have a tandem finisher. Air Boom just takes turns.
Worst, But Best In A Selfish Way: The Second Half Of Nash’s Powerbombs
Nash’s jackknife powerbomb is barely a wrestling move. He just lifts you up, and because he is very tall he can let go of you and you just kinda fall and hurt yourself. He is the living embodiment of the Time Shaft at King’s Dominion, he just picks you up and drops the floor. He’s also the Haunted River at King’s Dominion because he’s an old person who won’t stop talking and he isn’t there anymore. He’s also Smurf Mountain, for no reason really other than me remembering Smurf Mountain.
But yeah, he broke every bone in Triple H’s back and neck and arms by just kinda tripping him down the stairs, and the adult in me wants to admonish him for his sloppy workrate, but the kid in me is happy to see Triple H looking hurt for real. It’s weird that “hurting Triple H for real” is the only way to make him look vulnerable. Remember his feud with Chris Jericho? Remember the one time he ever let Jericho get the upper hand? When he got hurt for real.
I hope this incident is followed by 20-40 minutes on Monday and Kevin Nash saying the phrase “WE’RE SPOSTA BE FRIENDS!” again.
Worst: Now I Know What The F Stands For In FYE
And now, a personal aside.
I found out that Alberto Del Rio would be appearing at the mall in San Antonio to promote Vengeance … I want to say five months ago. I wrote it on my calendar. I made sure the day was set aside so I could go camp out at an FYE and wait for about 20 seconds of face time with one of my favorite wrestlers. This was supposed to happen on Sunday morning. On Saturday night I noticed on the mall website that they opened at noon and ADR was supposed to there at 11, so I called to verify and was told Del Rio “may or may not be here” and that he would only be signing autographs for 300 people who had already bought a copy of Summerslam on DVD from that specific FYE and kept their receipt. They told me that he might not even do that and “you never know, he could sign less, we don’t know”.
The short version of this story is that Alberto Del Rio was hanging out about a hallway away from where I sometimes buy Yankee Candles and I didn’t get my chance to shake his hand and have him scoff and me and say “heh okay” at whatever I muttered. I am extremely disappointed in your customer service, FYE, and if your DVDs weren’t already 20 dollars more than everywhere else I would announce the loss of my patronage. As for you, WWE, if I go to the DiBiase Posse Party in Austin this afternoon and he doesn’t tenderly ask me about my tattoos, I’m done.